Adult@home wrote: » Hi, I'll keep this brief. I'm mid 30s and have been living abroad for years. Moved out of home at a young age and have briefly been back in my early 30s for a few months. I have been made redundant twice and fell on hard times because of Covid. I just moved back home from abroad and living at home. I've always paid my way and have done more than my considerable share for my family. Since i've been back I haven't had much but think i've contributed more than my share. I'm due to get paid and told I would clear the last few weeks rent (my parent is in arrears) which i'm happy to do. There has been conversations thrown around with her and her good friend present about how she is entitled to receive rent from me etc under her current benefits and then a hypothetical situation thrown into the mix of say if was to put 200e a week into your account. There's been lots of kind half assed remarkes like this in terms of how we can get the house done up, we'll have it looking fab etc. I just feel it's really unfair to expect all of this. I was happy to pay the house rent every week then split shopping and pay bills as when we need too. I will end up buying a lot of my own food etc as we don't have necessarily the same diet. I'm not a mean or tight person (which i've Ive been told to a fault sometimes) but I feel like this is too much. I would have my own apartment at this rate. I also just feel like I will come off as the bad guy in this situation and I feel guilty/petty for feeling like this.
gmisk wrote: » Er 800 euro a month seems like lunacy to me. You are not a cash machine for them or a fund to get the house done up. Maybe have an honest chat with them before things get too out of hand.
Sonic the Shaghog wrote: » What I don't get is she has rent to pay yet is going doing up the house. Even if she's in a council house it's painting and decorating all she's be responsible for like how could it cost so much. If there's any structural works, windows, or that it should be reported to the council
Adult@home wrote: » I don't know what she's expecting. She just said we'd have the house looking fab etc. I know she wants to repaint most of the house, re-carpet and renovate the bathroom. It's only the last couple of weeks she's behind on rent. I just feel like i've been hit with all these expectations.
Adult@home wrote: » I haven't exactly been flush because of been out of work, stuck abroad etc but i've always paid my way. I told her i'll clear the three weeks rent when I get paid. She keeps throwing in comments like "we'll manage between us" which is nice I guess, but feel like that sentiment is going to come back to bite me in the backside.
osarusan wrote: » How much is the current weekly rent, which you will pay a few weeks of? So we can compare to the €200 a week suggested. Sit down with your mother when the friend is absent and work out a payment system that you are both satisified with. Even write it down at the time so the evidence of it is there. It might be that you pay X per week rent, X for bills, and also X for shopping, or maybe you agree to do your shopping seperately. Whatever it is, thrash out the details and both be happy with it. As somebody else mentioned,if she's behind on the rent, then now is hardly the time for renovations of any significant cost.
woodchuck wrote: » I think the two of you need to sit down and have a proper talk about finances while you’re living there (obviously leave the friend out of it!). Come to an agreement and stick with it.
woodchuck wrote: » As for the state of the house, how badly does it need work done? If it’s in bad condition and you’re open to helping her out with that, maybe you could suggest covering the cost of some cosmetic work down the line if/when you can afford it. I’d make it clear that you’ll see what you can afford to help with once your own financial situation has settled down though, as opposed to handing extra cash over weekly to go towards the work.
Xterminator wrote: » It is a little unclear what your suggested monthly total would be but surely you would have a bargain, if you got a rent, and bills for under 500 per month? You don't say what % of your income your monthly spend would be. After being made redundant, you are now working, yes? Possibly some savings too? How would that compare to mum? How much do you reckon it would cost you on the open market to rent a room, and spilt bills? Hint 500 would be unlikely to cover it and then you would only be a licensee and could be asked to leave on short notice. in short we dont know how much a month you are being asked to contribute and what % of you income that would represent, nor what mums income is, to assess if you are being asked to pay over the odds. However it is likely to be a bargain compared to market rates.
Neyite wrote: » That's fair. More than fair. I wouldn't budge on that, and I'd move out if she continued to expect €200 pw. How is she expecting 200 per week when you have no job anyway? Did you get redundancy money and that's why she's planning to do the place up? When you get a new job, do not tell her what you are earning. Her and her friend will have it spent before it hits your bank account. I've worked since my teens and my parents never asked me what I earned. They set a sum for contribution when I lived at home with us all and if we felt we could get a better deal elsewhere we were welcome to move out and try it. But what we earned, what we saved was all our own business. Same with your savings. It's nobody's business but yours.
woodchuck wrote: » What you’re proposing sounds completely reasonable to me. I think it’s a bit mean of her to suggest taking additional rent from you when you’re already offering to cover the full rent for the house. It sounds like this wouldn’t have occurred to her if her friend hadn’t suggested it though. Your mother seems to have her head in the clouds when it comes to money. 60euro/week to rent a house is sweet f-all, so it’s very worrying that she is behind on the rent. I think your suggestion that she puts 60euro by each week while you’re covering the rent is a good idea. I wonder if she’ll be capable of this though, if she’s that bad at managing her money. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a proper talk about finances while you’re living there (obviously leave the friend out of it!). Come to an agreement and stick with it. As for the state of the house, how badly does it need work done? If it’s in bad condition and you’re open to helping her out with that, maybe you could suggest covering the cost of some cosmetic work down the line if/when you can afford it. I’d make it clear that you’ll see what you can afford to help with once your own financial situation has settled down though, as opposed to handing extra cash over weekly to go towards the work.
Cakerbaker wrote: » If it’s a council house and you’re working, your income should be declared to the council which will probably lead to a rent increase. If it’s not declared and the council become aware of in the future, they could come looking for a back-payment.
Adult@home wrote: » I did think this. The friend kindly mentioned that I could be kicked out on the street if I don't put my name on the rent.
Cakerbaker wrote: » If you’re paying your proper share of your rent to the council, and are paying your share of food / bills at home, then I’m not sure your mother should expect you to pay her much else, definitely not €200 a week!
Tork wrote: » Why is this friend in the middle of what should be something that's between your mother and you? He/she sounds like a dangerous meddler.
Adult@home wrote: » It's a council house. Rent is 60e per week.?
JustAThought wrote: » If your mother has a carers benefit than is there aomeone else in the house too?! I gather from what you said you are in arrears’ with her - ie awaiting your paycheque so havn’t paid anything to her yet- this might be why she is skittish and talking about you to her friend. As regards the council, if you have moved in and are living there then you ahoud be declared and put in the lease, and everyones rent will go up. The taxpayers bill who subsidises your mother having a spare unused room in her subsidised rent house will go down. If this is only a short term mont or two month bail out no matter but otherwise your mother is defrauding the social welfare and the council under her tenancy agreement. No doubt she and her croony see you as an easy cashpoint in an otherwise barren taxpayer subsidised world but its really not fair on the rest of us who are subsidising her - and now you through our work and taxes. As an aside I’d say to get onto homestay.ie or daft and rent yourself somewhere once your paycheques start to come in - far less fraught and less of a toxic environment. Best of luck.
![Photo of [Deleted User]](https://wb.vanillicon.com/v2/b1a8522b26abe4367117071263a70671.svg)
