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The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

v638sg7k1a92bx

You couldn't make this up. There is now a dispute in the family because the sister in law who was adamant about having a no kids wedding now wants an exception to be made for her kids to be allowed to another relatives wedding. Something to do with not leaving her 1.5 yo and 4 yo alone and the babysitter, the weekend, the cost, her kids are really good etc etc.
The lack of awareness of these people is incredible. Did she not think other people had the same issue for at her wedding knowing that her husband's siblings and cousins had small children but now that the tables have turned somehow the situation is different for her?

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

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Sebastian Dangerfield

People who get worked up about not being able to bring their kids to weddings don't do it to include them, they do it because they think their kids are better than everyone else's and want to show them off. It's not enough for them to dote on their kids, everyone else has to too.

See, gross generalisations are easy to make.

Limpy

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

Sarn

At the end of the day it is down to the couple getting married as to who is invited. The only say the guests have is to accept or decline the invitation.

I can completely understand why people don’t want to invite children. If someone is reasonable they should respect the (reasonable) wishes of the bride and groom. A no children wedding is a reasonable request.

The sister in law has some cheek demanding that her kids go when she was adamant that no kids attend her wedding. It shows a total lack of awareness of others.

In our case, as we were only having a relatively small wedding, the small number of nieces and nephews were invited. The children of our friends were not invited.

eviltwin

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

No it isn’t. Most children are well behaved. I have never been to these weddings people describe with kids charging around the place not doing what they’re told. Considering most people on here advocate a no children wedding it’s surprising how you’ve all been to a wedding with kids???

It’s nothing to do with behaviour, it’s just a fact of life that bringing kids to a wedding will have an impact on how much socialising you can do. For a lot of people, a friends wedding is one of few occasions where everyone is in the same room so it’s nice to make the most of it.

eviltwin

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

It’s a fact.

This thread is becoming more bizarre by the minute.

salmocab

Limpy wrote: »

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

You could just not go and not worry about the peopleS finances

[Deleted User]

Limpy wrote: »

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

Could say the same about holidays, could say the same about most things. Probably not worth getting worked up over.

eviltwin

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

It’s all made up. People just posting excuses to justify why they spent all that money on an expensive piss up and try and argue that a wedding is not a family event.

It’s only a family event if you choose to make it one. For some people that’s not their thing and that’s cool. Do what feels right.

Neyite

eviltwin wrote: »

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

Exactly.

I've been to child-free weddings before children and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I've been to child-free weddings after I had a child also thoroughly enjoyed myself without my son there.

Our wedding will have lots of kids. We couldn't leave out our son, or his cousins so we've got a bouncy castle off the function room and will have activity packs and we will have minders there for the younger ones so their parents can relax in the bar, but be on hand for the parent stuff that crops up during the day. Those same sitters will go back to the accommodation after the first few dances with the children so that the adults can have a few drinks enjoy themselves and not have to worry about trampled toddlers or disappearing children. That's the kind of set up that works for our extended family and the style of wedding but it could be another couple's worst nightmare.

Like the OP, I've a relative that had a strictly no-kids wedding - fair enough, their wedding. Fast-forward a few years and that same relative caused ructions because someone else wanted a child-free wedding and her darling wasn't invited. She ended up being told to fcuk off by the groom and reminded of her hypocrisy. She didn't go to the wedding and they are still not talking.

It's actually surprisingly common to see that people who are massively intolerant of children are the very ones demanding exceptions for their own darling offspring when they come along. Hypocrites really. And usually insufferable before or after kids.

v638sg7k1a92bx

eviltwin wrote: »

It’s nothing to do with behaviour, it’s just a fact of life that bringing kids to a wedding will have an impact on how much socialising you can do. For a lot of people, a friends wedding is one of few occasions where everyone is in the same room so it’s nice to make the most of it.

Come again? Children at weddings impact on your socialising? I don’t know what type of socialising you’re referring to but what type of an insecure person is shy around children.

What next, nobody over the age of 60 is allowed at weddings because all the young people want to go on the piss.

Seriously, what have people turned into?

rainbowtrout

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Come again? Children at weddings impact on your socialising? I don’t know what type of socialising you’re referring to but what type of an insecure person is shy around children.

What next, nobody over the age of 60 is allowed at weddings because all the young people want to go on the piss.

Seriously, what have people turned into?

You're just trolling at this stage, your replies don't have anything to do with your sister in law wanting to bring children to a wedding when she didn't have any at her own.

But... it's hard for most parents to sit down at a wedding and have a catch up with friends or other family members if they have small children hanging out of them and interrupting every five minutes.

Not sure how you managed to pull insecurity out of that

v638sg7k1a92bx

Neyite wrote: »

Exactly.

I've been to child-free weddings before children and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I've been to child-free weddings after I had a child also thoroughly enjoyed myself without my son there.

Our wedding will have lots of kids. We couldn't leave out our son, or his cousins so we've got a bouncy castle off the function room and will have activity packs and we will have minders there for the younger ones so their parents can relax in the bar, but be on hand for the parent stuff that crops up during the day. Those same sitters will go back to the accommodation after the first few dances with the children so that the adults can have a few drinks enjoy themselves and not have to worry about trampled toddlers or disappearing children. That's the kind of set up that works for our extended family and the style of wedding but it could be another couple's worst nightmare.

Like the OP, I've a relative that had a strictly no-kids wedding - fair enough, their wedding. Fast-forward a few years and that same relative caused ructions because someone else wanted a child-free wedding and her darling wasn't invited. She ended up being told to fcuk off by the groom and reminded of her hypocrisy. She didn't go to the wedding and they are still not talking.

It's actually surprisingly common to see that people who are massively intolerant of children are the very ones demanding exceptions for their own darling offspring when they come along. Hypocrites really. And usually insufferable before or after kids.

I find the couples who get married later and have their first child late 30 early 40 are the worst. Everyone has to walk on egg shells for their child, tip toe around the house, can’t be woken from a nap, gluten intolerance and nut allergies no doubt and the child is always sick so they can’t be left with a babysitter. Ugh.

[Deleted User]

rainbowtrout wrote: »

You're just trolling at this stage, your replies don't have anything to do with your sister in law wanting to bring children to a wedding when she didn't have any at her own.

But... it's hard for most parents to sit down at a wedding and have a catch up with friends or other family members if they have small children hanging out of them and interrupting every five minutes.

Not sure how you managed to pull insecurity out of that

At this stage it looks like the thread was only started with the end goal of pushing a narrow minded agenda.

v638sg7k1a92bx

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

At this stage it looks like the thread was only started with the end goal of pushing a narrow minded agenda.

Actually, the majority of the replies were other posters justifying their (questionable) reasons why they had a no kids wedding.I didn't drag the thread in that direction the majority of other posters happily went there themselves.

Listen, go ahead don't invite kids to your wedding. I'm at a stage where I automatically decline all wedding invitations because I don't enjoy them. They've turned into glorified booze ups covered up with a display of pretentiousness standing around waiting for 3 hours for the couple to get their fcuking photo taken and don't get me started on the speeches! Wedding have become so obnoxious that it's nauseating to sit through and the example I ave just reinforce how self indulgent people have become and how weddings are no longer any fun.
One poster was justifying how he didn't have kids because it was a black tie wedding :rolleyes: and there were belly dancers and pole dancer! WTF i could only imagine what the stag party was like! What happened to a wedding being an event that ALL family and friends could attend, sit down for a few hours and mark the occasion of two people starting a FAMILY by inviting their own friends and family.

[Deleted User]

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Actually, the majority of the replies were other posters justifying their (questionable) reasons why they had a no kids wedding.I didn't drag the thread in that direction the majority of other posters happily went there themselves.

Listen, go ahead don't invite kids to your wedding. I'm at a stage where I automatically decline all wedding invitations because I don't enjoy them. They've turned into glorified booze ups covered up with a display of pretentiousness standing around waiting for 3 hours for the couple to get their fcuking photo taken and don't get me started on the speeches! Wedding have become so obnoxious that it's nauseating to sit through and the example I ave just reinforce how self indulgent people have become and how weddings are no longer any fun.
One poster was justifying how he didn't have kids because it was a black tie wedding :rolleyes: and there were belly dancers and pole dancer! WTF i could only imagine what the stag party was like! What happened to a wedding being an event that ALL family and friends could attend, sit down for a few hours and mark the occasion of two people starting a FAMILY by inviting their own friends and family.

The last one I was at was traditional, flowed lovely and everyone had a great day. You should definitely stay away from peoples days though by the sounds of it. For you and them.

rainbowtrout

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Actually, the majority of the replies were other posters justifying their (questionable) reasons why they had a no kids wedding.I didn't drag the thread in that direction the majority of other posters happily went there themselves.

Listen, go ahead don't invite kids to your wedding. I'm at a stage where I automatically decline all wedding invitations because I don't enjoy them. They've turned into glorified booze ups covered up with a display of pretentiousness standing around waiting for 3 hours for the couple to get their fcuking photo taken and don't get me started on the speeches! Wedding have become so obnoxious that it's nauseating to sit through and the example I ave just reinforce how self indulgent people have become and how weddings are no longer any fun.
One poster was justifying how he didn't have kids because it was a black tie wedding :rolleyes: and there were belly dancers and pole dancer! WTF i could only imagine what the stag party was like! What happened to a wedding being an event that ALL family and friends could attend, sit down for a few hours and mark the occasion of two people starting a FAMILY by inviting their own friends and family.

You know there's a ranting and raving forum for this sort of stuff, you don't have to set up threads pretending you're asking about something else.

Also pretty sure the poster you are referring to with the belly dancers at their wedding is female... as is her wife.

Anyway how would you know what weddings are like currently if you decline all invites :pac:

[Deleted User]

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

I don’t think there’s much that can ruin a wedding as much as children at it. For one day arrangements should be made and they should be left behind and if you can’t/won’t then don’t come.
The woman in the OP just sounds mean and wants it every way. Hopefully the couple getting married stand for.

You could try not being mean as well. Inviting a married couple to a wedding and not showing kids, that's expensive. Very expensive unless relatives can look after them.

Kids entertainers, a bouncy castle. All easily arranged and means a lot to the parents.

No need for them to get in your way and no need for a drunken ass to have to be out through the trauma of speaking with children.

And as the op, I have seen this behavior as well. "We don't have kids now so no kids" but as soon as they have kids, the no kids wedding organiser is just being selfish

[Deleted User]

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

You could try not being mean as well. Inviting a married couple to a wedding and not showing kids, that's expensive. Very expensive unless relatives can look after them.

Kids entertainers, a bouncy castle. All easily arranged and means a lot to the parents.

No need for them to get in your way and no need for a drunken ass to have to be out through the trauma of speaking with children.

And as the op, I have seen this behavior as well. "We don't have kids now so no kids" but as soon as they have kids, the no kids wedding organiser is just being selfish

Hardly being being, you’re only saying that because the opposite suits you. To me children are a nuisance at weddings, to others they’re a must. Individual choice and either is fine.

But bottom line: The people getting married get to pick and the guests can like it or stay home.

Also, pushing the “if you don’t want kids you’re a drunkard” line is mean spirited, unwarranted, and unfair on most.

.

rainbowtrout

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

You could try not being mean as well. Inviting a married couple to a wedding and not showing kids, that's expensive. Very expensive unless relatives can look after them.

Kids entertainers, a bouncy castle. All easily arranged and means a lot to the parents.

No need for them to get in your way and no need for a drunken ass to have to be out through the trauma of speaking with children.

And as the op, I have seen this behavior as well. "We don't have kids now so no kids" but as soon as they have kids, the no kids wedding organiser is just being selfish

It's a couple getting married, that is the whole point of the day. Why should they be forking out for entertainment for other people's kids? You're also basically saying that couples should be able to bring their kids to a wedding but take no responsibility for minding them, that it's essentially the bride and groom's job to do that by paying for it. Why should they?

Loads of people go to 21st/40th etc. birthday parties/dinners without their kids in tow, but have a meltdown if it's suggested that they go to a wedding without them.

The vast majority of weddings I've been to that allowed kids have always had some child howling during the ceremony, or toddlers running up and down the church/ wandering around on the altar. It's a complete pain in the arse when you can't hear what is going on because some parent can't be bothered to take their noisy child outside, or get them to sit in a seat.

work

She can take a flying....
It is the day for the marrying couple. Kids, no Kids allowing kids of close family's kids, its their choice.
Everyone else's opinion doesn't matter and if they worry about this they need to grow some baIIs.
Anyway personally I think its that simple but people are never simple.

whisky_galore

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's a couple getting married, that is the whole point of the day. Why should they be forking out for entertainment for other people's kids? You're also basically saying that couples should be able to bring their kids to a wedding but take no responsibility for minding them, that it's essentially the bride and groom's job to do that by paying for it. Why should they?

Loads of people go to 21st/40th etc. birthday parties/dinners without their kids in tow, but have a meltdown if it's suggested that they go to a wedding without them.

The vast majority of weddings I've been to that allowed kids have always had some child howling during the ceremony, or toddlers running up and down the church/ wandering around on the altar. It's a complete pain in the arse when you can't hear what is going on because some parent can't be bothered to take their noisy child outside, or get them to sit in a seat.

This.
Unless there's face painting and a bouncy castle kids don't want to be at weddings! Many are boring enough for an adult to endure.

They'll hate the church bit, hate standing and hanging around for photos and hate the seemingly endless wait for food. They *might* like the music by the end of the night but that's a hell of a long day being made stay quiet dressed in clothes they don't like.

Teach30

I think it’s very unfair to bring children to a wedding ceremony/mass when it’s very likely they won’t ever have sat for that long for a mass. Let’s be honest many not attending mass nowadays. It’s unfair on others attending, a roaring child or ones running around the place for attention makes its v difficult to concentrate on the most important part of the day.
If I had my way I wouldn’t allow my own nieces/nephews to the church as they have no need to be there, unfair to ask them to sit still or not distract others when they are too young to know better/parents too lazy to give out to them. Luckily for me in a way they’re used to mass but still there’s no great need for them there.

As for the one rule for them and another for the bride, that’s just ridiculous and tells you the kind of clientele your dealing with. Bit like people who bring children and they’re not even on the invitation. I find that so strange that someone would assume they could bring their own child.

Peintre Celebre

Something refreshing about reading Tickers' most recent replies to this thread.

Must say when I read the opening few pages I didn't envisage a decline into hysteria. Most enjoyable

JayRoc

whisky_galore wrote: »

This.
Unless there's face painting and a bouncy castle kids don't want to be at weddings! Many are boring enough for an adult to endure.

They'll hate the church bit, hate standing and hanging around for photos and hate the seemingly endless wait for food. They *might* like the music by the end of the night but that's a hell of a long day being made stay quiet dressed in clothes they don't like.

That's actually a really good point and one a lot of people don't think of: kids will be bored stiff at most weddings. And it's unfair to expect a kid to sit still for hours at an occasion like a wedding without getting justifiably cranky.

I never judge kids for behaving badly at these events, if they are allowed to run around causing disruption it's their parents' fault.

lazygal

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Actually, the majority of the replies were other posters justifying their (questionable) reasons why they had a no kids wedding.I didn't drag the thread in that direction the majority of other posters happily went there themselves.

Listen, go ahead don't invite kids to your wedding. I'm at a stage where I automatically decline all wedding invitations because I don't enjoy them. They've turned into glorified booze ups covered up with a display of pretentiousness standing around waiting for 3 hours for the couple to get their fcuking photo taken and don't get me started on the speeches! Wedding have become so obnoxious that it's nauseating to sit through and the example I ave just reinforce how self indulgent people have become and how weddings are no longer any fun.
One poster was justifying how he didn't have kids because it was a black tie wedding :rolleyes: and there were belly dancers and pole dancer! WTF i could only imagine what the stag party was like! What happened to a wedding being an event that ALL family and friends could attend, sit down for a few hours and mark the occasion of two people starting a FAMILY by inviting their own friends and family.

:rolleyes:

[Deleted User]

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's a couple getting married, that is the whole point of the day. Why should they be forking out for entertainment for other people's kids? You're also basically saying that couples should be able to bring their kids to a wedding but take no responsibility for minding them, that it's essentially the bride and groom's job to do that by paying for it. Why should they?

Loads of people go to 21st/40th etc. birthday parties/dinners without their kids in tow, but have a meltdown if it's suggested that they go to a wedding without them.

The vast majority of weddings I've been to that allowed kids have always had some child howling during the ceremony, or toddlers running up and down the church/ wandering around on the altar. It's a complete pain in the arse when you can't hear what is going on because some parent can't be bothered to take their noisy child outside, or get them to sit in a seat.

Aren't they forking out to entertain and feed you?

The majority I have been to, kids were no issues. They stayed outside and played.

I fail to see how a small person can interrupt your enjoyment.

[Deleted User]

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Aren't they forking it to entertain and feed you?

The majority I have been to, kids were go issues. They stated outside and played

So have them if you want and let people not have them if they don’t want.

rainbowtrout

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Aren't they forking out to entertain and feed you?

The majority I have been to, kids were no issues. They stayed outside and played.

I fail to see how a small person can interrupt your enjoyment.

And it's largely expected these days that people will give a cash gift that will 'cover their plate'. Bouncy castles, face painters, baby sitters, activity packs are all unnecessary expenses for a couple that do not want children at their wedding, and at the end of the day, it's their own private party so they can organise it whatever way they want. There are people on this thread who believe that their children should be invited to a wedding and then they should be entertained when they get there. How about those people take responsibility for their own childcare?

whisky_galore

JayRoc wrote: »

That's actually a really good point and one a lot of people don't think of: kids will be bored stiff at most weddings. And it's unfair to expect a kid to sit still for hours at an occasion like a wedding without getting justifiably cranky.

I never judge kids for behaving badly at these events, if they are allowed to run around causing disruption it's their parents' fault.

They might find other kids and play outside, but that assumes they can play outside, Irish weather being what it is. Otherwise they're trapped. Inside. All day, at a dull as dishwater event primarily for adults.

Faith

Mod note: Aaannd we’re done. Despite several mod warnings, some people obviously cannot remain civil. It’s also quite clear that this thread was never intended to yield a discussion; it appears to just be a platform for the OP to rant and to claim their opinion as fact, whilst dismissing all other opinions. As has been pointed out, the Ranting & Raving forum exists for that very purpose.

Thanks to everyone who made genuine contributions, but I think leaving this thread run any longer will only yield hurt feelings and flared tempers.