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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Mr. CooL ICE

How do you know penguins good race car drivers? Because they are always in pole position.

What do you call 500 penguins in Athlone? Lost.

Why can't penguins fly? Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Original thread here

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byrner88

The wife next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom .

How she got her car in there I'll never know.

auspicious

People call me a hypochondriac. Which really hurts.

auspicious

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.

auspicious

People say I'm a plagiarist.
Their word not mine.

auspicious

I used to sell loose onions until I got the sack.

TheBody

I've just spotted Jimmy White in our local garden centre.

He's looking at a plant.

[Deleted User]

TheBody wrote: »

I've just spotted Jimmy White in our local garden centre.

He's looking at a plant.

he'll be lucky to get a pot from there

joeguevara

My grief counsellor died the other day. He was so good, I didn’t give a sh1t.

blade1

TheBody wrote: »

I've just spotted Jimmy White in our local garden centre.

He's looking at a plant.

Deleted User wrote: »

he'll be lucky to get a pot from there

Cue the puns.

Bob Harris

blade1 wrote: »

Cue the puns.

Give it a rest lads.

[Deleted User]

Well that's snookered it!

Emmersonn

Ye are nothing but comedians hoping for a big break

fryup

one snooker joke cannoned five, impressive

Bob Harris

fryup wrote: »

one snooker joke cannoned five, impressive

They're racking up alright.

joeguevara

Bob Harris wrote: »

They're racking up alright.

If you want to see if there is anymore, tune in after the break.

blade1

fryup wrote: »

one snooker joke cannoned five, impressive

Let's go for 147

everlast75

I somehow knew it was a bad idea to start with the snooker pun.

I just felt it.

dennyire

I am sure you have another pun or 2 in your pocket

Emmersonn

you have to be in the right frame of mind to continue this run

Buford T. Justice XIX

dennyire wrote: »

I am sure you have another pun or 2 in your pocket

You can chalk that down!

joeguevara

Just heard that on the way to the garden centre jimmy white crashed on the motorway in suspicious circumstances. He’s been put under a rest and motorists are going nuts as the cues tailback for miles.

[Deleted User]

Well potted!

blade1

Well I think ye all are just baized!

blade1

All these snooker puns are giving me the shîts.
I justed farted there and followed through!

[Deleted User]

blade1 wrote: »

All these snooker puns are giving me the shîts.
I justed farted there and followed through!

You potted the brown so!

[Deleted User]

Steve Davis had just won another world championship at the Crucible and wanted to celebrate, so he decided to get a call girl.

She turns up and he tells her to strip and bend over the snooker table!
She does so and waits,

and waits,

and waits

eventually she turns around to see what's happening

Steve says, " I can't decide"
"what" she says

"Pink or Brown!"

FrancieBrady

Deleted User wrote: »

You potted the brown so!

or knocked the brown out of the pocket, so to speak.

blade1

Deleted User wrote: »

You potted the brown so!

I potted a red about 6 weeks ago.
Had to go into hospital over it :pac:

Emmersonn

blade1 wrote: »

I potted a red about 6 weeks ago.
Had to go into hospital over it :pac:

And the rest is history

[Deleted User]

the run here demonstrates the talent pool