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Height requirements in dating

mr_fegelien

Why are people so strict on them? I'm a 5ft 5in man and a woman on Tinder told me I was cute but too short. Said most of her friends feel the same way.

She's definitely not alone as this is a sentiment shared by many women. In fact there was a study that showed the height of a partner is more important for women than men.

What are short men supposed to do?

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[Deleted User]

My brain runs on metric but I think I am 5'4 in old money. Many things have helped and hindered me with girls/women but I do not feel height was ever one of them. Height wise I am in the middle in my relationship now.

But back in my self hating days where I felt I was the victim and the world was against me - it was probably one of the many things I blamed for my own shortcomings. A bit like the OP seems to - I always latched onto any attribute that was out of my control that I could point to and say "See - those things are why I am doomed in life". Height. Skin Color. Virginity shaming. The OP is really filling out the bingo card of self-defeat of late. I see a lot of the old me in there.

fineso.mom

Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 couples where the man is shorter than the woman. My father was shorter than my mother, one of my brothers is shorter than his wife and three of my friends are taller than their husbands. But I had to visualise them together to remember because it's never been an issue or come up in conversation. I'm sure there are more I know but it's not something I'd notice first about a couple.
See in the real world OP people fall in love with other people, with their personalities, character and how they live their lives. Of course there's initial attraction based on looks and with dating apps that's all you have to go on. But for most people an actual relationship is based on far more than superficial outward stuff.
You really need to get off the internet and meet real people in the real world.
Oh, one final thing... All of the men mentioned above have one thing in common... They are decent, friendly, confident and sound humans who didn't go out with the mindset that woman are only interested in looks, height, money or all the other things you seem to think they are.

Earthhorse

Threads like this can be a bit frustrating.

It's very easy to be dismissive and say to people just ignore it and focus on your other qualities; well, of course, that is what everyone should do in all aspects of their life. But to paraphrase someone else, this isn't really a preference for most women, it's a prerequisite. So your other qualities won't count for much. It's already difficult enough to form a connection with someone as it is so imagine how difficult it is when you've been ruled out before the gun's gone off.

That said, there is not much anyone can do about it so you are actually before off ignoring it and focusing on your other qualities. Doesn't make the issue go away though.

cj maxx

Mad_maxx wrote: »

the " how is the weather up there " jokes dont bother me at all , i joke about my own height to other people but you do get tired of it being brought up all of the time , given the chance id much prefer be 5 ft 11 , there is no advantage to being very tall no matter what anyone outside the NBA tells you and countless disadvantages . add to that , i never found tall girls anymore attractive in the first place

God I was so sick of those jokes. You should be a guard/ basketball player, and I'm only 6'4" ( and 3/4).
I'll always remember at my granny's wake all these cousins of my mother doing my head in with them and who walks in only a guy about 6'8"+.
Never so glad to see anyone.

[Deleted User]

cj maxx wrote: »

I'll always remember at my granny's wake all these cousins of my mother doing my head in with them and who walks in only a guy about 6'8"+.
Never so glad to see anyone.

So you could throw out some height jokes

Esel

Mad_maxx wrote: »

while in a long term relationship , never once found my height of almost 6ft 5 to be an advantage with the opposite sex , i accept that a guy circa 6 ft 1 or thereabouts might be more desirable to a bloke who was 5 ft 4 but when you tower over most women , all they tend to see is someone who makes them strain their neck , didnt mean i never scored but guys who were less long certainly scored more as they had a better pick

being tall is expensive , extra leg room required on planes , not to mention less comfort in most cars

Typo?

purifol0

Deleted User wrote: »

My brain runs on metric but I think I am 5'4 in old money. Many things have helped and hindered me with girls/women but I do not feel height was ever one of them. Height wise I am in the middle in my relationship now.

But back in my self hating days where I felt I was the victim and the world was against me - it was probably one of the many things I blamed for my own shortcomings. A bit like the OP seems to - I always latched onto any attribute that was out of my control that I could point to and say "See - those things are why I am doomed in life". Height. Skin Color. Virginity shaming. The OP is really filling out the bingo card of self-defeat of late. I see a lot of the old me in there.

Yeah great, now go make a tinder account and list your height at five four for a week, then change it to six four for another week. I dont think I need to elaborate on the expected outcome.

Height matters so much to women that they are perfectly happy to evaluate it before considering any other facet youve got ie money, status, career, personality,character, physique.

People who claim it is not a factor or obsticle are very disengenous and this can be a lesson hard learned for young men.

Why is it so hard for people to admit this?

cj maxx

[Deleted User] wrote: »

So you could throw out some height jokes

No because suddenly he bore the brunt of the jokes. I was only a wee fella compared to him

[Deleted User]

Esel wrote: »

Typo?

I saw that and took the HIGHER ground :P

SusieBlue

purifol0 wrote: »

Yeah great, now go make a tinder account and list your height at five four for a week, then change it to six four for another week. I dont think I need to elaborate on the expected outcome.

Height matters so much to women that they are perfectly happy to evaluate it before considering any other facet youve got ie money, status, career, personality,character, physique.

People who claim it is not a factor or obsticle are very disengenous and this can be a lesson hard learned for young men.

Why is it so hard for people to admit this?

Do you not think men also have their own criteria of superficial dealbreakers too? Do you have any idea how many men have ‘no fatties need apply’ in their bios?

It works both ways.

purifol0

SusieBlue wrote: »

Do you not think men also have their own criteria of superficial dealbreakers too? Do you have any idea how many men have ‘no fatties need apply’ in their bios?

It works both ways.

Statiscally you dead wrong about the match rates and mens dealbreakers, its also a very obvious false equivalance about being fat - its not genetic. Height is.

And I very much doubt men write anything derogatory about women in their bios if they want to match anyone, at all.

[Deleted User]

purifol0 wrote: »

Yeah great, now go make a tinder account and list your height at five four for a week, then change it to six four for another week. I dont think I need to elaborate on the expected outcome.

I have no idea what the outcome would be. For me things like Tinder are not the real world. I am only speaking of my own personal experience - and in the read world. Tinder is alien to me - I can not even begin to guess what would or would not happen there. Speaking only for myself - if my current relationship broke down and ended - I would rather stay single forever than turn to dating apps to meet someone new.

But the two experiences are entirely unique. Meeting someone in a pub for example where you are 1 out of maybe 30 or 40 people in their radius on that night - is not the same as someone picking up an app and having instant access to the profile of 1000s of people. I would very much expect that filtering down arbitrary attributes like Height to get the sheer volume of results down would be quite common.

I wonder - have apps like Tinder ever released statistics on this? It would be interesting to know.Which filter do people tend to set first? Which ones are used most and least often? Which ones once set do people then tend to expand more often to increase the result set? Be an interesting set of stats to read through. At least if you're like me and find stats interesting

purifol0 wrote: »

Why is it so hard for people to admit this?

You would have to take it up with them. Not me - as I am not sure what it is you would feel I have not "admitted"? My post was mostly just about me - with one small reference to a behaviour I see often in the OP. Nothing else.

Many things hindered me in my attempts to start relationships with girls/women over my life. Many other things helped me. All I can say is that _for me_ I have had literally no impression that my height was ever either one them. YMMV. Right now one of my GFs is shorter than me. The other is taller. Neither seem bothered by this and I do not recall it ever even being mentioned in any context.

I do think however that a subsection of the bitter or angry people - not happy with their lot in life - yet not really all that motivated to do the hard slog to better their lot in life - do have a tendency to seek out factors over which they have no control - and merely blame those for everything. I get the feeling over time the OP is one of those people. This is the second thread on height he has done I think.

Making sweeping generalised statements about "what women like/want" tends to figure often in that list in my "n of 1" experience. YMMV. But I tend to switch off and stop listening when people start treating one entire gender as some homogenous group who all think and act the same. Like David Attenborough telling us the mating habits of a tree frog.

For _some_ people it can be easier to quit before trying. And some of those do so by seeking reasons to expect failure up front - so they can justify to themselves not even trying.

Figel Narage

purifol0 wrote: »

Statiscally you dead wrong about the match rates and mens dealbreakers, its also a very obvious false equivalance about being fat - its not genetic. Height is.

And I very much doubt men write anything derogatory about women in their bios if they want to match anyone, at all.

Yeah 100%, not only can you not be fat if you really want, lads will ignore it if it's not morbid obesity so to have this equivalence is just not the same

bitofabind

Figel Narage wrote: »

Yeah 100%, not only can you not be fat if you really want, lads will ignore it if it's not morbid obesity so to have this equivalence is just not the same

How do you know? Are you a woman interested in men and hanging out on dating apps?

Always amuses me that the strongest opinions on these things always comes from heterosexual men that have fcuk all experience dating men themselves. Who know diddly squat about the experiences of women on dating apps besides something they saw on reddit or 'I know this female who X, Y and Z" statements.

Men discriminate too. We all discriminate in dating. The difference is their dealbreakers tend to be things like weight and age, though height can come into it too. Try being a 6 foot something woman online. Or 5 '1 and 12 stone. Or 40+ in age. People cherry pick, often on things that wouldn't be "dealbreakers" in real life, because how else are you meant to narrow things down amid a sea of endless faces. It's online shopping, it's not real to most people.

Figel Narage

bitofabind wrote: »

How do you know? Are you a woman interested in men and hanging out on dating apps?

Always amuses me that the strongest opinions on these things always comes from heterosexual men that have fcuk all experience dating men themselves. Who know diddly squat about the experiences of women on dating apps besides something they saw on reddit or 'I know this female who X, Y and Z" statements.

Men discriminate too. We all discriminate in dating. The difference is their dealbreakers tend to be things like weight and age, though height can come into it too. Try being a 6 foot something woman online. Or 5 '1 and 12 stone. Or 40+ in age. People cherry pick, often on things that wouldn't be "dealbreakers" in real life, because how else are you meant to narrow things down amid a sea of endless faces. It's online shopping, it's not real to most people.

I don't have a strong opinion I just agree with the commenter above. I don't think women base everything on height or it's a deal breaker as such but it is a preference. I have a girlfriend (Same height as me and I'm tall BTW) but have dated and know a fair few women and any women I've ever spoken to is a fan of height. I never said men don't discriminate but any woman I've spoken to are fans of height while myself and any lad I know don't have as many strong preferences like that. That's my experience, so don't say I know diddly squat or that I read reddit. I'm not saying that women only look for that because obviously we all have differing things we are attracted to but it's a common theme as a preference I have seen in MY experience.

Feisar

purifol0 wrote: »

Statiscally you dead wrong about the match rates and mens dealbreakers, its also a very obvious false equivalance about being fat - its not genetic. Height is.

And I very much doubt men write anything derogatory about women in their bios if they want to match anyone, at all.

I used to have “anything less than DD’s need not apply” just as a dig at the height thing you see so much.
Being 6’3” it didn’t matter to me I was being tongue in cheek

purifol0

Feisar wrote: »

I used to have “anything less than DD’s need not apply” just as a dig at the height thing you see so much.
Being 6’3” it didn’t matter to me I was being tongue in cheek

Sure it wont matter if its in jest and the girl gets the joke, but youll find plenty of non native english speakers (tonnes of brazillians) on tinder in Dublin and if you have jokes in your bio theres a good chance they wont understand it. They do however understand what 6' 3" means.

kowloon

bitofabind wrote: »

People cherry pick, often on things that wouldn't be "dealbreakers" in real life, because how else are you meant to narrow things down amid a sea of endless faces. It's online shopping, it's not real to most people.

I reckon women are much more selective in general, it's human nature. How this translates to dating online I have no idea, but I expect men cast a much wider net. Then the waters are muddied further by men generally being the ones expected to make the first move and women being expected to be passive and merely filter out the men she has no interest in.
When I was younger I thought it was much more difficult for guys having to do all the work and getting all the rejection but I've come to appreciate how awful it must be for a girl having to try and get a guy she likes to even notice her. The roles reversed and the guy can just straight up go for it and if he's shot down he can deal with it and move on.

Figel Narage

kowloon wrote: »

I reckon women are much more selective in general, it's human nature. How this translates to dating online I have no idea, but I expect men cast a much wider net. Then the waters are muddied further by men generally being the ones expected to make the first move and women being expected to be passive and merely filter out the men she has no interest in.
When I was younger I thought it was much more difficult for guys having to do all the work and getting all the rejection but I've come to appreciate how awful it must be for a girl having to try and get a guy she likes to even notice her. The roles reversed and the guy can just straight up go for it and if he's shot down he can deal with it and move on.

That's very true, we as guys are so used to rejection that it is something we just accept while if women have to approach a guy and are turned down it hurts them a lot purely down to the fact they don't have as much experience as we have. Again this is similar to the experiences I have seen and had growing up

Warbeastrior

Mad_maxx wrote:

the " how is the weather up there " jokes dont bother me at all , i joke about my own height to other people but you do get tired of it being brought up all of the time , given the chance id much prefer be 5 ft 11 , there is no advantage to being very tall no matter what anyone outside the NBA tells you and countless disadvantages . add to that , i never found tall girls anymore attractive in the first place

I'm 6ft and would love to be 6'5".
I'm happy with my height but would like to be taller if I could choose.
Funny.

partyguinness

Ah Jesus...more narcissistic musings from the OP.

Stop feeding the attention seeking pitiful ego.

purifol0

sugarman wrote: »

I cant get my head around anyone that would have a height restriction as a criteria for dating.

Especially those "No under 6ft" types when the average Irish male is 5'10".

Its just so trivial and theyre porbably missing out on genuine lads that tick all the other boxes.

Just looking at someone I probably couldnt tell you their actual height. I certainly wouldnt be able to tell the difference between someone of 5'8" and 6ft.

Woman go for the top dog. Its fundamentally biological and not a personal preference as many here falsely ascribe. Otherwise its amazing co-incidence all these women having the exact same "personal preference".

Interestingly as I left my height off my bio, its often the first question I'm asked.

kowloon

Figel Narage wrote: »

That's very true, we as guys are so used to rejection that it is something we just accept while if women have to approach a guy and are turned down it hurts them a lot purely down to the fact they don't have as much experience as we have. Again this is similar to the experiences I have seen and had growing up

I have an awful memory of a girl I knew from school calling my home phone about a year after we had all finished. Awkward conversation follows and it goes nowhere. Being as oblivious as I am it never even occurred to me that she had to put in effort to get hold of my number and then call me. Felt quite bad about it afterwards.

mr_fegelien

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I wouldn't go out with a woman that is taller than me and I guess ladies are the same. Some ladies would only go out with a guy if they are at least 3-4 inches taller. That's just a preference. I don't get the hullabaloo about it.

I'm 5'6 so I'm obviously ruled out of a lot of ladies automatically, fair enough. I rule out ladies for lots of reasons too. That's the game. You win some, you lose some.

Can I ask why you wouldn't date a taller woman? Is it the fear of feeling emasculated?

Esel

purifol0 wrote: »

Sure it wont matter if its in jest and the girl gets the joke, but youll find plenty of non native english speakers (tonnes of brazillians) on tinder in Dublin and if you have jokes in your bio theres a good chance they wont understand it. They do however understand what 6' 3" means .

Yeah, they 'instinctively' know it means 190.5 cm.

kowloon

Esel wrote: »

Yeah, they 'instinctively' know it means 190.5 cm.

I run entirely on metric with the exception of the weight and height of people. strange that we still cling on to older measurements for very specific purposes.

mr_fegelien

I can see why Elliot Rodger went on his rampage...The guy never stood a chance.

Anyway better to learn life is unfair earlier than later.

jimgoose

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I can see why Elliot Rodger went on his rampage...The guy never stood a chance.

Anyway better to learn life is unfair earlier than later.

Rodger was a deeply, profoundly disturbed young man. This "rampage" of his and rage against women was hardly a reasonable reaction to his difficulties, to put it mildly.

Better Than Christ

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I can see why Elliot Rodger went on his rampage...The guy never stood a chance.

Anyway better to learn life is unfair earlier than later.

Maybe Boards should hand your I.P. address over to the Gardai, just in case.

bitofabind

If you're at a stage of justifying the mass shootings of psychopaths because "women don't like short men" it's probably time to take a long hard look at yourself and think about how women and people in general are perceiving you. Coz being a short-arse is the least of your problems there.