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Guest at Weddings

Jonybgud

Very recently I was meant to be a guest at a wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I'm sure the wedding will be re-scheduled but will probably be a smaller event and will be just as good.

It just got me thinking that there has been lots of weddings I've been at over the years but only about 3 or 4 that really felt special, where the guests were made to feel part of the event.

Should weddings be kept small and focus on everyone rather than a full community event?

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PARlance

corner of hells wrote: »

You might get a ride in a hotel bed.

Will keep your offer in mind!

corner of hells

PARlance wrote: »

Will keep your offer in mind!

Ohhh , you...

I'll have a double brandy.

Geuze

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

Can I just say, that is funny.

rawn

I got married in a handfasting style humanist wedding. We decorated a sports hall with an altar
etc in the middle, and as we were married all of our guests (around 50) were gathered around us in a semicircle, and some had roles to play (lighting candles etc). It was very intimate and special, our guests loved it and some have since adopted the same style for their own weddings. I loved being able to see their faces throughout, the love in the room was beautiful!

salmocab

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

And then never hear the end of it.

I was invited to a wedding in May and of all my friends going to it too, not one is disappointment that they dont have to go to it. Disappointment for the couple sure as they would have really enjoyed their day, but other people in general dont. But if the bride and groom ask them did they enjoy the wedding. "Yes, great wedding, best ever. Fantastic."

99% of weddings are sh1t.

100% of brides and grooms think their wedding was that 1% thats good.

Ever see the threads here with people asking should they pay for bridesmaids rooms etc. Of course you should, but then the thread gets flooded by "at my wedding we didnt and they were happy with that because we let them keep the shoes" or some sh1te like that to justify why it was ok for them because they were such a great, kind, generous couple. No doubt most of them will be along to crucify me now

Rant over.

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

And then never hear the end of it.

I was invited to a wedding in May and of all my friends going to it too, not one is disappointment that they dont have to go to it. Disappointment for the couple sure as they would have really enjoyed their day, but other people in general dont. But if the bride and groom ask them did they enjoy the wedding. "Yes, great wedding, best ever. Fantastic."

99% of weddings are sh1t.

100% of brides and grooms think their wedding was that 1% thats good.

Ever see the threads here with people asking should they pay for bridesmaids rooms etc. Of course you should, but then the thread gets flooded by "at my wedding we didnt and they were happy with that because we let them keep the shoes" or some sh1te like that to justify why it was ok for them because they were such a great, kind, generous couple. No doubt most of them will be along to crucify me now

Rant over.

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

JimmyVik

PARlance wrote: »

Herself had gotten herself all excited about a wedding of a distant cousin (2nd I think, maybe 3rd, who cares) who she has never met. It has been delayed for a year now. It's not that we've had a shortage of weddings to attend but herself seems to have really bought into this ones story of returning "home"(born and rared in the UK, husband to be is English with even less ties) to Ireland for her dream wedding... How she's been planning it for 2 years yada yada and how it would be great to finally meet up and get to know everyone. They've been in quite a bit of communication.

Here's the thing, despite all the talk and everything, it's only an invite to the afters... it'll involve a journey, babysitters, hotel etc. on our part.

I've no issues with going to an afters for a local wedding and it's not as if I'm dying to see this unknown person walking down the aisle but I've no notion of going the whole hog on something for a few hours.

I certainly wouldn't inviting people to an afters if I knew they had to go the whole hog to get there. Maybe 2 years planning wasn't enough time to consider... we've attended the same church/venue for previous weddings, no issues on crowd size etc.

Anyway, rant over, I've already said I would take a rain check on it but I know I anticipate being "worked on" as the time approaches.

What's my point? Can't understand how herself has got so invested in this ones story and think it's a bit cheeky/thoughtless to be giving an afters invite to people who have to travel... it would be fine if she was hoping for a decline, but she's selling this big time.

Get a few drinks into the Mrs. Get her talking about her friend and the wedding. When she getting all teary eyed.

"Why do you think she didnt think you were good enough to share the actual wedding with? ~What did you do to her?"

You are welcome my friend

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

Ah you dont ever tell a woman or a man who isnt married yet that you didnt enjoy a wedding. Suicide. So you are either a woman or you are a man having to keep the pretense up until your wedding is over.

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

Ah you dont ever tell a woman or a man who isnt married yet that you didnt enjoy a wedding. Suicide. So you are either a woman or you are a man having to keep the pretense up until your wedding is over.

I’m not sure you read what I wrote there

jam_mac_jam

If you don't like them don't go. I only go if it's close family or friends.

Most of them are really boring unless you know a lot of people there. So I don't spend the money and don't bother.

JimmyVik

Sherry Baby wrote: »

1. Someone always gets paralytic and falls on the dance floor or falls asleep sitting up in a chair.

2. You get lunged at. I've been unexpectedly lunged at at weddings twice now. Once when I was casually chatting outside in the smoking area and another time in the hotel lift when going to my room.

3) it always gets weird at the residence bar. There could be an argument at this time.

4) other than awkward lunges, there are loads of just plain old awkward silences at the table. Theres always someone who doesnt like the food.

5) Those stupid crafty "gifts" for the guests. Some glitter stone or something. Noone wants them.

6) Theres a kind of unique atmosphere like by the end of the night you know everyone even if you only met them that day.

I love weddings.

That happens during any traumatic event.

[Deleted User]

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

So why are they still a thing? Current situation outstanding of course.

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

I’m not sure you read what I wrote there

Not sure you read what I wrote

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

Not sure you read what I wrote

I did and don’t see any relevance to me saying that I’ve turned down invitations.

El_Duderino 09

salmocab wrote: »

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

And I would absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't worry at all about someone being unable (or uninterested, or couldn't afford it or whatever else) to come to my wedding. But I do think some people are a bit more sensitive to it and might hold it against you for not going.

Huntergonzo

salmocab wrote: »

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

Ah no no, that's not the Irish way atall atall.

You're supposed to bitch and moan about it, curse the names of those who invited you and then turn up anyway and pretend your're having a great aul time :-)

salmocab

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

And I would absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't worry at all about someone being unable (or uninterested, or couldn't afford it or whatever else) to come to my wedding. But I do think some people are a bit more sensitive to it and might hold it against you for not going.

There’s nothing you can do about those people, let them hold it. Really people don’t expect all those people to be free on a certain date and able to attend. Some will get snooty initially but I’m sure most get over themselves.

salmocab

Huntergonzo wrote: »

Ah no no, that's not the Irish way atall atall.

You're supposed to bitch and moan about it, curse the names of those who invited you and then turn up anyway and pretend your're having a great aul time :-)

Sadly I think many think that way and I also suspect that there are people who are happy with the invite but see it as their duty to moan about it.

Signore Fancy Pants

Not a fan of elaborate drawn out weddings. Absolutely hate the 2/3 day affairs, actually puts me off going.

There were 3 people at my wedding. The celebrant, photographer and organiser.

Although, it was on a beach in Hawaii, it worked for us though.

dotsman

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

Speak for yourself buddy - I fcukin love weddings! One day events are always too short. Minimum 2 day events, ideally 3 or even 4 nights when there is a good number of fun people you know. The 3 weddings that stand out most in my memory were all 4-nighters.

I've thoroughly enjoyed every wedding I've been to.

But I've never been to a wedding as a +1. I only go to weddings where I am a close friend/family of the bride/groom, and there will be a lot of fun people attending.

Spanish Eyes

I've always disliked the faux fun of weddings. Most people are just pretending they are having a great time, but many like myself cannot wait for it all to be over. It's a long day or two and can be tedious keeping up appearances. So I don't go anymore except to immediate family weddings, but give the same monetary gift that I would have given anyway. No one cares.

Family weddings are fine because you know them all. Nothing worse than going to a friend's wedding and being plonked at a table with people you don't know from Adam and trying to keep a convo going when you've nothing in common.

If only Brides and Grooms realised that more people would be relieved not to receive an invite than are delighted to get one. Whew.

weldoninhio

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

The session the day after the wedding is much better than the wedding day!!

Huntergonzo

salmocab wrote: »

Sadly I think many think that way and I also suspect that there are people who are happy with the invite but see it as their duty to moan about it.

All joking aside I think the main thing that bugs people is the cost of the whole thing, especially if there's stags/hens involved and more than 1 wedding in a year.

I have no bother turning down an invite to a wedding afters of a family member or friend who I barely know but it's much harder to refuse close family/friends and as yet I haven't done that nor do I really intend to.

When my group of mates started to get married we were all business, thought it was great but after a few weddings most of us grew tired of the whole thing. I've started skipping stags without a second thought unless it's a particularly close family member or friend.

weldoninhio

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

I like the idea of a big bunch of people turning up to celebrate someone getting married. I like the getting pissed and having a dance part. It's all the other parts that need to be looked at. The sparking wine reception; the terrible hotel food, the boring speeches, the waiting around.

It’s an invite, not a summons. If you don’t wanna go, don’t go. If you are too spineless to say you don’t want to go, that’s on you.

salmocab

Huntergonzo wrote: »

All joking aside I think the main thing that bugs people is the cost of the whole thing, especially if there's stags/hens involved and more than 1 wedding in a year.

I have no bother turning down an invite to a wedding afters of a family member or friend who I barely know but it's much harder to refuse close family/friends and as yet I haven't done that nor do I really intend to.

When my group of mates started to get married we were all business, thought it was great but after a few weddings most of us grew tired of the whole thing. I've started skipping stags without a second thought unless it's a particularly close family member or friend.

One of my close mates got married a few years back 3 hours away on a Thursday so I just told him I couldn’t take the time off work and that was that. He didn’t care and I didn’t feel bad. It’s okay to say no I would have liked to be there but it would have been a big hassle so I didn’t go. In the main I’ve enjoyed most of the weddings I’ve been to and don’t avoid them but I only go to what I want to go to, I’ve left the OH go to some on her own and she’s done the same with a couple of ones from my side it’s no big deal.

[Deleted User]

There was just the two of us at our wedding, which was exactly right for us. There were a few noses out of joint afterwards but nothing anyone didn't get over quickly enough. I'm not sure I would have gotten away it if my mother was still alive.

I don't like the expectations that seem to go hand in hand with some weddings, and never wanted the kind of event that seems standard but I totally get why people would want and enjoy a traditional wedding for themselves.

Huntergonzo

salmocab wrote: »

One of my close mates got married a few years back 3 hours away on a Thursday so I just told him I couldn’t take the time off work and that was that. He didn’t care and I didn’t feel bad. It’s okay to say no I would have liked to be there but it would have been a big hassle so I didn’t go. In the main I’ve enjoyed most of the weddings I’ve been to and don’t avoid them but I only go to what I want to go to, I’ve left the OH go to some on her own and she’s done the same with a couple of ones from my side it’s no big deal.

Not easy to turn down a close mate to be fair and people say they don't care but they often do no matter what they tell you, it's whether or not you care is the thing!

But I don't know your work or travel circumstances, maybe it was unreasonable to expect you to attend during the week, personally with plenty of notice I would have no real bother getting the time off work.

A close mate of mine is getting married in Spain next year and it's likely that it will be my only wedding in 2021 so I'm really looking forward to that one I have to say.

Purple Mountain

Personally I think that people should have a wedding that their budget allows.
What I mean is: if you can afford to have 200+ people with all the bells and whistles then go for it.
But I think dragging yourself into debt for the sake of one day is silly when you could still get married and have a scaled down celebration.
I'm not married so maybe I'm not entitled to mske that statement but that would be my thinking of it.
I also don't like the formality of weddings in Ireland.
If I did get married I'd definitely break ranks with that.
I think I'd have an immediate family only ceremony and then a buffet style party another evening even at home or in a marquee with relaxed music and people just turn up in casual wear.
I actually haven't been to many weddings. I think I have declined more invites than accepted ones. I only go if it's someone I am very close to or if I know a lot of people going. I don't see the need to witness the union of anyone who I wouldn't see often. I just send back a polite decline. If I go to one wedding every 2 years, that'd be the outside of it.

Feisar

salmocab wrote: »

Sadly I think many think that way and I also suspect that there are people who are happy with the invite but see it as their duty to moan about it.

Have to laugh, it's a crying/bitching match if invited it's way worse though if not!