nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Have you texted your ex?

bitofabind

I thought this was just a funny instagram meme at first. And then I started hearing from random guys I've had everything from a relationship to a "thing" with in the past. All along the lines of "hey, how are you? Thought I'd check in to see how you are during these strange times..." It's been three so far.

So like, what's the dealio with this? None of them were what we'd call acrimonious breakups, each grand enough lads, but it would just quite simply never occur to me to get in touch with any of these fellas, leave the past where it belongs in the past like. I could be in solitary confinement with just one number in my phone and it could be one of them and I'd still be like, nah you're grand thanks.

Anyone else heard from their ex / exes since lockdown? What's the craic with this? Boredom to the point of scaling through your dating history to see who you can have a pop at?

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

Widdershins

No, I'm deliriously, ecstatically in love with my fiance.
Sent ex an email just before lockdown, though.
Needed to exorcise some demons of his creation.
The silly fecker.

Actually come to think of it, texting your ex doesnt have to be about wanting them back.

PoisonIvyBelle

I've texted "exes" who I'd normally be in touch with anyway, I use the term loosely as I mean people I dated and ended up being friends with. But I haven't text any of those exes you might have in your phone under "do not text!" - thankfully! There's one my mind always comes back to now and then but I only have to remind myself of our last encounters to stop myself from contacting them.

I've had 2 texts from exes that I wouldn't normally talk to, asking how I'm doing. One was an obvious bid to reel me back in, but the other was genuine enough and just checking in.

I've friends getting these texts left, right, and centre though, so it's definitely a thing.

job seeker

No! I’m still on read from that Facebook message I sent on the 8th of October 2019..

the.red.baron

Grab All Association wrote: »

My ex fiancée probably texts me more than my new girlfriend does. 3 year relationship where she was unfaithful twice. Despite blocking her numbers (same phone number since 1997 so I’m reluctant to change it and why should I?)

Despite numerous complaints made, An Garda Síochána only care if it’s a man harassing a woman in this country. Great sexist little country where you are a 3rd class citizen for health, housing(home owner thankfully), discrimination etc because you have a penis.

I just block block block these days and my phone is always on silent anyway. Takes her longer these days to accumulate SIM cards. Narcolepsy and excessive sleep helps too. And there’s the reason why she was unfaithful.

assuming it's true

i'm sure the po po are going to take you very seriously when you can't be bothered changing your number, so it can't be that bad

they hardly take death threats from men to women seriously here, so you will be well down the list

jesus wept you have a terrible time with the sexism

Ashleigh1986

No chance .
Don't beleive in " just been friends " with exs .
It's one of my major red flags if I start dating a girl .
If she is still in contact with her exs .... Fxxk that !!!
Life is way to short for their mind games .
Drama queens still in touch with their exs is my idea of hell on earth .

Widdershins

Ashleigh1986 wrote: »

No chance .
Don't beleive in " just been friends " with exs .
It's one of my major red flags if I start dating a girl .
If she is still in contact with her exs .... Fxxk that !!!
Life is way to short for their mind games .
Drama queens still in touch with their exs is my idea of hell on earth .

I tried to be friends with my crazy and dangerous ex. I just thought we could do things differently...instead of harbouring bad feelings.

My ex boyfriend still "kept in touch" withhis exes-on the site he met them on

I think that is a bad sign. They're greedy.

andekwarhola

Ashleigh1986 wrote: »

No chance .
Don't beleive in " just been friends " with exs .
It's one of my major red flags if I start dating a girl .
If she is still in contact with her exs .... Fxxk that !!!
Life is way to short for their mind games .
Drama queens still in touch with their exs is my idea of hell on earth .

I'm on friendly terms with a handful of my significant exes. Not actively hanging out, but interact sometimes on social media or drop the odd email or text.

I'd be far more wary of my wife telling me who I was allowed to talk to then her being in occasional innocent contact with exes.

Ashleigh1986

andekwarhola wrote: »

I'm on friendly terms with a handful of my significant exes. Not actively hanging out, but interact sometimes on social media or drop the odd email or text.

I'd be far more wary of my wife telling me who I was allowed to talk to then her being in occasional innocent contact with exes.

Occasional innocent contact with exs ...???
Mate there's no such thing .
There's a reason why one ex all of a sudden contacts another ex .
You cannot be that naive .
Like i said ... " major red flag " .

Idbatterim

Yeah texted her , told her several seconds of fun, is better than no fun ...

Idbatterim

Yeah texted her , told her several seconds of fun, is better than no fun ...

Purple Mountain

rapul wrote: »

Haha touché, and I hear from my ex everyday, sharing a child has that effect!

Snap.
The rest had their numbers deleted long ago.

The White Wolf

bitofabind wrote: »

Anyone else heard from their ex / exes since lockdown? What's the craic with this? Boredom to the point of scaling through your dating history to see who you can have a pop at?

Fair play to those lads if they're genuine, it's nice to be thought of I guess.

I've been tempted but I tend to leave the past where it is these days. There's one in particular who I'm worried about as she's a nurse, but ah....when I look at it with the blinkers off, personally for me it's bit of a cringey thing to do. That's just me.

andekwarhola

Ashleigh1986 wrote: »

Mate there's no such thing .

There actually is. We can just agree to differ.

LilacNails

I'm very tempted to text my ex for the ride...l know I know bad idea, we ended on good terms n text the odd time but flip I'm dying for the ride

Loafing Oaf

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

This :pac:
100% this.

It's when someone gets horny and thinks well I was shagging them before. Maybe if I threw them a sly message I might be on for a ride.

Also, they've possibly read some cod-psychology about how women are more likely to be up for it in times of crisis...

Ultrflat

For me X gfs are something I'd have no interest in, if they ended with me or I ended it with them.

To me it seems a little desperate. I'd much rather leave my sexual urges in a tissue. Get on with life. Then go drudging up encounters with people who should be in the past.

[Deleted User]

Exes for a reason. I wouldn’t even slow down in the street to say hello to one. Not because they’re terrible people (mostly) but because leeching around an ex is only ****ting on who you’re currently with.

Elessar

She texted me actually a couple of weeks back to see how I was. Then again last week to catch up.

She's a caring person and I still have feelings for her so it's good to hear from her, but I was incredibly annoyed aswell. She is seeing someone else. I made it explicitly clear a number of times that she should only contact me if she's single and available (I still care about her and want to give it another shot) as I'm not interested in "just friends". Walking away after the breakup was the hardest thing I've done and it's hard enough missing her without her contacting me while she's still with someone. As if to say "yeah I'm still choosing this other guy over you, wanna be friends tho?!". F*ck that, we're either together 100% or not at all.

Don't get me wrong I love to hear from her but she clearly struggles with boundaries. This is the 7th time since the breakup she's reached out, while apparently still seeing someone else.

Once again I had to make it clear to her that while it's great to hear from her, she should only contact me if she's single. Thanks and all the best :mad:

pgj2015

Elessar wrote: »

She texted me actually a couple of weeks back to see how I was. Then again last week to catch up.

She's a caring person and I still have feelings for her so it's good to hear from her, but I was incredibly annoyed aswell. She is seeing someone else. I made it explicitly clear a number of times that she should only contact me if she's single and available (I still care about her and want to give it another shot) as I'm not interested in "just friends". Walking away after the breakup was the hardest thing I've done and it's hard enough missing her without her contacting me while she's still with someone. As if to say "yeah I'm still choosing this other guy over you, wanna be friends tho?!". F*ck that, we're either together 100% or not at all.

Don't get me wrong I love to hear from her but she clearly struggles with boundaries. This is the 7th time since the breakup she's reached out, while apparently still seeing someone else.

Once again I had to make it clear to her that while it's great to hear from her, she should only contact me if she's single. Thanks and all the best :mad:

she has you right where she wants you.

block her.

pgj2015

Elessar wrote: »

She texted me actually a couple of weeks back to see how I was. Then again last week to catch up.

She's a caring person and I still have feelings for her so it's good to hear from her, but I was incredibly annoyed aswell. She is seeing someone else. I made it explicitly clear a number of times that she should only contact me if she's single and available (I still care about her and want to give it another shot) as I'm not interested in "just friends". Walking away after the breakup was the hardest thing I've done and it's hard enough missing her without her contacting me while she's still with someone. As if to say "yeah I'm still choosing this other guy over you, wanna be friends tho?!". F*ck that, we're either together 100% or not at all.

Don't get me wrong I love to hear from her but she clearly struggles with boundaries. This is the 7th time since the breakup she's reached out, while apparently still seeing someone else.

Once again I had to make it clear to her that while it's great to hear from her, she should only contact me if she's single. Thanks and all the best :mad:

she has you right where she wants you.

block her.

bitofabind

Elessar wrote: »

She texted me actually a couple of weeks back to see how I was. Then again last week to catch up.

She's a caring person and I still have feelings for her so it's good to hear from her, but I was incredibly annoyed aswell. She is seeing someone else. I made it explicitly clear a number of times that she should only contact me if she's single and available (I still care about her and want to give it another shot) as I'm not interested in "just friends". Walking away after the breakup was the hardest thing I've done and it's hard enough missing her without her contacting me while she's still with someone. As if to say "yeah I'm still choosing this other guy over you, wanna be friends tho?!". F*ck that, we're either together 100% or not at all.

Don't get me wrong I love to hear from her but she clearly struggles with boundaries. This is the 7th time since the breakup she's reached out, while apparently still seeing someone else.

Once again I had to make it clear to her that while it's great to hear from her, she should only contact me if she's single. Thanks and all the best :mad:

Ah I'm sorry to hear that Elessar. Sounds like the breakup is still a bit raw, we've all been there

:(

I'd probably be a little kinder and say that she probably still cares about you and wants to make sure you're ok, especially if she knows that the breakup hit you hard and you're now in isolation. I've certainly felt that way with exes in the past. With my most recent ex, I knew that he was in a bad way and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about what the breakup might do to him in those weeks after.

But 7 times is a bit excessive and I think you definitely did the right thing in setting the boundary with her. I'd say you should just ignore her if she reaches out again.

ILoveYourVibes

nope

1o059k7ewrqj3n

Maybe the increasing mortality rate has lead people to reflect and think about how they’ve lead their lives, how they’ve treated people, and perhaps they want to express regret or concern or say hey to people they haven’t spoke to in years.

It’s most likely trying to line up a ride tho.

biko

uch wrote: »

The last EX I had was in 1990 so I say she could be a fat oul heffer at this stage, like me, so why do you think I'd want to contact her?

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

“Wow!”, I said, “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now! I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!” She giggled and said she was sure I’d meet the challenge!

“Yeah”, I said, “just so long as you don’t mind a man with a waistband that’s a few inches wider these days!” She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!

She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! “Anyway, I’ve put on a few pounds myself!” she giggled.
So I told her to f**k off.

Elessar

pgj2015 wrote: »

she has you right where she wants you.

block her.

bitofabind wrote: »

Ah I'm sorry to hear that Elessar. Sounds like the breakup is still a bit raw, we've all been there :(

I'd probably be a little kinder and say that she probably still cares about you and wants to make sure you're ok, especially if she knows that the breakup hit you hard and you're now in isolation. I've certainly felt that way with exes in the past. With my most recent ex, I knew that he was in a bad way and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about what the breakup might do to him in those weeks after.

But 7 times is a bit excessive and I think you definitely did the right thing in setting the boundary with her. I'd say you should just ignore her if she reaches out again.

Thanks both. But that is much easier said than done. I do genuinely want to give it another go (it was a mutual breakup) so I don't want to ignore her. But make no mistake I'm not laying around waiting for her either and I've said as much. I'm going out on dates again and having a good time being single. The way I've left it is, if she changes her mind to let me know, but if not, all the best, I'm not doing friends because that's not what I want. I miss her but I won't be pining over her.

Texting me does come from a good place as we were best friends (but obviously not good enough). Saying that she can be a bit selfish as she's trying to do the text buddies thing. It brings up all the old emotions of the breakup. I doubt that will be the last time I hear from her, but if the next time is not at least her being open to trying again, maybe ignoring is for the best

Ultrflat

Elessar wrote: »

She texted me actually a couple of weeks back to see how I was. Then again last week to catch up.

She's a caring person and I still have feelings for her so it's good to hear from her, but I was incredibly annoyed aswell. She is seeing someone else. I made it explicitly clear a number of times that she should only contact me if she's single and available (I still care about her and want to give it another shot) as I'm not interested in "just friends". Walking away after the breakup was the hardest thing I've done and it's hard enough missing her without her contacting me while she's still with someone. As if to say "yeah I'm still choosing this other guy over you, wanna be friends tho?!". F*ck that, we're either together 100% or not at all.

Don't get me wrong I love to hear from her but she clearly struggles with boundaries. This is the 7th time since the breakup she's reached out, while apparently still seeing someone else.

Once again I had to make it clear to her that while it's great to hear from her, she should only contact me if she's single. Thanks and all the best :mad:

Will ya move on, and let go of those feelings go, instead of torturing your self over feelings that should be gone. Yeah I know you'll feel a little empty inside we all do. But guess what fill that emptiness with something positive for you. Fitness Health, art, anything. Allow your self to move on.

Revit Man

Elessar,

I've been that tortured soul. Ultrflat is right, time to move on. Don't bother contacting her, or responding to her, regardless of whether she's single or not. You will feel a void, that you think only she can fill, but it's not the case.

I spent a good... hmm... 12 months being you, then got over it a bit, only to let myself wander back into that headspace and get in touch again. It never did any good. Anyway that was years ago and I got over it after I accepted it was done and stopped making or taking any contact as it wasn't healthy.

Good luck with it.

bitofabind

Elessar wrote: »

I do genuinely want to give it another go (it was a mutual breakup) so I don't want to ignore her.

She's got a new boyfriend though. So you have to take that as her disinterest in getting back together and move on. No way would I start dating someone new if I still loved an ex.

It's good that you've set a boundary with her, but if you're still holding out hope for her to suddenly dump the new lad and come running back into your arms, I don't think it's fair to be dating anyone else tbh. It's really painful to date a guy who still has feelings for his ex, as most women will tell you. It also doesn't cancel out the pain of a breakup, it just prolongs it. You have to feel completely sh1tty for a while.

Block her and focus on yourself and how you can make the most of your free time in lockdown now.

Porklife

Completely agree with bitofabind. I've been on both sides of the coin and it never ends well. Even if she did break up with her current squeeze and get back with you, you'd always wonder if she would end up running back to him. You would also inevitably wonder about sex between them and was he better than you and it would tear you apart. I hope that isn't too harsh but that's how it was from my experience.

Exes can rekindle but I don't know anyone who it's worked out for. Onwards and upwards. This will be alot easier once restrictions ease and you can throw yourself into dating again. It can be fun and exciting meeting lots of new people.

On topic, I've had three old flames come out of the woodwork with the same "hey how are you during these times" text. I think they're either horney or bored or most likely both ðŸ˜€

pgj2015

Porklife wrote: »

Completely agree with bitofabind. I've been on both sides of the coin and it never ends well. Even if she did break up with her current squeeze and get back with you, you'd always wonder if she would end up running back to him. You would also inevitably wonder about sex between them and was he better than you and it would tear you apart. I hope that isn't too harsh but that's how it was from my experience.

Exes can rekindle but I don't know anyone who it's worked out for. Onwards and upwards. This will be alot easier once restrictions ease and you can throw yourself into dating again. It can be fun and exciting meeting lots of new people.

On topic, I've had three old flames come out of the woodwork with the same "hey how are you during these times" text. I think they're either horney or bored or most likely both &#55357;&#56832;

I wouldn't agree with the part i have in bold. it never once crossed my mind if the person im seeing had great sex with ex partners of theirs. only jealous possessive people think like that.