strandroad wrote: » Clearly it's not just friendship. Would you like you two to be a couple? Would you like her to break up with her boyfriend? If not, you should reduce contact.
Purple Mountain wrote: » How many more months or years are you going to waste on someone who goes home to a boyfriend every night while you go home alone?
Rolf12 wrote: » I get so excited with the contact and the joking about however there is obviously a few big barriers. I have not contacted for a couple of days and I almost felt empty. I dont understand how it's happened. We click to well and think very similarly. What's worse I feel she is pushing more than me yet she is the one that is in a relationship...
strandroad wrote: » Well she would need to make her choices. But first you need to make a choice yourself: are you interested in her as a girlfriend? If yes, you need to have a conversation. If not, cut all out of work contact because this isn't a friendship and she's deluding herself.
Rolf12 wrote: » I am nearly deluding myself that this is a friendship at times, it's such an odd situation
Rolf12 wrote: » I get so excited with the contact and the joking about however there is obviously a few big barriers. I have not contacted for a couple of days and I almost felt empty. I dont understand how it's happened. We click to well and think very similarly.What's worse I feel she is pushing more than me yet she is the one that is in a relationship...
Rolf12 wrote: » She's at pains to emphasise it's a friendship
tara73 wrote: » this. when reading your post, you never know, her relationship really might be at rock bottom and in the last stages but when I came to this statement of hers, that was it. she's actually telling you: it's just a friendship for her and that's it. you better let that sink in and becoming the reality or you will be feeling worse and worse. I think you've already fallen for her. bitofabind post is the way to go, cut the contact down to a minimum and then to nothing at all. she will probably ask at one stage what's up. tell her as it is: she has a boyfriend and you decided you don't find that level of contact appropriate anymore. If it's the case and you want it, you can also tell her you have developed feelings for her, but as she has a boyfriend you need to stop contact with her. Honestly, I think this is an ego boost story again (like so many). She knows you will fall for her, i.e. wants you to fall for her but has no intention to ever get into a serious romantic relationship with you. I know it might not be easy but get out as quick as possible, you will only get hurt.
Rolf12 wrote: » Yeah I think distancing myself from the situation is the solution. She has openly admitted to deleting messages so her bf doesnt see them. And in a way as attracted as I am to her it would ring alarm bells for me if it ever came to being her other half. I gather that they dont see each other too often in their relationship as she has complained to me about it. They dont live together and he doesn't make a great effort. She also mentioned that it would make sense to move in with him and see if it worked as she reckons they might not get on.
fullstop wrote: » This paragraph pretty much confirms what others have been saying. She’s telling you all the things you want to hear (that her relationship might fail, basically) to keep you sweet and string you along. Run a mile.
Heres Johnny wrote: » I'd disagree with the run a mile thing, I'd ask her what the craic is. She's always contacting you and if she in any way the same as I am, I'd only spend so much time contacting someone I fancied, not just a friend. Just say, you contact me a lot, I'm looking to know why is this just a friendship or is it possibly more? Then you'll know, her relationship may be rubbish and she's looking to move on from it. Some people just don't want to be single though and want next adventure lined up. You'll never know unless you ask, sounds like you get on great
Rolf12 wrote: » One day when I didnt reply to a message for the day in order to get some space to take the heat out of the situation she confessed to checking her phone every hour to see if I had read the message. .
Rolf12 wrote: » Its nearly a foot forward for a foot back. You're getting in great having all the inside jokes but it can go nowhere at the Moment anyway. Before the break up for christmas she handed me a gift, something I had mentioned I wanted and she went off and got it for me...of course unbeknownst to anyone. Realistically, to come out of a 6 year relationship and go out with someone else is probably not a good idea if that was to happen. I'm nearly trying to think of worse case scenarios to stop the attraction. One day when I didnt reply to a message for the day in order to get some space to take the heat out of the situation she confessed to checking her phone every hour to see if I had read the message. I intend to tone it all down as I can see it becoming a distraction from my work when in work. It's not an ideal situation in the workplace and maybe if things were to work or happen it would be easier if we were in different work places as we share a good bit of time each week together.
Rolf12 wrote: » I have been in a new work place 6 months. I am a M in my early 30s and 3 months ago began speaking to a female colleague whom is a few years younger innocently. She is in a long term relationship of 6 years. Since, our friendship has grown immensely. We work very closely some weeks and we have a lot in common. Initially I didn't think much of it but the more we talk the more I'm attracted to her. Yet, I believe it's our close proximity at work and the chats banter we have that is causing this. The first few months I did not notice her. We are constantly texting outside work. She has rang me a few times whilst driving for a chat. She has also mentioned she finds me attractive and we do flirt a lot. I have told her that I dont think what we are doing is a good idea though she calls it harmless. A lot of the time I believe it is harmless. We bounce ideas off each other and it is nice to have a close friend in the workplace. I just feel it's a very weird situation. For instance for a recent night out she showed me different attires she has and asked me what one I liked the most. I pointed out one and she then wore it on the night out. The same night both of us did what I would call checked in with each other throughout the night as if we were a couple. She has admitted it's a weird situation anytime I have brought it up as I am almost second guessing myself as to what's going on.. a few times I work she has playfully shoved it touched me. She constantly compliments me on my clothes, haircut etc. I have asked her does she ring her other friends and she says no. On a night out in November with friends she spent the night texting me. A close cousin of hers has found out about our contact and has warned her to be careful, in which she responds we are only friends. I enjoy the company, the friendship and the banter we have however I dont know how it's going to work out at the end. She's at pains to emphasise it's a friendship, however its testing boundaries big time. We both have admitted to checking our phones to see if we have replied to each other and acknowledged we get on so well. We have private jokes and can barely hold it together when we see each other at work sometimes as it's like a big secret. We are like two teenagers. She had admitted to not divulging the extent of our friendship to her boyfriend. Has anybody been in a similar situation?
Purple Mountain wrote: » Are you out chatting up other women or hooking up with other ladies or have you put that on pause while this is going on?
Esse85 wrote: » Cut contact to a minimum with her. Start dating other women if your not ready. This girl sounds like she wants all the attention. If her relationship was as bad as she claims, she'd surely cease it. Has anyone in your workplace commented that ye seem close?
