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Parking spaces

splinter65

Mods if there is a more appropriate forum for this I apologise, please move it.
Hi
Just wanted to get some opinions on an incident.
My 85 year old mother lives alone in bungalow in a small but packed suburban estate in a medium sized rural town. She doesn’t drive a car.
She has a quite large front, cobblelocked, including a drive way.
On Friday morning she woke at 7 and went as always to the front of the house to draw back the curtains and lift the blinds. It was still dark.
To her great surprise and some alarm there was a bronze 171 Santa Fe parked on her driveway, reversed in, pulled up as far as possible, complete with wing mirrors folded in and a frost protector on the windscreen.
She waited for a few minutes then carried on with her routine, returned to the window at 7.20, car was gone.
At this point I’ll say that the road is filled with cars every night from 6.30 on, especially in the last fortnight because the lady 2 doors down is sadly terminally ill and her family are sleeping there overnight understandably and parking cars on the road as well the usual cars and cars from a neighbouring street where there is no parking.
My mother and I speculated that the car on her drive was associated with this neighbours sad situation but found it strange that none of them had knocked on the door to mention that they’d like to park.
Roll on to this morning and she woke at 6 to find the car right back on the driveway. She hovered around the window, as cold as it was, determined to uncover the phantom Parker.
Lo, at 7.15 arrives a tall stout lady in her 50s who commences getting her car ready to leave.
So my mother goes out and the lady looks at her quizzically but says nothing and my mother says “hello. I live here”. She described herself as “a night nurse in this road” but when my mother asked her where she said that was “confidential”. She said she simply couldn’t find anywhere else to park her car.
My mother told her that she had frightened her, the woman said she was sorry about that but had “assumed” the house was empty.
My mother’s house looks anything but empty. There are lights on and off, blinds and curtains up and down and the whole place is maintained to perfection.
The exchange ended with the lady asking my mother if she could park tonight and my mother agreed for her neighbours sake but there wasn’t any kind of apology for not asking permission and it’s all a bit strange.
How would you guys have dealt with this?

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JDMC2

Your mum is a very polite lady (unlike the ‘parker’).....good on her
The nurse in question is, on the other hand was very presumptuous and should’ve asked your mum if she could park outside her house. ...I’m very surprised that a carer would do such a thing.
All in all, it’s probably safer for your mum to have a car parked outside her house plus, she’s doing her unfortunate neighbour a favour.

Gumbo

If it’s to facilitate the neighbour that’s good of your mother, but the ‘night nurse’ should have knocked in and being polite and mentioned it to your mother. She also should have offered her a contact card and details in case your mother needed the space back.

What would happen if you decided to go to your mothers and spend the night.

splinter65

kceire wrote: »

If it’s to facilitate the neighbour that’s good of your mother, but the ‘night nurse’ should have knocked in and being polite and mentioned it to your mother. She also should have offered her a contact card and details in case your mother needed the space back.

What would happen if you decided to go to your mothers and spend the night.

My husband also points out that if anything happened the car on my mothers property she might be liable but I’m not sure about that.

Borgo

Very strange that the nurse didnt knock in and just ask your mother about parking in the garden and also explain the situation why. Whether your a nurse or not you dont just rock up to someone's driveway and park there without them knowing. Id let the nurse park there in the future alright but its just a pity she didnt just knock in, bit annoying alright.

AulWan

I wouldn't believe that story about being a night nurse for a second. It absolutely stinks of bull****.

There is something very very weird about this. Nobody just assumes they can use someone elses driveway like that. And then says nothing, just looks at your mother quizzically, when approached?

Does your mother have gates on her property? I'd be there when yer wan arrives next time and question her a lot more closely, considering she was unwilling to disclose where exactly she was coming from. I wouldn't just assume it was the ill neighbour.

I'd be very uncomfortable with this situation, and would not let someone take advantage of my mother like that, sorry.

Mrs OBumble

AulWan wrote: »

I wouldn't believe that story about being a night nurse for a second. It absolutely stinks of bull****.

I would believe it - there are hospice type organisations which provide in-home overnight nursing services.

It's quite possible that one of the neighbour's family told the nurse that she could park there, knowing that your mother didn't have a car.

Being worried about liability "if anything happened to the car" is a red-herring. It's got less chance of something happening to it parked there than if it was parked on the road.

IMHO your mother should tell the nurse that it's fine to park there, but ask for a contact phone number in case she needs to the car moved to facilitate visitors or deliveries.

AulWan

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I would believe it - there are hospice type organisations which provide in-home overnight nursing services.

It's quite possible that one of the neighbour's family told the nurse that she could park there, knowing that your mother didn't have a car.

So why didn't she show ID? Prove she was a nurse? Why didn't the neighbour call in first to ask permission, even put a note through the door? The OP says the house is well lit an obviously occupied and the neighbour knows the house is not unoccupied.

Nah, there is more to this, the whole situation is extremely odd.

the_syco

AulWan wrote: »

Why didn't the neighbour call in first to ask permission, even put a note through the door?

Stress makes people forget to do things.

And the stress of having a terminally ill wife could cause the husband to forget to ask.

=-=

If your mam has an issue with it, ask her to close her gates. But be careful about accusing anyone in that family of anything; they may not even know who told the nurse that she could park there!

AulWan

the_syco wrote: »

Stress makes people forget to do things.

And the stress of having a terminally ill wife could cause the husband to forget to ask.!

If this so-called nurse is a professional pallative nurse, then she should know better.

Anyway, I'd be making a complaint to whatever agency employs her.

Its not right putting fear into an 85 year old woman who lives alone in this way.

[Deleted User]

Have ye confirmed with the family of the terminally ill neighbour that the nurse is assisting them?

splinter65

Update:
My mother doesn’t have gates the whole of her front is open to the road.
After giving her permission to park last night mam waited up past her bedtime (10pm) to see what time she would arrive at. So she came at 10.20 or so and spent quite a bit of time locking the doors putting the cover on the windscreen folding in mirrors etc before nimbly walking the few steps down to the house where the patient lies ill.
Honestly, the first night she parked she had absolutely no idea who was going to arrive at my mothers after 10.20 expecting to park on the driveway. If she wanted to park she could have put a note in the door with her contact details asking if it was ok.
Of course it would have been fine. I just think she had a monumental cheek and she’s lucky it was us and not others who have told me they’d have been steaming over it.

AulWan

I agree about the monumental cheek. Once the nurse found out your mother had no clue who she was and no arrangement had been made with the neighbour that she could park there then she should have been a hell of a lot more apologetic. I think the neighbour owes your mother an apology too for putting her under stress. My mother is of a similar age and this would have freaked her out.

splinter65

AulWan wrote: »

I agree about the monumental cheek. Once the nurse found out your mother had no clue who she was and no arrangement had been made with the neighbour that she could park there then she should have been a hell of a lot more apologetic. I think the neighbour owes your mother an apology too for putting her under stress. My mother is of a similar age and this would have freaked her out.

I’m absolutely excusing my neighbour and his family who are going through hell with their beloved wife and mother dying at home after a long period of bad health.
I’m quite sure they have no idea where the nurse is parking nor would you expect them to be interested either.
If that nurse continues adopting the attitude she has to other people’s property I’m sure she’ll get her comeuppance in the very near future. Not everyone will react so calmly as we did.

CollyFlower

Get a bollard installed, they have them for 9.99 in Aldi.

endacl

I love the phrase ‘a monumental cheek’. Now I’m imagining a woman with half a massive arse.

splinter65

endacl wrote: »

I love the phrase ‘a monumental cheek’. Now I’m imagining a woman with half a massive arse.

She was actually quite well padded if you know what I mean!

JustMe,K

I like the idea of putting a bollard up. Obviously your mother has no intention of making problems for her neighbours, but this woman should have, as had been pointed out, at minimum asked your mother for permission before starting to park there, and come to some agreement where she would give times and her contact details. ****ty people seem to rely on others wanting to avoid confrontation.

El Tarangu

splinter65 wrote: »

My husband also points out that if anything happened the car on my mothers property she might be liable but I’m not sure about that.

I would be more worried about her tripping and falling getting in and out her car - your mother could be very much be liable for that.

Like another poster said - get a bollard. There are plenty of places for that lady to park, they just might involve a couple of minutes' walk, is all. While I am very sorry to hear about your mam's neighbour's situation, it doesn't preclude an able-bodied adult from turning up a a couple of minutes earlier to find a proper parking space, and walking for a couple of minutes.

Would it be possible for her to park on the public road in the entrance to the driveway? The driveway would be blocked, so same difference as regards the parking situation, but at least there wouldn't be a stranger traipsing around her property in the middle of the night, and all of the associated liability risks that this entails.

sportsfan90

I'd be wary of the optics of things if you were to install a bollard. From her neighbours perspective, they have more important things to be worrying about than where the nurse parks her car. Yes the bollard sends out a very clear message to the nurse, but for the sake of keeping a good relationship with her neighbours, I'd try to think of something maybe less abrupt.

Btw I'm not excusing the nurse in this. She absolutely should have asked for permission first and then apologised to your mother.

tomwaits48

There isn't a chance I would tolerate this and particularly if I thought someone was taking advantage of my elderly parent. I would find some way to block off the possibility of parking there, bollard, wheelie bin, let a courteous neighbour use the space instead for a while, anything than to allow such a presumptuous wagon continue with this.

splinter65

tomwaits48 wrote: »

There isn't a chance I would tolerate this and particularly if I thought someone was taking advantage of my elderly parent. I would find some way to block off the possibility of parking there, bollard, wheelie bin, let a courteous neighbour use the space instead for a while, anything than to allow such a presumptuous wagon continue with this.

Some people have absolutely no boundaries but for the sake of neighbourly relations we’d much prefer to let it go.
I’m fairly confident that if she tries it against anitger estate at the next house she goes to she’ll probably be sorry.

Mrs OBumble

sportsfan90 wrote: »

Btw I'm not excusing the nurse in this. She absolutely should have asked for permission first and then apologised to your mother.

For all we know, the nurse thinks that she was given permission, by a member of the neighbours family who had checked with the property owner. If this is the case then for the nurse to say "but I have to hear the permission with my own ears" would be demeaning for the dying person's family member.

The mother is not being inconvenienced or taken advantage of in any way. Her dying neighbour is being cared for. Just leave things alone for a week or two, and the biological solution will kick in.

tomwaits48

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

For all we know, the nurse thinks that she was given permission, by a member of the neighbours family who had checked with the property owner. If this is the case then for the nurse to say "but I have to hear the permission with my own ears" would be demeaning for the dying person's family member.

The mother is not being inconvenienced or taken advantage of in any way. Her dying neighbour is being cared for. Just leave things alone for a week or two, and the biological solution will kick in.

That's actually better advice than mine!

splinter65

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

For all we know, the nurse thinks that she was given permission, by a member of the neighbours family who had checked with the property owner. If this is the case then for the nurse to say "but I have to hear the permission with my own ears" would be demeaning for the dying person's family member.

The mother is not being inconvenienced or taken advantage of in any way. Her dying neighbour is being cared for. Just leave things alone for a week or two, and the biological solution will kick in.

She definitely doesn’t think she got permission from anyone. She said herself that when she drove down the street the first night (after 10 after my mother had gone to bed )that she looked at my mothers front and made a judgement that nobody lived there and in her mind that meant that she was free to drive her car into someone else’s property.
As long as you are happy to return from an afternoons shopping mrs obumble and find somebody parked in your driveway on the basis that they thought that nobody lived there then that’s up to you, but a lot of people would appreciate the courtesy of being asked first.
No mam is not being inconvenienced by her but she did get quite a fright the first morning. She has no parked for 3 nights.

[Deleted User]

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

The mother is not being inconvenienced or taken advantage of in any way.

You and I have very different interpretations of "taking advantage of" someone's good will. There is no way in hell I'd be okay with somebody parking in my elderly relatives driveway without prior authorisation. I don't give a fiddler's fart what their reason for being in the estate is, that is just not okay in the slightest.

If they'd asked beforehand, then maybe. But even now, nobody from the sick house has come forward to ask and/or apologise? That would stick in my craw, and I make no apologies about it. I'd either park my own car across the end of the driveway blocking them in (forcing a showdown - "sorry, I wanted to park in my ma's driveway but couldn't") or I'd call the council to get it towed.

JustMe,K

Deleted User wrote: »

You and I have very different interpretations of "taking advantage of" someone's good will. There is no way in hell I'd be okay with somebody parking in my elderly relatives driveway without prior authorisation. I don't give a fiddler's fart what their reason for being in the estate is, that is just not okay in the slightest.

If they'd asked beforehand, then maybe. But even now, nobody from the sick house has come forward to ask and/or apologise? That would stick in my craw, and I make no apologies about it. I'd either park my own car across the end of the driveway blocking them in (forcing a showdown - "sorry, I wanted to park in my ma's driveway but couldn't") or I'd call the council to get it towed.

I don't think its for the patients relatives to seek permission for the nurse to park, or apologise on her behalf? The nurse is likely being paid by the family or provided by the medical team and just like any employee her transport and parking arrangements are not the issue of the people she is working for. The family likely dont know there has been a problem, nor should they.

Caranica

OP can you or some other family member or friend park there for a few days? The arrogance of this nurse is unacceptable. I would complain to her agency if you can find out which one she's from.

punisher5112

Honestly I can't believe someone that cares for others would even dream of doing this....

Bizarre it is.

Understandably it's a frightening experience and something nobody should have to go through....

Even more so for an elderly woman at home alone.
It's very bad form and could really have someone worrying is someone watching the house or planning a break in etc.

If it were me I'd be having words with this woman or at the very least leave a note to never park there again as it was a frightening experience for her....

[Deleted User]

JustMe,K wrote: »

I don't think its for the patients relatives to seek permission for the nurse to park, or apologise on her behalf? The nurse is likely being paid by the family or provided by the medical team and just like any employee her transport and parking arrangements are not the issue of the people she is working for. The family likely dont know there has been a problem, nor should they.

If the family are living/sleeping here temporarily and this has caused an increased amount of traffic in an otherwise relatively quiet estate, you bet your ass they're aware of the parking, or lack thereof, as they themselves will encounter difficulties in wherever they park their own cars. (If it was my family, I'd have gone out of my way to make sure the nurse had parking - I'd move my own car somewhere else and let the nurse park in the drive, if required........an ill member of the household does not give you a free pass to act the dick).

I'm sure they have a load on their plate, but bottom line is OP's mam should have been consulted and her permission requested before someone plonked their motor in her feckin driveway.

splinter65

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If the family are living/sleeping here temporarily and this has caused an increased amount of traffic in an otherwise relatively quiet estate, you bet your ass they're aware of the parking, or lack thereof, as they themselves will encounter difficulties in wherever they park their own cars. (If it was my family, I'd have gone out of my way to make sure the nurse had parking - I'd move my own car somewhere else and let the nurse park in the drive, if required........an ill member of the household does not give you a free pass to act the dick).

I'm sure they have a load on their plate, but bottom line is OP's mam should have been consulted and her permission requested before someone plonked their motor in her feckin driveway.

I have experienced a family member dying at home myself. It’s terribly stressful a whole family gathered under those circumstances under one roof, everyone too emotional and exhausted and worrying about work and small children.
Where the nurse parked is not on the list of concerns.
The nurse knows, or should know, that she/he has to make their own arrangements.