bitofabind wrote: » And in that case it wouldn't work for you, you'd be incompatible in your needs and expectations in a relationship and could each go on your merry way. I'm using the call after work as an example of what may work for the OP. I could be totally off the mark though and maybe phone calls haven't been a thing between them. The point is, outline your needs but be willing to compromise on something that works for both parties. If the willingness to work with you isn't there and it's a blanket "stop being so needy and back off", there's clearly no future there. Any significant ex that I've had, I communicated with every day. We checked in with each other and there was regular phone calls. There was no "why isn't he texting back, is he interested" blah blah. I was never painted as unreasonable and in turn, it didn't matter if one of us had a particularly busy day every so often, as I had that foundation of assurance that he'd always be in touch on a regular interval. Without that foundation, it's very hard to build trust and move forward with someone.
Esse85 wrote: » Absolutely shocking advice. OP don't follow this advice, particularly the second piece.
Porklife wrote: » I think when it’s right and you’re truly compatible with somebody there is no maybe I shouldn’t message him or I wonder if I’ll hear from him today. When it works it simply works. If I’m into someone I’m always happy to hear from them too and never consider them needy for contacting me. It’s just the idea of ‘having’ to check in with somebody or being asked outright to message someone that I wouldn’t like. I think in the case of the OP their communication styles are not compatible and he isn’t playing ball despite her letting him know it bothers her – defo not a good sign. If I knew something bothered my OH I wouldn’t continue to do it as the last thing I want is to upset or bother my OH.
Beechwoodspark wrote: » Another option is to be completely clear and tell him u find his reply delays totally unacceptable, rude, etc. see if he falls into line.
skallywag wrote: » If someone told me this off the back of a one hour time gap in answering IMs then I would be happy to be rid of them to be honest with you.
Beechwoodspark wrote: » What’s shocking about it? At least the second option is being clear and upfront and honest?
sallyanne12 wrote: » I wouldn't have any issue with the speed of texts. However what I'd worry about is you saying "he's said he can see me being his girlfriend" If he really wanted you to be his girlfriend he'd ask, he wouldn't be imagining it...
Beechwoodspark wrote: » ...But if it’s such a huge issue for the person then no harm being honest
TheHairyMenace wrote: » I think it's a tiny thing to ask someone to at least acknowledge a text message.
skallywag wrote: » If it's something along the lines of 'x has had an accident, call me ASAP' then sure, I'm with you. On the other hand if it is more 'I did x, y , and z today blah' then I do not see why I should be acknowledging that right away, and why a response an hour later should be any issue.
bitofabind wrote: » I hate relationship advice that basically says "your needs are wrong. Stop being unreasonable and ignore them. Instead, do this totally game-playing thing to test your partner and see how he responds".
qwerty13 wrote: » On some level I possibly agree Calypso. But setting someone up with a test that they’re not aware of just feels crappy
Goodoldday1 wrote: » HE can see you as a girlfriend him don't even give him your time hes a fool get rid I'm in the o off why did I marry him your better then I can see u AS no no don't fall x good luck
Dr. Bre wrote: » If he says he can see you being his GF then that ain’t very charming..
lawred2 wrote: » As you see it - what's the exact problem with saying that?
TheHairyMenace wrote: » I think it's that he's talking about her as his gf in some possible future scenario. He's not talking about her as his gf right now. Which suggests that maybe he doesn't see her as his gf at all. Whether that means there's no interest on his part or he hasn't arrived at that revelation yet there seems to be an incongruity between what the OP sees and what this guy sees.
lawred2 wrote: » fair enough but that sort of disparity in thought is only cleared up by talking to someone... and not by text message Someone here thinks that the best response to that statement is to 'dump the fool' - without even talking to him. It's little wonder some people end up endless unhappy with such self destructive behaviour.
leggo wrote: » I don’t think “badgering someone until they say what you want” is the secret sauce to a healthy relationship tbh, but maybe that’s just me. OP has enough to go on here if she wants. Healthy communication doesn’t mean having to spell out every little interaction, emotionally intelligent people can pick up on this stuff without it needing to be spelled out.
leggo wrote: » Is it a thing this week where, no matter what the topic is, people come into the thread and say “Yeah but I hate texting”?! The big flaw in this is that it’s not acknowledging what the person OP is seeing is communicating to them. They’re saying, loud and clear by using the future tense, that they don’t currently see them as relationship material. That’s literally what they said. It’s a weird thing to say to someone you’ve been dating that long and that’s a communication in itself. Also communicated in it is that the person, while not actually committing, will tell OP a version of what they want to hear. So they’re happy to fob them off, which is why people are saying it’s disrespectful, and their word can’t then be trusted because another way of saying what they said is “I don’t see you as relationship material currently” and they chose the deceptive way. By getting back into it, OP would basically be just having the same conversation again in the hope that the outcome would be different. Now they absolutely can do that if they like. But I’m not sure it’s a smart enough plan for you to patronisingly suggest that this is why people here have unhealthy relationships. I don’t think “badgering someone until they say what you want” is the secret sauce to a healthy relationship tbh, but maybe that’s just me. OP has enough to go on here if she wants. Healthy communication doesn’t mean having to spell out every little interaction, emotionally intelligent people can pick up on this stuff without it needing to be spelled out.
