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Dealing with cliquey work colleagues

pauliebdub

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

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d15ude

Tomw86 wrote: »

Hang on a second, that's completely uncalled for and you need a serious attitude adjustment.

The OP has been brought in to a company to work as part of a team completing a task/tasks - Is this correct?
The OP is intergrated in to this team and there is no indication their work is suffering due to not being spoken to - Is this correct?
They are paid to complete these tasks - Is this correct?
Socialising/talking in the office is a bonus when the tasks are complete - Is this correct?
Lunch breaks or breaks for breakfast are a perk of the job, there is no obligation to speak to people at it, it is an individual choice - Is this correct?

I admit the behaviour of these individuals is not nice, and as a team leader myself I would not be happy with it on my team, but that is why I made the suggestions I did.

What do you work as Manbitesdog?

No, none of it is correct.
It's passive aggressive behaviour and as such it's bullying.

manbitesdog

Tomw86 wrote: »

I'll accept your apology.

It was not an apology. I still think your post on the matter was idiotic, I was just offering an explanation.

dvdman1

manbitesdog wrote: »

Deliberately excluding a colleague in this way is bullying.

Not going to lunch with sombody and having a canteen chat isnt exclusion or bullying....as stated by OP the colleagues are cooperating with work tasks.

Tomw86

d15ude wrote: »

No, none of it is correct.
It's passive aggressive behaviour and as such it's bullying.

So none of what I said was correct???? Try again there, or even better check with any HR department or recruiter and ask them....it is all correct.

If a company wants to ban non-work related chit chat during the hours they are PAYING you to WORK then they are absolutely entitled to do that - albeit I can't see them retaining staff too well.

It is not bullying unless it escalates to say getting up and moving table at breakfast/lunch when the OP sits down, not talking to them on work related questions, deliberately not inviting them to something that everyone else is invited to or of course anything physical.

Tomw86

manbitesdog wrote: »

It was not an apology. I still think your post on the matter was idiotic, I was just offering an explanation.

But yet many agree and you haven't stated what you work at/your experience?

If you think the vast majority are idiots then you need only look in the mirror to find the real one.....

manbitesdog

Tomw86 wrote: »

But yet many agree and you haven't stated what you work at/your experience?

If you think the vast majority are idiots then you need only look in the mirror to find the real one.....

What I work at is not relevant. Nor is what the OP works at. We are talking about interpersonal dynamics that apply to all sorts of workplaces. What the OP describes could take place in an office, on the factory floor, in a building site. Basically anywhere where people work in teams.

I didn’t say anyone was an idiot. I merely said that I found some of the views expressed idiotic. I shouldn’t have to explain that a person’s entire team in the workplace isolating them is a problem.

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.

Tomw86

manbitesdog wrote: »

What I work at is not relevant. Nor is what the OP works at. We are talking about interpersonal dynamics that apply to all sorts of workplaces. What the OP describes could take place in an office, on the factory floor, in a building site. Basically anywhere where people work in teams.

I didn’t say anyone was an idiot. I merely said that I found some of the views expressed idiotic. I shouldn’t have to explain that a person’s entire team in the workplace isolating them is a problem.

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.

They have desks - it is more than likely an office. If you have experience of how team dynamics CAN work in these places then your opinion/personal experience will certainly help the OP - which is what I offered as I have been working in offices similar to this for 10+ years and managing teams of between 6 and 8 for the last 3 of those.

So where a person works is relevant - if OP had said they work on a site I wouldn't have offered my opinion as it is not something I have experience of.

Enter name here

manbitesdog wrote: »

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.

The OP doesnt have a work problem, the OP has a social problem. This is common place in today's society of snowflakes and millennials.

People like yourself manbitesdog seem to lack the necessary social skills to interact with today's society.

Cyrus

jesus bullying, this is whats wrong with society an immediate rush to become a victim.

OP its not great but itll get better, tight groups can resist new comers but as others have said you will eventually get friendly with one or more and itll change. Its the same as any other social group you are a stranger you cant accept to arrive in and for everyone to be mature enough to want someone new as part of their group.

Immature on their behalf but its not personal and should pass.

Just concentrate on your own performance and career and the rest will take care of it self.

dvdman1

Cyrus wrote: »

jesus bullying, this is whats wrong with society an immediate rush to become a victim.

OP its not great but itll get better, tight groups can resist new comers but as others have said you will eventually get friendly with one or more and itll change. Its the same as any other social group you are a stranger you cant accept to arrive in and for everyone to be mature enough to want someone new as part of their group.

Immature on their behalf but its not personal and should pass.

Just concentrate on your own performance and career and the rest will take care of it self.

Proper advice, sombody who lives in the real world.

Charlie Blackwood

bfa1509 wrote: »

I would say the worst thing to do is to try hard become part of the clique. Play it cool, cliques always have cracks and I think over time individuals from the clique will break ranks once they realise they like you better than most of the people within the clique itself. Then, the ringleader (there is always a ringleader) will be forced to either take you on board with everyone else or risk fragmenting the group.

It's actually shocking this kind of carry on happens in the work place. Sadly there is a ring of truth to all of that.

Ash.J.Williams

my experience is they are not colleagues they are mates, and you simply cannot become a mate on day one.

Jeju

One question. Are there team leads, supervisors or managers partaking in the exclusion? I think it the height of ignorance to do this to someone new in an organisation. On the theory of not being trusted, the persons employees trusted them to be part of the organisation therefore work colleagues must trust that decision and leave their pettiness at the gate.

pauliebdub

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

my experience is they are not colleagues they are mates, and you simply cannot become a mate on day one.

Thanks for the replies so far. Yes they appear to be a close knit group who have mostly worked together for a few years. It's just not behaviour I'm used to experiencing in the workplace.

They communicate with each other by instant messenger, get up and put on their jackets without saying anything and head for the door together. It's very bizarre to be honest.

pauliebdub

Jeju wrote: »

One question. Are there team leads, supervisors or managers partaking in the exclusion? I think it the height of ignorance to do this to someone new in an organisation. On the theory of not being trusted, the persons employees trusted them to be part of the organisation therefore work colleagues must trust that decision and leave their pettiness at the gate.

Yes but they sit away from the team and probably aren't aware of the ins and outs of the team as long as the work gets done. It's very ignorant and demoralising

pauliebdub

Enter name here wrote: »

You were hired to perform a job. If you want to make friends and become a social centrepiece join your local GAA. There is nothing to report.

I don't want to make friends necessarily but I'd like to be treated with courtesy and respect by my colleagues.

pauliebdub

Tomw86 wrote: »

Ok, you mention its a large organisation - so I presume there is other people in your department but not on your team.

What you should do, or what I would advise is firstly - do as Strumms said, except tone it a bit with this 'clique'. Then start chatting to people on other teams, you will find someone you click with and have similar interests as, this will become more and more the more you chat to people.

Even join a table in the canteen of people you don't know but recognise as being in your dept - they may chat to you, they may not.

Also, why do you want to be part of this clique - leave them to it unless they initiate the conversation.

Thanks for this. I'm planning on getting involved in initiatives that will help me to interact with other teams on the site that might curb the isolation I'm feeling. It's a large multinational based in Dublin.

pauliebdub

CoBo55 wrote: »

They probably had someone else lined up for your job, the rest is pretty obvious. Just do your own thing and get paid.

I've been trying to find out if there was some kind of history with the person I replaced but there doesn't seem to be. It's a technical role that none of the other team members have the skillset for so would not have unsuccessfully applied for the role.

dvdman1

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've been trying to find out if there was some kind of history with the person I replaced but there doesn't seem to be. It's a technical role that none of the other team members have the skillset for so would not have unsuccessfully applied for the role.

Maybe an introspective look at your own comments and general vide/aurora your giving off might be useful here. Do you express yourself? Are you Opinionated? Are you in the minority/majority about stuff they talk about?
Instant respect isn't going to happen its earned over time.

Most likely these people are good friends outside the job aswell. What might seem bizarre to you is actually a few good mates who happen to work with each other. Nobody would enter that circle in 1 month not me or you.
Its not personal

Invisibleman

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

give it time, i work in the public sector which is so like this, and i have to say mainly women, but the truth is, they all get promoted and get away with murder because they brown nose.
So it depends on you really, are you willing to do that ?
I don't and couldn't personally so have my lunch at my desk and keep my integrity.

[Deleted User]

I’d be more concerned, and agree with the charge of bullying if you had been there a long time and then they began to exclude you. But joining a team which has been together for a long time is always to be difficult to start with. I certainly wouldn’t take the advice that you go to management about it, no doubt they would absolutely react badly to that.

Just get on with your work, something small can turn the tide. You can’t make someone like you, but you can make them dislike you.

jackboy

pauliebdub wrote: »

The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

Just keep sitting beside them every morning and give them a friendly hello. They will soon get tired of the silence and get back to normal. Then just join in the conversation.

Tomw86

pauliebdub wrote: »

Thanks for this. I'm planning on getting involved in initiatives that will help me to interact with other teams on the site that might curb the isolation I'm feeling. It's a large multinational based in Dublin.

Best of luck with it. Find someone you have stuff in common with, either in your team or on the floor and you'll soon be feeling better about it.

It can be intimidating coming in to a big Multi-national.

If you are based in the City centre maybe you could meet a friend from outside of work who works in the vicinity for lunch and that'll make you feel better too.

Strumms

Tomw86 wrote: »

Best of luck with it. Find someone you have stuff in common with, either in your team or on the floor and you'll soon be feeling better about it.

It can be intimidating coming in to a big Multi-national.

If you are based in the City centre maybe you could meet a friend from outside of work who works in the vicinity for lunch and that'll make you feel better too.

Yes, or even if the friend isn’t available, just get out of that environment a few times a week go for a walk, find a cafe to relax and have a bit of food in.

facehugger99

Bring in donuts next Friday - everyone loves donuts.

TBH they sound like arseholes but you're just going to have to force your way in or your work time will be intolerable.

_Brian

Sono wrote: »

Not condoning their behaviour but what exactly would you be reporting them for? They haven’t done anything to report them for other than being rude, for me that is not anything to be going to management about.

Ive dealt with complaints over this sort of thing before, bullying through exclusion is the typical complaint, it does happen.

_Brian

facehugger99 wrote: »

Bring in donuts next Friday - everyone loves donuts.

TBH they sound like arseholes but you're just going to have to force your way in or your work time will be intolerable.

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

[Deleted User]

_Brian wrote: »

Ive dealt with complaints over this sort of thing before, bullying through exclusion is the typical complaint, it does happen.

_Brian wrote: »

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

How did you deal with the complaints?

sheamusD12

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

It sounds like they are conditioning you.

You could go along with it ignore it or challenge it.

If you go along with it it could mean a lot of boring conversations about some metaphysical topics, best English football team ever or some such or you may be OK with such conversations.

Ignoring it basically means isolation. This can be OK if you only intend to be in the job short term but I don't think it's healthy if you do it more than 4 months.

Challenging it can be fun but only worth while if you are there long term

What ever you decide keep the head up.

pauliebdub

_Brian wrote: »

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

I've no intention of bringing them in anything. I will however continue to be helpful and friendly and see how it goes. There's not much else I can do at the moment.