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Dealing with cliquey work colleagues

pauliebdub

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

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Rubberchikken

its pathetic behaviour from so called adults and tbh thry ahould be ashamed of themselves.
chances are one is behind this crap. it only ever takes one to be the bully and the others to be spineless.

Augme

Don't make a complaint about it if they want them to like you or become friendly with them. If you complain they will just hate you and still won't make any effort.

You can't force people to socialise with other people in work. A claim of bullying would be very difficult to prove and realistically, what would you expect to change if you did report them?

_Brian

Dav010 wrote: »

How did you deal with the complaints?

Honestly it was very awkward.
It was against a cluster rather an individual so I had to take them through a class based review of the bullying section of the disciplinary policy, with the new guy sitting there.

It took time, he did his own thing and when over time it was obvious that he was smarter than most of the existing team he slowly integrated.
I’m not sure the complaint or the subsequent refresher did any good, possibly if he’d just put down his head it would have been quicker.

HildaOgdenx

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've no intention of bringing them in anything. I will however continue to be helpful and friendly and see how it goes. There's not much else I can do at the moment.

Exactly. It's crap, them all walking off at lunch etc, but to hell with them.
Keep plugging on, and keep an eye out for a bit of camaraderie across the floor, with members of other teams.
And if you can, meet up with others for lunch. There's no excuse for cliquey behavioiur, but all you can do for the minute is keep on as you are.

Invisibleman

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've no intention of bringing them in anything. I will however continue to be helpful and friendly and see how it goes. There's not much else I can do at the moment.

Are they mainly women Paulie ?

pauliebdub

_Brian wrote: »

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

I've no intention of bringing them in anything. I will however continue to be helpful and friendly and see how it goes. There's not much else I can do at the moment.

sheamusD12

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

It sounds like they are conditioning you.

You could go along with it ignore it or challenge it.

If you go along with it it could mean a lot of boring conversations about some metaphysical topics, best English football team ever or some such or you may be OK with such conversations.

Ignoring it basically means isolation. This can be OK if you only intend to be in the job short term but I don't think it's healthy if you do it more than 4 months.

Challenging it can be fun but only worth while if you are there long term

What ever you decide keep the head up.

[Deleted User]

_Brian wrote: »

Ive dealt with complaints over this sort of thing before, bullying through exclusion is the typical complaint, it does happen.

_Brian wrote: »

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

How did you deal with the complaints?

_Brian

facehugger99 wrote: »

Bring in donuts next Friday - everyone loves donuts.

TBH they sound like arseholes but you're just going to have to force your way in or your work time will be intolerable.

Fcuk them..
Bring them nothing.

_Brian

Sono wrote: »

Not condoning their behaviour but what exactly would you be reporting them for? They haven’t done anything to report them for other than being rude, for me that is not anything to be going to management about.

Ive dealt with complaints over this sort of thing before, bullying through exclusion is the typical complaint, it does happen.

facehugger99

Bring in donuts next Friday - everyone loves donuts.

TBH they sound like arseholes but you're just going to have to force your way in or your work time will be intolerable.

Strumms

Tomw86 wrote: »

Best of luck with it. Find someone you have stuff in common with, either in your team or on the floor and you'll soon be feeling better about it.

It can be intimidating coming in to a big Multi-national.

If you are based in the City centre maybe you could meet a friend from outside of work who works in the vicinity for lunch and that'll make you feel better too.

Yes, or even if the friend isn’t available, just get out of that environment a few times a week go for a walk, find a cafe to relax and have a bit of food in.

Tomw86

pauliebdub wrote: »

Thanks for this. I'm planning on getting involved in initiatives that will help me to interact with other teams on the site that might curb the isolation I'm feeling. It's a large multinational based in Dublin.

Best of luck with it. Find someone you have stuff in common with, either in your team or on the floor and you'll soon be feeling better about it.

It can be intimidating coming in to a big Multi-national.

If you are based in the City centre maybe you could meet a friend from outside of work who works in the vicinity for lunch and that'll make you feel better too.

jackboy

pauliebdub wrote: »

The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

Just keep sitting beside them every morning and give them a friendly hello. They will soon get tired of the silence and get back to normal. Then just join in the conversation.

[Deleted User]

I’d be more concerned, and agree with the charge of bullying if you had been there a long time and then they began to exclude you. But joining a team which has been together for a long time is always to be difficult to start with. I certainly wouldn’t take the advice that you go to management about it, no doubt they would absolutely react badly to that.

Just get on with your work, something small can turn the tide. You can’t make someone like you, but you can make them dislike you.

Invisibleman

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

give it time, i work in the public sector which is so like this, and i have to say mainly women, but the truth is, they all get promoted and get away with murder because they brown nose.
So it depends on you really, are you willing to do that ?
I don't and couldn't personally so have my lunch at my desk and keep my integrity.

dvdman1

pauliebdub wrote: »

I've been trying to find out if there was some kind of history with the person I replaced but there doesn't seem to be. It's a technical role that none of the other team members have the skillset for so would not have unsuccessfully applied for the role.

Maybe an introspective look at your own comments and general vide/aurora your giving off might be useful here. Do you express yourself? Are you Opinionated? Are you in the minority/majority about stuff they talk about?
Instant respect isn't going to happen its earned over time.

Most likely these people are good friends outside the job aswell. What might seem bizarre to you is actually a few good mates who happen to work with each other. Nobody would enter that circle in 1 month not me or you.
Its not personal

pauliebdub

CoBo55 wrote: »

They probably had someone else lined up for your job, the rest is pretty obvious. Just do your own thing and get paid.

I've been trying to find out if there was some kind of history with the person I replaced but there doesn't seem to be. It's a technical role that none of the other team members have the skillset for so would not have unsuccessfully applied for the role.

pauliebdub

Tomw86 wrote: »

Ok, you mention its a large organisation - so I presume there is other people in your department but not on your team.

What you should do, or what I would advise is firstly - do as Strumms said, except tone it a bit with this 'clique'. Then start chatting to people on other teams, you will find someone you click with and have similar interests as, this will become more and more the more you chat to people.

Even join a table in the canteen of people you don't know but recognise as being in your dept - they may chat to you, they may not.

Also, why do you want to be part of this clique - leave them to it unless they initiate the conversation.

Thanks for this. I'm planning on getting involved in initiatives that will help me to interact with other teams on the site that might curb the isolation I'm feeling. It's a large multinational based in Dublin.

pauliebdub

Enter name here wrote: »

You were hired to perform a job. If you want to make friends and become a social centrepiece join your local GAA. There is nothing to report.

I don't want to make friends necessarily but I'd like to be treated with courtesy and respect by my colleagues.

pauliebdub

Jeju wrote: »

One question. Are there team leads, supervisors or managers partaking in the exclusion? I think it the height of ignorance to do this to someone new in an organisation. On the theory of not being trusted, the persons employees trusted them to be part of the organisation therefore work colleagues must trust that decision and leave their pettiness at the gate.

Yes but they sit away from the team and probably aren't aware of the ins and outs of the team as long as the work gets done. It's very ignorant and demoralising

pauliebdub

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

my experience is they are not colleagues they are mates, and you simply cannot become a mate on day one.

Thanks for the replies so far. Yes they appear to be a close knit group who have mostly worked together for a few years. It's just not behaviour I'm used to experiencing in the workplace.

They communicate with each other by instant messenger, get up and put on their jackets without saying anything and head for the door together. It's very bizarre to be honest.

Jeju

One question. Are there team leads, supervisors or managers partaking in the exclusion? I think it the height of ignorance to do this to someone new in an organisation. On the theory of not being trusted, the persons employees trusted them to be part of the organisation therefore work colleagues must trust that decision and leave their pettiness at the gate.

Ash.J.Williams

my experience is they are not colleagues they are mates, and you simply cannot become a mate on day one.

Charlie Blackwood

bfa1509 wrote: »

I would say the worst thing to do is to try hard become part of the clique. Play it cool, cliques always have cracks and I think over time individuals from the clique will break ranks once they realise they like you better than most of the people within the clique itself. Then, the ringleader (there is always a ringleader) will be forced to either take you on board with everyone else or risk fragmenting the group.

It's actually shocking this kind of carry on happens in the work place. Sadly there is a ring of truth to all of that.

dvdman1

Cyrus wrote: »

jesus bullying, this is whats wrong with society an immediate rush to become a victim.

OP its not great but itll get better, tight groups can resist new comers but as others have said you will eventually get friendly with one or more and itll change. Its the same as any other social group you are a stranger you cant accept to arrive in and for everyone to be mature enough to want someone new as part of their group.

Immature on their behalf but its not personal and should pass.

Just concentrate on your own performance and career and the rest will take care of it self.

Proper advice, sombody who lives in the real world.

Cyrus

jesus bullying, this is whats wrong with society an immediate rush to become a victim.

OP its not great but itll get better, tight groups can resist new comers but as others have said you will eventually get friendly with one or more and itll change. Its the same as any other social group you are a stranger you cant accept to arrive in and for everyone to be mature enough to want someone new as part of their group.

Immature on their behalf but its not personal and should pass.

Just concentrate on your own performance and career and the rest will take care of it self.

Enter name here

manbitesdog wrote: »

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.

The OP doesnt have a work problem, the OP has a social problem. This is common place in today's society of snowflakes and millennials.

People like yourself manbitesdog seem to lack the necessary social skills to interact with today's society.

Tomw86

manbitesdog wrote: »

What I work at is not relevant. Nor is what the OP works at. We are talking about interpersonal dynamics that apply to all sorts of workplaces. What the OP describes could take place in an office, on the factory floor, in a building site. Basically anywhere where people work in teams.

I didn’t say anyone was an idiot. I merely said that I found some of the views expressed idiotic. I shouldn’t have to explain that a person’s entire team in the workplace isolating them is a problem.

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.

They have desks - it is more than likely an office. If you have experience of how team dynamics CAN work in these places then your opinion/personal experience will certainly help the OP - which is what I offered as I have been working in offices similar to this for 10+ years and managing teams of between 6 and 8 for the last 3 of those.

So where a person works is relevant - if OP had said they work on a site I wouldn't have offered my opinion as it is not something I have experience of.

manbitesdog

Tomw86 wrote: »

But yet many agree and you haven't stated what you work at/your experience?

If you think the vast majority are idiots then you need only look in the mirror to find the real one.....

What I work at is not relevant. Nor is what the OP works at. We are talking about interpersonal dynamics that apply to all sorts of workplaces. What the OP describes could take place in an office, on the factory floor, in a building site. Basically anywhere where people work in teams.

I didn’t say anyone was an idiot. I merely said that I found some of the views expressed idiotic. I shouldn’t have to explain that a person’s entire team in the workplace isolating them is a problem.

Anyhow, this back and forth will not help resolve the OP’s work problem.