nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Dealing with cliquey work colleagues

pauliebdub

I've a horrible problem with a new team I've joined over a month ago when I started my new job. I work in a team of 8 within a much larger organisation and for a completely unknown reason they are refusing to engage with me at all apart from showing me the ropes.

A few examples: they laugh and joke amongst themselves and ignore any contribution I make to the conversation. They head out to lunch by themselves leaving me alone at my desk. The one time I joined them in the canteen for breakfast they stopped talking when I sat down and went silent until I finished eating and left.

How do I deal with this. I'd love this job to work out so not interested in quitting but It's very frustrating. I'm also reluctant to report them.

Thanks.

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

Strumms

qwerty13 wrote: »

How is it possible to fight fire with fire, and fight your corner discreetly? That makes no sense to me.

And Strumms, it seems like you’re advocating escalating the situation. I don’t think that’s a good idea until the OP has the proper lay of the land.

They have instigated the situation and set the tone, ‘fighting your corner’ by doing the work you are assigned and refusing to be a victim to bullying is fire with fire... “yes I’ll look at that, when IM finished doing what I’m doing I’m just in the middle of something ”, “no I can’t stay back to help I’m meeting friends”.

It’s not an escalation it is working around a situation and negative and unpleasant and unprofessional dynamic that is being instigated by others... as the saying goes...people who want to play dirty often overlook that they may just end up underestimating who they are targeting and WILL be playing against the dirtiest and smartest player in the game...

The next day I’d bring in chocolate cup cakes for everyone... offered to the team leader/manager and then out to the office for everyone... a longer lingering look at the chief bully, a comment such as... “take two, might keep you going for the day”

From then on, divide and conquer, identify the individual(s) who you see as being dragged into this clique and going along because they are scared not to....isolate and reprogram over time, enabling them to be happier in their job, be a responsible and resourceful colleague and friend, cutting the umbilical and all of a sudden four against one is two against three and when tensions rise the chief bully looses allies and control...

qwerty13

How is it possible to fight fire with fire, and fight your corner discreetly? That makes no sense to me.

And Strumms, it seems like you’re advocating escalating the situation. I don’t think that’s a good idea until the OP has the proper lay of the land.

Strumms

It’s poor behavior.. I’ve always and indeed others in my last job made definite efforts to help new additions to the department settle in. Both in terms of them into their work roles and indeed as regards the more social aspects of working in a team..

In other scenarios I’ve been in and when I’ve been ‘that new guy’ I was left to fend for myself too.... lunch on my own, others were asked if they wanted anything in the shop but not me, if I needed to ask a question as a newbie...”come on, you are just back from your training you need to know that”.

I worked out the best way to fight fire with fire was to act like them... I had asked one guy for help but he refused saying “I’m not here to babysit you”. A few weeks later the same fella had asked if I’d take some of his reports as he was behind...my reply was... “I’m not running a baby sitting service”...

Then later...”hey Strumms you going to the shop ?” My reply..”yes I am” and off I went.

Eventually apologies were forthcoming and the air was cleared after all be it a flimsy excuse that they’d been on the receiving end of some rather ‘average’ additions to the team but I didn’t see that as an excuse.

Whatever you do, fight fire with fire and don’t be an easy touch, fight your corner discreetly.

qwerty13

I’m not saying their behaviour is ok, but maybe there wasn’t a new person in their work group for ages.

They also could have been friends for ages, and have in jokes. Or been slagging someone in the group about something only known to the group, and didn’t want to say it in front of you.

I wouldn’t write them off just yet. I’d take it easy and slowly, and I certainly wouldn’t report them, as it seems like social interaction that you feel excluded from - it doesn’t sound like they’re refusing to invite you to meetings, or help you with work.

bfa1509

I would say the worst thing to do is to try hard become part of the clique. Play it cool, cliques always have cracks and I think over time individuals from the clique will break ranks once they realise they like you better than most of the people within the clique itself. Then, the ringleader (there is always a ringleader) will be forced to either take you on board with everyone else or risk fragmenting the group.