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Child Item

Housemates not being discrete whilst tending their physical needs

bo0li5eumx12kp

First let me say - I acknowledge - we all got physical needs.

Is what it is.

Some physical needs however, must be addressed with quite a deal of discretion - depending on the company to some degree but, in general, for men at least, you want to make it as covert an endeavour as possible.

So, by example - I'm sharing a room with this dude.
Five of us in teh house but, me and this dude share a room.

About 11 pm, I'm in the kitchen with the other dudes, decide it's time for bed.

I go in the room, see this dude has his reading light on, and makes no secret what so ever over the fact he's looking at a nude picture of a lady in a tabloid newspaper.

"Real subtle", I'm thinking, but I trust he's dignified enough to not do what a man normally does with such a photo, when he's alone in a room, in bed, by himself.... etc.

I get in my bed, lights go out.

A few minutes go by.

Kind of silently at first - I thought maybe it was the leaves rustling outside - then I remember there's no trees for miles around.

"Chik-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-"

"No!", I'm thinking.

Surely freakin' not.

Mate - I get it's under the covers but, do you really think I can't hear that?

About a minute goes by,

He seems to have abandoned prudence entirely, and the room is basically filled with the sound of pounding meat;

"CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK".

I flick on my bed side light, illuminating the room.

His bed covers which had been vibrating, go flat.

Hop out the bed, back to the kitchen for a half hour - let this dude finish what he's obviously determined to get done, then back to bed.

My take on the situation was - at least go to bathroom.

In retrospect, that was probably pretty tame.

I've heard through the grapevine that, dorms at all boys boarding schools can exhibit similar shortfalls of prudence.

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whiskeyman

To a nude picture in a newspaper?

When was this?

1995?

[Deleted User]

He's giving himself a hand shandy to a tabloid photo?

Tell 1997 I send my best regards.

bo0li5eumx12kp

This other dude, every freakin' morning before he'd go to work.

Routine like clockwork.

His bedroom door opens about 6:30 am.
He waddles by my room, into the bathroom.

Five minutes later,

"Urrrggghhhh!"

.....

*Flush*

Another few minutes to presumably brush his teeth or whatever - then out the door to work.

You think you'd get used to it - like the sounds of the ocean?

But nuh....

Tom Mann Centuria

Obviously couldn't find any porn in the local hedges and the latest Littlewoods catalogue wasn't available.

bo0li5eumx12kp

whiskeyman wrote: »

To a nude picture in a newspaper?

When was this?

1995?

Well before we had iphones.

Or wifi - as I remember.

andekwarhola

LaptopGremlin wrote: »

Housemates not being discrete whilst tending their physical needs

How is he not able to be completely distinct and separate when attending to physical needs?

Is he a siamese twin?

[Deleted User]

Dalton Fancy Pasture wrote: »

Well before we had iphones.

Or wifi - as I remember.

And it's taken you this long to talk about it. I'd ask for your therapy money back, tbh.

bo0li5eumx12kp

Let me tell you, this other time?

I was way young, basically had a broken arm - had to crash at my folks house for a couple weeks.

I could not freakin' jerk off.

It's like my moms knew I was consorting with teh devil, and kept interrupting me.

"You're taking forever in the shower - you'll use all the hot water" - I feel the b1tch floating outside the door.

Bursting into my bedroom at random moments, prepared to tell me to go with God.

I eventually resorted to nipping up the fields and skeeting into a hedge - lol.

One eyed Jack

From the sounds of it (you’ll have to forgive me, no pun intended:D), but it sounds like your housemate was at least trying to be discreet while playing with himself... he was obviously failing miserably though.

I’d have said something tbh, like quit playing with yourself while I’m in the room :pac:

bo0li5eumx12kp

Deleted User wrote: »

And it's taken you this long to talk about it. I'd ask for your therapy money back, tbh.

Are you kiddin'?

Every individual in our student block knew about it as of the following afternoon.

lol - we was rollin'!!

banie01

So your mate failed no nut November on day 2!?
Weak!

An Ri rua

Dalton Fancy Pasture wrote: »

Well before we had iphones.

Or wifi - as I remember.

It's actually spelled 'wifey' but we get ya

banie01

An Ri rua wrote: »

It's actually spelled 'wifey' but we get ya

And pronounced "Whiffy"

Sardonicat

Tell us about band camp, OP

andekwarhola

andekwarhola wrote: »

How is he not able to be completely distinct and separate when attending to physical needs?

Is he a siamese twin?

Sh1t grammar joke be like...

Hindenburg+Color.jpg

Strumms

He sounds like a disgusting psycho fûckwit. Cracking one off with his roommate in the next bed. How the fûck could he get off knowing that. If it’s me I’d be saying something to him. If you don’t want to go that route I’d just try and get alternative accommodation somewhere, if the landlord kicks up “here you are supposed to vet these disgusting dweebs he’s a psycho”.

Vita nova

OP, the polite thing to do would have been to offer him a hand.

bo0li5eumx12kp

Strumms wrote: »

He sounds like a disgusting psycho fûckwit. Cracking one off with his roommate in the next bed. How the fûck could he get off knowing that. If it’s me I’d be saying something to him. If you don’t want to go that route I’d just try and get alternative accommodation somewhere, if the landlord kicks up “here you are supposed to vet these disgusting dweebs he’s a psycho”.

Nah, I mean - we ridiculed the hell of him and he was basically blackballed from the student accommodation social circle after that.

So - I think it was put to right, basically.

He was a bit creepy, no doubt but, pffff - there's worse out there.

I wouldn't burn the guy at the stake or anything.

bo0li5eumx12kp

Vita nova wrote: »

OP, the polite thing to do would have been to offer him a hand.

lol - there's always one.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

He’s not a housemate btw, he’s a roommate. I’d actually prefer to live in a tent in the Phoenix Park by myself than to share a room with a stranger.

Day Lewin

OP< what you need is earplugs and eyemask. Like when you're sleeping on a train.

All is darkness, silence and the illusion of privacy.

Provided he does the same for you, of course.

Pinch Flat

Was he fapping to Linda Luscardi or Sam Fox OP?

Church on Tuesday

A picture in a certain red top scummy tabloid?

He's like a kind of hipster wanker really.

JohnnyFlash

In an era of mass surveillance and data harvesting it’s a canny man who owns a collection of ‘art house periodicals’ and ‘one handed art pamphlets’.

If there’s the cyber equivalent of nuclear war then that man will be able to rent those magazines for hundreds of bottle caps per hour.

Grandeeod

We defo have a housing crisis! Lads sharing rooms with other lads ****??

I'm an older type with house share experiences from my early student/work days. I don't recall any **** issues. I do recall a few things that stood out in one or two particular houses.

The first was a house I was living in. We all had our own rooms. Imagine that? I got mine from an AD in the Evening Herald. I could afford it on a part time wage.:eek: Anyway, there was no need for any ****, because we all had partners that we actually met in reality and followed on from that. One early evening I was actually doing a bit of study in my bedroom while a fellow housemate was burying the baldy lad with gusto in his own room. The sound effects didn't bother me a bit or make me want to have a ****. I was focused on the study. That's just how it was back then. Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door followed by another. Eventually my housemates girlfriend ran down the stairs to answer the door. I couldn't be bothered and he was most likely trying to complete a project.

So it was a Garda looking for my housemate who had committed an indiscretion in a bar a few nights previously. Innocent crap. After he spoke with the housemate I joined him and the girlfriend in the Kitchen. The only topic of discussion was the girlfriend complaining about answering the door and cum running down the inside of her leg while trying to talk to the Garda. It put me right off my cheese and toast.

The other particular memory was crashing in a mates house share after a feed of after work pints one Friday night. He fancied the arse of a girl sharing the house. They both had their own rooms. Imagine that! So I was crashing on the couch that night. Not long after I settled on the couch under a very nicely perfumed duvet, I heard some serious sexy time happening. I assumed it was my mate getting it on with the lass he was mad about. Nope. Shortly afterwards he enters the living room. Sits in an armchair and gets very upset about her getting her end away with some randomer. He cried that night. Really he did. Anyway after listening to her and another lad give it a lash that night and many nights after, he hung in there and married her, years later I don't think he looked at another woman in between. That's life.

So a room mate **** beside you is really a sign of the times. It was all so much netter in the early 90s. Then we all bought houses, remortgaged them, lost them and condemned some of you to room shares with ****.

bsloepro

Last time I shared a house with anyone (bar my kids)....back in 2010 - my housemate goes to bed one night in his room, and about 15 mins later I can hear this “aaaaaaarggghhhhh” roar like he’s getting rode to 4uck - loud like and the radiator beside his bed bangin - bang bang bang bang. Down there he was - pulling the todger off himself and not two 4ucks given about who can hear!!

fonecrusher1

I was in a houseshare many years ago. Ah I remember popping on the old headphones to block out the gruesome sound of a particularly rotund female tenant grunting under her equally enormous boyfriend in the room next door. You probably could have heard them across the road.

How the bed didn't snap under their combined weight i'll never know.

I moved on when their XXXL courting ritual increased. Like listening to 2 walruses fighting. On a bed.

Tammy!

I remember when I was up late trying to cram study for my leaving cert and had my bedroom window open because it was too warm.

Unfortunately my neighbour who was a few years older than me was also up late, had her window open and had company and they were loud af!!

At first, I thought it was cats outside :pac: Had to close the window without laughing :pac: Couldn't look at her the next day. Still did ok in the exam.

anewme

Dalton Fancy Pasture wrote: »

First let me say - I acknowledge - we all got physical needs.

"Chik-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-chik-chik-chick-"

"No!", I'm thinking.

Surely freakin' not.

Mate - I get it's under the covers but, do you really think I can't hear that?

About a minute goes by,

He seems to have abandoned prudence entirely, and the room is basically filled with the sound of pounding meat;

"CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK".

I flick on my bed side light, illuminating the room.

His bed covers which had been vibrating, go flat.

Hop out the bed, back to the kitchen for a half hour - let this dude finish what he's obviously determined to get done, then back to bed.

My take on the situation was - at least go to bathroom.

SKRRK! SKRRK SKRRK! Somehwere in the distance Trent could hear it. SKRRK! SKRRK! SKRRK!

Could the CHIK-CHICK-CHICK-CHICK-CHICK be perhaps the X Rated Adventures of Trent?

JupiterKid

Dalton Fancy Pasture wrote: »

This other dude, every freakin' morning before he'd go to work.

Routine like clockwork.

His bedroom door opens about 6:30 am.
He waddles by my room, into the bathroom.

Five minutes later,

"Urrrggghhhh!"

.....

*Flush*

Another few minutes to presumably brush his teeth or whatever - then out the door to work.

You think you'd get used to it - like the sounds of the ocean?

But nuh....

Was he constipated? If he heaves and strains while pushing one out he’ll get a nasty case of haemmorroids.