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Child Item

Wrongly accused by partner

Anonuser123

My boyfriend accused me of masturbating during the night when we are in bed and I’m not.

Background - around 2.5 years ago, after the silent treatment for 2 days, he accused me of masturbating during the night. He was angry that it was waking him up and why would I do that. I have a problem with ingrown hairs due to shaving which causes severe itch and I’m getting electrolysis to remove the hair. I explained this, we decided to sleep in different beds and it was working out well.
A few months ago we moved house and are back in the same bed. Yesterday, I asked him what was wrong after a day of him not talking to me and he accused me again. I couldn’t really believe it. He doesn’t believe me that it’s the itching causing me to scratch, it is especially bad at night time. Why did I stop when he turned in the bed? (He woke me up so I consciously stopped scratching) I got very upset, I said it’s something I have no control over, I was so hurt and upset I gave him his engagement ring back

I’m really hurting now and I don’t know what to do

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con___manx1

Sounds like an idiot. Get rid of him. Tell him to shove the engagement ring up his hole.
So what even if you were masturbating. Whats the big deal?
I bet he is some sort of religious person that believes people live in the sky.

ILoveYourVibes

I'm sorry ...your bf was woken up by you masturbating (or so he thought)?? And he was .....angry???

skooterblue2

Anonuser123 wrote: »

...... I just thought about the wedding plans we’ve made and felt really sad and overwhelmed,............

A wedding is one day in your life it can be changed and reconfigured up until the last minute. A marriage is something completely different and is much harder and complex to undo with serious consequences.

tara73

OP, clearly, you can't marry this guy. It seems you are that long together you can't see his craziness for what it is anymore.

He didn't talk to you for weeks or what is it now because he thinks you are masturbating in bed but instead you have a medical issue or the thing with the ingrown hair. Sorry, but if you would tell that any person out there in a real conversation they would be first speechless and than probably close to laughing and then in disbelief. That's what it evoked in me anyway.

He doesn't care for you, the opposite, he seems to somehow detest you, no person in his real mind would behave like that.
And do you think this will get better when you are married? No, it's very likely it gets worse.

Please, get rid of this bully or whatevers wrong with this man.

P.S. well done in telling him a simple excuse via text is not good enough!

skooterblue2

AulWan wrote: »

Anonuser123, ,have you actually spoken to a doctor about the constant itch?

I suffered with the same issue but it wasn't ingrown hair, there are some conditions that cause this kind of uncontrollable feminine itching

If this issue is ongoing this long, you need to see a doctor. There are conditions like lichen sclerosus, and at the worst possible case scenario, even vulvar cancer, which can cause this type of uncontrollable itching.

Now, I am not saying you have vulvar cancer, I was actually investigated for it and it is extremly rare, but you could very possibly have lichen sclerosus and think its ingrown hair causing the problem.

I found no soap products, aqueous cream only, and as a moisturiser, along with liberal application of vaseline helped control the itch. I also take a very strong prescription antihistamines. It is so difficult to control the itch/scratch cycle, especially in your sleep when its ten times worse!

I would say something similar but I would say in my experience as a practitioner that the itch is not the problem but the symptom of some deeper rooted unhappiness. Invest money treating the root first and the symptoms will vanish quickly.

pinkyeye

Ah I have to be honest here now, if ANYONE was waking me in the night with their behaviour it would piss me off big time.

You say OP that you slept apart for 2 and half years and this is still not solved??

I would be pissed off with this. I'm a female and if I thought it was my partner masturbating and trying to pretend it was some itching problem that wasn't solved for over 3 years now I'd be in the height of it.

Let's try to consider this from another persons point of view. Disturbed sleep can drive some people to madness.

joeguevara

The main issue here is communication. If a bf or gf is woken up in the night by their partner they shouldn't sulk. They should talk and fix.

If he thought you were masturbating he should ask why. No way he should pull the silent treatment.

But same goes for you. Why you hiding a medical condition from your partner and why not get it treated.

Sounds like ye both need to learn to talk or its doomed.

Paddy Cow

joeguevara wrote: »

The main issue here is communication. If a bf or gf is woken up in the night by their partner they shouldn't sulk. They should talk and fix.

If he thought you were masturbating he should ask why. No way he should pull the silent treatment.

But same goes for you. Why you hiding a medical condition from your partner and why not get it treated.

Sounds like ye both need to learn to talk or its doomed.

She's not hiding it. She explained she has ingrown hairs and is getting treatment for it. I still find it bizarre though.

Op because your partner thinks you are masturbating, I assume you are scratching your crotch? If shaving that area leads to ingrown hairs, would you consider alternative methods of grooming? Trimming the area with a scissors or electric trimmer would leave the area neat but not give the discomfort of shaving. I shaved that area once and lesson learned!

Are you scratching in your sleep? I don't understand why your boyfriend is so insistent that you are masturbating when you have explained it to him. I also don't understand why you'd give back your engagement ring over this. It seems like communication has totally broken down.

If you are involuntarily scratching in your sleep, is it possible this turns into masturbating with you moaning, which wakes up your boyfriend? You really need to get to the bottom of this and the only way to do that is to talk about it.

Anonuser123

Hi, OP here again. There was another incident last week over a disagreement about house chores. He stayed in his parents for 2 nights and then was away for the weekend (already planned) refusing to talk about it until this week because he needed to cool off. I called him out on his behaviour, I said I feel like he’s trying to ‘punish’ me by refusing to talk to me, or that he has anger management issues as it could have been easily resolved. He did not like that one bit. I brought up that he was cold towards me for a day because my phone alarm woke him up before he needed to be up as it was near his head in the bed. I’m just so tired now and I am mentally preparing to leave, I told him that his passive aggressive behavior is having a very negative impact on the relationship and he just doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge this or try to work on it

ManOfMystery

Anonuser123 wrote: »

his passive aggressive behavior is having a very negative impact on the relationship and he just doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge this or try to work on it

This is the crux of the matter. If he isn't willing to fix things or change his unfair behaviour for the better, then the ball is in your court. You either continue to put up with it, or you end it.

tara73

what is remarkable here, this overreacting of his always occurs when it's about him being disturbed in his sleep. I don't think it is very likely because you havn't mentioned it, but is he maybe suffering from heavy sleeping problems and is sleep deprived all the time? Could be an explanation why he's so unnerved when disturbed sleeping.

but still, even if this is the case, no need to react like he reacts punishing you stopping communication. very silly.

if he suffers from being overly sensitive to noises while sleeping (and I can relate to it), a solution could be found by talking about it and not by going into sulking mode.

he seems like a very weird guy and I think at the end of the day there's onla one real solution: to leave him.

cannotlogin

Why are you putting up with this?

You can't change him and he's proven he's not a catch.

Just leave him, move on with your life and find better! Judging by his behaviour, finding some one better won't be difficult.

Princess Calla

tara73 wrote: »

what is remarkable here, this overreacting of his always occurs when it's about him being disturbed in his sleep.

Op where do you see this relationship going?

Do you want it to be the happy ever after?

I ask this as Tara has hit on a very valid point.

If you go down the children route he's going to be an absolute nightmare based on what you are describing. You'll probably be left doing all the nightfeeds... Well all feeds infairness while he sulks off somewhere else.

I personally can't stand sulking so I'd be well gone at this stage, but everyone has their own dealbreakers.

I also despise passive aggressiveness as it makes you start questioning yourself, which is never good in a relationship.

I don't think his behaviour is great for an adult.

He seems like so much work....it really shouldn't be that difficult

Anonuser123

Thanks all, it’s not confined to issues that disturb his sleep, I understand sleep is important and can see why anyone would be annoyed of someone was affecting their sleep routine but it’s how he handles it which hurts me.
To be honest, I am hoping he will come to me and tell me he’s going to work on his communication. I wish he could say sorry and he wants to make our relationship work. We own a house together, we are engaged, and the thought of leaving him and starting over terrifies me

Anonuser123

He just came over to me to hand me a glass of wine (didn’t say a word), I told him I didn’t want it.
Previously I would have accepted this sort of gesture as an apology so I suppose it’s my fault that I’ve created the expectation that this is acceptable.

mosstin

Two posts about half an hour apart. Not being ****ty here but maybe put the phone down and have a chat with him?

cannotlogin

Anonuser123 wrote: »

To be honest, I am hoping he will come to me and tell me he’s going to work on his communication. I wish he could say sorry and he wants to make our relationship work. We own a house together, we are engaged, and the thought of leaving him and starting over terrifies me

This is how he communicates. He has shown you that multiple times. Either accept it or ditch him but living in a fantasy land of thinking you can change it is mad.

Being afraid of leaving/starting over is never a reason to stay.

Pawwed Rig

If you ever have kids the odd disturbed sleep will seem like a luxury. I think you need to take some clear decisive action here op. What is the point of the relationship?

Millionaire only not

Try sleeping with one that snores! masturbating would be a pleasure to have to deal with and it’s funny to see it in action during there sleep !

woodchuck

Mod note:

As the OP hasn't been back in a few weeks, I think it's time to close this thread.

OP if you need the thread reopened, please just let me know.