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What would you do?

bear1

It may seem like it's a whiny post but bear with me.
I feel trapped.
I'm nearing the end of a divorce (waiting for the final date) and I'm with an amazing woman now which pulled me out of the dark.
But work is killing me.
I'm blocked from moving internally and I'm blocked from leaving due to the divorce.
If I change it will end up costing me more in payments every month and I'm already struggling.
Management will not allow me to develop myself or come up with ideas to help out our team.
Yet when I decide not to I'm told I'm lazy.
I've a three month notice period which destroys my chances of moving out of the company.
I've tried in vain to do more and more and I'm never rewarded or recognised.
It's killing me and I just can't stand the idea of going to work in the morning.
I've been there 5 years and it feels like I've aged 20..
So today I started wondering if I should just tell them to fjck off and hand in my notice and take my chances with getting something in three months?
Or wait till the divorce is final and then try?
Any advice would be great.

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Dravokivich

If work sucks, it's not good. Regardless of the other stuff you've got going on. I'd be surprised if they could hold you to a 3 month notice period. If they are purposefully blocking opportunities for you to advance, you can put in for discrimination, surely?

bear1

Dravokivich wrote: »

If work sucks, it's not good. Regardless of the other stuff you've got going on. I'd be surprised if they could hold you to a 3 month notice period. If they are purposefully blocking opportunities for you to advance, you can put in for discrimination, surely?

They'd simply tell me to prove it which I can't.
They could easily hold me to it, contract etc and not enough people within the team to take my place.
It's frustrating as hell and it's obviously taking a toll on my personal life as I usually leave work in anger.

Ted_YNWA

closing from AH, moving to PI

Anyone following from AH, please note stricter charter here.

harry Bailey esq

corner of hells wrote: »

potential threesome in leitrim in the morning.

Usual spot at the back of topaz? What time? Op, I don't know if you've anything squirreled away for a rainy day, but personally if I had enough to get by for a month or two I'd leave that job before it put me into an early grave. Best of luck anyways op. Hopefully it all works itself out eventually. And as corner of hell's said, AH probably isn't the best place to ask for wise counsel as people will just take the piss and act the bollix. Anyways, chin up for now, you can let off a bit of steam at the threesome tomorrow so that's something to look forward to. I'm dressing up as a scarecrow.

punisher5112

If work is that bad, could you line up another job and just leave....

1hnr79jr65

I would tend to approach notice period the following way. Take a documented meeting with HR and bring a union rep if union is a thing in your place or a trusted colleague, then explain you are stressed, unmotivated and have no desire to work there anymore. Agree that notice period is 3 months however you are looking for a shorter time frame of a month and its in all your best interests to have a shorter leave period as you feel your work will not be up to par if it goes beyond a month.

Prior to this meeting you could go to doctor and explain everything and get a cert for stress and if you present this to company you could search for job and move on in shorter time frame.

Company would not be able to disclose any of this discussion to new employer, however you run risk of generic answer reference if new employer calls them up of "yes he worked here" for all reference questions which can be seen as a negative, so think carefully about referees to present to new employer.

This may give you the needed space to get out. Good luck pal, i know personally how difficult your situation is, just need the courage to tackle it to move on.

Low Energy Eng

Tell your future employer about the 3 month notice period and explain you'll do your best to negotiate leaving early.
When you get a new job keep it to yourself if possible?
Or tell your future employer you're happy to work for lower salary until your case has settled.
Plenty of possibilities.

Another option would be to set up a company and do contract work then draw a low salary from it.

Grumpypants

Hand in your notice and just say you are moving on to a new opportunity, thank them and say you learnt loads but need to progress your career. You don't have to tell them what it is. But don't have to sour the bed either.

Then spend the next three months looking for another role. New employers will wait if you are the right fit but hopefully you'll be 8 weeks in and able to start much sooner.

bear1

Thanks all.
Id love nothing more than to hand it in and say good riddance but I suspect it will cause more stress than it's worth and then having three months to find something is serious pressure.
Need to seriously think it all through

punisher5112

bear1 wrote: »

Thanks all.
Id love nothing more than to hand it in and say good riddance but I suspect it will cause more stress than it's worth and then having three months to find something is serious pressure.
Need to seriously think it all through

Look for something now, have other job lined up and go from there.

SirChenjin

What’s the job market like, in your location, and for your skills/ qualifications?
Get your cv ready and get out of there as soon as you can.

Sleepy

Think about it OP: what's the worst your current employer could do to you if you refused to comply with their 3 months notice policy?

It's one of those clauses many employers like to put into contracts to scare employees into putting the company before themselves (akin to the common clauses in IT about not accepting a job offer from a customer of your employer). They're not worth any employers time to follow up on as, quite simply, the legal costs are likely to dwarf any award they're likely to receive if (and it's a *big* if given that they're attempting to restrict your right to work) any judge were to award in their favour.

Get your CV out there, line up a job and give your employer a month's notice. If they argue, tell them you've no interest in working out the notice and wish them well with finding your replacement. You could also look at using any remaining annual leave you're owed to reduce the notice period.

The worst thing they can do is refuse to give you a reference and I'm sure you have at least one co-worker you could ask to be a referee on the quiet should it be needed for your new employer.

StinkyMunkey

Life full of constant stress and anxiety is no life at all.

Your job will never change, your employer won't wake up one morning and decide - know something, I think I seriously undervalue bear1.

You could be working in Mc Donald's 3 months from now and you would be happier for it.

Fcuk what ifs & maybes, grab life by the balls and make it your bitch - Hand in your notice, someone with your obviously good work ethic will always do well and land on their feet. Will it be a bumpy road along they way, probably, but you will come out the other end a happier person for it.

Good luck OP

Xterminator

Hi OP

plenty of people have a 3 month notice period in my sector, and some even longer. It certainly doesn't stop people from changing job. so its a challange, but not a showstopper. If all of your competition tend to be one one month notice periods it would probably mean some employers would be swayed by the notice period, but not all of them. For many sensible employers its about getting the right person, not the available one.

Getting a divorce is a huge challenge.
Building a new relationship can be challenging.
changing job can be a big change too!

I would if possible not attempt all 3 in tandem. But it sounds like the 1st two are not up for discussion!!

If you could even give yourself 6 months to get divorce over the line, before taking on the challenge of seeking job that better fits - that might be wise.

SirChenjin

Xterminator wrote: »

I would if possible not attempt all 3 in tandem. But it sounds like the 1st two are not up for discussion!!
If you could even give yourself 6 months to get divorce over the line, before taking on the challenge of seeking job that better fits - that might be wise.

That’s a good point. You already are very stressed, naturally enough.
So if you hope that the divorce will be over the line in a particular timeframe, you can still be carrying out a bit of research, in the background, on the jobs front.

Once you are being proactive about something, in this case, moving towards getting out of where you are, it can help a bit to know that there is an end in sight. It’s a horrible feeling to feel trapped.

Mind your health in all of this.

bear1

All good points.
Regarding the divorce, it's on about a year now so I'm waiting for it to finish before changing.
It's just a terrible feeling that my career is held back due to it.

anewme

Everything is just mounting up OP and it is like its a big circle of stress.

Deal with one thing at a time.

Sort the Divorce.

Then, look at your options for your career.

Where can you go - what are your opportunities - do you have to give 3 months notice - what happens if you don t- I'm not asking you all these questions, these are for you to consider in planning your next step.

Stress really is a killer and trying to sort everything at once is just too much and will feel overwhelming.

Good Luck with it.