Graces7 wrote: » No as you are simply acting on your "values system", It is totally simple. Forgiving others is central Depends though what that system is . Mine depends on not bearing grudges and forgiving. No peace else.
WrinklyNeck wrote: » What if the very person who intended on getting revenge on was the person who gave you that advice? And if they gave it at a point in time during your grieving process that was before the point where you decided to forgive?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqCmkbtWRVY
Graces7 wrote: » You are on a different wavelength here// Too many " what ifs" .. Grieving process? Forgiving is not a decision; it is a response. Revenge? That does not enter into it. The words re forgiving are not advice from anyone involved in any situation. They are in the Lord's Prayer. We forgive because God forgives us. Did not check the youtube. Your post was too far off what I was meaning.
MrAbyss wrote: » I know a guy who was falsely accused of rape by a woman who was placed in a psychiatric hospital after having made similar false complaints about other innocent men. She was eventually released having been 'cured' and we are being told that her behavior was 'in the past' and we should let it go. However, the funny thing is the innocent men she lied about - including one who went to court - are somehow 'rapists' for the rest of their lives. Except for one who is a pile of ashes from Glasnevin Crematorium having committed suicide. I guess the notion of 'in the past' is arbitrary so.
WrinklyNeck wrote: » Imagine if God took the same stance on forgiveness as you!
WrinklyNeck wrote: » There's no point in forgiving someone if they don't deserve to be forgiven. It's often a cop out and it's actually selfish. And yes, if you don't forgive, it implies you want some sort of revenge. There is definitely no point in forgiving someone if you still have to deal with that person. You will be letting your guard down. It is important to always remember so that you can spot the same patterns in their behavior.
Forty Seven wrote: » Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Graces7 wrote: » agree totally but there is a facet of trust that takes thinking about? Put it like this maybe. If I am walking over a bridge with someone and they push me off. I will find it in me while I am recovering in hospital to fully forgive them But I would not walk over a bridge with them again. Whether or not they apologise by the way is immaterial in this. We forgive for our own peace and mental health Trust has been destroyed.
Graces7 wrote: » Mad_maxx wrote: » That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much. I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind. Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it" Only person suffering is you.. not letting go is toxic. Does not affect the other person.
Mad_maxx wrote: » That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much. I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind. Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it"
One eyed Jack wrote: » I know what you mean, some people make it incredibly difficult to forgive them, but I trust people because I want to trust people. I would walk over the bridge again with that person, because I want to trust that person. There have been times of course when that hasn’t worked out so well, but there have been many more times when giving someone a second chance and in many cases third and fourth chances, has only made the bond of trust between us that much stronger. It’s difficult, and I do understand what you mean about the need to protect oneself once that trust has been violated, but for me I’ve always thought of being unwilling to trust someone as cutting off my nose to spite my face. I don’t ever want to not trust people, because putting my trust in people has a far more protective benefit than the pain caused when that trust is violated.
Mad_maxx wrote: » Letting go means tolerating an injustice, that means living a lie
Graces7 wrote: » Mad_maxx wrote: » Letting go means tolerating an injustice, that means living a lie No . It means growing past it . Nothing you can do about what was done. I had a terrible battle with it and as soon as I let go, there was peace. It stopped eating at me. Did not matter any more But that is your choice entirely.
Dorothy Cold Souvenir wrote: » Why? In the context that she then went to a psych ward, the most likely scenario is that she genuinely believed she was raped, and that she was not in full control of herself. This would have been symptomatic of an illness she had. People generally don't go to psych wards unless they are significantly unwell and delusions are commonly part of that. The problem of her illness was addressed. The problem of the distress and damage to the men accused was not. Perhaps it was reported on in a way to make them look guilty. Perhaps the illness was not reported on. Perhaps it should not have been reported on at all. Perhaps people should educate themselves about the effects of mental illness beyond depression and anxiety. If people were aware of that and had context then the reputational damage wouldn't be there any longer.
Mad_maxx wrote: » It's not my choice, as I said earlier, very few people are masochists, if something can't be forgiven, it's because the effect was too great We are not in control of everything as if a switch can just be flicked
