I spent the weekend in the Europe Hotel in Killarney with my partner. We were taking a few days R&R and playing several of the better links golf courses in the county. I’ll start by saying it’s a beautiful hotel, and our suite had stunning views over the lakes. The breakfast was exceptional as well.
However my overall enjoyment of the weekend was spoiled by one particular incident. We had booked into the spa for a 3-hour harmonising spa ritual. The mood was almost immediately ruined though by the sound of 3 women with heavy Dublin accents talking to each other, and laughing in that bleating style so common to the natives of our capital city. It was impossible not to hear them, as the accent has an extremely obnoxious and aggressive tone. Withering on about ‘and then she bleedin’ said to me to shur up’, and, ‘I said yous can ruin your own marriage, but you’re not going to ruin mine’, ‘the fat cow’ etc etc. The f word used as a noun, adverb, and verb as well.
Now I had presumed that the price point of the Europe Hotel would be enough to discriminate against people who usually book their ‘girls weekend away’ using Tesco Club Card vouchers, but obviously not. I then thought they would eventually get bored of talking to each other about things so utterly banal and tedious, and enjoy the calm of the surrounding. Not a chance. I went to reception, and asked one of the staff to have a word with them. The chatter stopped for a maximum of 5 minutes, before they started whispering, giggling to each other, laughing, and eventually talking out loud again about which one of the Dublin football team they’d let ‘give me one’.
My German partner was extremely confused about the whole episode – she questioned why people would pay money to visit a spa, and then spend the entire duration of their time there talking and laughing. They did give the impression of being the sort of people who would have the same sort of time knocking backs pints of Coors Light after having a carvery lunch in the Stables in Clondakin. We spent a few minutes in the aroma steam room, which did cancel out the sounds, but emerged to hear them walking around with an intent to cause as much noise as possible.
A quick glimpse at them confirmed the image I had created in my head. Lots of cellulite, badly styled blonde hair, those tattoos on either ankle, the unmistakable signs of premature aging that come with years of smoking and drinking. The type of ‘moll’ whose husband or boyfriend makes his living from what Paul Reynolds would describe as the ‘proceeds of crime’.
The afternoon was ruined, and I told my partner we were leaving. I spoke to the manager in reception, and they assured us that they had attempted a number of times to ask the customers to respect the rules around keeping quiet. Our treatments were rescheduled for this morning, and an excellent bottle of Italian red was delivered to our room by way of apology.
Why does this sort of Dublin native believe they are:
1) Funny.
2) Interesting.
3) Entitled to talk as loudly and obnoxiously as possible?
There truly is a type of ‘Dub’ who seems to revel in being a loud-mouthed bore, and hamming up how common and lacking in class they are.
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Original warning post 126
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