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Why do so many people cheat'?

MSGSM

First off, if this is the wrong place to post then I apologise.

I've been chatting to friends about the staggering amount of people cheating.

I'm a single male in my 20's and firmly in the dating scene. I've had to help friends through times where their other half has cheated and I've heard so many stories about people cheating that it's really made me realise how naive I used to be in this regard.

Now I'm not claiming to be any white knight cos I've not had great luck with women but I could never cheat. I believe that if you're not happy in your own relationship, you talk to the other person and end the relationship before going near anyone else. And this includes any form of sexual/flirty contact with someone that isn't your partner.
What has happened to common decency?

My opinion is, it's down to people settling for people that they don't truly want to be with due to a fear of being alone or needing someone.
I'd say alcohol has a lot to do with it too.

Any other opinions?

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TheBoyConor

I guess it depends on what one is into.

I have no interest in a committed adult relationship. For the past few years dating wise I have little interest in anything beyond a few cheap thrills. There has been a few times that I had went on three dates in the one day. It is exhausting sometimes. Lost interest in dating irish girls too and at the moment I seem to be meeting women from increasingly out of the way and obscure countries. All through the usual dating apps.

Plumbthedepths

MSGSM wrote:

Maybe a mod should move to AH actually?

Move to AH? Yeah you will get reasoned and thought out responses there. ;-)

lainey_d_123

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

I am presently meeting several women for shenanigans all unknownst to eachother. My closest friends know all this and they say I am a addicted to dating.

This is really disgusting behaviour. You are taking away their ability to make informed decisions about their sexual health by not being honest about having multiple partners.

TheBoyConor

I never told anyone that i was seeing them exclusively.

lainey_d_123

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I never told anyone that i was seeing them exclusively.

Did you lead them to believe this was the case?

TheBoyConor

No. I would meet them and nothing mentioned about exclusivity or lack thereof. Topic wasn't mentioned at all.

Lotus Flower

@TheBoyConor, I guess you know deep down that being upfront would limit your dating options

Edited to add, that doesn't make it right. Seems pretty crappy these women don't know it'll never result in a relationship

MSGSM

OP here,

Appreciate all the replies, some good insight.

All this talk about, not being interested in LTR baffles me being honest. Its just always been in my mind that I will settle down with a girl that im crazy about and take on life together. Now I don't mean 'happily ever after' as I know life is no fairytale but even though im currently single, ive met a few women that I was crazy about and felt like they could be my forever after. I never got to date said women as they had bf's (fair play to them for being faithful) or weren't interested in me in that way but my point is, these women make me feel like spending the rest of my life with them would be a dream.

However, I do know personal preference plays a big role as people that enjoy the single life, would find my outlook as baffling. I do think though that there is no excuse for cheating. I've seen it tear people apart and I have promised myself that no matter how tempting it be, I will never do that to someone.

Tell me how

Because some people think that 'a new bird in the hand is better than the same old bush'.

I don't have a play on words which explains women cheating so I presume it doesn't happen.

TheBoyConor

I understand your outlook OP. We are all different in what we want.

It is interesting that you see someone that has no interest in LTRs as baffling whereas I would be similarly baffled by a single outgoing guy who was very keen to get settled down with one woman. Permanently. I just don't see the appeal. I see it as a very restricted lifestyle.
I think it might be because I was in a LTR for 9 years in my 20s so at this point I am like "yeah, LTRs? been there done that, meh" .

[Deleted User]

Tell me how wrote: »

Because some people think that 'a new bird in the hand is better than the same old bush'.

I don't have a play on words which explains women cheating so I presume it doesn't happen.

It is far more complicated than this because human beings are not straightforward.

Lotus Flower

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I understand your outlook OP. We are all different in what we want.

It is interesting that you see someone that has no interest in LTRs as baffling whereas I would be similarly baffled by a single outgoing guy who was very keen to get settled down with one woman. Permanently. I just don't see the appeal.
I think it might be because I was in a LTR for 9 years in my 20s so at this point I am like "yeah, LTRs? been there done that, meh" .

Do you like the idea of being in your 40s/50s and just getting casual rides on Tinder?

Dr. Bre

Loyalty is dead according to Paddy Power

Purple Mountain

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

I am presently meeting several women for shenanigans all unknownst to eachother. My closest friends know all this and they say I am a addicted to dating.

I'd say you are more addicted to the ride than the dating because it doesn't sound like you do much of the latter.

MSGSM

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I understand your outlook OP. We are all different in what we want.

It is interesting that you see someone that has no interest in LTRs as baffling whereas I would be similarly baffled by a single outgoing guy who was very keen to get settled down with one woman. Permanently. I just don't see the appeal. I see it as a very restricted lifestyle.
I think it might be because I was in a LTR for 9 years in my 20s so at this point I am like "yeah, LTRs? been there done that, meh" .

I understand where you're coming from. I've never had a gf other than a few continuous dates so the concept is something new to me but as I said, I'm happy with my own company and don't want a relationship because I'm lonely etc, the women I've wanted were for what I feel are the right reasons (Really attracted to them, find their personality infectious, love being in their company etc etc) If I wanted a gf I could get one (not meaning to sound big headed here) but I am not settling for someone who I'm not crazy about or doesn't help me grow.

ILoveYourVibes

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Can be unhappiness due to a lack of attention or that the cheater is no longer happy with the attention from their partner.

When I worked in a golf club bar, a long time ago now, there was an older gentleman who was an old school “cad” type, or maybe he was a “bounder”, either way he had a long history of affairs and trysts. He once told me that the common theme was a lack of attention, something he gladly sorted.

He said to me, and I’ll never forget this, that if I ever wanted to hang on to a lady that all I had to do was “keep ‘em licked and keep ‘em dicked”. Solid advice from a man wearing a blazer.

Its lots of reasons depending on the situation.

A lot of people are shocked when one partner is ill and the other cheats.
It was an escape from the situation.

nthclare

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

I am presently meeting several women for shenanigans all unknownst to eachother. My closest friends know all this and they say I am a addicted to dating.

I knew a guy like you, we used to call him James Bond

He's one of the lucky guy's who was attractive from his teens right up until his mid 40's he's like a cross between Morten Harket and Pierce Brosnan...

Has one kid doesn't drink or smoke, into his fitness etc...

He's quitened down a bit but he's the sort of guy a straight guy would secretly say he's a good looking man, or if you're an honest straight guy like myself I'd say he's extremely easy on the eye for a guy

fmpisces

MSGSM wrote: »

First off, if this is the wrong place to post then I apologise.

I've been chatting to friends about the staggering amount of people cheating.

I'm a single male in my 20's and firmly in the dating scene. I've had to help friends through times where their other half has cheated and I've heard so many stories about people cheating that it's really made me realise how naive I used to be in this regard.

Now I'm not claiming to be any white knight cos I've not had great luck with women but I could never cheat. I believe that if you're not happy in your own relationship, you talk to the other person and end the relationship before going near anyone else. And this includes any form of sexual/flirty contact with someone that isn't your partner.
What has happened to common decency?

My opinion is, it's down to people settling for people that they don't truly want to be with due to a fear of being alone or needing someone.
I'd say alcohol has a lot to do with it too.

Any other opinions?

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too.
They think they'll get away with it/don't care if they get caught if it gives them a "way out" of the relationship rather than doing the kindest thing for all and just ending it.
The whole offline/online dating scene just makes it so flippin' easy to cheat.
But ultimately it boils down to not loving their partner enough to stay faithful to them. Sad really.

_blaaz

People cheat for a huge amount of reasons...to extent that virtually everyone cheats eventually ime

Sad,but thats the truth of life...in area im from.anyway

MSGSM

fmpisces wrote:

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too. They think they'll get away with it/don't care if they get caught if it gives them a "way out" of the relationship rather than doing the kindest thing for all and just ending it. The whole offline/online dating scene just makes it so flippin' easy to cheat. But ultimately it boils down to not loving their partner enough to stay faithful to them. Sad really.

Exactly, it's the lack of care for the other person that I can't understand.

_blaaz wrote:

People cheat for a huge amount of reasons...to extent that virtually everyone cheats eventually ime

Have to disagree but it is a lot more prevalent then I first thought.

fmpisces

MSGSM wrote: »

Exactly, it's the lack of care for the other person that I can't understand.

Have to disagree but it is a lot more prevalent then I first thought.

Such people lack a conscience

Airyfairy12

Selfishness and a lack of common decency. People are horrible to one another all of the time for no other reason than they just feel like it.

_blaaz

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Selfishness and a lack of common decency. People are horrible to one another all of the time for no other reason than they just feel like it.

Its not even selfishness any amount of people in crappy situations/unhappy/abusive relationships that seek happiness elsewhere (often both halfs of couple cheat)

I wouldnt condemn anyone too harshly for cheating in such scenario....but stay well clear of getting involved aswell

[Deleted User]

Lotus Flower wrote: »

Do you like the idea of being in your 40s/50s and just getting casual rides on Tinder?

Sure beats being a married 40s/50s something man that gets sex once every few months in the most boring way possible. Other than security for kids there is nothing good about marriage for a man at least. You are just a cash cow in reality.

Can definitely see why someone would cheat. Have never done it myself out of some misplaced sense of loyalty or maybe Catholic guilt, even though I'm an athiest.

ILoveYourVibes

Its a self esteem boost too.

I think some people would leave their spouses tomorrow though if divorce wasn't so complex, children etc money.I think a lot of them have fallen out of love with their spouses totally and just love their kids.They think well i clean up after him etc I look after his kids. We aren't in love why not cheat?

You know that quote from Roger Sterling to Joan.'I was so unhappy before I met you. I was about to leave my wife.' Plus some people get used to doing it.

Irish women are the fastest to cheat too over Irish men. They cheat in about 3.6 yrs on average according to a study by Victoria Milan.

ILoveYourVibes

Originally Posted by TheBoyConor View Post
I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

I am presently meeting several women for shenanigans all unknownst to eachother. My closest friends know all this and they say I am a addicted to dating.

Dunno why you are telling us its not like we are the Spanish inquisition!

ILoveYourVibes

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Dunno why you are telling us its not like we are the Spanish inquisition!

I take this back I AM the Spanish inquisition!

Church on Tuesday

It boils down to a lack of respect; for yourself and the person you cheat on and with.

A lot of the time it's because people are in dead relationships/marriages with dead bedrooms. That stuff can be avoided but that's for another thread.

So people seek excitement and attention elsewhere. But it's just a quick fix. People should leave a relationship/marriage once it is obvious that the spark is gone and will not be coming back any time soon. Granted, that will be messy depending on finances/children but in the long run it's the best for all concerned.

IMO too many people rush into marriage anyways and barely know the person they are sleeping with until it's too late to turn back.

MSGSM

_blaaz wrote:

Its not even selfishness any amount of people in crappy situations/unhappy/abusive relationships that seek happiness elsewhere (often both halfs of couple cheat)

I think a lot of those situations are caused by poor emotional intelligence apart from an abusive partner. No excuse for that.

ILoveYourVibes

Deleted User wrote: »

Can definitely see why someone would cheat. Have never done it myself out of some misplaced sense of loyalty or maybe Catholic guilt, even though I'm an athiest.

There are different kinds of marriages.

A truthful strong marriage doesn't leave room for it. I think some people deep down subconsciously know this.

There are other kinds of marriages too though.

But i think in reality they cheat because neither of them know how to keep that marriage strong.