The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

To the person who stole my glasses.
I will find you.

I have contacts.

patmac

A man was on his deathbed. With a pitiful gasp, he managed to whisper to his wife, "I have one last request, my dear."

Of course, anything" his wife replied, clutching his hand.

"Six months after I die, I would like you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob?"

"I do!"

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeeeead, in your heeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head....

Attention.... have you been forced to walk 500 miles ?

Then asked to walk 500 more ?

Well good news , you could be entitled to compensation.

Contact The Pro-Claimers for more.

Suckit

Oscar1978 wrote: »

Contact The Pro-Claimers for more.

1800-FINE-GAEL :pac:

Did you know, you can actually save space in your freezer by storing frozen peas in the holes of your potato waffles.

My wife said she hates how I've jumped on the Wimbledon bandwagon."Shut up!" I replied, "they're about to tee off."

The guy who wrote the Hokey Pokey song died recently. They had awful trouble getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in ......

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.
And eyes and ears and mouth and a nose.
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.

Not the children's song but the ingredients of last nights kebab

Bob Harris

Oscar1978 wrote: »

The guy who wrote the Hokey Pokey song died recently. They had awful trouble getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in ......

...and is that when the trouble started?

Bob Harris wrote: »

...and is that when the trouble started?

That's the general consensus..... ðŸ‘€ðŸ˜„

I met a nice girl in a bar last night and told her to call me when she makes it home.

She must be homeless

RobMc59

Its been a bit of a strange day..
First I find a hat full of money
Then I get chased down the road by a strange man with a guitar!

A soldier is rushed to Hospital with a horrific bayonet wound,

Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.

castletownman

I hear they have finally discovered a cure for dyslexia.

FINALLY! It was like music to my arse.

I came second place in an astrology competition over the weekend. I won a map of the stars of the universe.

It was the constellation prize.

Looked out my kitchen window last night to see a fella taking my back gate. I didn't say anything though I didn't want him to take a fence.

RayCon

castletownman wrote: »

I hear they have finally discovered a cure for dyslexia.

FINALLY! It was like music to my arse.

In the meantime Gillette have made a razor for dyslexics ..... it's the best thing since sliced beard.

Edgware

byrner88 wrote: »

I met a nice girl in a bar last night and told her to call me when she makes it home.

She must be homeless

I've been going out with a homeless woman for a while now and its getting serious. She wants us to move out together

el_gaucho

RayCon wrote: »

In the meantime Gillette have made a razor for dyslexics ..... it's the best thing since sliced beard.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

We should stop these jokes or the National Dyslexia Association (DNA) will be complaining.

M.T. Cranium

They have a lawsuit pretty much ready, it's just a matter of crossing the i's and dotting the t's.

What do we want ?
A cure for Alzheimer's....

When do we want it ?
When do we want what ?

I came out of Aldi this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out.
She'd lost all her holiday money.

I felt so sorry for her I gave her €50.

I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found €2000 in the carpark.

What do you call an Italian beggar?

Giovanni Change

RobMc59

Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on Ebay?
I bid €10 for a cowboy outfit and now I'm 5 minutes away from owning Man United!