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Are looks the main thing in life?

Nikki Sixx

When it comes to jobs, partners and generally leading a fulfilled life, is being born good-looking the golden ticket? I presume that every man/woman gets the best looking partner they can muster using their own social standing and their own looks?

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jim o doom

Bruce Fresh Muffler wrote: »

Obviously his money is a substitute for good looks (he's not actually that ugly imo) - this thread is about looks alone though.

The thread is called "are looks the main thing in life" for Jeff Bezos, I would say no they are not, money is. Same for many rich folk.

Their own looks are unimportant to them, many of them don't seem to go down the route of cosmetic surgery.

Now sure, their arm-candy may be very good looking, so those looks are important to them, but that could be more of status symbol, having a trophy girlfriend / wife.

joe40

Some people say that looks aren't important when choosing a partner, but my wife is the total opposite.

Grayson

Dial Hard wrote: »

They're not the main thing in life by any stretch of the imagination but do they help? Yes, of course they do. It's incredibly naive to think or suggest otherwise.

What I always find interesting about these threads, though, is how they almost invariably present looks V personality as a binary either/or situation, as if people can only be good-looking but dickheads, or sound but ugly.

Some of the most attractive people I know are incredibly personable, funny and intelligent. Likewise, I've known plenty of utter dickbags with faces only a mother could love. There's also a weird attitude you see on here all the time that the only good-looking people with good personalities are the ones who aren't aware of their looks. Also bollix, in my opinion. Attractive people tend to know they're attractive. But if they're sound, it matters not a jot.

I think the thread is which is better to possess. I'm sure there are plenty of smart pretty people out there.

Thelonious Monk

jim o doom wrote: »

The thread is called "are looks the main thing in life" for Jeff Bezos, I would say no they are not, money is. Same for many rich folk.

Their own looks are unimportant to them, many of them don't seem to go down the route of cosmetic surgery.

Now sure, their arm-candy may be very good looking, so those looks are important to them, but that could be more of status symbol, having a trophy girlfriend / wife.

It's not just the money, well it kind of is, but the confidence and bravado and power and all that being that successful entails is also very attractive.

Hedgelayer

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

When it comes to jobs, partners and generally leading a fulfilled life, is being born good-looking the golden ticket? I presume that every man/woman gets the best looking partner they can muster using their own social standing and their own looks?

Some of us are fortunate to be born with high cheek bones,nice hair and piercing eye's.
Fit strong and durable.

I'f you're a good looking guy some women conclude you're a player or there's a red flag if you're still single at 44.

I myself get complimented by both men and women for my look's, I don't drink or smoke and am quite healthy.

I don't aspire to use my look's for an advantageous status in employment, a prospective partner or getting to the top of the organisation.

I'm not motivated by my sexual instinct because I don't have a strong sex drive and prefer friendships to bed hopping.

I think sex is overrated and sure if it's easily available and I can get laid quite easily there's no fun in that, I prefer to be enjoying Life rather than walking around like a goon looking at every attractive woman who passes by.

Ok I walk into a shop like Brown Thomas, I get fast service the only time I go there is every two years for a belstaff biker jacket and a few pairs of Hugo boss jeans and shade's....

I'm as rough looking as fck, bearded, broad shoulders long legs and tattoos....

I actually don't care if I look easy on the eye, it's just others perspective...

It can be irritating when out with friends and you've women rubber necking you, I don't approach women when out.
I don't even look at them.

I respect their boundaries and I know what it's like to have people leering at you...

Looks are an advantage if you're the type of person who uses it to manipulate and get place's...

Not for me thanks

[Deleted User]

"So what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

Bigbagofcans

Deleted User wrote: »

"So what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

His magic hands.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

There was a guy I worked with who was very good looking, modelled for a bit apparently. But oh my god was he a sap. He was a total tool. His looks carried him through though. He dressed well and people took what he said seriously and was given a portfolio to manage. It was only after he left the boss realised he'd been f*cking up big time.

In his head he's top dollar though :pac: He thinks he's amazing at his job and at life in general.

My sister was a supervisor in a busy cafe and they'd people in for trial shifts, she said one guy was genuinely gorgeous but just an absolute dope, dossing off, constant mistakes on the till, and all criticism and direction was just water off a ducks back, took nothing on board. Passed her feedback on to the manager, manager went with the whole "I'm sorry you're just not the right fit for the place".

Few weeks later ran into a friend of the guy who was an acquaintance of hers, he said oh I heard John didn't get the job at your place she says yeah shame that didn't work out. And your man goes "thought it was a bit weird though the way your manager told him it was because he was too tall to work there"

This guy, I'm assuming partly because of his looks, just has such Teflon self confidence that in his head turned "you're not a good fit here" into "we'd hire you but you're too tall".

I'm distantly acquainted with him too and he literally turns heads walking down the street and he's a pretty sweet guy but holy god, you'd develop massive biceps talking to him, from carrying the fcuking conversation. Must be a pretty charmed life though.

Mad_maxx

valoren wrote: »

I've always loved the Austin Powers movies as the core running joke is that the main character is the antithesis of good looking. He is short, wears hideous glasses, has horrible teeth, is flabby with a worryingly hairy chest and presumably has a small mickey considering he wrote a book about his relationship with his "swedish made" penis enlarging pump.

Chris Hemsworth he is not. And yet in spite of all that against him, he is extremely successful with the ladies bedding beauties of all nationalities. So what gives? While it might be a joke there is a core learning lesson there and it's about confidence, self-esteem and self-belief. While the Liz Hurley character with her modern sensibilities is initially repulsed by Powers' looks and his "sh1ts n' giggles" attitude but over the course of the film she see's beyond the looks and see's those core traits of unflinching confidence in Powers. The film calls it his mojo. He's just an extremely self-assured man whose moral compass is firmly in the right place and whose happy-go-lucky "shall we shag now or shag later?" attitude actually is a breath of fresh air from the navel gazing, self-doubting men, no matter how subjectively good looking they are. It's a lesson for any man who thinks looks are all that matters.

Farce rarely translates to real life

[Deleted User]

No, it's an advantage of course, but money and charisma outrank good looks. Charisma probably beats all really when it comes to achieving happiness. Lot can be done about looks, although people don't realise it. If you get your body toned you're going to be fairly attractive.

Mad_maxx

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

I think there is something in that alright. The heavy people at my work are incredibly bossy and aggressive in nature. It’s there way or the highway.

This one was more olive oil

Nikki Sixx

Mad_maxx wrote: »

This one was more olive oil

I think good looking people can be more balanced mentally because they have had less hardship in life. There are a lot of ugly people with baggage/issues.

maccored

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

I think there is something in that alright. The heavy people at my work are incredibly bossy and aggressive in nature. It’s there way or the highway.

to be fair, i was married to an absolute gorgeous woman for 25 years and Im glad we separated. she was the most narcissist person I have ever, ever met

B_ecke_r

it seems to be all the good looking birds are the ones getting ripped off by their fellas though

Church on Tuesday

Nope, it's more confidence and how you dress and present yourself to the world.

That and a strident sense of ambition, finding something you are passionate about and working towards that goal without let up.

Be kind, centered, not a pushover and above all fun and any amount of opportunities will open up to you.

Dial Hard

Church on Tuesday wrote:

Be kind, centered, not a pushover and above all fun and any amount of opportunities will open up to you.

I completely agree with this sentiment. But if you are all of the above and good-looking on top of it, that's a huge advantage in life. There's simply no denying it.

Problem Of Motivation

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

When it comes to jobs, partners and generally leading a fulfilled life, is being born good-looking the golden ticket? I presume that every man/woman gets the best looking partner they can muster using their own social standing and their own looks?

Here we go!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Wibbs wrote: »

Pretty much. That stuff is always trotted out on this subject. Oh you might be gorgeous at 20, but just wait... your looks will fade. It's always said with more than a hint of glee too. Again the reality is unless you pile on the fat, or otherwise wreck your health with bad lifestyle choices,(or, and more rarely build a better physique and lifestyle and improve your looks) if you're good looking/average/back of a bus at 20, you'll be good looking/average/back of a bus at 50.

Can't speak for everyone but for me the point of the whole "looks fade" thing is that if someone's a very attractive person who consciously or otherwise relies on their looks for either their social currency or their sense of identity they're on a hiding to nothing as they age. Yes a stunner at 20 will probably still be a stunner at 40 if they take care of themselves but they'll be getting a different kind and level of attention.

There was a thread on reddit about this once, quite a few very beautiful women relating a similar experience once they started hitting middle age; they'd always thought people were essentially very nice, thought that they did well in life because they worked hard and people liked them because they were interesting and nice, would advise their plainer friends who were having difficulty dating or in work to have a more positive attitude and be more open...and then that all started to fall away even though their behaviour didn't change at all.

And definitely it's not a binary between good-looking and intelligent/sound but our personalities, emotional intelligence, humour, resilience etc all really actually improve by aging, but not if we've neglected that side of ourselves because we're so into our looks or just coasting by on them. So we can get to 40 or 50 and be in a place where our looks have faded, our peers don't value them so much anyway, and everyone else is a bit more interesting and developed than we are.

Zorya

Wibbs wrote: »

even if they've a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle...

Hahaha

Must remember that line.

Funny the older I get the more I think that all the kids are good looking. No matter what they look like there us something translucent and fresh about their faces. So, if you are a young person thinking you are ugly, give it up now! Plenty of time for thinking that later.

And as people get older their personality, their inner self, gets written all over their faces, helplessly. If one is condescending or gossipy, just as examples, it will show on the face in tiny muscular twitches etc. And people who are genuinely kind and good can look really beautiful even if objectively plain. Older beauty is earned - younger beauty is casual inheritance.

Yeats wrote wonderfully about beauty (and narcissism) in a poem for his daughter -

May she be granted beauty and yet not
Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught,
Or hers before a looking-glass, for such,
Being made beautiful overmuch,
Consider beauty a sufficient end,
Lose natural kindness and maybe
The heart-revealing intimacy
That chooses right, and never find a friend.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Wibbs wrote: »

never mind that it's a fantasy, a story, makey uppey. If one was to believe Hollywood the average looking guy working in a cubicle ends up with [insert currently fashionable babe here] after she gets tired of the good looking rich bloke. Wish fulfilment, not reality. Reality is she'll end up with the rich good looking bloke 99% of the time. Just like the billionaire boss in Mills and Boon will much more likely toddle off with the "bikini bimbo" half his age rather than plain Ann from accounts(though Silicon Valley nerds can skew this. QV Zuckerberg of ArseBook).

Pretty much. That stuff is always trotted out on this subject. Oh you might be gorgeous at 20, but just wait... your looks will fade. It's always said with more than a hint of glee too. Again the reality is unless you pile on the fat, or otherwise wreck your health with bad lifestyle choices,(or, and more rarely build a better physique and lifestyle and improve your looks) if you're good looking/average/back of a bus at 20, you'll be good looking/average/back of a bus at 50.

Eh... that’s variable, to be honest. For some, looks don’t hold regardless of healthy lifestyle. And even if you’re good-looking amongst 50 somethings, you still won’t look as good as you did in your 20s and 30s. So you probably won’t get the same advantages as you once did. Because being in the good-looking 50-somethings category, you’re still a few rungs down the ladder in terms of how society views those looks.

Huxley Savory Leg wrote: »

Can't speak for everyone but for me the point of the whole "looks fade" thing is that if someone's a very attractive person who consciously or otherwise relies on their looks for either their social currency or their sense of identity they're on a hiding to nothing as they age. Yes a stunner at 20 will probably still be a stunner at 40 if they take care of themselves but they'll be getting a different kind and level of attention.

There was a thread on reddit about this once, quite a few very beautiful women relating a similar experience once they started hitting middle age; they'd always thought people were essentially very nice, thought that they did well in life because they worked hard and people liked them because they were interesting and nice, would advise their plainer friends who were having difficulty dating or in work to have a more positive attitude and be more open...and then that all started to fall away even though their behaviour didn't change at all.

And definitely it's not a binary between good-looking and intelligent/sound but our personalities, emotional intelligence, humour, resilience etc all really actually improve by aging, but not if we've neglected that side of ourselves because we're so into our looks or just coasting by on them. So we can get to 40 or 50 and be in a place where our looks have faded, our peers don't value them so much anyway, and everyone else is a bit more interesting and developed than we are.

Good post.

Bigbagofcans

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

And even if you’re good-looking amongst 50 somethings, you still won’t look as good as you did in your 20s and 30s. So you probably won’t get the same advantages as you once did. Because being in the good-looking 50-somethings category, you’re still a few rungs down the ladder in terms of how society views those looks.

A lot of people look better in their 40s/50s than they did in their 20s/30s.
I have a few relations who looks way better now than they did a few decades ago - they're healthier and look after themselves more.

ToBeFrank123

Looks for a woman.
Money for a man.
Although money for a woman works too unless she's rough lookin.

Hedgelayer

I remember Billy Connolly saying isn't it amazing when you get older and everyone looks beautiful...

That's a nice way to think....

fash

Depends on the context and I think it affects women and men differently.

For women, it does generally help - but the “super hot” women I’ve known had some quite heavy stuff to deal with: guys who’ve committed suicide because they wouldn’t be with them, others going to crazy lengths at stalking etc.

Good looks are less important for guys (confidence, charisma power, wealth being very important too) - although in certain contexts - especially where those things don’t apply (e.g. tinder), male looks are really important - there was an example where a guy put up pictures of a male model on tinder - then accompanied them with extremely misogynistic text, got loads of responses - and the girls

There are some interesting evolutionary aspects to beauty and sexes: e.g. beautiful people are more likely to have female offspring (also poor people - poor females can mate up, poor males cannot). There is a strong evolutionary pressure on females being more beautiful - females are getting more attractive over the millennia. Males however are not - evolutionary pressure is less in relation to looks.

joe40

Zorya wrote: »

Hahaha Must remember that line.

Funny the older I get the more I think that all the kids are good looking. No matter what they look like there us something translucent and fresh about their faces. So, if you are a young person thinking you are ugly, give it up now! Plenty of time for thinking that later.

And as people get older their personality, their inner self, gets written all over their faces, helplessly. If one is condescending or gossipy, just as examples, it will show on the face in tiny muscular twitches etc. And people who are genuinely kind and good can look really beautiful even if objectively plain. Older beauty is earned - younger beauty is casual inheritance.

Yeats wrote wonderfully about beauty (and narcissism) in a poem for his daughter -

May she be granted beauty and yet not
Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught,
Or hers before a looking-glass, for such,
Being made beautiful overmuch,
Consider beauty a sufficient end,
Lose natural kindness and maybe
The heart-revealing intimacy
That chooses right, and never find a friend.

That is true and it is amazing that the human brain can pick up on all these sub conscious cue. You can to a certain extent gauge a person's personality from their looks. But as you say, it much more than just looks, it is tiny muscular twitches etc.
I sometimes wonder though just how easily it is to get wrong. A person may appear trustworthy or friendly but be the opposite or conversely the appear aggressive but in reality be quite easy going.
The human brain is generally very good at reading facial cues, so I think it is a good idea develop your personality, to a certain extent it will show.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

A lot of people look better in their 40s/50s than they did in their 20s/30s.
I have a few relations who looks way better now than they did a few decades ago - they're healthier and look after themselves more.

People can look more... groomed, sure. And, yeah, I know a lot of people who became much healthier eaters once they realised they could no longer eat badly and not gain weight and that dietary change can help complexion and the exercise can tone you up. I look at the shtate of myself at 18 with regard to make-up and clothes and I cringe. But, dayum, was my skin glowing. I have pretty much no wrinkles in my mid-30s but I still look way older than I did even in my mid-20s. There are things people can do to help their appearance but we pretty much start biologically deteriorating as soon as our bodies stop growing.

chrissb8

Nah not really, I find good looking people are treated differently when first introduced in a room of people. And yes they have advantages in getting partners etc. but you get used to a good looking person and then after a while they're fairly normalised to you i.e. the good looks don't enamore you like they used to.

Now being funny. That will get you most places in life. Making people feel good is the winner.

Church on Tuesday

Dial Hard wrote: »

I completely agree with this sentiment. But if you are all of the above and good-looking on top of it, that's a huge advantage in life. There's simply no denying it.

It's an advantage sure but the whole package is a rare, rare thing.

A good personality, good grooming and dress sense and some kind of purpose is what most genders are looking for in each other. That and having fun.

I've seen any amounts of what you may call average looking men with knock out women out there and younger me would have been of the attitude of WTF?

There's no trick however and ultimately it boils down to the qualities of the above; that's why those men have those women or vice versa.

You can be an incredibly good looking man or woman but if you're shallow and below the surface there is nothing there, apart from the odd fling you'll be ultimately left behind and not taken seriously.

MiliMe

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's an advantage sure but the whole package is a rare, rare thing.

A good personality, good grooming and dress sense and some kind of purpose is what most genders are looking for in each other. That and having fun.

I've seen any amounts of what you may call average looking men with knock out women out there and younger me would have been of the attitude of WTF?

There's no trick however and ultimately it boils down to the qualities of the above; that's why those men have those women or vice versa.

You can be an incredibly good looking man or woman but if you're shallow and below the surface there is nothing there, apart from the odd fling you'll be ultimately left behind and not taken seriously.

But there are also those who THINK that they are the whole package when they really arent and those can be condescending as hell.

Although in saying that, i do think that when all else is equal, looks are very important (that is why there is a billion dollar industry just to make you look better) those with them in general probably will have an easier time of things. .

Church on Tuesday

MiliMe wrote: »

But there are also those who THINK that they are the whole package when they really arent and those can be condescending as hell.

Yeah but you're not going to want to be with them in any event anyways.