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Child Item

What to do with such a housemate??!!

WalterWhite88

Hi guys,

I hope that I have posted it here correctly. If not, please give me some guidance, as I am new here. I hope to get some advise in relation to my housemate.

We took in a housemate, and we have some issues, and I am not complete aware of how to deal with it. Or, more so, to address it without getting into discussions or something like that. I don't want to upset anyone, but I think I should address this.

I will just refer to Caspar here, as a fictional name.

We took Caspar in our house, as there was almost no housing, Caspar is working. He drives with us to work, as he has no car.

On days off, when we are off, we even collect him from the office, and drop him, as otherwise he can't go to work.

Now, he does smoke, and so do we, he was running out of money last month, and I had 12 packs of cigarettes, so, I shared it with Caspar. Never received a thank you for it. Which is kind of bothering me.

Besides this, we also cook in the house (my partner does) and, he eats with us, we told Caspar that he had to pay an amount, so we would then cook, and he can eat with us, instead of cooking for himself. It's easier for Caspar, and cooking for 1 person extra is not such a big of a deal.

Now, we always have to ask Caspar to do something, i.e. like cleaning the house, or just cleaning stuff after yourself. Casper is always waiting for us to tell him what to do in the household. Also when we both are cleaning together, Casper is standing on the side and is not asking, shall I do this or that but instead he is saying, well I am going to my room, play a game.

In the beginning, Caspar told us, that he would buy things he wants to eat himself, for himself... Which hasn't really happened that much.

Besides, we are very neat and clean, and for instance, I know it's overkill, as it's not needed to shower everyday, but I shower once a day, either morning or evening.

Caspar does not shower each day, sometimes once a week.. I don't like this. It's not hygienic to anyone.

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[Deleted User]

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Yes, that's my idea, but, I will talk to him tonight.. And discuss it, I guess it's better to be honest, than, to keep it to myself.

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Depends on his job, he may have a dirty job and showers every day before leaving work, some places have staff showers.

WalterWhite88

Deleted User wrote: »

Depends on his job, he may have a dirty job and showers every day before leaving work, some places have staff showers.

No we work in the same place, it's a sedentary job..

Dexter2019

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Hi guys,

I hope that I have posted it here correctly. If not, please give me some guidance, as I am new here. I hope to get some advise in relation to my housemate.

We took in a housemate, and we have some issues, and I am not complete aware of how to deal with it. Or, more so, to address it without getting into discussions or something like that. I don't want to upset anyone, but I think I should address this.

I will just refer to Caspar here, as a fictional name.

We took Caspar in our house, as there was almost no housing, Caspar is working. He drives with us to work, as he has no car.

On days off, when we are off, we even collect him from the office, and drop him, as otherwise he can't go to work.

Now, he does smoke, and so do we, he was running out of money last month, and I had 12 packs of cigarettes, so, I shared it with Caspar. Never received a thank you for it. Which is kind of bothering me.

Besides this, we also cook in the house (my partner does) and, he eats with us, we told Caspar that he had to pay an amount, so we would then cook, and he can eat with us, instead of cooking for himself. It's easier for Caspar, and cooking for 1 person extra is not such a big of a deal.

Now, we always have to ask Caspar to do something, i.e. like cleaning the house, or just cleaning stuff after yourself. Casper is always waiting for us to tell him what to do in the household. Also when we both are cleaning together, Casper is standing on the side and is not asking, shall I do this or that but instead he is saying, well I am going to my room, play a game.

In the beginning, Caspar told us, that he would buy things he wants to eat himself, for himself... Which hasn't really happened that much.

Besides, we are very neat and clean, and for instance, I know it's overkill, as it's not needed to shower everyday, but I shower once a day, either morning or evening.

Caspar does not shower each day, sometimes once a week.. I don't like this. It's not hygienic to anyone.

Blast Casper with piss?

IAMAMORON

Give up smoking , it is really bad for you.

WalterWhite88

galwayllm wrote: »

LMAO... I believe it has to be over 10 miles to make sure he doesn't find the way home...

HAHAHAHAHAH - Drive to the mountains..

WalterWhite88

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Give up smoking , it is really bad for you.

Trying!! It's hard.. But, it's not easy..

donkeykong5

Just tell him its not working out. You are housemates NOT SLAVES.

Hooked

galwayllm wrote: »

LMAO... I believe it has to be over 10 miles to make sure he doesn't find the way home...

Caspar is so dependent on the OP, I'd say you could leave him at the top of the f¨Ckin' road, and he'd struggle to get home!

oLoonatic

Have your tried turning it off and on again??

Cee-Jay-Cee

Make a list of chores that you are assigning to him. Hand him the list and tell him you expect them done each week/whenever.

As for the cigarettes, give them up, they'll kill you. He done you a favour taking a packet from you.

Honestly, it sounds like you have adopted/fostered a child, cooking/cleaning for him, driving him to work etc tell him to grow the fcuk up or move out.

Hooked

How old is he OP?

Father Hernandez

Caspar sounds like your dog rather than your housemate

realdanbreen

The 3 of you have just got to sit down and watch Pacific Heights together.

GBX

He's taking the p*ss. Tell him its your rules or he moves out, stop being a stinge and pull his weight be cleaning both the house and himself. Fair enough you tried helping him out because of the housing situation but he is taking liberties now

Bigmac1euro

Sounds like a friendly ghost to me!!!

[Deleted User]

Sounds like ye need to ghost Caspar

Zorya

Ahhhhhh Walter, I remember long ago when I was younger and was a nice person like you. We went through several waifs, oddballs and ne'er do wells, saving them from the streets, putting them up for weeks or months on end, tolerating their disastrous behaviour because....well...genuinely we were nice. As the years roll along one becomes a misanthrope and thinks twice before letting some loafer invade ones life. In the future ye will laugh about ol Casper and the madness of when ye tolerated him, life will have diluted your altruism, ye may even become cruel psychics like me who can now spot Caspers a mile away and make good my getaway. It's kind of sad, because it's nice being nice, but it invites too much weirdness.

In the meantime you will have to tolerate the awkwardness of being a meanie, give him some time to find somewhere new, hopefully as soon as possible, and let him go. Good luck!

bnt

Talking only works with smart people who are amenable to reason. I can't tell whether that is the case here. You would think that smart people would not be like that, but people do have blind spots.

One point I would make is about needing to tell him everything to do with the house. Having a set rota may help there: without that, people can be left guessing. "The obvious" is sometime not obvious to others. In a shared house, there will inevitably be someone who cares more than the others about such things, and having that person taking charge can be a good thing. If the others seem passive by comparison, it doesn't mean there isn't goodwill and a willingness to help, just that they are not in charge, because they don't care as much.

Church on Tuesday

Casper doesn't sound too friendly at all at all...

FatherTed

Just say sorry it's not working out, please be out by the weekend.

The longer you eave it the worse it will get and hard to move him out.

Doctors room ghost

The time has come op.time to be sending Casper on his merry way.
Going all dr Phil won’t fix any of that sh1te.a two minute conversation highlighting how much of a self entitled user Casper is,is what’s needed and Give wee Casper a week to find a place,or you will be giving him and his belongings a final spin to the local hostel.
And learn a valuable lesson here op.always,always keep your working life and your private life separate.home is for living and work is for working.they don’t mix.

BrokenArrows

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

I could, but, shouldn't I resolve or talk about it first?

Honestly someone with that many problems is beyond helping. Someone who doesn't shower, cook or clean is not suddenly going to change their ways.

It sounds like they're a child you adopted rather than an independent adult.

RobertKK

Just be honest with him.

It is eating at you that this problem exists, he is living in ignorance and the only way it will be resolved way or another is to have an honest conversation about it.

You want change but telepathy is not going to work. Just be straight up with him, then he can either accept or look elsewhere to live.

wally1990

How did he get to work/office before the lifts?

On a side note, he took a job at location X. It is HIS responsibility to get there.(not anyone else to drop him)

If you cannot do it or maybe you just don't wanna pick him up some day , then tough **** , Casper needs to sort his grown ass out

ILoveYourVibes

Casper you say?

CUZ THIS IS HOW WE ROLL

:cool::cool::cool:

Exorcise that ghost!

[Deleted User]

when you come across an adult who needs your help to find a place, eat, get to work, clean themselves and the place they live......dont make that adult your problem unless you have a charity funnelling a few million into your accounts for the job

they got to adulthood without anyone getting through to them and theres nothing brilliant you are going to do that someone whose job it was hasnt already tried.

WalterWhite88

Deleted User wrote: »

when you come across an adult who needs your help to find a place, eat, get to work, clean themselves and the place they live......dont make that adult your problem unless you have a charity funnelling a few million into your accounts for the job

they got to adulthood without anyone getting through to them and theres nothing brilliant you are going to do that someone whose job it was hasnt already tried.

Thank you, you are absolutely right. I will give it one go tonight, and talk to Caspar.. And, if it does not help, or make the necessary changes, it'll be out the door..

It's useless to have such stress in your life.

Gwynplaine

You are mammying this imbecile. Either tell him to leave, or tell him to cop himself on. And cop yourself on.

razorblunt

I'm here to make a Casper joke.

ILoveYourVibes

razorblunt wrote: »

I'm here to make a Casper joke.

I tried it with Ghosbusters but they wouldn't listen to me

We have to try harder!