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Farting

[Deleted User]

Why are so many people hung-up on farting?

According to Wikipedia, "The professional farters of medieval Ireland were called braigetoír. They are listed together with other performers and musicians in the 12th century Tech Midchúarda, a diagram of the banqueting hall of Tara. As entertainers, these braigetoir ranked at the lower end of a scale headed by bards, fili, and harpers".

Farting is no less necessary to life than breathing, sweating, or going to the bathroom. Yet we persist in this odd charade whereby we pretend that nobody does it.

Does anybody else find it slightly odd that we are now more uptight about our bodies' natural functions than we were in the middle ages?

For further information, see:
Ramsey G. 2002. ‘A Breath of Fresh Air: Rectal Music in Gaelic Ireland’ in Archaeology Ireland Vol. 16, No. 1, pp. 22-23

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Ashleigh1986

I dropped one in a very very quiet bar at a night club .
Moved away from the scene , 2 lads went up to the bar .
There was literally tears in their eyes .
They moved away broken men !!!

TomSweeney

I remember once I was in a strip club and it was a seedy place with f- all men in the place, I was having a beer and watching the ladies dance, the stage was a good distance away so I let one off .... a silent but violent one, of course 20 seconds later a stripper comes over looking for a private dance.

Jaysus

JohnnyFlash

TomSweeney wrote: »

I remember once I was in a strip club and it was a seedy place with f- all men in the place, I was having a beer and watching the ladies dance, the stage was a good distance away so I let one off .... a silent but violent one, of course 20 seconds later a stripper comes over looking for a private dance.

Jaysus

How did you deal with that, Tom? Go with the classic, ‘can’t get good staff these days’, or something more creative?

Dial Hard

I have a friend who's married seven years and she has never farted in front of her husband. I find that immeasurably sad. The day when you can fart in front of your partner is a happy one indeed. Nothing worse than coming home for the first few months doubled over with cramps from holding them in all night.

Titzon Toast

I've always wanted to change my GamerTag to "A good fart"

The kill feed would be great.

You've just been killed by "A good fart"

[Deleted User]

Dial Hard wrote: »

I have a friend who's married seven years and she has never farted in front of her husband. I find that immeasurably sad. The day when you can fart in front of your partner is a happy one indeed. Nothing worse than coming home for the first few months doubled over with cramps from holding them in all night.

It's probably no coincidence that in my longest relationship, we were both comfortable enough that we'd fart in front of one another. In fact there was always a bottle of Febreze close-to-hand for exactly that purpose - the penalty for farting in bed was having it sprayed all over you.

Farting: bringing people closer together since the dawn of mankind.

[Deleted User]

valoren wrote: »

The ones that sound like they're asking a question get me

Would that be ones with a Cork accent?

Roger Hassenforder

I think theres no issue with being relaxed enough with someone, to be comfortable to let one rip., now and then when "under a bit of pressure"

That said, while it is a natural function.as is an ejaculation, bare in mind that you're basically ejecting the gaseous contents of your rectum, that heretofore had been permeating through your faeces.
You wouldn't drop the keks and drop a deuce, which is merely another state of matter from the same orifice, in front of your other half, stranger or recent acquaintance (with voluntary and solicited exceptions) without expecting some objection.

Roger Hassenforder

No they're the ones that go up and down.

Ones that go up at the end are more Australian?

[Deleted User]

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

No they're the ones that go up and down.

Ones that go up at the end are more Australian?

I wouldn’t know. I don’t fart. I literally don’t actually fart!

BarryD2

Lads I was in college with used to light them up. Killed the whiff a bit I guess.

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I wouldn’t know. I don’t fart. I literally don’t actually fart!

Ah hear. Everyone farts!
Some a bit more con brio than others

Zorya

Someone just stuck their head round the door and said what the hell are you laughing so much about!?

[Deleted User]

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Ah hear. Everyone farts!
Some a bit more con brio than others

No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!

Zorya

Deleted User wrote: »

No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!

You don't have a bum? :eek:

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!

You might not have an organ, but i bet you've a hoop.

[Deleted User]

Zorya wrote: »

You don't have a bum? :eek:

Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed ðŸ˜‚

[Deleted User]

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

You might not have an organ, but i bet you've a hoop.

See above

DJIMI TRARORE

Went to pickup a GF years ago,a farmers daughter. The nerves were high and the gut on edge,got her in the car and as we were leaving her father was speeding slurry. Young Djimi spotted his moment and let one out,it was vile,some whack of that slurry says I,sure is says she, quickly followed by did u swallow much if it!!!!!!

sjb25

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed ðŸ˜‚

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed ðŸ˜‚

Pix or GTFO

i dont want pix

Zorya

Deleted User wrote: »

See above

Oh. I'm sorry.

[Deleted User]

Deleted User wrote: »

Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed &#55357;&#56834;

Jesus. Tell me not to pry if I am doing so, or if this is a stupid question, but -- is there a particular reason why that's done after removing the colon?

Can they not just connect the parts of the gastro-intestinal tract that are still working?

Fifty grades of shay.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed ðŸ˜‚

Well at least you can't be called an arshole again.

orourkeda1977

A powerful ripping fart first thing in the morning is life affirming.

It's akin to waking up with a massive erection.

tayto lover

davidk1394 wrote: »

Nothing better than leaving off a ripper in a pub or night club especially on the dance floor or the bar

Great craic in a lift. The silent assassin.

TomSweeney

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

How did you deal with that, Tom? Go with the classic, ‘can’t get good staff these days’, or something more creative?

I started the old blowing trick .... you know when you try and disperse the noxious fumes ? - but of course you need to try and disguise the actual blowing action, so it's like you are playing an invisible tin whistle.

Sometimes I miss the smoking ban.

TomSweeney

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

It's probably no coincidence that in my longest relationship, we were both comfortable enough that we'd fart in front of one another. In fact there was always a bottle of Febreze close-to-hand for exactly that purpose - the penalty for farting in bed was having it sprayed all over you.

Farting: bringing people closer together since the dawn of mankind.

We even have an expression for it - on farting terms with someone!

[Deleted User]

TomSweeney wrote: »

I started the old blowing trick .... you know when you try and disperse the noxious fumes ? - but of course you need to try and disguise the actual blowing action, so it's like you are playing an invisible tin whistle.

Sometimes I miss the smoking ban.

I don't know this is an urban myth, but I had a classmate who swears she dated a guy with acid reflux, and every time she came back from the bar or from the ladies', he was tilting in his seat, with a cigarette-lighter pointed towards his ass.

Apparently acid reflux causes gassiness, and his was barely under control.

Reader, they did not remain a couple for very long.

[Deleted User]

In the immortal words of Dave Allen....

If we didn't fart, we'd explode!