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Wedding guests not giving gifts (Mod note in 1st post!)

teednab-el

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

On the day we had a system in place that the groommen and bridesmaids give the cards directly to the mothers of the bride and groom and all people involved here were very responsible people and all cards went directly to the bride and grooms safe in the room. The system of cards going missing didn't occur because everyone was on the ball and I know that with the bridesmaids and groomsmen and both mothers.

However there were 15 couples in total that gave no gifts. Out of these 15 couples, 5 of them said they had gifts for us, which we haven't received yet (not going to, receive now).

1 or 2 guests turned up on the day with just picture frames (10 euro job) . I am not trying to sound like I'm miserable but it's bad form that 17 couples couldn't even cover the cost of having them there. People know the cost of things these days. At the end of the day we paid for them. They don't have to give anything I know but most people know thats pretty miserable thing to do and rude especially if they are going to drink eat and enjoy the entertainment at the bride and grooms expense.

Anyone have similar experience? And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?

I'm sure there are many people on here who have experienced this and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

What did people do as a result as a matter of interest?

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Mod note: Why do threads like this get started in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping?! I’ve tidied up a couple of nonsense posts, and possibly against my better judgement, I’m leaving the thread open. But please remember to attack the post, not the poster!

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red petal

Some people are unbelievably childish and selfish on their wedding day! This sounds like a child giving out about how much they or didn't get on their communion day.

Your wedding means more to you than anyone else in the room. They have probably spent a fortune to get their in the first place, took time off work, spent money on outfits, accommodation, inconvenienced by having to arrange childcare etc. and you have a stringent plan in place to ensure no card goes amiss and counting cards. Very tacky! If you can't afford to host your friends and family for the day without expecting them to foot the bill, then keep your special day to yourselves.

And yes I do give a generous gift when attending a wedding but I wouldn't be expecting one in return for each guest if I was hosting my own.

Big Words

Send a solicitors letter to each of the couples that didn’t pay up. Demand your money. It’s your civil right.

road_high

This sums up why I hate weddings and the massive mcweddings are mostly meaningless generic fake days- would be so great if thr tradition swung back towards small, intimate close family by friends only.

GingerLily

baby and crumble wrote: »

CoBo55 wrote: »

Excel all the way in its own "wedding" folder along with the "car" folder the "household expenses" folder... the....folder...

Ah here now don't be slagging off spreadsheets, it's how i organise my life :P:P:P

I'm the same, I had a spread sheet for literally everything wedding related EXCEPT expected gifts! Nothing wrong with trying to be organised and knowing your outgoings!

Marcus Rashford

10% of people not giving a gift suggests to me that the gifts were stolen.

It’s too high a percentage.

(15 couples out of 300 people)

NinjaTruncs

OP I know this is a bit late but you should have managed presents like they do in Taiwanese weddings. As the guests are coming in, there is a table with what can only be called book-keepers, as you come in they will record your name take your present, it's all cash, and will open the envelope cash the cash and record what you gave. This system would have suited you perfectly.

scarepanda

Jesus op, you might not like to hear it, but you do sound extraordinarily miserable as well as selfish, entitled and greedy. Why did ye have such a big wedding if ye either couldn't afford it or invited people ye didn't want to spend money on? Like, seriously?

We got married in late 2017. We organised the wedding WE wanted and that WE could afford. Every single guest that was invited was invited because we genuinely wanted them there. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you, so you might want to sit down for this, we specifically, very clearly stated in our invitations, to both full and evenings, that we did NOT want any gifts from people, that the biggest and most important gift they could give us was their time and company in helping us celebrate our day. Now we did know some people would want to give us something no matter what, so to try circumvent this, so that no-one felt under pressure to 'cough up the cash', we asked that if they really wanted to gift us something that they make a donation on our behalf to a charity of THEIR choice.
And why did we do this you might ask? Well we did it because we don't know the financial situation of any of our guests and we did not want anyone under any more pressure financially just to go to our wedding. We got married on a Friday, a few weeks before Christmas, so most People had to take a day off work and it's a tight time of year with Christmas around the corner. At the end of the day, our guests were more important to us than the bottom line in the budget spreadsheet.

baldbear

"On the day we had a system in place"

What? to make as much money as possible. To me you sound immature, I'm guessing you are in your 20s.

300 people is a ridiculous number. Guests spend enough money going to weddings, accommodation, travel, babysitters etc.

We had 130 at our wedding and didn't want any cash. If I had my way we would have had about 15 people but with so many elderly in our family it was a good way to get people together in the one room where it wasn't a funeral.

Anyway all the best with married life.

teednab-el

IJS84 wrote: »

We are getting married in 2020, we are choosing to get married, choosing the expense, choosing the location, and are in no way expecting our guests on the day to stump up for our chosen expense. We are also considering putting on our invitations that gifts are optional as its the presence of guests is more important to us then an actual gift.

Having been to a almost 10 weddings in the past 3 years and with ones that are coming up in our families before our own, we are well aware of the expense some people go to just attend the day before adding to it with a gift and do not want our guests to feel this pressure, but this is just our view.

I just find the OP as a money making/bill paying scheme to cover the costs that the couple chose to go to for their own day

You are very generous and fair play.

bucketybuck

neris wrote: »

This has to be trolling.

Its pretty obvious what it is.

teednab-el

robinph wrote: »

It clearly does bother you though or you'd not have mentioned it, or mentioned the photo frames.

You are easily fooled it seems.

Ursus Horribilis

So are you going to cut these skinflints from your life?

Big Words

bucketybuck wrote: »

Its pretty obvious what it is.

Erection section for the Joe Duffy show.

teednab-el

robinph wrote: »

It clearly does bother you though or you'd not have mentioned it, or mentioned the photo frames.

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

baby and crumble

teednab-el wrote: »

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

But OP, for wedding presents the etiquette is up to 1 year after the wedding. It's only been a few weeks for you.

teednab-el

scarepanda wrote: »

Jesus op, you might not like to hear it, but you do sound extraordinarily miserable as well as selfish, entitled and greedy. Why did ye have such a big wedding if ye either couldn't afford it or invited people ye didn't want to spend money on? Like, seriously?

We got married in late 2017. We organised the wedding WE wanted and that WE could afford. Every single guest that was invited was invited because we genuinely wanted them there. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you, so you might want to sit down for this, we specifically, very clearly stated in our invitations, to both full and evenings, that we did NOT want any gifts from people, that the biggest and most important gift they could give us was their time and company in helping us celebrate our day. Now we did know some people would want to give us something no matter what, so to try circumvent this, so that no-one felt under pressure to 'cough up the cash', we asked that if they really wanted to gift us something that they make a donation on our behalf to a charity of THEIR choice.
And why did we do this you might ask? Well we did it because we don't know the financial situation of any of our guests and we did not want anyone under any more pressure financially just to go to our wedding. We got married on a Friday, a few weeks before Christmas, so most People had to take a day off work and it's a tight time of year with Christmas around the corner. At the end of the day, our guests were more important to us than the bottom line in the budget spreadsheet.

Jesus christ is there people like that out there unbelievable.

Tom Mann Centuria

teednab-el wrote: »

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

But according to your original post some did give you a present, just not the one you wanted.

teednab-el

Big Words wrote: »

Erection section for the Joe Duffy show.

You are annoying.

GingerLily

baby and crumble wrote: »

teednab-el wrote: »

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

But OP, for wedding presents the etiquette is up to 1 year after the wedding. It's only been a few weeks for you.

I rarely bring gifts to the wedding, I usually give them the day after or drop in into them after the honeymoon, usually the bridal party find it very stressful to handle that many cards!

FrancieBrady

teednab-el wrote: »

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

It isn't an 'insult'. An 'insult' would be if you specified that guests must give a gift and they then didn't.
You basically organised a massive wedding on the basis of a hunch - that people would pay for it. That hasn't happened, your hunch was wrong.

Try specifying on an invite next time, that there has to be a gift above x amount. And see how many turn up.

Springfields

teednab-el wrote: »

Most people don't see it that way. Have you had a wedding recently?

Most people do see it that way...?! You do sound miserable. And yes I've had a wedding recently and I had no clue about who gave what ..was too busy enjoying myself...only weeks later did we do thank you cards...and don't even remember if anyone didn't give something and frankly I don't really care. They came and we had a brilliant day..That's all I wanted...Ps we were still getting gifts up to a year later so no everyone gives something on the day...much to your annoyance I'm sure..

Big Words

I bet the ones that didn’t pay are driving around now in their new Jeepy type cars. Hyundai Kona, Kuga.

Ursus Horribilis

Big Words wrote: »

I bet the ones that didn’t pay are driving around now in their new Jeepy type cars. Hyundai Kona, Kuga.

The bad karma will get them. Mark my words.

baby and crumble

teednab-el wrote: »

Jesus christ is there people like that out there unbelievable.

What, people who don't run weddings to make money? And who actually want the company of others?

teednab-el

I have to say the amount of bandwangoners on here is something astounding. I know if I had to pick 10 of you who had a wedding of similar scale ye would be the first to complain if money wasn't given. Ireland is a funny owl country.

witchgirl26

teednab-el wrote: »

Yes it does bother me. People turning up without a present is an insult. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's right.

But you gave out about couples who came with a present that wasn't up to your standards of expectation so which is it? Is there a price limit in your head as to what is an insult as a present and what isn't? Maybe you should have included that information in the wedding invite.

teednab-el wrote: »

Jesus christ is there people like that out there unbelievable.

What people who think of others and ask for charity donations as wedding presents rather than grabbing the cash for themselves? Or people who aren't in a great position financially?

I know a couple who had an account with the travel agent that was managing their honeymoon. People could opt to give in something towards it (they'd been together years so had lots of the normal presents & they were doing something a bit out there for their honeymoon). The travel agent just gave them a list of who had donated so they could include it in the thank you cards but never told them who gave what.

Big Words

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

The bad karma will get them. Mark my words.

The balloon pcp payment.

teednab-el

Springfields wrote: »

Most people do see it that way...?! You do sound miserable. And yes I've had a wedding recently and I had no clue about who gave what ..was too busy enjoying myself...only weeks later did we do thank you cards...and don't even remember if anyone didn't give something and frankly I don't really care. They came and we had a brilliant day..That's all I wanted...Ps we were still getting gifts up to a year later so no everyone gives something on the day...much to your annoyance I'm sure..

Yes but are a bit foolish it seems also to think that.

red petal

@ OP, I'm just curious, having read 13 odd pages of people's opinions, do you still feel the same as when you started the thread?

Ursus Horribilis

So how much would you have liked per head from your guests?