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Wedding guests not giving gifts (Mod note in 1st post!)

teednab-el

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

On the day we had a system in place that the groommen and bridesmaids give the cards directly to the mothers of the bride and groom and all people involved here were very responsible people and all cards went directly to the bride and grooms safe in the room. The system of cards going missing didn't occur because everyone was on the ball and I know that with the bridesmaids and groomsmen and both mothers.

However there were 15 couples in total that gave no gifts. Out of these 15 couples, 5 of them said they had gifts for us, which we haven't received yet (not going to, receive now).

1 or 2 guests turned up on the day with just picture frames (10 euro job) . I am not trying to sound like I'm miserable but it's bad form that 17 couples couldn't even cover the cost of having them there. People know the cost of things these days. At the end of the day we paid for them. They don't have to give anything I know but most people know thats pretty miserable thing to do and rude especially if they are going to drink eat and enjoy the entertainment at the bride and grooms expense.

Anyone have similar experience? And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?

I'm sure there are many people on here who have experienced this and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

What did people do as a result as a matter of interest?

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Mod note: Why do threads like this get started in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping?! I’ve tidied up a couple of nonsense posts, and possibly against my better judgement, I’m leaving the thread open. But please remember to attack the post, not the poster!

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cruizer101

teednab-el wrote: »

It did work.

How do you know? Maybe some gifts went missing with all the passing around? No way for you to know

Grumpypants

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Except a shop is a business. A wedding isn't.

Imagine a hotel manager charging people €500 for a two night stay that bored the arse off them then got upset because the residents didn't give him a present.

Necro

teednab-el wrote:

There is alot of foolish people on here. The same people would act the same if They found out some of their guests screwed them over. Oh you should enjoy your day because the people who turned up without gifts turned up to celebrate your day. The irony. There are some really stupid people in here I must say. Jump on the bandwagon.

No bandwagon, just stop spending above your means and inviting the cats and dogs round the town because you saw them in the shop that one time - and then complaining because you invited them to a party that also cost them a fortune to attend.

Also 34 people (17 couples) out of 300 guests really isn't that bad. Let's not forget YOU came on here to have a whinge about your 'stingy guests'.

Don't blame others for telling you that in fact your attitude is the miserly one.

teednab-el wrote:

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

They didn't go into any bar or shop and take something though. You invited them to YOUR party!

They paid for their accommodation either in the hotel or nearby, drinks all night, fuel to and from probably some far flung reaches of the country you decided to have your celebration, possibly childcare or babysitters... And you want a gift as well after all of that expense?

That's why you're coming across miserly and getting the reactions you're receiving here.

Seriously, just enjoy the fact that you're married and that the wedding (presumably) was amazing.

Literally nothing else matters. Best of luck with your new husband in your new life together.

obi604

L'prof wrote: »

Your wedding was clearly a money making scheme for you op cram as many people into a standard hotel that gave a good rate per person. 300 x €50 = €15k bill to the hotel. 283 x €100 = €28.3k leaving you with €13.3k for the rest of your “expenses”. How are my maths? Maybe you were hoping for €150 a head because it’s 2019 now afterall, people are flush again. You have a terrible attitude, there’s no telling whether cards got mislaid or if those people could afford a gift

Your maths is not great to be honest

300 people at a wedding does not equal 300 gifts.

What about all the couples whose gifts are combined etc.

Wesser

When you're up.all night with a screaming baby and worry in your heart you'll be grateful for any kind words of any friend and all this rubbish about money will be forgotten

Deub

Rennaws wrote: »

How about appreciating all the people that took time out of their busy lives and spent their own hard earned cash attending your "big day" which frankly no one else gives a flying fluck about bar you, your bride and your folks.

Also keeping in mind some of these people may have barely said "Hi" to the bride and groom.
Taking 2min per guest to say hi and thank them (including walking to them) is a 10h job with 300 guests for the bride and groom.

pconn062

lbc2019 wrote: »

Is the OP a wind up?

Course it is, a pretty successful one at that I would say.

Flippyfloppy

Did they have to take the day off work? Maybe they kept the cash in Leui of their holiday days.

Foweva Awone

[Deleted User] wrote: »

seems a bit of a wind up

but at the same time

turning up to a wedding without a reasonable amount in the card isnt something id do myself

if you cant afford it you cant afford it. stay home.

I disagree. If I was hosting a wedding (or any sort of celebration) I'd be mortified to think friends and family were staying away just because they couldn't afford to buy me a gift. It would actually really upset me, it would be far more important to be that they were there to share the occasion with me, any gift they might choose to give me would be considered a nice extra, but certainly not essential.

I'd think no less of anyone who didn't bring a gift, for whatever reason. They wouldn't have been invited in the first place unless I cared about them and wanted them there - with or without a gift.

FrancieBrady

I was at a wedding in the US and we all chose from a menu what we wanted to eat just like you would on a night out. Full a la carte menu and everyone ate what they wanted to eat, not some mass produced lowest common denominator swill. Then each guest paid for it at the end.
Much better system imo, we gave a gift but there was no compulsion/expectation to.

Maybe you should consider this next time OP?

beertons

Sell tickets to your next wedding, see how many fans you have at that one.

Not 300 anyway.

[Deleted User]

Foweva Awone wrote: »

I disagree. If I was hosting a wedding (or any sort of celebration) I'd be mortified to think friends and family were staying away just because they couldn't afford to buy me a gift. It would actually really upset me, it would be far more important to be that they were there to share the occasion with me, any gift they might choose to give me would be considered a nice extra, but certainly not essential.

I'd think no less of anyone who didn't bring a gift, for whatever reason. They wouldn't have been invited in the first place unless I cared about them and wanted them there - with or without a gift.

ive been invited to manys the dinner where i knew my company was wanted but i never showed up empty handed neither

its bad bad form

Faith

Mod note: Why do threads like this get started in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping?! I’ve tidied up a couple of nonsense posts, and possibly against my better judgement, I’m leaving the thread open. But please remember to attack the post, not the poster!

messy tessy

FrancieBrady wrote: »

I was at a wedding in the US and we all chose from a menu what we wanted to eat just like you would on a night out. Full a la carte menu and everyone ate what they wanted to eat, not some mass produced lowest common denominator swill. Then each guest paid for it at the end.
Much better system imo, we gave a gift but there was no compulsion/expectation to.

Maybe you should consider this next time OP?

I hope to God this doesn't catch on...

convert

teednab-el wrote: »

To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Traditionally guests have one year to give the couple a wedding gift, so, as you got married in the first weeks of 2019, your guests technically still have circa 10 months to give you your gift. Although if I was one of your guests who hadn't already given you a wedding gift, I'd be going out to pick up a cheap photo frame for you, therefore ticking the box of giving you a wedding present, but not giving you the amazing present I couldn't afford in January and was saving up to buy.

And, FYI, I'm pretty sure there weren't too many weddings with 300 guests in January, so you might like to think before you post a rant about your ungrateful wedding guests.

Savage_Henry

I know a "debt collector". PM if interested

bluetractor

Attending weddings is a chore unless you know the bride and groom very well. With the op saying they had 300 guests you can take it that about 200 of those did not really want to be there and only went out of courtesy. They went to the trouble of using a day off to attend your wedding, they went to the expense of getting ready for the wedding and now you are complaining that they did not "buy their ticket" to what was probably a rather bland meal (any meal that has to be served to 300 people at the same time will be bland).

Its only 12 years since I was married. No cash was given and we simply asked for people to buy a single piece of pottery from a list of 3 pottery ranges. We use this pottery every day and will do for many years to come.

Think of it

Choice 1 - attend wedding of someone you sort of know, use a precious weekend day, spend at least €500 between gifts and getting ready and expense on the day. (That's a low figure).

Choice 2 - Feet up, enjoy an afternoon of sports on TV followed by a lovely meal in your local restaurant. Cost circa €100.

FrancieBrady

messy tessy wrote: »

I hope to God this doesn't catch on...

Why? It seemed to suit the 120-30 people there and it was just as good a wedding as any other I have been at. Everyone seemed happy. I had a sumptuous meal I actually wanted to eat - others didn't eat all that much, either because of budget or were not hungry.

Jane1012

When we got married we had 140 guests. We wrote out personalised thank you notes thanking them for whatever present, picture frame is on the mantelpiece or we used the voucher for XYZ for each and there were 4 people total (all singles) that did not give a gift. However there were about 8 people/couples that couldn’t make our wedding but still sent a gift (some very substantial which shocked us). I think it depends on each persons circumstances, I would never go to a wedding empty handed but that’s now after I have gotten married myself. Looking back though when I was in my early 20’s, I did give a personalised frame and I thought it was a great gift, but now I know cash is best!
I think inviting 300 people is a little crazy but maybe you both have big families. Anyway remember you don’t know anyone’s personal circumstances and they came to your wedding to celebrate your marriage, not to get a ‘free meal’, most people think weddings are a pain so if that was their motive it would have been a lot cheaper to just go out for a meal - or maybe they weren’t close and you were just inviting for gifts....only you know the answer to that (and if it’s the case they probably knew that too).

tuisginideach

I am in shock that anyone would write that original post. Surely a wind up?

Alf Veedersane

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

The difference between going to a bar or shop is that you know up front there is an expectation that if you want one of the products they sell, you will have to hand over money.

I presume it cost nobody any money to go to your wedding. No cost for travel, accommodation, time off work?

It sounds like you just wanted cash. If someone had given an expensive photo frame, I suspect you'd have been just as annoyed. Maybe not but that's the impression you've given.

Maybe you shouldn't have invited people who weren't family or close friends in order to recoup money.

The irony of you calling them miserable spongers is that you're the miserable sponger that invited someone to a wedding solely to fund it.

robinph

teednab-el wrote: »

How was I to know they wouldn't pay for their dinner?

Your party, you pay.

Where did you get the idea that weddings were a ticketed event?

GreeBo

No gift = no thank you card.

Aye tis a crushing blow.

Alf Veedersane

obi604 wrote: »

Your maths is not great to be honest

300 people at a wedding does not equal 300 gifts.

What about all the couples whose gifts are combined etc.

That's probably why they had €50/person. A couple would give €100 combined.

Get some tissue; there's egg on your face

L'prof

obi604 wrote: »

Your maths is not great to be honest

300 people at a wedding does not equal 300 gifts.

What about all the couples whose gifts are combined etc.

Not that it matters but do the numbers again and come back to me

TCM

teednab-el wrote:

Mod note: Why do threads like this get started in the middle of the night while Iâ€™m sleeping?! Iâ€™ve tidied up a couple of nonsense posts, and possibly against my better judgement, Iâ€™m leaving the thread open. But please remember to attack the post, not the poster!

Maybe some people work nights.

OU812

teednab-el wrote: »

Most people don't see it that way. Have you had a wedding recently?

It’s been a while since mine, but the people we invited were those we wanted there.

Most are still in our lives today, some have passed on and are missed, some are abroad and are missed and some we’ve lost touch with, but are still missed.

I couldn’t tell you what we got as gifts because frankly, the gifts weren’t the important thing. The most important thing to us on the day was to have them there.

In the years since, I’ve looked at the happy smiling faces in the group photo, far more than the frame it sits in which WAS a gift.

You come off as being stingy & calculating and if I were you, I’d walk away from the thread, create a new username and never mention it again.

Ursus Horribilis

OK, so despite everyone else's opinion being different to yours, you're sticking to your guns. What are you going to do about the miserable scroungers who didn't pay their way?

dartboardio

Great this just reminds me a year ago i went to a wedding and gave a card and wrapped present. They weren't together in a bag or anything so probably got mixed up with other gifts... Probably looks like we only gave an empty card!

robinph

Whilst we are on the topic, and with plenty of people saying that they wouldn't care if they had gifts of the correct value from everyone themselves... Is anyone going to admit to having committed such a high level crime as not having given a suitable value gift at a wedding previously?