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Wedding guests not giving gifts (Mod note in 1st post!)

teednab-el

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

On the day we had a system in place that the groommen and bridesmaids give the cards directly to the mothers of the bride and groom and all people involved here were very responsible people and all cards went directly to the bride and grooms safe in the room. The system of cards going missing didn't occur because everyone was on the ball and I know that with the bridesmaids and groomsmen and both mothers.

However there were 15 couples in total that gave no gifts. Out of these 15 couples, 5 of them said they had gifts for us, which we haven't received yet (not going to, receive now).

1 or 2 guests turned up on the day with just picture frames (10 euro job) . I am not trying to sound like I'm miserable but it's bad form that 17 couples couldn't even cover the cost of having them there. People know the cost of things these days. At the end of the day we paid for them. They don't have to give anything I know but most people know thats pretty miserable thing to do and rude especially if they are going to drink eat and enjoy the entertainment at the bride and grooms expense.

Anyone have similar experience? And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?

I'm sure there are many people on here who have experienced this and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

What did people do as a result as a matter of interest?

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Mod note: Why do threads like this get started in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping?! I’ve tidied up a couple of nonsense posts, and possibly against my better judgement, I’m leaving the thread open. But please remember to attack the post, not the poster!

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theteal

Please tell me this is a troll attempt? Is this AH?

OP, it’s an invite. As much as they shouldn’t, people feel obliged to go to these things and now we have what amounts to clerical staff going through the books to see who contributed what. How loving and romantic???

You put on the party, you pay for the party. Any gifts should be received gratefully not expectantly. The sense of entitlement is beyond me. I really hate this place sometimes - the amount of “what’s the going rate for gifts” threads really irks me.

And yes OP, I’m married in the last 4 years. We asked people not to give gifts. Some still did, some didn’t, a great day was had by all.

theteal

A fcuking “system in place” for collecting cards. What the actual fcuk!

We had a system in place for everyone to have a drink, eat too much food, have a laugh, maybe a dance and you know, just enjoy the actual merriment of the day.

Goose76

You were under no obligation to invite anyone. You were under no obligation to have a wedding outside of a registry office wedding. You were under no obligation to spend the amount of money you spent on the wedding.

Why people seem to think it’s mandatory to fork out €€€€€ on their weddings is beyond me. And if you do spend that much, don’t expect guests to automatically open their wallets with no restrictions.

Weddings are expensive for guests too, you know.

mikeymouse

I thought this was a typical bridezilla rant ,
Turns out Teed is the groom!!!!

Flippyfloppy

Firstly, your system was terrible. Why have the cards changing so many hands? At our wedding people gave cards to our best man who just gave them to us.

A huge busy wedding of 300 people and people playing pass the parcel with cards, bridesmaid 1 to bridesmaid 2, to mother in law to mother to groomsman Sounds like sh!tshow to be fair.

Also if it sounds like you had your wedding in January or February. Most of your guests were probably broke and assumed your got your wedding and suppliers at a huge discount anyway so probably weren’t too pushed at ‘covering their costs’

Bad attitude to have op.

teednab-el

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

teednab-el

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Firstly, your system was terrible. Why have the cards changing so many hands? At our wedding people gave cards to our best man who just gave them to us.

A huge busy wedding of 300 people and people playing pass the parcel with cards, bridesmaid 1 to bridesmaid 2, to mother in law to mother to groomsman Sounds like sh!tshow to be fair.

Also if it sounds like you had your wedding in January or February. Most of your guests were probably broke and assumed your got your wedding and suppliers at a huge discount anyway so probably weren’t too pushed at ‘covering their costs’

Bad attitude to have op.

It did work.

splinter65

Bannasidhe wrote: »

And this is why I don't go to weddings.

Son - if you are reading this - you have been warned.
Mammy of the groom will be washing my hair that day.
What ever date you decide. Hair washing. :cool:

My thoughts exactly. But I do see signs that hopefully the days of trying to make a bit of a profit out of your wedding day by inviting 300 and calculating that you’ll “make” 40000 are over. More and more couples are just asking immediate family and very close friends and booking much smaller venues for a shorter day.
The OP showing a total lack of any kind of class here.

Addle

Were you married off peak (relatively cheaply) in January?
When everyone's broke after Christmas and waiting to be paid.
Not very thoughtful on your guests OP.
Some probably couldn't afford a drink, nevermind a present.
Not great planning for an Eddie Hobbs type wedding.
Not that anyone has to give anything.

pwurple

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

You kinda have to do that though as when you're writing the thank you letters to everyone it might look petty to thank someone for a gift who didn't give one.

Yes, this. Maybe some people have amazing memories, but gifts were coming to us a few weeks before, during the wedding and up to a year later. We wrote them down so we could write a proper personalised thank you note.

OP, chill. We sent our thank you cards 6 weeks after the wedding, and people who had not given a physical gift were thanked for their time and help. Gifts appeared months and in one case a year later. People forget, or think the other partner covered it, or are under financial pressure and can't afford it. I would much prefer someone I invited came to my wedding, rather than stressing that they could not afford a gift.

splinter65

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

But everyone who bought drinks at the bar at your wedding paid for them! You didn’t pay anyone’s bar bill the day after. What are you talking about? If you couldn’t afford the wedding you wanted without relying on your guests to pay for it then why didn’t you have a wedding you could afford?

jlm29

Did you put one of those cringey poems on your invite announcing that you have enough toasters and picture frames, so everyone should cough up the dosh instead?
I do wonder what you see as an acceptable entrance fee?

Deja Boo

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Pray tell, what precise amount does it take to get someone off your "miserable sponger of a guest" criteria?

How much per person did you plan to extract (and made such precise plans for handling) from each guest?

Did you ask them in advance if they could afford your extravagant affair? Or assume they should just know how much you expected, without giving them a fair shot to decline "your presence is requested, but only if you contribute boat loads of cash" event?

KERSPLAT!

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

That's a crap comparison. A shop and a pub are a business there to make money, your wedding shouldn't be.

I wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift but I certainly wouldn't think anything less of someone who didn't and wouldn't expect it should I get married. I would be very grateful that they came in the first place having likely forked out for accommodation, suits, dresses, drinks, childminders, etc. I've a wedding coming up and I fully expect it to cost me about €500 give or take, before any gift.

Edit. And I hope the irony of you calling people here miserable spongers is not lost on you.

Tom Mann Centuria

You need to send out reminders OP, then maybe get onto a debt collection agency.

Give them the spreadsheet you've clearly got on your computer, gnawing away at you and your sense of entitlement. You deserve justice.

Hannibal_Smith

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Taking something from a shop without paying for it is stealing. No one stole from you.

Not giving a present is bad manners, but its not an exchange. Maybe you should have mentioned the price of the meals in the speeches and got everyone to pay individually on the way out :pac:

Insulting presents you received is really bad form, so is the check list and demanding any present meet the value of their meal makes you look worse than those who didnt give a present.

uck51js9zml2yt

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

But it wasn't a shop or a bar. It was a wedding....you invited these people.

It's like me inviting someone for dinner and being upset if they didn't bring a bottle of wine.
I wanted their company, not the wine.
Maybe send them the bill for the day;)

lawred2

Wedding guests are cash cows..

Nothing else.

messy tessy

Necro wrote: »

So when the usual question came up I told them he gave us 500 quid :P

Do people ask what others gave as a present??? Is that a thing? I would not even entertain the question. This thread has been an eye opener...

Wesser

You are a really miserable person!

lawred2

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Appreciation of what?

splinter65

Suckit wrote: »

I was at a wedding last year (two nights in Kilkenny). Cost a fair bit as it was on the same time as Kilkenny Arts festival. Anyway, on the 2nd night, the bride approached me and said that she hadn't got my card. I had met the groom in the street the day before and had given it to him as I had it on me (after getting the card in the shop) and he put it in his car.
I told her I gave it to him.
30 minutes later she came back to me and said he says he never got it (everyone was fairly cut) We had to go to him, and I was asked in front of him and about 5-10 other people "did you give him the card yesterday?"
The groom stared straight at me in kind of shock (as he wasn't expecting to be confronted and knew I wasn't).
Long story short, we got the card out of the car, but the thing that shocked me most, was that she had already gone through the cards and was working out who hadn't given anything and decided that the best thing to do was confront them all the night before we all went home.

Pure class. Irish country style. The “2nd” night. Pure class.

1hnr79jr65

Myself and my fiancee are getting married start of Nov this year, we have a small budget and corresponding invite list. There are friends and family members on both sides we know who are not financially in a position to give a gift large or small, cash or item.

But i would rather have those people there to celebrate our day, yes we are paying for them, but they all will have to travel in some form, alot will have to pay for hotels, b&b's out of their own pocket which wont be cheap either.

Maybe if you gave more consideration to the efforts some will have to make to attend a special day for you and your significant other then anything extra you get outside of their attendance is a generous bonus.

Too many bridezillas and money grabbing grooms these days who are putting on a show rather than event which friends and family invited to. If they feel so aggrieved they should be selling tickets to attend as if it is a Rolling Stones concert. Least folks would know how much they are valued as people then and can avoid the spectacle.:rolleyes:

[Deleted User]

seems a bit of a wind up

but at the same time

turning up to a wedding without a reasonable amount in the card isnt something id do myself

if you cant afford it you cant afford it. stay home.

1hnr79jr65

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

How much do you expect to be given by a person/couple?

Sound like a Fine Gael charity fundraiser with your attitude.

Mongfinder General

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Delighted you didn't get what you expected. I usually stick €100 in an envelope but if I know that the bride or groom are money hungry, I'll buy them a bottle of champagne. The fcukin neck of some people, expecting others to finance their wedding. I'd never expect anything from anybody to pay for my day. It's fcukin sickening reading this self entitled garbage.

messy tessy

Hayley Rough Narrator wrote: »

I'm 10 years married and still waiting on some wedding presents from people

Eh I think after 10 years you can stop waiting! :P

splinter65

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

That's a crap comparison. A shop and a pub are a business there to make money, your wedding shouldn't be.

I wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift but I certainly wouldn't think anything less of someone who didn't and wouldn't expect it should I get married. I would be very grateful that they came in the first place having likely forked out for accommodation, suits, dresses, drinks, childminders, etc. I've a wedding coming up and I fully expect it to cost me about €500 give or take, before any gift.

Edit. And I hope the irony of you calling people here miserable spongers is not lost on you.

The OP approached their own wedding as a business venture, with a view to making a profit. The figures don’t tot up now so there’s a problem.

[Deleted User]

OP is a miserable git, I genuinely can not believe what I am reading, maybe you should send them couples who probably couldn't afford to go to your wedding on the day as it was an invoice for your services?

The Bishop Basher

teednab-el wrote: »

I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day.

How about appreciating all the people that took time out of their busy lives and spent their own hard earned cash attending your "big day" which frankly no one else gives a flying fluck about bar you, your bride and your folks.