ginandtonicsky wrote: » Well that second post explains a lot. He wants to maintain an outwardly single status so he can keep his options open. He sounds like an immature idiot & if you stay with him you’ll do long-term damage to your own self esteem. I’d be calling him on all of this and telling him you’re off to find someone who’s proud to be with you.
Laylac wrote: » Why would he want to appear single for 2 years? Like I don’t understand why he’s with me if he’s not happy with me entirely why spend 2 years with me?! That’s crazy.
ginandtonicsky wrote: » Laylac wrote: » Why would he want to appear single for 2 years? Like I don’t understand why he’s with me if he’s not happy with me entirely why spend 2 years with me?! That’s crazy. It’s called “having your cake and eating it too”. You get the comfort and companionship of a regular girlfriend and the thrill of the chase with other new girls too. Don’t be naive OP, this is not an uncommon phenomenon and in this instance it’s staring you in the face. Up to you if you want to put up with it and let him away with this incredibly disrespectful and immature behaviour. Standards and self respect are important not just now but in all future relationships you have, might be worth exercising them now.
Stellasmurf wrote: » Ye aren’t connected on social media and yet he follows other local girls? Is this recent activity? Sorry OP but this is not the behavior of someone who is interested in/sees a future with you. You could call him out on it but I’d be moving on pretty fast. You deserve better.
Laylac wrote: » Wow well that’s hurtful, I’ve never heard of someone doing that for years. Any couple that i know that have been together for years are serious. So what’s wrong with me that he feels the need to look for something else too?
Laylac wrote: » So what’s wrong with me that he feels the need to look for something else too?
December2012 wrote: » Okay he might want to go to the pub with his friends, but why don't you go on dates on other nights?
Paddy Cow wrote: » Laylac wrote: » Wow well that’s hurtful, I’ve never heard of someone doing that for years. Any couple that i know that have been together for years are serious. So what’s wrong with me that he feels the need to look for something else too? You are naive and trusting and he's taking advantage of that. He is the problem here. He's acting like he's single when he's not. He doesn't respect you and you can do much better. Your self esteem has obviously been affected when you think you are the problem. You cannot change him and if you leave, in a few months when your head clears you'll look back at this and wonder how you put up with him for so long.
Laylac wrote: » Well I guess I’m trusting in that I assumed someone being with me for 2 years means they want to be with me. I don’t get it because I can’t imagine staying with someone I didn’t give a crap about for 2 years, I wouldn’t enjoy it so why bother. It’s not something I’ve ever done so it confuses me. I’ll be honest I did think he loved me because he always says it and some things he has done makes me think he did too but maybe that’s all lies too?
strandroad wrote: » Laylac wrote: » Well I guess I’m trusting in that I assumed someone being with me for 2 years means they want to be with me. I don’t get it because I can’t imagine staying with someone I didn’t give a crap about for 2 years, I wouldn’t enjoy it so why bother. It’s not something I’ve ever done so it confuses me. I’ll be honest I did think he loved me because he always says it and some things he has done makes me think he did too but maybe that’s all lies too? Perhaps he does love you; it's just that he is not mature enough to commit to a quality exclusive relationship. He might think it's perfectly okay to "love" one girl and to maintain active interest in others to keep his options open. His love might be genuine from his point of view but ultimately worthless if it's demonstrably more trouble than it's worth.
cantlogin2019! wrote: » Laylac wrote: » So what’s wrong with me that he feels the need to look for something else too? You're framing this all wrong. The question is not what is wrong with you - there's nothing wrong with you. The question you need to ask yourself is what the hell is wrong with him? And other questions like: what kind of a pri*k treats his girlfriend like this? Who does he think he is? If it was a problem with his ex, then he's well aware of his behaviour. My advice is to walk away. He doesn't sound like he's worthy of being given the benefit of the doubt. Let's face it, prior behaviour indicates that he won't change. Don't you think you deserve someone who makes you part of their life and who is proud to be with you. You deserve to be treated better than this, OP.
Laylac wrote: » This I don’t understand. How you could love someone yet want to keep your options open. When I love someone I don’t want anyone else but them even if someone better looking came along etc. It doesn’t seem like a genuine love. And it’s not like he’s a teenager. He’s in his late 20s. He should be mature enough by now.
Laylac wrote: » Well I don’t know what’s wrong with him. It makes me jealous of the other couples I see out that actually do things together and have pictures together on social media etc. When I have a boyfriend who wants nothing to do with me or include me anywhere. I don’t know if I’m not up to his standards of looks or something (it’s plausible) but it doesn’t make sense when he chased after me and pretty much said I’m the best looking girl he’s had. He was crazy about me to the point I thought it was too fast and too soon. I don’t know what’s changed.
Ursus Horribilis wrote: » Why do you (a) think that he might cheat on you at this wedding and (b) that he's not cheating on you already? Do you know anything about his previous relationship and why it ended? I've a feeling you'd find a conversation with his ex most enlightening.
Big Bag of Chips wrote: » What are you getting from the relationship? Because from what you're saying, it seems not a lot. If you are not happy with any aspect of your relationship you are entitled to bring it up and try resolve it. If things don't change to your liking you don't have to stay with him. You know nobody that he knows. You don't know whether he has another girl on the go, just like you. At the very least you should be going out together, regularly.
Ursus Horribilis wrote: » So why do you think going to the pub without you means he's not chatting up other women or going home with them?
