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How Can You Go Four Months Without Contacting Your Family

jimd2

Anyone think that this is bizarre behaviour? To go from October to February without any contact with family or friends and only surface after a nationwide search.

If there are no extenuating circumstances then I would have to say it is extremely odd and selfish behaviour.

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/irishman-missing-in-australia-for-four-months-found-safe-and-well-37845631.html

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Gwynplaine

The fool.

[Deleted User]

My best friend hasn't seen or spoken to his family in ten years, he got a bus one day, landed at my doorstep in London, and never went home.

Not going to discuss his private life on here, but I've never seen him happier. People have all sorts of reasons for doing this. Some of us were lucky with the families we were born to, others not so much. Its ridiculous to expect everyone to stay, or provide their family with reassurances.

We don't know what happened here but I suspect there were some good reasons.

1874

jimd2 wrote: »

Anyone think that this is bizarre behaviour? To go from October to February without any contact with family or friends and only surface after a nationwide search.

If there are no extenuating circumstances then I would have to say it is extremely odd and selfish behaviour.

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/irishman-missing-in-australia-for-four-months-found-safe-and-well-37845631.html

You dont know anything about the family circumstances? it might not tally with your own experience, some family arent that close, maybe they dont really speak, maybe there was some disagreement? he's an adult he is entitled to not have contact with anyone he doesnt want if he decides Id say. It might not seem nice, but I dont know how anyone here can pass judgement unless they know some specifics.

wench

Nah, seems normal enough to me.
Headline should be "Man minding his own business in Australia for four months, tracked down by needy family members"

Little Less Conversation

wench wrote: »

Nah, seems normal enough to me.
Headline should be "Man minding his own business in Australia for four months, tracked down by needy family members"

Four months is hardly needy. Nothing over Christmas. It's selfish behaviour.

Larbre34

It is pretty selfish. Whether or not you're in strife with your family, or having a difficult time yourself, it costs very little effort to get a message to them and say 'im fine but dont expect to hear from me, maybe for a long while'. Then both parties can get on with their lives for the time being, maybe in future things will be different.

Its nice to know though that somewhere he has some people who care enough to go to those lengths.

wench

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

It's selfish behaviour.

On the part of his family, yes.
They are only concerned with their own desire for contact and care not about his desire to be left alone.

1874

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

Four months is hardly needy. Nothing over Christmas. It's selfish behaviour.

Some of my family are in the antipodes, I dont speak to them often, but send the odd (infrequent) message, dont expect a reply. While I have spoken to them recently its more frequently so than to some of my family that live in Ireland.

Little Less Conversation

wench wrote: »

On the part of his family, yes.
They are only concerned with their own desire for contact and care not about his desire to be left alone.

Australia is a long long way from home. It's not unreasonable to keep in touch instead of having family think you're dead in the Australian outback.

[Deleted User]

Larbre34 wrote: »

It is pretty selfish. Whether or not you're in strife with your family, or having a difficult time yourself, it costs very little effort to get a message to them and say 'im fine but dont expect to hear from me, maybe for a long while'.

you don't know that he didn't do so. You also don't know what kind of relationship he had with his family prior to this.

In my best friend's case, he didn't warn his family he was leaving, and they don't seem to have made much effort to contact him either, except for his extended family.

It's not something you or I may find easy to countenance, but an outsider never know what happens behind closed doors. Just be grateful this guy is alright and is hopefully getting on with his life. Be aware that when employers or others google his name in future, this thread could show up.

Church on Tuesday

Not every family is like the Waltons.

For the life of me I can't understand how some people can't fathom this stuff.

freshpopcorn

I don't know the circumstances here.
Not everybody always gets on in my experience for various reasons.
I know various families who don't get on. These aren't people who'd appear on Jeremy Kyle but they simple haven't talked to family for years.
Sometimes people just have to get away from bad environments.
If you give somebody an inch they'd take a mile.

Irish Guitarist

The only member of my family I get on with is my mother. I could happily never speak to my siblings again. If I moved to another country it wouldn't even occur to me that they'd give a shite where I was. I have one sister in particular that I know wouldn't give a fuck if I dropped dead.

I don't know if it's the same with this man but I wouldn't judge him on the basis of that scant article.

jimd2

1874 wrote: »

You dont know anything about the family circumstances? it might not tally with your own experience, some family arent that close, maybe they dont really speak, maybe there was some disagreement? he's an adult he is entitled to not have contact with anyone he doesnt want if he decides Id say. It might not seem nice, but I dont know how anyone here can pass judgement unless they know some specifics.

Obviously the meaning of "If there are no extenuating circumstances" are lost on you.

I dont expect people to have fallen out to try and keep in contact and thats what I meant by extenuating circumstances.

Even so, surely he would have kept in touch with someone, be it a friend, ex work colleague or ex girlfriend. And I dont mean a need for social media.

Mad_maxx

Not like the chap ran away at fourteen, if you were in trouble in most cases, news would reach home

CoBo55

Wife's sister went to the UK about 6 years ago haven't heard a word from her since, no loss she's a poisonous bitch.

dodderangler

Acted the bollox before and lost contact with my family for months over doing something stupid.
Horrible time. Family is always there.

eviltwin

I haven't had contact with my immediate family in over 20 years. They don't know where I live, that I'm married and I don't think they even know about the existence of my youngest child. I have no interest in any of them again and certainly wouldn't be checking in with them if I was abroad. Some families are so bad you don't want anything to do with them.

jimd2

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

you don't know that he didn't do so. You also don't know what kind of relationship he had with his family prior to this.

In my best friend's case, he didn't warn his family he was leaving, and they don't seem to have made much effort to contact him either, except for his extended family.

It's not something you or I may find easy to countenance, but an outsider never know what happens behind closed doors. Just be grateful this guy is alright and is hopefully getting on with his life. Be aware that when employers or others google his name in future, this thread could show up.

surely the indo article and possible RTE report etc will also show up.

banie01

I've cut a substantial part of my family out of my life. Its done my home life the world of good.
Significant reduction in BS, Drama and trouble, coupled with a significant improvement in my happiness and mental health.

Some people just aren't worth the effort of always making allowances, its selling little bits of your soul and all you get in return is pain!
Took me @37years and the death of my mother to actually make the change, but I'm much happier for it!

jimd2

banie01 wrote: »

I've cut a substantial part of my family out of my life. Its done my home life the world of good.
Significant reduction in BS, Drama and trouble, coupled with a significant improvement in my happiness and mental health.

Some people just aren't worth the effort of always making allowances, its selling little bits of your soul and all you get in return is pain!
Took me @37years and the death of my mother to actually make the change, but I'm much happier for it!

Yes, totally understandable but have you cut contact with EVERYONE?

I think that the police, authorities etc would have exhausted many options before going public as they have had to do here.

Richard Hillman

I don't like mine. No serious issues or history, I just don't like them.

banie01

jimd2 wrote: »

Yes, totally understandable but have you cut contact with EVERYONE?

I think that the police, authorities etc would have exhausted many options before going public as they have had to do here.

Has he? Apart from a hyperbolic headline driven by his family, how do we know he hasn't maintained contact with friends that he actually considers just that?

My friends and my family have very little overlap, and if they went carrying stories back to my family, they wouldn't be my friends.

This fella seems to have made a concious decision to exclude the people who made the appeal from his life and fair play to him for that.
New continent, new start and maybe to his mind that means exactly that?
Including severing ties.

jimbobaloobob

wench wrote: »

Nah, seems normal enough to me.
Headline should be "Man minding his own business in Australia for four months, tracked down by needy family members"

I sense Waterford whispers will look to employ you

Odelay

eviltwin wrote: »

I haven't had contact with my immediate family in over 20 years. They don't know where I live, that I'm married and I don't think they even know about the existence of my youngest child. I have no interest in any of them again and certainly wouldn't be checking in with them if I was abroad. Some families are so bad you don't want anything to do with them.

Especially if you’re the eviltwin

banie01

Odelay wrote: »

Especially if you’re the eviltwin

Thats actually brilliant! :pac:

Wanderer2010

There is this strange belief still prevalent that just because someone participated in your birth, that those people have your best interests at heart and that you should stay close to and spend time with these people. Rubbish. Family can be as bad and as toxic for you as strangers, between manipulation, abuse both mental and physical and generally making your life a misery. Some family you can do well without forever.

[Deleted User]

jimd2 wrote: »

surely the indo article and possible RTE report etc will also show up.

They will, but the Indo hasn't called him selfish or implied that he was acting irresponsibly. I wish more people would be careful with their words, when they obviously aren't in possession of all the facts.

He's alive and safe, and that's wonderful. Now let's leave him get on with his life, eh?

RhubarbCrumble

Nobody knows the circumstances or what's really going on in this man's life. My 'family' and I haven't spoken in over 4 years.
You have no idea what happens behind closed doors, so don't judge.

Ariadne

It really depends on the circumstances. If they were in regular contact and he just dropped off the face of the earth then of course they'd be worried. However, he may well have had his reasons for distancing himself from his family. He may have let them know that he didn't want any further contact, we just don't know and therefore we are certainly not in a position to judge him.