Hunchback wrote: » I regret so much about my teenage years, particularly in school, that it literally makes my eyes pop open at night sometimes, and I have to say out loud that I 'forgive myself', or something like that. In first year, I was put in a secondary school where I knew nobody. A working class school. There are worse out there. I was lucky enough to have had the benefit of an excellent primary education in a public school in the Dun Laoghaire borough and I really loved learning and striving to be the best student I could be. The secondary school I went to though was completely different. It was all about being stupid and rebellious and 'I don't give a f***". Because I tried to do well, at first, I stuck out like a sore thumb and quickly became a target for abuse - verbal, punches, whatever. I am a 39 year old man now, so this was in the early 90's. What I did (or, what I felt I had to do in order to not be killed) was reinvent myself to be the boldest, the least caring, the funniest, the hardest, the maddest person I could. I rebelled against 'learning' in order to fit in. And I completely wasted my secondary school education as a result. I was suspended. I was taken out of the highest class and put in the lowest class. When I settled too well in the lowest class, they took me out of that and put me in a different class again. The pressure I felt was compounded by the fact that I was a gay teenager, in the closet obviously. So, I felt I had to cultivate the image of the straightest, hardest, most not-give-a-**** person I could. I am really ashamed of my teenage years. I did some embarrassing things (although I was always really a good person underneath - sticking up for the underdog etc, and I hope I didn't ever hurt anyone intentionally). But, if there was a school reunion, I would never attend because I would find it almost impossible to reconcile the person I was then with the person I am now. It took me until I was 30 to outgrow the hangover of the decisions I made in my teenage years. I was both psychologically full of regret and, in real terms, unable to do much to create a career. As as result, I slaved in restaurants throughout my twenties (because no matter how clever you think you are, if you don't open the text books you are going to get, at best, a mediocre leaving cert). I am in a good place now. In 2011 I went back to college. Graduated in 2015 with a First Class Honours law degree, receiving the University Scholar award twice. I qualify as a solicitor at the end of March 2019. However, having said all that, I am still left with a palpable sense of inferiority that I think I may never fully shed, and it stems from the decisions I made as a teenager that shaped my life until I was 30, and beyond. I will be interviewing for positions soon enough, and a part of me still feels like an imposter - because I am forever haunted by the spectre of my teenage years. It's a tough one to shake. Sorry for the long winded post - I think about this a lot
orourkeda1977 wrote: » I'd have studied harder. I wasted a lot of time in school through sheer boredom. Also, I'd have tried to ride way more girls while I wasnt a complete mess.
jimbobaloobob wrote: » Just read back over some of the posts there and my heart goes out to all those who had such stressful teenage years. I feel very fortunate that I didn't seem to carry a care in the world. I was like a dog chasing birds off the clothes line. Even to this day I feel I need take things more serious but my mindset won't let me worry about things that I think are small stuff. The whole world is small stuff and I'm only a viewing passenger in this carriage.
Muckka wrote: » I would do it all over again, I enjoyed every minute of it. Had a great time mucking around and had great friends and parties. No regrets
Succubus_ wrote: » My teenage years were the most painful years of my life. Still spending my time now trying to get over them. I'd do a lot of things differently but I don't really dwell on it too much, I made a lot of mistakes but I wasn't in a good place at the time so I can see why I made them.
esme95 wrote: » I would have been a lot more sociable. I spent my teenage years as a recluse. There were (and still are) lapses in my social skills which truly surfaced when I went to college. I would have taken up a sport. I would have believed in myself a hell of a lot more. I would not say all those horrible things to my family members. Looking back I think I was severely depressed and I think it went undiagnosed. I would spend all summer in my room with the curtains and closed, even on sunny days. I would walk around with a slumped posture, my eyes fixed on the ground. I had no interest in boys, I didn't even take one to my debs. I had no interest in anything really. It was only around second year of college that I started to appreciate the world, that I started to explore what life has to offer, that I started to build a sense of identity and self worth, which as a young woman in my early 20's, I am still working on. I had a difficult time as a teenager and I am still picking up the pieces. My self confidence has improved enormously but I still feel as insecure as my teenage self at times. I believe that your teenage years truly are your formative years and if I were to have a teenage daughter I would instill in her a very strong sense of self confidence that I suppose my own mother failed to do in me.
Candie wrote: » I just edited my earlier post as it gave the erroneous impression that my teenage years were tough. They weren't, just the normal ups and downs and those things help make us complete as people. Few people just sail through the teens, just as well since it takes more than positive experiences to form character so the road bumps serve a purpose - until they become roadblocks. When I read posts like yours and know how hard some people have it because of factors beyond their control, decisions not of their making, circumstances that can't or don't change, I'm often struck at how little credit people give themselves for surviving those years, and particularly for turning out to be decent caring people. You're one of those people. It doesn't matter if you made mistakes, you still turned out to be inspirational in how you've coped with adversity.
Fuddyduddy wrote: » Have you identified what you believe was the catalyst to your depression/"reclusivity"? Have you reconciled?
Succubus_ wrote: » Thank you Candie, your post really touched me and brought a tear to my eye. I used to think that those years made me stronger and made me who I was and built character, I used to think what's the point in looking back and look how far I've come. I thought all of those things until I fell apart, again. Now I am rebuilding myself again, and hopefully I will look back on those years and these years in the same way in the future.
esme95 wrote: » I suppose I had a very solid belief that I was not worthy of friends, or a boyfriend, or any sort of joy. I did not want the world to see me, I thought I was absolutely hideous. I was probably a size 12 at the time and I thought I was literally obese, I would cry when I saw pictures of myself. My mother knew something was up but she didn't seem to care, I think she had her own issues really. I overheard her speaking to my sister one day, saying that all I do is sit in my room with my curtains closed and that I was putting on weight, but she never once voiced her personal concerns directly to me. After that incident I just wanted to stay inside forever. Those years are a complete blur to me, I don't have the memories of sneaking out to teenage discos or drinking in a field that other people seem to have and it saddens me because I never will. I see those years as a waste so I tend to block them out of memory entirely because revisiting them makes me upset. I never fell out with my mother, we bicker but I wouldn't have the heart to cut someone off completely. I wouldn't be particularly close to her. I don't want to get too personal but let's just say that my father was an abusive parent and she fought his corner every time. I feel like I am in a therapy session haha.
Fuddyduddy wrote: » Okay wow, yeah I can completely understand how you could feel that way. A lot of parents don't realise how seriously we take their criticism or judgement. They are like our Gods growing up; metaphorically and physically creating our existence. When we feel rejected by those that brought us into the world, it can have a terrible effect on self-esteem. When your parents question why you are the way you are, it instils this believe that you are fundamentally "flawed", and this is magnified during out formative years when we are really only beginning to form a real sense of identity. I've come to realise that while parent's can be held responsible for moulding you, it is important to realise that they too were moulded by their parents, and they are only living out the result of their own experiences. I believe MOST parents don't intend to harm their children. I really hope you are in a much better place now and realise that you while our formative years are so critical, they only make up a short period of our lives. Go forward and continue to grow and discover the intrinsic beauty and wonder that is the individual YOU - there is literally no one else in the universe to take your place!
freshpopcorn wrote: » If I was a teenager again I'd tell myself not to take things to seriously. I had a habit of worrying over stupid little things mainly regarding teachers when I was in my early teens but I did grow out if it. I'd have gone out more also. If you were a teenager again would you do anything differently?
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