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Child Item

Precious parents and their new born kids

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Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

I was invited to a christening and at 11.30am, the mother a child left the christening to bring the baby home because nap time was between 12 and 2pm. So what was the point in having a Christening if you're just going to go home!

A friend invited themselves over to the house to introduce their new baby, she turns up 90 minutes late with the explanation that the child was asleep and couldn't be woke!!! So I have to organise my life around when your 6 month old child decides to wake up???

A new colleague has joined after moving back to Ireland from Australia where the baby was born. She's married with one child and is living in her parents while the house they bought is being renovated for the past year. Anyway, I can hear her chewing the balls off her father and snarking down the phone at the mother if the child isn't asleep at nap time or had it's arse wiped a certain way!

Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

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Gimme A Pound

Yeah I see the point about young parents seeming less over-thinky - but I think the advantages to waiting until older outweigh that (increased chances of financial security, relationship security, a long-term home, education completed).

Gimme A Pound

Noodles81 wrote: »

No she does not. That's very unfair.

By all accounts she is making efforts to spend time with people she likes and cares about but suddenly she is finding her time being wasted and her patience being tested with no mention of any respect for her life and her time.

Then she started to notice it in others, as is normal once you notice a trend.

I will say in my experience any new parents I've encountered are in awe of their child while still being thoughtful and kind people.

So as others have said, if you've already no manners, some feel having a child gives them a free pass to let loose their latent a- holness on the world.

I think Tickers does come across as too hostile. And I don't have children but plenty of friends and family do. Their lives are absolutely taken over by their children - and of course they would be, I don't understand how anyone could think otherwise. You can't even look away for a matter of seconds when they're toddlers, and yet you've all the other stuff in life you need to do too. When they're babies you're like the walking dead with the lack of sleep - yet you also have all the other stuff you need to do.

It's extremely hard for parents of young children to have a night out or a meal or just coffee or one or two drinks and when the opportunity does come up they are absolutely out of their minds with excitement. But they're praying that something to do with the child(ren) won't **** it up, because it could well do.

All the things listed are just standard - it is a big deal, the children do have to come first, this is non negotiable - it's not to shun their friends. Any parent would prefer to be out on Saturday night with friends or just relaxing in front of Netflix with a lovely bottle of wine than having to prepare for being up all night but there's no choice. And it's nothing to do with being an overly zealous parent. Keep plans fluid with friends who have small children instead of thinking they're being inconsiderate if things don't work out, because that's the actual way it is, and they don't like it either.

Yeah we all know or have heard of parents who are overly zealous but the stuff listed in the OP is standard. I normally don't like when people say "When you're a parent you'll understand" but it seems some have a bizarre lack of cop-on as to the extent of it. It really is all consuming.

Alf Veedersane

Parents these days don't raise their kids the way I raised mine because snowflake millenials etc

v638sg7k1a92bx

Muckka wrote: »

I understand that.
I said it's harder to do it when you're older, and I'm glad it's behind me.

I never said anything about people not doing it my way were wrong.
I said people who are my age now tell me I'm lucky I did it at a young age, as it's much harder in their 40's

I definitely think there's merit in this. Parents who have kids in their twenties tend to just get on with things, they don't over analyse the baby food or the nappies, or if the baby rolls out of the bed they pick them up and dust them off, the baby gets a bit of temprature and it's a shot of nurofen as opposed a trip to the doctor, when it's time to leave they just pick the kid up stick it in the boogie and hoosh it out the door.

Parents in their 30's are torturous to watch. The constant negotiating "come on honey, put your shoes on, ok let's go now times up" I think first time parents in their 30's over analyse and "over educate" themselves to such an extent that they are paralysed of making the wrong decision so they do the something worse and make no decision at all. As the old axiom goes, indecision is final and the kids end up in charge because kids aren't stupid and they pick up on their parents insecurities and exploit it.

Kids need authority and to be told what to do so it is clear who is the parent and who is the child. This gives the kids comfort because they know who the boss is and they know they are in a secure environment. Parents in their 30's say they are giving their kids a routine when in fact it's the kids that are giving the parents a routine which is why you see so many of them running around in a flap with their lives disarray of hand-balling their kids between the creche, the grandparents, back home, cooking dinner, their houses are bits with junk and full of clutter.

Gimme A Pound

Muckka, having children at any age can be hard. Why would it be easier at 23 then at 28/29? Barely any difference physically between those ages. Mentally there is more emotional maturity. The only other difference in my opinion is that you'd be missing out on doing what you want as a 20-something if you have a child at 23. And there isn't anything "wrong" with having a child young (well provided it's not TOO young and the parents are in a position to care properly for the child) but for me personally, missing out on the freedom of your 20s wouldn't be ideal. Plus people often aren't financially set up or finished their education or have all the travelling or work experience that they'd like by aged 23 nowadays. To me it's way too young to start a family. Seems like it would be very hard when the parent still has some growing up to do themselves, and people get bothered by inane sh1t at that age, which is largely gone after another five years. I don't know if younger parents cope better - for my friend who was 19 becoming a mother, it certainly wasn't easy for her to cope with. It depends on the person. And relationships at that age are more likely to end too.

And just being able to go out with your friends or have a few flings - holidays any time, financial freedom. Of course people know the fancy free and easy lifestyle they enjoyed is over once they start having children. That's why they wait until their late 20s or older! And of course there's an adjustment - nobody thinks there isn't (unless they're the most naive person in the world).

People aren't criticising you for your choice or your own personal take, but for your post, which was quite rude and smug. You find it "funny"? Really? Like laugh out loud?!

It was such a weird post that Shoesdayschild and I suspected that you were just projecting due to missing out on most of the freedom of your 20s. Apologies if out of line.

Becoming a parent really late, particularly in your 40s, must be extra exhausting all right - I wouldn't view that as ideal (although I wouldn't find it funny!) but late 20s to about 33/34 is ideal imo - old enough to be settled yet young enough not to be utterly shattered to oblivion. Remember people are more youthful later now because of a better quality of life, and we are living longer. Also, it's not like everyone who wants to be a parent meets someone to have a family with by 23! Sometimes that doesn't happen until a good deal later in life.

And you'll worry about your children until well into adulthood. That anxiety doesn't just leave when they turn 18.

Noodles81

Gonad wrote: »

OP you sound like a right Cnut

No she does not. That's very unfair.

By all accounts she is making efforts to spend time with people she likes and cares about but suddenly she is finding her time being wasted and her patience being tested with no mention of any respect for her life and her time.

Then she started to notice it in others, as is normal once you notice a trend.

I will say in my experience any new parents I've encountered are in awe of their child while still being thoughtful and kind people.

So as others have said, if you've already no manners, some feel having a child gives them a free pass to let loose their latent a- holness on the world.

Gonad

OP you sound like a right Cnut

GreeBo

listermint wrote: »

I never advocated no routine, Framework is good and is very very valid.

But there is a stark difference between that and travelling 40 kms home to put the child to sleep in their cot rather than letting them take their naptime in the Pram.

I think the core point is there are people that take it to the extreme and ultimately they are only making their future life tougher with regards to the childs expectations

Agreed.
I think the difference for me is between parents who would just skip the nap because it doesnt fit with their day and those who follow the nap routine but just have the child nap somewhere else.

You want a child that can nap anywhere, but it should still really only be at nap time, if that doesnt suit your lifestyle then, in my opinion, you need to rethink your lifestyle. (not *you* personally)

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

Yeah and 23 is older than 17. And what?

Maybe you're right

listermint

GreeBo wrote: »

I think there is a big difference between trying to stick to a routine and being overly precious.

Kids needs routines, but especially when they are young.
However trying to enforce a library environment in your house when they are sleeping is silly.

You need to fight your battles, our kid goes down at pretty much the exact same time every nap, with the same routine (food, bottle, bath, change).

However we dont worry about stuff like noise or giving her the same type of food or same bottle temperature. She is just as happy eating her blended gunk cold from the jar as she is eating it warm, same for her bottles, straight from the fridge or straight from the maker, she doesnt care.

But missing her naps or breaking the bedtime routine just makes it a nightmare for everyone involved. She will get overtired and cranky and it means that one of us has to spend an hour trying to settle her and likely she will wake during the night.

its FAR less hassle to stick to the routine than not.

I never advocated no routine, Framework is good and is very very valid.

But there is a stark difference between that and travelling 40 kms home to put the child to sleep in their cot rather than letting them take their naptime in the Pram.

I think the core point is there are people that take it to the extreme and ultimately they are only making their future life tougher with regards to the childs expectations

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

Will we just leave this where it is and let it go.
Because I don't want to be pulled on everything I post.
It's not very important anyhow.

Yes late 20's is older than being in your early 20's
Let's be practical here.

I appreciate your interest in my opinion, but I'm not always right.
But my opinions are right for me but could be wrong with yourself and others.

I'm getting all confused now

Yeah and 23 is older than 17. And what?

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

Late 20s is not “older”.

Will we just leave this where it is and let it go.
Because I don't want to be pulled on everything I post.
It's not very important anyhow.

Yes late 20's is older than being in your early 20's
Let's be practical here.

I appreciate your interest in my opinion, but I'm not always right.
But my opinions are right for me but could be wrong with yourself and others.

I'm getting all confused now

_Brian

It’s just instinct.
Have you actually ever reall looked at a new born. How helpless and fragile they are, nature’s answer is to instil a hyper defence/care instinct in the parents where they put its wellbeing above everything, especially your inconvenience and annoyance.

Ilovethe bonesofyou

How Soon Is Now wrote:

Ive no interest in your ''advice''

Aw that's really disappointing now.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

I understand that.
But my statements are not sweeping.
I said it's harder to do it when you're older, and I'm glad it's behind me.

I never said anything about people not doing it my way were wrong.
I said people who are my age now tell me I'm lucky I did it at a young age, as it's much harder in their 40's

I'm delighted they finally have a family, I don't think they're wrong.
But they openly admit that it's hard work.
And sometimes brings stress ion their relationship.
Which is understandable

I stated nothing sweeping what so ever.
I just tried to demonstrate the differences between being a young parent and an older parent.

Late 20s is not “older”.

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

I’m not judging your life choices, you’re making sweeping statements that people who didn’t do it your way were wrong. You’re clearly from a different vintage. Times have moved on.

I understand that.
But my statements are not sweeping.
I said it's harder to do it when you're older, and I'm glad it's behind me.

I never said anything about people not doing it my way were wrong.
I said people who are my age now tell me I'm lucky I did it at a young age, as it's much harder in their 40's

I'm delighted they finally have a family, I don't think they're wrong.
But they openly admit that it's hard work.
And sometimes brings stress ion their relationship.
Which is understandable

I stated nothing sweeping what so ever.
I just tried to demonstrate the differences between being a young parent and an older parent.

How Soon Is Now

Ilovethe bonesofyou wrote: »

Aw bless, did I hit a nerve?

You jump in on someone else's discussion ( yes that's what they were doing, regardless of the nonsense you replied that it wasn't a discussion) and try and take the piss of what she said.

My advice would be, if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

You came out with some ****e about coolness? No nerves where hit :pac:

Ive no interest in your ''advice''

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

Console myself for bringing up a kid from 0 to 18

I have a stable income since I left college in the 90's .
House nearly paid off, live in a nice area.
Not scrounging from the state.

What's wrong with having a kid at a young age ?

I grew up, travelled, had a lot of life's experiences...

I’m not judging your life choices, you’re making sweeping statements that people who didn’t do it your way were wrong. You’re clearly from a different vintage. Times have moved on.

meeeeh

shesty wrote: »

On one hand...if i was going to be even ten mins late due to a sleeping baby, I would be contacting whoever I was visiting well in advance to say either I will be late or let's rearrange.
Leaving a christening for naptime is a bit extreme, but on the other hand if she left her OH there as a host, and returned after and it allowed her to enjoy and afternoon in peace without an overtired baby, then I guess each to their own.She probably would have been out walking the baby in a buggy or something to get it to sleep otherwise anyway, so what's the difference.Also assuming she was a first time mum and hadn't quite figured out the juggling act yet..

I'm pretty sure she didn't leave during christening in the church. More likely she left early after the christening and op is not happy because drinking didn't go on for long enough.

Ok, could be right to complain about certain things or wrong about them. But it depends from situation to situation, some people can be frustrating sometimes and great otherwise. My brother and his lot are always frustratingly late but he was like that even when he didn't have kids. Mine used to play with electronics when out for dinner when they were younger because we didn't want them to annoy everyone with their carry on (and trying to get older one to draw is like pulling out his teeth). They are 6 and 10 now and electronic are banned. You adapt to the situation and you might have no problem with noise in the house normally but there might be an odd time you would tiptoe around because it was so hard to get child to sleep that day.

Yet there is always someone who decides to generalise onto everyone and whinge how things were better when they were doing it. Maybe they just hang out with ignorant people.

Prominent_Dawg

Was on an overcrowded train recently and there was a mother with her new born, and we all ****ing knew it, not a sound out of the child as it was fast asleep the entire journey, but the mother obviously thought the title gave her some sort of royalty pass in public and decided to take up four seats, with the baby in her arms

GreeBo

listermint wrote: »

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....

'Sure my childs great!'

I think there is a big difference between trying to stick to a routine and being overly precious.

Kids needs routines, but especially when they are young.
However trying to enforce a library environment in your house when they are sleeping is silly.

You need to fight your battles, our kid goes down at pretty much the exact same time every nap, with the same routine (food, bottle, bath, change).

However we dont worry about stuff like noise or giving her the same type of food or same bottle temperature. She is just as happy eating her blended gunk cold from the jar as she is eating it warm, same for her bottles, straight from the fridge or straight from the maker, she doesnt care.

But missing her naps or breaking the bedtime routine just makes it a nightmare for everyone involved. She will get overtired and cranky and it means that one of us has to spend an hour trying to settle her and likely she will wake during the night.

its FAR less hassle to stick to the routine than not.

Ilovethe bonesofyou

How Soon Is Now wrote:

My level of coolness? wtf are you on about?

Aw bless, did I hit a nerve?

You jump in on someone else's discussion ( yes that's what they were doing, regardless of the nonsense you replied that it wasn't a discussion) and try and take the piss of what she said.

My advice would be, if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

Muckka

retro:electro wrote: »

Cringe.

Millennials and their mid Atlantic response..

Like omg seriously

andekwarhola

listermint wrote: »

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....

'Sure my childs great!'

I'm starting to think there is no single natural occurence in human society that cannot be somehow shorhorned into a snowflake narrative.

Peatys

Cienciano wrote: »

This one is the funniest. You think it's weird and precious being quiet around a baby that's asleep? What terrible parents! They should have a noisy atmosphere for a baby to sleep in!? Christ, you should be a child psychologist. You also are moaning about the world revolving around newborn babies and not you? Because it upsets you? The ignorance and irony is amazing, I actually hope this is a troll.

they all are at this stage.

listermint

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....

'Sure my childs great!'

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

They really don’t. Theyre more likely to have a stable income, a house so they’re not beating a path to the council for assistance. They’ve got to enjoy their youth, gone to college, settled down and had time to grow up. Sounds like you’re just trying to console yourself to be honest.

Console myself for bringing up a kid from 0 to 18

I have a stable income since I left college in the 90's .
House nearly paid off, live in a nice area.
Not scrounging from the state.

What's wrong with having a kid at a young age ?

I grew up, travelled, had a lot of life's experiences...

GreeBo

irelandrover wrote: »

He moaned that someone invted him to a celebration and left after 30 minutes. Or another "friend" left him waiting around for 90 minutes with no contact when they had plans.

No, actually he just moaned.
I dont know where this idea of "no communication" came from, but it wasnt from the OP.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

It s my business when I wait 90 minutes for someone to show up or they invite me to their house and I have to whisper.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Unlike you I don't make decisions for other people on whether or not they should have children and I'm not the one who is turning up 90 mins late or inviting people over to my house for a whispering contest.

shesty

On one hand...if i was going to be even ten mins late due to a sleeping baby, I would be contacting whoever I was visiting well in advance to say either I will be late or let's rearrange.
Leaving a christening for naptime is a bit extreme, but on the other hand if she left her OH there as a host, and returned after and it allowed her to enjoy and afternoon in peace without an overtired baby, then I guess each to their own.She probably would have been out walking the baby in a buggy or something to get it to sleep otherwise anyway, so what's the difference.Also assuming she was a first time mum and hadn't quite figured out the juggling act yet.
Parents leaving kids in the mornings....just go.GO!You are making it six million times worse by hanging on and hanging on and hanging on...you are really only doing that for your own reassurance, and not the child's.I see it in one child in my kid's playschool....a drama every morning because his mother tenses way up when he goes in, starts talking super fast about how great he is, and she'll see him later and give me a hug goodbye now....and the four year old goes into hysterics hanging out of her neck, refusing to let her leave and she just keeps talking and, and, and....they have to be physically separated every single morning for two years now.It's tough as a parent to leave them but paint a smile on, cheery goodbye and out you go....do your own crying in the car if needed.
Don't know OP, I am sympathising on both sides here.But maybe that's coz I have three smallies and have no energy left for anything but being tired......

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

GreeBo wrote: »

100%.
I dont believe I mentioned no communication?

Of course you should communicate when you are going to be late, I dont believe the OP cared why the person was late.

But again, why should he? I’m presuming he has 2 days off each week. Why should he waste a huge portion of his day off for someone else’s child?