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Movies with a modern twist

WoollyRedHat

You've got DM's- She sees who is trying to message her and blocks him straight away, the end.

Home Alone- They realise that they left Kevin at home, ring him and make sure he is OK. They Skype everyday and they have a smart bell which notifies them straight away if there is someone trying to break in and ring the cops. Kevin is oblivious to all this because he's either too busy on his phone or playing Xbox with his friends.

Ferris Buellers Day Off- Ferris is tagged in several photos on his ditch day, including the car he stole, thus ruining his elaborate plan to not get caught, gets expelled. The sausage King of Chicago also sues for impersonation.

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branie2

Rear Window - Jeff's neighbours spot him spying on them, and he is arrested, charged, tried and jailed for voyeurism.

Hammer89

Scarface.

Tony can't afford the house so the Bolivian hit squad get him at his bungalow in Stoneybatter instead.

branie2

West Side Story - Anybodys texts Tony about Chino's plans and he and Maria leave New York City for the country as planned at the earliest possible moment.

[Deleted User]

Scarface

Tony Montana and Manny Riviero embark on their first drug deal with Hector.
Tony goes into the Motel, and leaves Manny in the car.
Manny spend his time watching Hard Porn on smartphone In fact, he gets such a boner and the alarm goes off on his Apple Watch but he only notices after a full minute
Manny and the remaining sidekick then enter the Motel Room armed with their tazers. Tony kills Hector with Hectors own chainsaw. Tony then uploads a picture of disembowelled Hector onto Hectors facebook page.

Later on in the movie, Tony kills Manny by sending a computer virus disguised as a firmware to Manny's smartphone. It makes Manny's smartphone explode, when Manny handles it.

Tony escapes his Mansion without having to shootout through an escape tunnel, with bulletproof glass. Now there is place for a sequel.

Pherekydes

White House Down: The great American public elects a complete gobsh1te President, who then feeds the masses in the WH itself with hamberders.

And covfefe.

The Greatest Story Ever Told: Young man claims to be god, but ends up in "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" type scenario.

Outlaw Pete

Cinderella remains a slave to her step family from hell as women don't need a man yo!

branie2

The Departed, set on the north side of Dublin, with a mole in the Gardai, and in Frank Costello's drug cartel

castletownman

Wolf of Wall Street would be a lot shorter due to new GDPR policies.

begbysback

Lassie - pounded for no muzzle

Outlaw Pete

The Van would be a short film as no way would it pass the NCT.

[Deleted User]

Some Irish Produce:

ADAM
&PAUL

Adam and Paul go into Dublin city centre, from the sand dunes. They go the stairs of the tower to the Drug Dealers apartment. Paul puts his finger on the fingerprint sensor at the request of the Drug Dealer. Paul then gets electrocuted and Drug Dealer tells them to leave. They go to Stephens Green. There they meet other old acquaintances - it turns out Adam and Paul missed their buddies monthsmind mass and this was even on facebook , in fact their dead buddies facebook page has been made into a shrine. One of them is now a Dad and is showing his toddler how to draw on an iPad. Soon Adam and Paul are told to leave.
Next Adam and Paul head to another part of the city. They try robbing cars. A woman driver stops at the traffic lights in a Tesla, with the window left down. Adam puts his hand in ..... and the woman opens the door suddenly, and hurts Adam. She then drives off.
They return to the Tower Block, to the drug dealer. They see a protest. They then walk off and both start complaining for just a bit of fukin luck... and the drug baggies fall on them....
Both of them get high. And then they both put new selfies of themselves off their face on facebook.....meanwhile we hear from their former acquaintances in a different place, the pub with their extended family, that Adam and Paul have been blocked by them on facebook.
They end up in the sand dunes again, the same place they started. Adam has died of an overdose. Paul wakes up, and gets up. A criminal gang has encircled him. They found out through facebook having got interested when adam and posted updates there of them getting high. Gunfire. Final Scene: Paul is shot up, blood etc.

branie2

Great Expectations - Pip and Estella keep up with each other on Facebook; Miss Havisham gets counselling following her long breakdown years after she was jilted on her wedding day.

facehugger99

Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Mr Wonka is charged with multiple counts of reckless endangerment. The Food Safety Authority successfully shut down the factory for numerous breeches of food hygiene regulations.

branie2

Sense and Sensibility - The Dashwoods win the Lottery and move into a house bigger than their last one.

[Deleted User]

Eat the Peach: The Ring of Death Track is closed down by Road Safety Authority. Entrepreneurs arrested, charged and put in jail, the movie wants to them out to be the absolute villains in the movie.
Pat Kenny (who featured in it) shown talking on his radio show discussing reckless endangerment of life, and how organisers were idiots.

At the end of the movie, a good friend or relation is shown flying out a home made radio controlled drone.

branie2

The Field, with the reconstruction of the Yank's murder on Crimeline

Boom_Bap

Sleeping Beauty
A prince kisses a sleeping lady without permission and is lambasted in social media starting a #metoo campaign and his kingdom is boycotted.

branie2

Macbeth - after he is defeated by Macduff, Macbeth is arrested and tried for the murder of King Duncan

For Forks Sake

castletownman wrote: »

Snow White and the seven genetically smaller humans.

Her seven workers' diminutive stature and idiosyncrasies cannot be referred to in a disparaging way. "Sleepy" is only that way inclined due to an undiagnosed medical condition, and it's not cool to bring it up. And "Sneezy" wasn't vaccinated as a kid, but it was his parent's choice so it has to be respected.

They'd all have been diagnosed for their various ailments before the movie started and spend the entire time overdiscussing them

Grumpy - schizophrenic
Happy - daytime drinking problem
Sleepy - Narcoleptic
Bashful - anxiety issues
Sneezy - coke problem
Dopey - was born to anti-vaxxer parents
Doc - compulsive liar. Not actually a doctor.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

The Commitments: Imelda Quirke reaches the bottom of the ladder and starts a #MeToo campaign on Twitter.

Riddle101

Jane Bond is the first ever transgender 00 agent to be welcomed to MI6. Jane is a by the books type of agent who never drinks or gambles and never sleeps around.

w/s/p/c/

Die Hard - The hostage situation and takeover by Hans Gruber and his gang is live broadcast on Facebook / Instagram and police/SWAT/FBI respond within minutes.

John McClane sues the owners of Nakatomi Plaza for emotional distress to himself and his wife caused by the brief hostage situation.

Flyer29

Lord of the Rings- Return of the King

They destroy the ring by smashing it with a Nokia 3210

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Trading Places - black beggar mistaken for thief by rich white guy. Is given job, house, protection and chance at fresh start; while rich guy is villified and fired for his blatant racism, heartless selfishness while.... oh wait...

CrankyHaus

The Count of Monte Cristo - instead of a life sentence in the Chàteau D'Ilf, Dantès is given concurrent sentences with automatic 25% remission and further reductions based on time served and good behaviour. Gets out in 4 months and feels no need to exert revenge on the men responsible for his short imprisonment which he spent watching daytime TV, The End.

[Deleted User]

The River Wild

Meryl Streep gets entangled with mega scum Kevin Bacon on a North American river (I forget which one). Streep somehow manages to report her iPhone as stolen, before Bacon takes it off her. It takes snaps of Bacon as the 'phone thief'. Streep escapes (OK, I think she is a great actress).
Batch of state troopers come. Bacon escapes them, because he threw phone away, after realising it took pictures of him.

Now there can be a sequel. (I like badass Kevin Bacon too!)

branie2

The Passion of the Christ - Pilate decides to commute Jesus' death sentence to life, just the as the execution party gets to Calvary

BrokenArrows

branie2 wrote: »

The Passion of the Christ - Pilate decides to commute Jesus' death sentence to life, just the as the execution party gets to Calvary

Boom_Bap

Shawshank Redemption
Ah sure, just do your life sentence in 2 years, we'll make it concurrent somehow. Here's a paper team OLED tv screen instead of a poster.

w/s/p/c/

The Snapper - Georgie Burgess would currently be on the sex offenders list as a convicted rapist!