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Men's toilet etiquette: what is wrong with so many men?

[Deleted User]

I think after littering/not caring about the environment this is the societal behaviour in Ireland that annoys me most. I doubt it's unique to Irishmen, but are there any countries where males do not behave like this in toilets? A society of men with toilet manners and toilet etiquette?

The filth. Manky. Horror. Jesus. Mary. Joseph. What way are so many men raised that they urinate on toilet seats and floors and seem wholly incapable of hitting a simple target of water in a toilet bowl? Basic respect.

And then there's the minor matter of flushing the toilet. It's allowed, you know? If you must urinate in a toilet as opposed to at a urinal, could you please wipe the seat (assuming you're too lazy to lift it beforehand) with the toilet paper, or tissue in your pocket if there's no toilet paper, and then flush after you? And, yes, many people like you to put down the toilet lid also. A simple consideration for the next person.

And then there's the excrement. Mother of God. Flush the damn thing quickly if it's too difficult to position your posterior (arse) so that your poop drops into that bowl of water. Use the brush if you lack the technical skill to hit the water. If there's no brush, be creative and save your pee for a stand up to scorch the poo off the sides above the water. And if it's a really big, stinky Blue Whale-sized one, flush immediately - immediately! - before the stink has the time to kill us all. Then worry about the wiping etc.

This problem is particular awful in the huge number of substandard pubs in poorer areas in Dublin and across rural Ireland. It's like the owner doesn't even think twice about ensuring the toilet is checked every day never mind every hour, or that the brown-stained, cracking urinal that's been there with the cracked tiles, endemic fumes and poor ventilation since 1950 is changed. Even in some of Dublin's hugely profitable "legendary" traditional pubs where apparently great pints flow the toilets remain as they would have been in 1950. Cheapskate owners are trying to pass off awful hygiene and comfort standards as "traditional". Is there even a minimum hygiene standard in Irish law for these places? In the soulless superpubs amid the roaring televisions and/or music, the toilets are generally better kept, but that's about their only redeeming feature. Is it not possible for publicans to create pubs with character, tradition and regularly cleaned, well-maintained toilets?

Do the huge number of males who treat toilets in pubs, restaurants, etc like this in 2019 treat the toilets in their own homes like this? It's a matter of basic respect, you barbarous, ignorant arrant troglodytes.

Not much seems to have changed since this review of Irish pubs in 1971 (from 12:58)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLsaO9SiRbs

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Jimbob1977

I went to a restaurant in Skopje, Macedonia a few years ago.

The toilet was Slavic style, i.e. a flat ceramic unit built into the floor. Zero height. Like crapping in the woods.

You had to squat for #2s.

Funnily enough, our Western-style toilets cause more haemmerhoids than squat toilets.

Zorya

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Do you ever notice that only men find things like farting and fecal matter hilarious?

What's wrong with us? Why are we wired this way?

Some ladies quite enjoy scatalogical humour.

[Deleted User]

My father-in-law came out of the loo just before I went in, while we were both visiting another house over Christmas. I was greeted with large amounts of his pi$$ around the seat and the floor.

So I had to clean up his pi$$ to avoid getting blamed for it being my pi$$. Yeuch.

_Brian

I wonder sometimes what some people do in public toilets.

It’s like an competition to shiit and piss everywhere, use as much paper as you can and block the loo when your done.

Really, I’m on the road allot in my job and so use public facilities daily. Men seem completely incapable of pointing their knob into a toilet bowl and controlling themselves. I’m sure it’s not like that at home so it must be a total break down of their civility when they see a public loo.

As for the hoards that run out without washing their hands, Jesus considering how poor their control is you’d imagine washing their hands would be a priority.

The only place I’ve seen dirtier public toilets than Ireland was in Egypt.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Do you ever notice that only men find things like farting and fecal matter hilarious?

What's wrong with us? Why are we wired this way?

uptherebels

The Tetrarch wrote: »

Have you ever played in a poker tournament?
You visit the toilet, do your business, wash and dry your hands.
And notice that about half the players do not wash their hands.
Back at the tables everyone handles the cards every few minutes, hour after hour.

Don't ever take change from a pub/bar!

The Tetrarch

Have you ever played in a poker tournament?
You visit the toilet, do your business, wash and dry your hands.
And notice that about half the players do not wash their hands.
Back at the tables everyone handles the cards every few minutes, hour after hour.

w/s/p/c/

A few years ago, I went to use the toilet in work for my afternoon pony. Stepped into the cubicle to notice some dirt bird had left a turd on the ground. (I ended up using the disabled toilets instead!)

Emailed HR to let them know that someone had left a mess on the floor and I was hoping that it was dog s*it and it needed to be cleaned up. Some people have no shame. Email went around and people had a laugh.

This was in a company in the IFSC also, where so called "professionals" spend 8 or more hours a day working and using the facilities. Would hate to see their houses.

Floppybits

Elisha Better Baby wrote: »

Women's toilets are as bad as that? Don't think I've ever been in one.

Yep they are as bad. I worked in a bar and at the end of the night you would be sent in to collect any glasses in there and check that no one has fallen asleep. Sometimes you would need to wear waders in there was that much water/p1ss on the floor. Other times you would find a surprise crap on the floor of the cubicle.

irishgrover

I've not been in a women’s toilet since I used to clean them in pubs 20+ years ago.
However I do work manage a big team (50+ people). Part of that unfortunately involves dealing with things I have no ****ing interest in whatsoever and would be far happier not to know about. One such item is that state of the toilet facilities where I work (big modern building, with big modern facilities)
All of any toilet related problems I've had the misfortune to be indirectly exposed to (through complaints coming up the management chain) relate to lack of hygiene in the women’s facilities. Primary problems include
1. General uncleanliness, make up "stuff" discarded around the sinks
2. Inappropriate disposal of feminine sanitary products on the floor or in the toilet.
3. Unwillingness to use toilet brushes.
3. Defecating on the floor, close to, but not, in the toilet (more than once - a phantom ****ter)
4. An innocent user of the facilities stepping into and then slipping (with new white runners) into a problem left unnoticed by the phantom ****ter...

The only problem I have been aware of with the men’s facilities was a partially blocked urinal which quickly filled up when in use, thereby frightening the users that they would need to stop mid flow or make a bit of a mess.

Mine is not a scientific study and maybe there are less issues with the men’s facilities reported because men have lower standards, but the point is, men don't have a monopoly on a lack of basic toilet hygiene.

Deebles McBeebles

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Lads, we all know how disastrous that first pee of the day can be straight outta bed half asleep especially with the morning horn.

You'd nearly need a toilet bowl as big as the grand canyon to ensure no spillage.

Half of it ends up in the shower sometimes

ChikiChiki

Lads, we all know how disastrous that first pee of the day can be straight outta bed half asleep especially with the morning horn.

You'd nearly need a toilet bowl as big as the grand canyon to ensure no spillage.

feargale

mosstin wrote: »

You're taking the piss.
We don't give a ****.

Without that kind of thinking the problem wouldn't exist.

Boom_Bap

Rumour has it that AVB has a toilet seat installed at his desk instead of your standard office chair so that there is minimal disruption to his productivity.
He has also to sit pantless all day but who doesn't want to do that?

MaryBrosnan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I wonder does Aongus Von Bismarck take a piss sitting down if that’s the case?

Maybe AVB has a shewee.

JohnnyFlash

I wonder does Aongus Von Bismarck take a piss sitting down if that’s the case?

Greentopia

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Yeah took me a while to get my head around it, but it makes sense from a hygiene point of view. They also have toilets with shelves in the bowl so that poop can stay on it if it needs to be um, inspected for health reasons and to stop water splash back. The Lad has one in his apartment. Mostly older design toilets, I don't think the newer ones have them.

freshpopcorn

When I was at college I cleaned toilets and hotel rooms for a while. i generally preferred cleaning mens one's mainly because all you ever really had to deal with was a bit of piss wipe it and clean down the area.
The women's toilets used be covered in make up and they took forever to clean and sometimes people used out sanitary sanitary pads down the toilet.

gerrybbadd

Greentopia wrote: »

Germany and Sweden, from my experience. My fiancee is German and I go there frequently, and my experience is all toilets (ladies and unisex) are kept clean and well maintained. Even the ones on Autobahn service stations. Many are self flushing so that helps.
Germans are socialised from a very young age to be responsible and considerate towards others, to have self respect, and with cleanliness and order a high priority. This is what's lacking in Ireland. Of course not everyone but a sizeable minority. Same causes of the litter problems here. It's embarrassing to bring my other half here to Irish pubs and public conveniences sometimes when I see the state of the toilets.

I was at a large party in a disused factory in the middle of no-where in Thuringia (former East) over Christmas and they had two portaloos outside the venue. At the end of the night they were as clean as at the start. No piss, excrement or vomit anywhere. Also no-one falling around drunk or starting fights, but that's another matter...

My one can. See above reply-German. He pees sitting down like many German men for that very reason. It's great. Never once had to clean up after him when we lived together. They come ready trained

5-8-pogreshni-tipovi-momci-so-koi-kje-izleguvate-vo-20-tite-godini-od-vashiot-zhivot-kafepauza.mk_1.gif

Greentopia

Fuaranach wrote: »

Are there any countries where males do not behave like this in toilets? A society of men with toilet manners and toilet etiquette?

Germany and Sweden, from my experience. My fiancee is German and I go there frequently, and my experience is all toilets (ladies and unisex) are kept clean and well maintained. Even the ones on Autobahn service stations. Many are self flushing so that helps.
Germans are socialised from a very young age to be responsible and considerate towards others, to have self respect, and with cleanliness and order a high priority. This is what's lacking in Ireland. Of course not everyone but a sizeable minority. Same causes of the litter problems here. It's embarrassing to bring my other half here to Irish pubs and public conveniences sometimes when I see the state of the toilets.

I was at a large party in a disused factory in the middle of no-where in Thuringia (former East) over Christmas and they had two portaloos outside the venue. At the end of the night they were as clean as at the start. No piss, excrement or vomit anywhere. Also no-one falling around drunk or starting fights, but that's another matter...

Day Lewin wrote: »

No man can aim a willy accurately down the loo (as far as I can tell, having cleaned many)

My one can. See above reply-German. He pees sitting down like many German men for that very reason. It's great. Never once had to clean up after him when we lived together. They come ready trained

Ush1

Pissartist wrote: »

Worst thing i ever saw in a urinal, was a turd.
Granted this was back in school in the 90's but i still cant believe someone stood back to front and dumped in a urinal.
Madness

Username checks out.

Pissartist

Worst thing i ever saw in a urinal, was a turd.
Granted this was back in school in the 90's but i still cant believe someone stood back to front and dumped in a urinal.
Madness

Ush1

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

So you just ‘pinch off some spine’ and leave it floating in its watery grave for the weekend? Disgraceful behaviour.

This bad boy won't float. You're talking a high-fibre, dense, telescopic baton of a turd. Thing will be halfway up the U bend.

JohnnyFlash

Ush1 wrote: »

If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

Works best in summer.:D

So you just ‘pinch off some spine’ and leave it floating in its watery grave for the weekend? Disgraceful behaviour.

blanch152

Day Lewin wrote: »

Ah, OP - I can tell you have never travelled on Indian railways?

Or used a public loo in Vietnam or China?

I've seen some rough ones in France, too.

So lay off the knocking "Irishmen" -

No man can aim a willy accurately down the loo (as far as I can tell, having cleaned many)

Its funny, they'll boast of being a sharpshooter with snooker cues or guns or video games, but a plain excretory organ and a bowl eighteen inches across, from a distance of a few inches, they still can't hit the bullseye.

One of those Life Mysteries.

I remember being in Asia and being told to follow my nose if I wanted to find a public toilet. Cubicle with a hole in the ground and nothing else, no urinal, no bowl to sit on, no toilet paper and no facility to wash hands. You learned fairly quickly to hold on until back in the hotel.

DS86DS

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

My mate once brought a few of us into the jacks at a house party to see what he called "The Brown Anaconda". F*cking thing was standing up in the toilet, almost looking at us.

Sh!t happens

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k30bOba64KQ

gerrybbadd

Ush1 wrote: »

If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

Works best in summer.:D

Stick 2 of those Googly eye stickers on top, for comedic effect. Laughs all round

gerrybbadd

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Do you leave it just there without flushing? Maybe put a wizard’s hat on the top of it? Exorcising the demon of dinner past is all well and good, but surely some standards apply??

Ah ya would of course flush. Sure how would you know you'd suitably blocked the toilet without having flushed first?

Ush1

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Do you leave it just there without flushing? Maybe put a wizard’s hat on the top of it? Exorcising the demon of dinner past is all well and good, but surely some standards apply??

If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

Works best in summer.:D

whisky_galore

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

My mate once brought a few of us into the jacks at a house party to see what he called "The Brown Anaconda". F*cking thing was standing up in the toilet, almost looking at us.

Stay classy.