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May have given my partner an STI

LegacyUser

A few months ago I got very drunk and cheated on my boyfriend. I felt incredibly guilty but didn’t tell him as I thought it would break his heart and felt I would never have done that sober (even though that’s not an excuse) and knew I would never do something like that again. I recently went for an STI test and am waiting for results.

In the meantime I need to avoid sleeping with him and I’m scared about the results. If they come back positive he’ll know that the STI came from me and not him. When we first started going out he asked me if I’d ever slept with anyone before and I didn’t answer him and it led him to believe I was a virgin, as was he.

My boyfriend and I were on a break for a couple of days and have just gotten back together. Our relationship is generally good and I really care about him and he feels the same. We have just fixed things and I feel this would be the end if I had an STI. He’d know that I cheated on him or he’d feel I lied about being a virgin, either way I think he wouldn’t trust me again.

I wanted to leave that mistake in the past but I obviously can’t now and I don’t know how I could have this conversation with him.

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The Bishop Basher

To be honest, you seem more concerned about being caught then the fact that your partner may have an STI.

It also sounds like you haven’t been entirely truthful with him regarding your past.

I’d be starting there and figuring these things out in my own head first if I was you.

judeboy101

Unless its aids, warts, herpes or hep, just take ur pills and it will go away. If it's one of the above, fess up and see where things go.

woodchuck

Aaron Kavanagh, I've deleted your post because it was a nasty personal attack on the OP that was unnecessary. We don't allow that in this forum. We ask that all posters are civil, courteous and constructive when offering advice otherwise warnings or bans can result.

Please see the Charter for more information.

GingerLily

judeboy101 wrote: »

Unless its aids, warts, herpes or hep, just take ur pills and it will go away. If it's one of the above, fess up and see where things go.

If it's chlamydia then it can lead to infertility if untreated, that's no laughing matter.

Also what's the point in getting treatment if her partner doesn't? She'll just likely be transferred back the disease.

If she has something she needs to tell her partner, she can't let him go untested and untreated.

zoe 3619

If you cheated on your boyfriend months ago,why do you only recently need to avoid sleeping with him?
Presumably you have symptoms which have led to you getting tested.Would you not already have passed anything on that was liable to be passed on?
Bite the bullet and be honest.He might walk away,but a huge secret in your relationship would taint it and it would always be hanging over you.

Idle Passerby

Did you have the ONS while ye were on a break or while ye were together? I think you should come clean if you actually cheated. It's not fair to let him think your both giving the relationship another shot without being honest with him first.

If it was while you were on a break then arguably it's one of his business but if theres a possibility he's also been infected then the honourable thing to do is let him know that. The bit about him thinking you were a virgin is irrelevant.

Dial Hard

If you've slept with him since you cheated then avoiding sex now is completely pointless.

Tbh, I think you have bigger issues in your relationship than a potential STI. The fact that you felt the need to lie about your sexual history from the get-go is hugely concerning to me. I would question whether this is the relationship for you. Whatever the result of the test, I would be having a good, hard think about whether you two are compatible. You've lied about your past to keep him happy and have cheated. Perhaps you'd both be better off single?

Kidchameleon

Tell him the truth for his health. Stop making a fool of this guy, he deserves better. If the relationship ends you have no one to blame but yourself.

wirelessdude01

Why the sudden need to get checked now? Have you symptoms? Stopping sex now means nothing as you will have already passed it on at this stage.

Also why weren't you honest with him about having slept with someone/people before him? Nothing to be ashamed of but also he did ask so you probably should have been honest with him.

professore

Seems like your boyfriend doesn't know you at all. Your relationship is built on lies from your side.

You can always get angry with him and say he must have cheated on you if he suddenly starts showing symptoms right? After all his image of you is far more important than the truth.

Ironically he probably doesn't care you weren't a virgin when you met.. very few guys think like that in 2018 anymore.

wiggle16

As others have said, its a bit pointless now to hold off on having sex. If you have something you've probably given it to him already.

My opinion on cheating on your partner by having a one night stand is usually to keep it to yourself and resolve never to do it again because no good usually comes from confessing to it. You just have to live with it on your conscience.

But not in this case. To be honest OP, all you've done to this lad is lie to him. You lied about your sexual history for no particular reason (you're not obliged to tell him anything but you shouldn't lie either). Now you've gone and cheated on him and had unprotected sex to boot and you quite possibly have given him an STI.

HIV is virtually symptomless when first acquired, apart from a brief set of flu like symptoms that pass after a day or so, or a rash.

If I were you, OP, I would sit him down and tell him what has happened and what you've lied about. Let him decide what he wants to do with that. You have treated him badly by lying like this and risking his health as well as yours, and he deserves better than that. This is not okay.

You come across as a very selfish person, interested only in saving your own skin. You're more concerned that he'll find out youre not a virgin than with the possibility you've given him an STI. I don't think you should be in a relationship until you've done a lot of growing up. That's my honest opinion.