bear1 wrote: » Trying to find free time to get advice but have been reading up on local laws and regulations when it comes to this. Seems that the general rule is 30% of your net income goes to child support. I really wanted to avoid going down the solicitor route cause I wanted it as friendly and as calm as possible for the kids but alas she isn't playing ball. I simply can't afford to hand over 60% of my salary and be expected to live normally. Seems I'm between a rock and a hard place and the consequences here are both 1) financial ruin for me and 2) my kids ending up hating me as they will have a mother who will do nothing but speak ill of me when they get older.
December2012 wrote: » I dont want to suggest I can offer you legal advice, but that sounds like an awful lot to deal with, so you both have my sympathy. Have either of you had any grief counselling, or marriage counselling? Is it possible that this aggro is an expression of emotion that is actually something else - fear, grief, stress? In Ireland before a couple separates, they are recommended to go to mediation to see what can be agreed without getting messy. This is different to marriage counselling, but it might be something to consider.
bear1 wrote: » So the wife and I are in the middle of a break-up and it's getting messier by the day. We've 2 kids who I miss badly and struggle to see them as much as possible due to reasons I'll outline below. The marriage break-up is a fault of us both, we clashed on too many things and resent each other for other issues. Probably the death of our son was one of the biggest clashes we had and it's been pretty hard ever since. This summer it finally came to a head and I was told to move out - note I also own half the house. To save the peace I obliged and got an apartment on the other side of the city. I've tried in vain to better positions ourselves financially with asking her to sell her car and I'd give her mine in exchange for free so she can still ferry the kids around. I would then save up and buy another when possible. Everything was good until a day before the sale she ups and changes her mind and throws a massive spanner in the works. On top of this she has asked for over 50% of my salary in support which I've also tried to explain wasn't possible. To counter this I've taken over double shifts at work and weekend work which is killing me mentally and physically. I'm not sure how to meet her demands and she is now using the kids against me to put me further down and feel guilty I'm not able to financially support them in the amount she wants. I earn twice as much as her but we also live in Warsaw - I came here for her. I'm looking at the prospect of potentially having to move back to Ireland which after 10 years is just too much to handle for now. I could sell my car at a serious loss to free up cash and tbh most of my cash is tied up in the house she wants to keep and I'm making no qualms about it as that's where my kids live but once she sells I'm entitled to my fair share of the profit which I bet she will also renegade on. Do I sell everything and bow to her demands or stick to my guns and offer 1/4 of my salary? 1/4 is before my other bills fall due.
BrokenArrows wrote: » I suggest you try your best to move back into the family house. It was a big mistake to move out. Tell her you will be able to afford to give her more money if you move back in.
TheBoyConor wrote: » I could say my true opinion on here but I'd be infarcted or banned but suffice to say the case is that she wants the house and as much money as possible from you and wants you gone. She doesn't give a crap about you or what is fair. She just wants the $$$. Simple. You shouldn't have moved out because that is playing right into her hands. Get yourself to a solicitor ASAP.
bear1 wrote: » It was her who asked me to. I refused the first few times but agreed in the end as the tension was too high. If I were to move back in it would be a mitigating disaster.
BrokenArrows wrote: » As you mentioned its half your house too. Yes it may be a disaster in the short term but it will leave you in a better position in the long term.
bear1 wrote: » Yeah I completely intend to go down this route, ill give it one last roll of the dice tomorrow and see how it goes.
professore wrote: » Bear, when did your child die - and how old was he/she ? I unfortunately went through the same thing and we had 5 years of hell and totally out of character behaviour from both of us - I would say more so her than me but that is talking from my perspective. My focus was on keeping us from bankruptcy while my wife was totally focused on grieving to the extent of completely ignoring our eldest daughter who was a teenager at the time. Of course it made me look like a heartless bastard but the reality was it was a distraction to take my mind off the enormity of what happened. Only after our marriage very nearly broke up in year 4 did things start to improve. I can't offer you any advice on the divorce other than see if you can get counselling / mediation and TRY to get into some sort of therapy. Both of you.
meeeeh wrote: » Will it really? Op said the situation is a lot more bearable now that he lives away from home. He also earns twice as much as his wife who I presume has to take care of the kids to a greater extent. Unless op agrees to some kind of maintenance she could be under significant financial pressure too. Not to mention that kids would be the ones who would suffer the most. Op I really think some sort of local mediation / 3rd party advice would be much more beneficial than advice from keyboard warriors who think the main thing in separation is getting one over your former partner. A woman who worked for my parents was married to abusive useless drunk. She was a bit dim, but harmless and working as a cleaner, doing some other miscellaneous jobs so her wages wouldn't be great. They jointly owned a flat and neither of them would move out so they never separated and continued to live in miserable situation. First the son committed suicide at 18 after having numerous psychological issues, years later her husband committed suicide. And just ladt year, a few years after daughter's relationship broke down, she killed herself leaving two young daughters. I don't know how much was due to a childhood kids had but anyone who knew the father would know no property was worth the price of living with him. That's an extreme situation and I am in no way implying op's is comparable but I know plenty of people who were scarred because there was no clean break up and there was poisonous situation at home. I'm sorry about what you are going through op, I also suspect you could be quite isolated in Poland. So you really have to talk to someone who knows the local laws (what someone brought into marriage could be important), who knows family earnings and cost of bringing up kids and then try to get to some sort agreement with your wife. You are in a foreign country, you need someone in your corner, your wife will have much stronger support structure.
TheBoyConor wrote: » Op you do the tension rose too a level that you between giving her 1/4 of your salary just to diffuse things a bit. Do you not see the problem here? What this does is reward and reinforce her demanding behaviour. It tells her that making a big tense drama out of the situation will result in her getting more money. The money you give her may quell things for a while but she's very likely to rachet things up again soon for the purposes of extracting extra money from you because the approach has worked for her before. She's playing you like a fiddle and now that you've paid her off and appeased her demands so far you've set a very unfavorable precedent for yourself. Be prepared for her coming back asking for more.....
