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Lahvlann: Up the reek without a coddle - 26/07 two 18 so to speak

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ButtersSuki

Here's wan from December 22nd. From memory he didn't wurk wasn't back in again until January. I wasn't estimating fees back den but he'd only had 53 days off before Christmas!

De 2-17 Joe Duffy Wurkday Calculator and dat:

Wurkdays in 2-17 to date so to speak up to and including St. Stephen'sessssssssssssssss Day and dat: 248
Joe Shows: 196
No Show Joe Shows: 53
PBH Shows: 31
D'Omen Shows: 14
AN Udder Shows: 8
De Budget Show instead of Da Lahv Lahn and dat: 1
De Funny Fryday on de Eve of Christmas and dat*: 1
De St. Stephen'sessssssssssssssss Day Bestest Deaths a De Year Xtravaganza and dat**: 1

Notes for de eagle-eyed amongst you who notice de sums don't add up now and dat:
* Technically not a Wurkday as it falls on a Sunday and dat so not included in de Wurkday total but included in Joe's total even dough he's probably on 3 x de usual fees and dat and it's nuttin' but a junket for him and his mates at de taxpayer's expense so to speak.
**pre-recorded so to speak and darefore not included in de Wurkday total and dat but again included in Joe's total so he's benefitting from creative accounting and dat.

E&OE. All queries shall be answered in due course so to speak.

2smiggy

here caller

one from near the end of the year.

you can see how busy i am and my dedication to my work

djemba djemba

Hector Savage wrote: »

I think the monday after the Pope mass will be GOLD ... no doubt there will be massive cock ups infrastructure wise.
Sadly I'll miss it as ill be camping ... think the site might have wifi .. might grab a sneaky listen to the podcast as im going to bed that night

That will be for PBH to deal with. I expect Joe will be off that week.

ButtersSuki

djemba djemba wrote: »

That will be for PBH to deal with. I expect Joe will be off that week.

I did predict dat last week caller.

ButtersSuki

This jolly jape was beneath dat last post from 2-17. As it's a Fryday:

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word “dandelion” in it.
Joe: De cheetah is faster dan de lion so to speak.

ButtersSuki

De FINAL FINAL (so to speak) END OF DE YEAR DAT IS DE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2-17 and dat Joe Duffy Wurkday Calculator and dat which did have to amended again due to a repeat of a pre-recorded show so to speak totals:

Wurkdays in 2-17 and dat: 251
Joe Shows: 197***
No Show Joe Shows: 56 - or 11.2 weeks off!
PBH Shows: 31
D'Omen Shows: 14
AN Udder Shows: 8
De Budget Show instead of Da Lahv Lahn and dat: 1
De Funny Fryday on de Eve of Christmas Eve and dat*: 1
De St. Stephen'sessssssssssssssss Day Bestest Deaths a De Year Xtravaganza and dat**: 1 2 (incl. wan repeat so to speak)
No Shows at all because of De Chrimbo and dat: 3 2 (bonus repeat of Best Deaths Show for dose missing a bit of de auld misery at Christmas and dat)

Tanks to RTÉ's "commercial sensitivity" and the real fear (

) dat de top talent wood be poached by de BBC and NBC etc. (

), we will only have to wait until 2-19 to figure out "de fee per show" structure and arrangement. Dis duz be de only way to see if Noel has managed to secure a raise for de drop in listenership (as seems to be the way RTÉ wurks and dat so to speak) dat did befell de show in recent JNLRs so to speak. I have long suspected Joe took a drop in total remuneration to just below the €400K mark purely to make the optics of de farcical situation appear less offensive to the ordinary punter so to speak, but this is balanced out with an increase in breakeen's so to speak AND an increase in fees per show. So less shows for ballpark the same outrageous fees.

Notes:
* Technically not a Wurkday as it falls on a Sunday and dat so not included in de Wurkday total but included in Joe's total even dough he's probably on 3 x de usual fees and dat and it's nuttin' but a junket for him and his mates at de taxpayer's expense so to speak.
**pre-recorded so to speak and darefore not included in de Wurkday total and dat but again included in Joe's total so he's benefitting from creative accounting and dat.
***196 197 shows (incl. de repeat of De Bestest Deaths Show) recorded on 195 days

Special tanks to Atlantic Dawn for keeping de calendar up to date on de days I was unable to do so so to speak.

E&OE. All queries shall be answered in due course so to speak.

meep

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Here's wan from December 22nd. From memory he didn't wurk wasn't back in again until January. I wasn't estimating fees back den but he'd only had 53 days off before Christmas!

Go raibh maith agat, Petal.

I note PBH is alomost equalling last years productivity, and it only August.

Wow!

Suggestion and dat. Wood it be a lot of trouble to add the 2-17 number in brackets on the 2-18 wurkday calculator and dat? For example;

Wurkdays in 2-18 and dat: 159 (251)
Joe Shows: 124 (197)
No Show Joe Shows: 35 (56)
Breakeens 4 Joe: 35 (56)
PBH (de full-time host of de show) Shows: 30 (31)
etc.

Don't want to be adding any stress to the very delicate calculations required to generate the wurkday calculator and dat but if it was easy, it would be an excellent feature.

HeidiHeidi

ButtersSuki wrote: »

I didn't listen twoday, as I rarely do anymore. It's pissing rain but the dogs will be walked at some stage this evening/tonight....should I podcast this show or something more cerebral and interesting? Tell me callers, tell me.

If you want to hear Joe being rude as bedamned to a devout invalid pilgrim with a head injury who just wants to go to mass with the pope, go right ahead caller.

(I thought Joe was going to have a stroke trying to stop him talking, funniest thing I've heard in a while

)

ButtersSuki

meep wrote: »

Go raibh maith agat, Petal.

I note PBH is alomost equalling last years productivity, and it only August.

Wow!

Well he (PBH) is the self-described "full-time host" of Da Lahn Lahn....

ButtersSuki

meep wrote: »

Suggestion and dat. Wood it be a lot of trouble to add the 2-17 number in brackets on the 2-18 wurkday calculator and dat? For example;

Wurkdays in 2-18 and dat: 159 (251)
Joe Shows: 124 (197)
No Show Joe Shows: 35 (56)
Breakeens 4 Joe: 35 (56)
PBH (de full-time host of de show) Shows: 30 (31)
etc.

Don't want to be adding any stress to the very delicate calculations required to generate the wurkday calculator and dat but if it was easy, it would be an excellent feature.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTF8ixJUfY0

TBH, I only see de value in doing an end of yer comparison; 2-17 v 2-18 so to speak.

meep

ButtersSuki wrote: »

TBH, I only see de value in doing an end of yer comparison; 2-17 v 2-18 so to speak.

Even dat would be excellent, and a nice seasonal treat.

In the spirit of todays show, you're doing a fantastic job at the Joe tracking and dat and we're all really appreciative and dat. You're almost as good at it as Joe is at organising the PayPal visit, so to speak, in the face of complete incompetence from everyone (apart from RTE and all the callers), of course.

inspector frost

Is PBH being lined up to replace Joe full-time in a few years?

ButtersSuki

inspector frost wrote: »

Is PBH being lined up to replace Joe full-time in a few years?

Not unless de Tree Twins die in the interim. And yes, dare will be a buke abour de deaths.

Hector Savage

meep wrote: »

You could always try your best to locate a transistor radio and ear piece, caller.

ah **** I remember that from yesterday, forgot to comment on it !!

Hector Savage

McDermotX wrote: »

Bought it for me oul one a while back.

The shame still haunts me as I walk by Easons.

So did you buy a few porn magazines and trainspotting ones with it ? you know to hide the embarrassment of buying Joe's buke ...

SEPT 23 1989

djemba djemba wrote: »

That will be for PBH to deal with. I expect Joe will be off that week.

Not if one of de old dears does be dying and dat on the long march from the wagon yard to the park

ButtersSuki

I haven’t heard the show this week but I gather lots of auld wans do be complaining about de walk? I’d love if one of dem said to Fateen:

“Not all of us will be helicoptered or chauffeured in to within 5 feet of our vantage point for the day at the taxpayer’s expense and be paid exhorbitabtly to be there like you Joe - why don’t you walk with us from Bluebell so you can see what it’s really like instead of spouting nonsense and pretending to be concerned about it?”

thesandeman

Joe earlier: "on the 11th of the 11th of November this year ".

Atlantic Dawn

Will Joe be getting the Pope gig for the RTE live broadcast from the park, he's well able for it an dat with his past experiences so to speak, pure gold jokes straight out o'funny friday on tap..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmJfxpSJLrY

ButtersSuki

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Will Joe be getting the Pope gig for the RTE live broadcast from the park, he's well able for it an dat with his past experiences so to speak, pure gold jokes straight out o'funny friday on tap..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmJfxpSJLrY

Duffy defends Phoenix Park team homecoming

JEROME REILLY
June 23 2002 12:11 AM

RTE Liveline presenter Joe Duffy, who was drafted in to compere the controversial homecoming for the Irish soccer team, has defended the event though he admits neither the team nor the crowd of 100,000 wanted to be in the Phoenix Park.

"The players had just gotten off a flight and they simply did not want to be there. Nobody knew when the broadcast started whether the players would talk or not. Nobody had spoken to them," said Joe ruefully.
Meanwhile it has emerged from sources close to the players that they did not want to attend because the spectre of Roy Keane still haunts the squad. Keane's comments that he did not want another "glorious losers" event similar to USA 1994 was remembered by the players.
The team had also just learned that South Korea had beaten Italy earlier that day. "The full realisation of how close they had come to immortality had really sunk in then," a senior FAI source said.
The Government and a shamefaced Garda Siochana have admitted the decision to hold the homecoming party in the Phoenix Park was taken in the interests of "security" or "public safety".
The admission by the gardai that they cannot properly police a large crowd in the city centre, and had effectively abdicated their responsibility, has angered senior Government figures.
This robbed fans of the 1990-style colourful open-top bus parade in the heart of the nation's capital, which would have paid proper tribute to the team. Instead fans and the team endured a gimcrack event, corralled like sheep into a corner of the park.
"They didn't know what it was about, unfortunately. I was given a list of things to do. The first was to call them out one by one and that was vetoed at the last minute by Mick McCarthy," Duffy said.
"The players did not want to be brought out and named one by one, which would have been the main part of the show so they could get the applause they deserved."
Joe Duffy said he had had two choices when the manager decided not to allow the players to be introduced individually.
"I had a choice. Either they could have come out all at once, taken a bow and then If I had done that I would have been hung, drawn and quartered. The alternative was to try and get some of them to talk, which I did.

"Whether it worked or not is another thing but I did my best. My job was to try and get them to talk, to try and get the crowd to acknowledge them and the team to acknowledge the crowd," he said.
"I had said it on Liveline the previous day. It should have gone down O'Connell Street. The players were in a very difficult position. They did not want to be there. After all, they're paid to be footballers not entertainers. It would have been better on an open-top bus."

ButtersSuki

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Will Joe be getting the Pope gig for the RTE live broadcast from the park, he's well able for it an dat with his past experiences so to speak, pure gold jokes straight out o'funny friday on tap..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmJfxpSJLrY

A Day That Will Live in Infamy
Joe Duffy makes dog's dinner of Phoenix Park homecoming

Over 100,000 punters converged on the Phoenix Park on Tuesday evening to welcome the Irish World Cup squad home. Widespread disappointment was expressed that the authorities had not permitted an open-top bus parade through the city centre, citing public safety concerns. Instead, the public had to content itself with seeing the lads on an open-air concert stage.
The MCs for the event were sports presenter Peter Collins and radio personality Joe Duffy. The event was covered on live television. Jim Sherwin provided commentary of a suitably bewildered ilk. In the studio, Bill O'Herlihy garnered the observations of John Giles and Ray Houghton.
Magnanimous Dutch
The squad arrived in Dublin Airport aboard a KLM flight. As the plane taxied down the runway, the Dutch flight crew magnanimously waved an Irish tricolour. Perhaps this was in gratitude that the Irish proved that the Dutch team had not been eliminated from the competition by a bunch of no-hopers. Ireland showed the world in Japan and Korea that they can play a bit of football, Roy Keane or no Roy Keane.

Aren't the Dutch great?

Meet the President
From the airport, the boys were transferred to Aras An Uachtaran to meet President McAleese. Warm-up acts Six and Westlife were providing musical distraction onstage at about this point.
"I can confirm," said Jim Sherwin with a quiver of excitement, "that the team has not yet arrived."
Scotsman Houghton, in the studio, opined that since they were still meeting the President at Aras An Uachtaran, they were still come distance from the Phoenix Park. Billo diplomatically waited until after an ad break to point out that Aras An Uachtaran is actually in the Phoenix Park.

"Care to make another 'Mick McCarthy's baby', Mick?"

Duffy: The full horror
At last, the squad arrived. Joe Duffy was under the impression that they would all come out one-by-one and take a bow.
"Kevin Kilbane!" he cried. "Shay Given! Matty Holland! Damien..." Then he realised that they had all actually come onstage en masse. "Oh, they're coming out together." He opted to persist with his litany: "Robbie Keane! Jason McAteer! Niall Quinn!" But it wasn't working. The players just weren't playing the Joe Duffy game.
He decided to change tack, nabbing Damien Duff for a bit of one-on-one. "Your mother was very concerned that you had your picture of Padre Pio, Damien! Have you got it there?"
Duff was suitably unimpressed: "It's not with me right now," he said.

"Get out of my face, Duffy."

Duffy wasn't finished with Duff quite yet: "Damien, Oliver Kahn has called in sick in the German camp. He's suffering from a new disease called DDD - Damien Duff Dizziness!"
At this point, Duff looked like he wanted the ground to open up beneath him. If only it had. A major earthquake might have lessened the horror of the evening.

Collins and Duffy cut off all means of escape.

Duffy handed over to junior MC Peter Collins, who had Steve Staunton ready for a bit of a chat. "It's our Captain Fantastic, Steve Stanton," he announced. In fairness, this was just a slip of the tongue. Collins was a picture of dignity in comparison with the gauche Duffy.
Duffy nabbed Shay Given. "Given by name, given by nature," he bawled, confusingly. After some desultory conversation with Given, Duffy handed the Irish keeper the microphone. "Jason McAteer is 31 today," Duffy told the crowd. "Shay, lead them through Happy Birthday for Jason." Given gamely did as he was bidden, somehow managing to retain his dignity in this, his darkest hour.

"Isn't Oliver Kahn useless, Shay?"

Duffy justifiably lauded Given's goalkeeping abilities. But then he spoiled it by deciding to cast aspersions on arguably the best goalkeeper in the world today: "We've renamed Oliver Kahn 'Oliver Can't'!"
Not even goalkeeping coach Packie Bonner was safe. Duffy called him forth to accept the applause of the crowd. A horrified Bonner quickly backed away to dodge the prospect of being interviewed by Duffy. However, Duffy had outsmarted him. "Peter Collins is going to talk to Packie," said Duffy. Packie turned around, and sure enough, Peter Collins was standing there, microphone in hand, ready to interview him. Packie fielded the questions well enough. "This is uncredible," he said of the occasion. Intriguingly, he claimed that being goalkeeping coach was much harder work than being a player. This begs the question: what exactly does a goalkeeping coach do? Surely Given, Kelly and Kiely already know how to be goalkeepers?
Robbie Keane also got the Duffy treatment.

"Boys and girls, it's Roy Keane!"

Duffy, handing Keane the mike: "Robbie, listen to the crowd. Aren't they great! Talk to them!"
Robbie: "What do you want me to say?"
Even Duffy knew he couldn't tell Robbie what to say: "Just listen to them for a minute."

"On behalf of the entire squad, I'd just like to apologise for all this."

Mick McCarthy was handed the microphone to give the final word to the crowd. He acquitted himself well enough, even managing to add a touch of intentional humour to the occasion.
"To those of you with the 'I'm Mick McCarthy's baby' flags, I just want to say you can't come to my house because I can't feed you all."

Gilesy: National treasure
Back in the studio, the lads summed things up. "The balloons are floating off into the night sky," said Billo, overlooking the fact that it was still broad daylight at this time.
Then Billo asked Houghton, veteran of the similar homecoming in 1994, if the players would enjoy an event like this. Houghton was refreshingly honest: "It's protocol, Bill. The players know what they have to do."
Giles hit the nail on the head: "You're lucky Joe Duffy wasn't interviewing you in 1994, Ray."
Gilesy, you are a national treasure.

ButtersSuki

Fateen will be giving PBH an earful when he sees him next:
https://twitter.com/boucherhayes/status/1030145107683631106

Itssoeasy

Buttersuki are those direct quotes from the event so to speak or have you being thinking like the chief so long you can make it up ? Buttersuki bocht if It's the latter.

ButtersSuki

Itssoeasy wrote: »

Buttersuki are those direct quotes from the event so to speak or have you being thinking like the chief so long you can make it up ? Buttersuki bocht if It's the latter.

Direct quotes caller. Apologies for not posting the original links, I'll do that now:
https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/duffy-defends-phoenix-park-team-homecoming-26242328.html

http://www.dangerhere.com/issues/worldcup/infamy.htm
With thanks to McDermotX for bringing the last one to my attention.

You should watch the video if you've never seen it before. The look on Damien Duff's face when being interviewed by Duffy is priceless - actually it probably "only" cost €10,000 in fees dat day for Fateen but you get the point.

sligojoek

meep wrote: »

Go raibh maith agat, Petal.

I note PBH is alomost equalling last years productivity, and it only August.

Wow!

Suggestion and dat. Wood it be a lot of trouble to add the 2-17 number in brackets on the 2-18 wurkday calculator and dat? For example;

Wurkdays in 2-18 and dat: 159 (251)
Joe Shows: 124 (197)
No Show Joe Shows: 35 (56)
Breakeens 4 Joe: 35 (56)
PBH (de full-time host of de show) Shows: 30 (31)
etc.

Don't want to be adding any stress to the very delicate calculations required to generate the wurkday calculator and dat but if it was easy, it would be an excellent feature.

Ah Jaysus don't go critisising him. He's worse than Joe when someone challenges him.

ButtersSuki

sligojoek wrote: »

Ah Jaysus don't go critisising him. He's worse than Joe when someone challenges him.

I'll leave it to my spiritual leader and confidant Ray J to reply to that:

Brian Scan

sligojoek wrote: »

Ah Jaysus don't go critisising him. He's worse than Joe when someone challenges him.

Careful.

ButtersSuki

Of course someone missed the fact that someone else was joking.:rolleyes:

Brian Scan

sligojoek wrote: »

Ah Jaysus don't go critisising him. He's worse than Joe when someone challenges him.

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Of course someone missed the fact that someone else was joking.:rolleyes:

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

SEPT 23 1989

Brian Scan wrote: »

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Oh hello