Hey all,
Just looking to get some opinions on this situation.
Am a 30 y/o female and moved into a 2 bed apartment back in April with a friend I met through work. He's a 23 y/o male.
We were both in bad living situations and needed to get out asap. We were both pretty good friends and decided to get a place together.
We had the necessary chats before moving in, how to divvy up chores, what "clean" meant to each of us, that having any people over we'd let the other know out of courtesy, who'd get the bigger room and therefore pay more rent (him), who'd manage the bills (me) and who'd manage the rent (him) etc etc.
However, having moved in, its a completely different story.
I'm a clean person, and having a cat I understand the importance of having a clean living environment, especially when you don't have the luxury of living alone. I noticed pretty quickly he did nothing to maintain the cleanliness of the apartment, other than clean his dishes and clean the sink area. He constantly complained about EVERYTHING.
He exaggerated and lied about a lot of things, both little - saying he was sick of putting the cone in our parking space to deter people from parking there (he doesn't own a car and never once did that) - and big - saying he was having a house guest stay for three weeks and not to worry that they would be away travelling most of the time and he would contribute extra to the bills (they stayed in the apartment the ENTIRE time and he didn't contribute anything extra).
He needed to be reminded to take down the rubbish (which I did in a friendly, civil manner a good few times). He would smoke in the shared living space, stinking up the furniture, throws and the apartment in general. He never once used the hoover or mop, never cleaned the oven (which he constantly filled up with brioche crumbs) never lifted a finger to address any of the issues with the apartment (new washing machine needed, microwave and freezer needed, several fixtures needing replacement etc - all of which I had to sort), kept keeping the few bowls and other few bits of delph we had in his room etc etc.
I tried to handle all of this in a civil way, asking him to not smoke in the living space, to please help out with the chores, made a point of pointing out that I had gotten no help from him in regards to addressing any of the issues with the apartment (never got a thanks for all the trouble either).
He started getting odd with me after this all started to happen, most notably after his house guest stayed. They kept waking me up, both in the morning and late at night, kept taking over the living area both day and night, he used to leave her in his room and go out at night which I thought was absolutely bizaare, she never once introduced herself or said thank you for allowing her to stay in the apartment. They stayed in the flat the entire time watching Netflix.... actually felt bad for the girl as it was her first time in Ireland and they literally went nowhere. I could keep going on this but this is already really long!
Anyway, after she finally left, he would literally just come home from work, go straight to his room and not come out until it was time to go to work the next day. One weekend I was home ill and he didn't come out of his room for nearly 48 hours. I was actually concerned something had happened to him.
During this time, I pointed out to him that I was left to do all the housework and to take down all the rubbish and reminded him once again, these were joint responsibilities. He apologized and said he would try to do better.
He hoovered once, cleaned the sink, and that was about it.
He left the rubbish there for a week straight so I put it by the front door so he could grab it on his way to work. He actually pushed it out of the way and went to work as normal.
I messaged him and just said "Hey I noticed you didn't take the rubbish out. I left it by the door so you could easily grab it on your way to work. As previously discussed, you need to do your fair share etc etc Please make sure you take care of it when you get home."
No response, he comes back that night and storms in:
"CAN WE HAVE A CHAT????"
He then proceeded to say "something clicked" in his head and he remembered he once had to take the rubbish down an extra time because I was in town and I had no right to be "giving out" to him.
I was just sitting there thinking "wtf is going on in his head"... I pointed out that thats fair enough, but doesn't really have any impact on the matter at hand and didn't excuse his lack of effort in regards to general upkeep of the apartment and getting things fixed.
He absolutely freaks out, starts actually shouting at me (all while facing away from me). I just let him rant away, and calmly responded that I wouldn't tolerate that kind of attitude, that he had no grounds to speak to me that way, and that if he was dealing with personal issues, to deal with them on his own time, and not to take them out on me. He kept shouting anyway, so I just told him I wasn't going to be speaking to him anymore. He then said "Yes let's both stop talking"...
The next day I confronted him and told him he was bang out of order for acting the way he did and told him he owed me an apology. He started to sigh and gave this passive aggressive "sorry", I just said stopped him and said "NOPE, you can try again there." He then went onto say work was really **** and he was really sorry etc . I reiterated that his personal problems were not my issue and to deal with those issues on his own time. I accepted the apology, made some lighthearted chat and things went back to (somewhat) normal. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to last month. He messages me while I'm at work:
"WOW thanks for leaving the rubbish for me to take out even though I took care of it the last time. At this point I'm just going to have my own rubbish bin because I'm god damn sick of this! And for the love of god, don't tell me that you were the last one to take it out, as I took it out last Tuesday!"
I'm instantly like what the actual f*ck.......
Being perfectly honest - which I also said to him - I thought it was his turn to take it down, I wouldnt have left it there otherwise, simple mistake. I also asked him had there been some sort of miscommunication that he thought it was ok to speak to me in that way. He could have just said "Hey its your turn to take out the rubbish." Told him he could feel free to get his own bin, no problem.
After this, he hid in his room and wouldn't come out to discuss it like an adult.
He eventually had to come out as he was getting groceries delivered so I confronted him and asked if he has anything to say. He said "no" - this and what comes next all said without looking me in the eye - and quickly said "actually yes, I was so angry because you and your boyfriend left food out for me to clean up"... which never happened. I asked him what he was talking about and he flipped and said "Ye left a rubbish bag there with food in it for me to take out, I've never had you take out any of my rubbish!"
At this point, he really started to comes across as totally delusional... I asked if he understood the concept of a rubbish bin, and pointed out he didn't have to "clean up" any food. Also pointed out that for 4 months I HAD been taking down his rubbish weekly when I brought down the rubbish bags he had contributed to.
He then had the cheek to tell me to f*ck off, again without having the balls to even look at me while doing it. I absolutely lost it at this point, and asked him who the hell did he think he was to speak to me like that after everything I'd done for and around the apartment. All he kept saying was F off F off. I ended up walking away from him in absolute anger and frustration.
That was last week. He since broke the door handle (but blamed it on a delivery man???) so I couldnt get out of the apartment so I banged on his door, pointed it out and told him he needed to ring someone to get it fixed. He said he would. That was a Sunday, come Wednesday it still hadn't been fixed so I called the estate agent and asked had he called to bring it to their attention. They said no... of course. I expressed my annoyance at this to them, and I got someone out to fix it the next day.
It's now been over a week since the door handle has been fixed. I'm currently off work for a few days (until tomorrow) due to a back injury and every single day and night he only comes out of his room to go to work. He refuses to come out to say sorry for not getting someone to fix it and to say cheers for me having to do so.
I'm honestly at my wits end with this kid. He is so disrespectful, ungrateful and rude, and I'm pretty sure he's somewhat delusional as well.
Sorry for the long long long rant, but it's been somewhat cathartic for me .
Opinions, questions and suggestions welcome!
