Was I right to walk away from her ?
nthclare wrote: » started to go on about him and how she blamed his 5 year old daughter for him spending quality time with her etc and it took her ages to forgive his daughter...
Sardonicat wrote: » Old money, new money or no money at all has no bearing on this type of this type of poison. Sadly, you'll find these hideous excuses for human beings hail from all social backgrounds. Were you right to walk away? Do you honestly have to ask? Good life lesson for you there. Next time you see these red flags in anyone, be they a potential life partner, business partner or friend, run.
nthclare wrote: » Sardonicat wrote: » Old money, new money or no money at all has no bearing on this type of this type of poison. Sadly, you'll find these hideous excuses for human beings hail from all social backgrounds. Were you right to walk away? Do you honestly have to ask? Good life lesson for you there. Next time you see these red flags in anyone, be they a potential life partner, business partner or friend, run. Thanks for the reply, yes understand where you are coming from.... Gaslighters narcissists have no boundaries.... I usually bolt in that scenario my mistake for my lack of emotional intellect.
Sardonicat wrote: » Dont beat yourself up. They're very, very good at what they do. You saw the signs, gave her a chance and when she reverted to type you followed through. I think you did well. Next time you're feeling confused because you're remembering the mask she wore to reel you in remind yourself what she thought of that little 5 year old child. That's who she really is.
shes into vip lounges, the races and champers and Michelin Restaurants...
nthclare wrote: » Im a bit rugged a kind of outdoorsy type, shes into vip lounges, the races and champers and Michelin Restaurants... Im from old money shes middle class new money.... My female friends said as far as looks and personality she was punching well above her weight....
nthclare wrote: » Anyone who doesnt like kids are really messed up. A sign they didn't enjoy their own childhood, and thats for sure
Pelvis wrote: » Old money? Do people actually speak like this? Is this Dallas? That's "old TV" if you don't get the reference. Are you still using punts? Don't worry op, I'm sure your old money ruggedness will attract someone more suitable soon.
nthclare wrote: » Exactly, I felt sick after I heard that about her relationship with her exes kid... Anyone who doesnt like kids are really messed up. A sign they didn't enjoy their own childhood, and thats for sure
qwerty13 wrote: » And that’s not fair, your comment re kids. Some people just plain aren’t into kids. It doesn’t mean that they’re less of a person. I’m not commenting re your ex and kids. But your comment is ‘really messed up’
qwerty13 wrote: » To be fair OP, it comes across really badly re ‘old money’ versus ‘new’. As in you have snobby attitude towards her. That might not be the case, but it sounds really judgemental
nthclare wrote: » Am hows my comment messed up ? She was jealous of her exes 5 year old daughter taking up time she should be spending with her boyfriend.... I put kids first tbh
DONTMATTER wrote: » I think you should forget about her and move on. To be honest, reading here it looks like you both dodged a bullet.
Pelvis wrote: » You commented that people who don't like kids are messed up, and "for sure" didn't like their child hood. It's not a messed up comment, just a really stupid one.
nthclare wrote: » Im a bit rugged a kind of outdoorsy type, shes into vip lounges, the races and champers and Michelin Restaurants...
nthclare wrote: » Im from old money shes middle class new money....
nthclare wrote: » My female friends said as far as looks and personality she was punching well above her weight....
Emme wrote: » So you're not compatible. She sounds like hard work and anyone who is jealous of a 5 year old child spending time with a parent is to be avoided like the plague. There's no point in trying to end things in a civilised way with a drama queen (or king). They get off on drama and look for it everywhere. They don't do civilised endings. Class shouldn't come in to it. If she was a no drama type into fitness and the outdoors and had well and truly forgotten her ex then we'd be advising you to hang on to her class or not. BTW I'm working class Well of course your female friends are going to say that, maybe you should consider dating one of them if they're single
nthclare wrote: » I wouldn't date any of my female friends as Its a boundry I have. I love them to bits and friendship us very important.
Emme wrote: » If you're happy single that's fine but many lasting relationships develop from friendships. I bet at least one of them fancies you and would date you if they thought you would reciprocate.
WIZWEB wrote: » Gaslighting, silent treatment, triangulation with an ex, mood swings, blowing hot and cold, mindgames, attention seeking. Sounds like a Narcissist. Always right to escape their clutches.
WIZWEB wrote: » OP I'm delighted you share an awareness of NPD. However you've my empathy for our shared experience with them. A trait they lack. The average person reading about NPD on here luckily has never experienced it so it appears an alien concept to them. Yet is is quite common just misunderstood and tragically often by the professionals that could aid recovery. One Facebook Narc survivor group I'm in has over 65,000 members! Thankfully when you learn about this disorder Narcs share so many traits and they become much easier to avoid. Both Overt and covert. Unfortunately dysfunctional early childhood experiences often attracts us to them initially as does them to us. When the evidence hits you in the face like you outlined we have to challenge our cognitive dissonance and face facts. Narcs are all about attention (supply). We can be rich or poor as you say, varying looks or whatever but we're only invited along to their fantasy to provide a role of feeding their precious delicate egos. They will always latch on to the next source of supply to feed their never ending addIction or live in the fantasy of getting that ultimate high again. Unfortunately some ex's never heal and will be hoovered again if they don't maintain complete No Contact. He may or may not fall for the lovebombing but she'll be back chasing you if not or back after growing bored and initiating a discard. The very fact she pines for him so much is that he was once an excellent source of supply. A doormat in essence. Believe me I can't judge. That is his only real redeeming quality in her eyes. Well done you on implementing boundaries and making your escape. It's tough though as we fell in love with their projected illusions. Ensure you take time to heal to recover and stay away from this insanity. My experience with one was almost four years. Again you're right that over time we become enmeshed in their madness. We bond to them through trauma. The constant highs and lows makes us addicted too. No they don't change. They often get worse as they learn new tricks. It was months before my idealization phase turned to devaluation. Actually around the twelve weeks you speak of but different for every victim (now survivor). Of course I remained in denial for a long time while it got much worse. I've warned the new supply who informed me of some serious mindf**kery three weeks into their new relationship. The fact he was discussing this with me in the first place displays a lack of personal boundaries and you and I know that Narcs love that. Also he's not long out of an abusive relationship so a perfect target through the lovebombing and future faking. My ex Narc I learned is now completely addicted to Coke which the new target has minimized the problems that will ensue. Obviously ingratiated to his new role as fixer like I once was! He said he will leave. Even his mother warned him too but I'm since blocked. Not that I was going to communicate long to be triangulated. Most likely I'm now smeared as the jealous toxic ex. Even though I escaped the relationship! The new supply informed me that I like a previous ex has been painted in negative terms. Apparently I was really controlling! Reality was I was a complete doormat for falling in love with an illusion and very tolerant of many forms of abuse. Anyway both I and the ex before me needed counseling after our experience with The Narc and so it continues. The new supply will learn as you and I have OP. I only hope I planted a seed for him and the occasional reader here of my monologues to prevent what you and I have experienced.
nthclare wrote: » I know i blame myself for not bolting when it happened the first time. Fool me once...... Theres no compromise with princesses is there. Im a bit rugged a kind of outdoorsy type, shes into vip lounges, the races and champers and Michelin Restaurants... Im from old money shes middle class new money.... My female friends said as far as looks and personality she was punching well above her weight....
Purple Mountain wrote: » While I agree that you should run a mile..especially if she still has his profile picture on Facebook, the above post from you makes you sound very arrogant. Maybe you're both rid of each other?
