Feeling disheartened with trying to conceive....
Sorry if this post appears to be a rant, I have no other avenue to get this off my chest. If I don't let it all out, I'm going to fall into another cycle of wallowing in self pity and despair.
I am 31, as is my OH and we have been TTC our first child since May last year. I have PCOS but my periods are very regular, just very heavy and painful. I was only diagnosed with PCOS as they were investigating the cause of my acne, so they sent me for a transvaginal scan and informed me of the PCOS. I used to be very over-weight, but have gone from dress size 26 to size 10/12 (lost the weight before my PCOS diagnosis - kept the weight off for the last 5 years now). I am very fit, strong and active ( I weight lift at the gym 4/5 days a week), I'm always on my feet for work, go running regularly, and my diet is so clean. I count my calories everyday to keep the weight off, I don't eat processed foods, drink or smoke. My OH is very fit and strong, he is also a weight lifter and plays GAA three times a week, doesn't smoke and only drinks once in a blue moon (last time was xmas), he's in fantastic shape.
I started taking folic acid before we started TTC, and have been on pregnacare pre-conception for 2 months. I also gave caffeine up completely when we started TTC. I have tried pinapple core for 5 days after ovulation to improve implanation, for 4 cycles but with no joy. I have just started taking agnus castus in the hope that it help and we finally get a BFP.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but every month we have been trying, I get crazy pregnancy symptoms the day or so after ovulation. My boobs become very swollen and tender, and my nipples have a constant burning/buzzing sensation. I also get very nauseous and suffer with heartburn. Every month I allow myself to think that this is finally our month, the symptoms are there, and then af shows up and they disappear. I consistently spot for 3 to 4 days before af fully arrives. I know this is a symptom of low progesterone. I went to my GP last month, on our 9th month of trying, and she said she wouldn't do any bloods or tests until we had been trying for a year. I have my hopes pinned on the agnus castus to help with my low progesterone.
I am seriously struggling with the heartache of not having conceived yet. I feel so lonely and isolated, it is such a private issue. My friends around me are getting pregnant so quickly, just last week a close friend confided in me that she had just got her BFP, and it was their first month trying. It was so hard not to burst into tears when she told me, I am so truly delighted for her, I just wish we could experience the joy of a BFP too. I feel like a failure as a woman and partner, all I want is to start a family, but I'm depriving my OH of something he wants so badly, we both do. My OH has been amazing this whole time, we are DTD every other day as soon as AF has gone, until she comes again. People keep asking when we are going to start a family, I am just really struggling to keep it together and not break down every time I'm asked. I feel like such a fool for worrying and trying to prevent getting pregnant for so many years. If only I knew how hard and emotionally challenging TTC was going to be, we would have started much sooner.
Apologies, wallow over! Anyone also TTC and want to become budies? Lets hope 2018 is the year we get a bundle of joy!!!