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Child Item

Botox in your balls.

JohnnyFlash

I’ve always had a low hanging set of clockweights. Happy enough with my twig and berries in general, but I now find myself back on the ‘dating scene’ as a man in his mid-50’s, and have become slightly self-conscious about my nutpurse losing its fight against gravity and age. Even when you do shave your sac, you can’t say the scrotum is an attractive part of the male anatomy. You don’t want a lady venturing down there and finding out your plums are trying to become friends with your kneecaps.

So I was reading recently that you can now get Botox injected into your porridge pouches. Apparently they tighten up and lose that unattractive wrinkly appearance. The version is called Scrotox. Was wondering if any of the good folk of AH have had the procedure done, and if so, would you recommend it? Was your lover impressed with the taut nature of your bollocks? And if you haven’t, would you consider it?

Not looking for medical advice obviously.

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JohnnyFlash

_Brian wrote: »

No offence OP but if you get to 50 and the dangle of your bollox is the big issue you see with starting a new relationship then I’d worry about your long term happiness.

Happy as the proverbial pig, Brian. Just sometimes I look in the mirror after getting out of the shower, lift up the lad (which is a best in show example to be honest), and wish the two buckos didn’t look like two plums in a skin coloured sandwich bag. That’s all. Won’t find me buying a Porchse or becoming one of those fat lads of my vintage spending 6k on a racing bike so they can huff and puff around Wicklow of a Sunday morning.

dd972

Does your username hint at your hobbies OP, because that post certainly points that way!... :pac:

deisedav

deisedav wrote: »

True or not that fella is a seriously chap

A seriously funny chap

Purple Mountain

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

limnam

Purple Mountain wrote: »

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

Purple Mountain

limnam wrote: »

Nah..they're fairly typical.

DellyBelly

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

JohnnyFlash

Purple Mountain wrote: »

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

Wouldn’t be into sending dick pics or anything like that. Even with some good mood lighting and a good dab of vasoline on the area to give it a pleasant sheen. Don’t like receiving them either. Mate of mine told me he received a fanny pic off a lady he was flirting with on WhatsApp. Said it nearly made him sick. The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

Ain’t going to be happening I’m afraid.

limnam

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

Course he's having sex.

He's not married.

limnam

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Mate of mine told me he received a fanny pic off a lady he was flirting with on WhatsApp. Said it nearly made him sick. The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

All I can see now is a blue waffle

PucaMama

Op women aren’t worried about what they look like

JohnnyFlash

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

Why? I’m in my mid 50’s, not some auld fûcker in a nursing home getting a stiffy while getting a sponge bath. In great shape, and can run up a boner you could hang a theatre curtain on. I’m like a metronome once I get going.

PucaMama

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

He’s in his 50s lol not 100

Purple Mountain

There's must be some sort of anti-gravity device you can get to clip onto the boys.

Sofiztikated

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

My older brother, at 59, is more of a baller now than I was in my 20's.

limnam

Purple Mountain wrote: »

There's must be some sort of anti-gravity device you can get to clip onto the boys.

blue tac?

Cupcake_Crisis

Op find yourself a woman who’s a .... back dorothy. She’ll be very very appreciative of your low hanging fruits. Trust me.

Purple Mountain

limnam wrote: »

blue tac?

I was thinking more of a meat hanging S hook that he could pierce through the skin and attach to his Y fronts on the waistband.

_Dara_

I lolled so I did. Like, really genuinely laughed out loud. A lot.

Porridge pouches.

sydthebeat

The lower the swing, the louder the ding.

Beanntraigheach

Excess Scrotal Laxity (ESL) is a common affliction with elderly gentleman such as yourself. A cause of discomfort and embarrassment.

Fortunately, there is a solution for your problem: Haemorrhoid cream.
That's right, common, over-the-counter haemorrhoid cream!
Massage vigorously into the scrotum, not once, not twice, but thrice daily (this is crucial), and you should see a marked improvement within weeks.
(You might like to consider asking your partner to apply the cream for you, many couples find the activity a deeply pleasurable and erotic addition to their intimate time together.)

percy212

Just the one bosca or a variety of boscai?

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Doubt I’ll get married again. One of those is enough for any sane person. No, having great fun sinking the one-eyed purple warrior in wet bosca.

Stoolbend

Vincenzo Savory Racket wrote: »

Don`t think many women your age would care tbh, their t*ts are probably doing the same

Best of luck with your saggy balls

Who said he's after women his age.

Half your age plus whatever it takes to make them 18 is the rule I think.

JohnnyFlash

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Excess Scrotal Laxity (ESL) is a common affliction with elderly gentleman such as yourself. A cause of discomfort and embarrassment.

Fortunately, there is a solution for your problem: Haemorrhoid cream.
That's right, common, over-the-counter haemorrhoid cream!
Massage vigorously into the scrotum, not once, not twice, but thrice daily (this is crucial), and you should see a marked improvement within weeks.
(You might like to consider asking your partner to apply the cream for you, many couples find the activity a deeply pleasurable and erotic addition to their intimate time together.)

I’m cynical about this to be honest. I’ve never had a dose of the John Giles, but can’t see myself going to the chemist telling them I want to buy a large tub of Prep-H so I can rub it into the bearded love walnuts.

No, a discrete scrotux injection sounds preferable. Heard there’s Botox specialists who will call to your house to carry out the procedure. Could be lying on the couch with the legs akimbo, y-fronts around the ankles, and Pointless on the telly.

TheValeyard

Have you tried playing the drums with them?

Malayalam

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’m cynical about this to be honest. I’ve never had a dose of the John Giles, but can’t see myself going to the chemist telling them I want to buy a large tub of Prep-H so I can rub it into the bearded love walnuts.

No, a discrete scrotux injection sounds preferable. Heard there’s Botox specialists who will call to your house to carry out the procedure. Could be lying on the couch with the legs akimbo, y-fronts around the ankles, and Pointless on the telly.

Try Tiger Balm instead. You'll have no energy left for cynicism then.

PS I don't understand how you imagine botox will work in this instance. It's job is to freeze muscles so that wrinkles decrease (I think). It doesn't magically lift loose skin up into a tauter position. For that you'll be needing a full on scrotal lift (I imagine). Some sort of scrotal hammock until you can afford that operation, OP

Wibbs

_Brian wrote: »

No offence OP but if you get to 50 and the dangle of your bollox is the big issue you see with starting a new relationship then I’d worry about your long term happiness.

I think we've found the recipient of the finest humourectomy ever performed by the best of Harley St.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

My morning tiffin just hosed out my nose across my keyboard. You magnificent cunt.

wexie

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

Malayalam

wexie wrote: »

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

Good God. What next.

Dr. Mesa explained that Scrotox allows the testicles to hang down further and appear bigger

I hope OP isn't already akimbo on his couch, for this news will not comfort him.

[Deleted User]

wexie wrote: »

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

The Scrotoxed man also added that “The sex was great!” as he’d hoped.