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Child Item

Weddings - a terrible day out.

JohnnyFlash

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

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meeeeh

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

I agree with that. Some enjoy planning the wedding or buying baby stuff, I enjoyed designing and picking our kitchen. People have different preferences and I'm pretty sure we bored plenty of people with our house designs.

The only thing I find annoying is couple inviting people they don't like and then complaining when they show up. Just don't invite people you don't want to have there.

LirW

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

Don't get me wrong, everyone should forego their day as they choose.
But it is a huge business after all and once the question is popped, the pressure is enormous on couples. You need this, you need that, you can't do X, you have to get Y. Why would you think that there is so much advertising for huge days with every last bit of glamour factored in but nothing for people that want it low key. Because there is no money in them, while people happily splash out huge money on the fairytale day. Now add pressure and expectations on top of it and a lot of people give in.
When I told people that even fancy restaurants charge you the normal price on group menus with a reasonably sized party, I kid you not, everyone was surprised that this is actually possible. Didn't know it myself either. There is no extra when the word "wedding" comes up, there is an extra for a big planned affair because you pay for your supplier that it all goes smoothly.

I don't see any point in denying that it is an industry like any other and some people enjoy it, some get pressured into it.
I've heard first hand of ladies walking into dress shops geared with budgets of under 1000 and got basically told they can't afford anything there. Up the budget or be a not-so- good bride like the others. This goes through the whole process really.

FixitFelix

AnneFrank wrote: »

I hate weddings, if it's for love why not just get married with direct family somewhere nice,
otherwise it's just for show

I thought you'd be delighted to get out.

Malayalam

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

Its a comfort thing for me too. I understand some people love clothes and make up and hair dressing and stuff, but I just have almost zero interest in that end of things. Plus I am quite shy in person and I hate being the centre of attention - a surprise birthday party or such would be my idea of absolute Hell. All if the fuss involved in a big wedding - before, during and after - would make me soooooooooooooooo uncomfortable. Thank God my children are likely to follow my example and elope

AnneFrank

FixitFelix wrote: »

I thought you'd be delighted to get out.

i'd rather the gas chamber

meeeeh

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!

I've been to a small wedding, it was no less hassle and no cheaper than the others. I enjoyed myself but I can't say I enjoyed myself more than at other weddings.

marvin80

LirW wrote: »

Agree with all par that one, when you wanna have a civil ceremony with an HSE registrar you only can do it from Monday - Friday. It's grand when couples accept the fact not everyone will be around because of work, but jesus, there are some people getting seriously worked up over others not taking annual leave for their party.

That's fair enough - going to be a civil ceremony job when I get married but what I meant was people having their weddings on a Thursday/Friday to save money/being greedy.
The example I mentioned was a friend getting a very nice hotel but wanted to save money by having it on a Thursday. In his view he'll save money on the hotel but still make the same amount from gifts. He didn't mind putting people out and having to take annual leave from work.

iamwhoiam

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!

Maybe they do . But no one is judging them for it . But seem to think they can judge others for not doing it their way

theyoungchap

As somebody once said "the first people to complain about going to a wedding, would be the first people to complain if you didn't ask them"!!!

iamwhoiam

What do people consider a small wedding these days ?

BobMc

I personally enjoy them a bit more than when I was younger, Due to go to one in June and really looking forward to it.

Its a colleague from my wifes previous job so lots of her friends from that company will be at it, Met the bride a good few times at events from that company and other weddings etc. I'm pretty easy going will make an effort to chat and find common ground with anyone while at something like a wedding. With kids etc. we dont get out much and this is an occassion for us to get dressed up usually meet some people we know, knock back a few bevvies etc.

Been to a few duds but for the most part my memories are good from most weddings.

My kids attended one with us couple years back and had a great time too (would have been 12 / 9) loads of cousins
at it, behaved great not a bother on them had a big table all to themselves etc.

Now in saying all that, an invite to anymore than 3 or 4 in a year would be pushing my tolerance level a wee bit

LirW

Jesus, not judging anyone, just pointing out it's not always as straight forward and stressless or no obligations than it seems. The biggest Irish and UK social media wedding group is full with questions about personal dilemmas where people don't want to do certain things, can't afford certain things, family members or friends emotionally blackmailing them that they won't come when certain food isn't served or the wedding isn't in a church.
When you then have a whole industry preying on highly stressed people like newly engaged couples it's not making things easier and you regularly hear from people overstretching themselves to keep the race up. That's my whole point really.
And believe me, we both were under this pressure too to make it fancier and more extravagant than we do now.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Maybe they do . But no one is judging them for it . But seem to think they can judge others for not doing it their way

I think it's more judging people who have bought into an extremely expensive, terribly extravagant wedding culture that puts guests to huge expense and inconvenience, and where the true meaning of the day is often lost in a whirlpool of stress about colours and favours and fireworks and chocolate fountains and all kinds of other accessories. Expecting guests to use up their holiday leave to attend your wedding in Spain, demanding 'cash gifts only' on wedding invitations, assuming your friends will attend a weekend Hen party in Prague on top of travelling to your wedding are all examples of how some brides and grooms have lost the run of themselves and just treat guests like some kind of accessory to their big day and not people with lives of their own.

Obviously not all big weddings are like that, but enough of them are to have people worn out, fed up and a bit cynical about weddings nowadays.

theyoungchap

I hate people saying "cash only".......OK nobody wants 5 toasters but you get some lovely gifts from people, and often stuff you would never buy yourself.
I always give cash, but I also think a little bit less of the people if they write that on the invite.

decky1

not fond of weddings , went to one last year have to say the food was the best , but i felt like a coiled spring all day, i swore unless it's my own girls that get married i'm finished, spent a lifetime suiting others sorry no more for me i'll go and do what i want.you do'nt have to go forget about others and suit yourself, go for a few hours that evening it works better.

_Dara_

pickarooney wrote: »

How about being mature enough to decline the invitation and realise nobody really cares if you go?

Sometimes, you have to go. Let's not ignore social mores here.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

_Dara_ wrote: »

Sometimes, you have to go. Let's not ignore social mores here.

Exactly. There are some weddings where it really would look odd or rude if you didn't attend. There are others where elderly parents might be embarrassed and upset if one of their grown up offspring refused an invite to a relative's wedding. There's usually a few things to be weighed up and most people can judge if declining an invite will cause hurt feelings or umbrage, or if the B&G or wider family won't care.

decky1

_Dara_ wrote: »

Sometimes, you have to go. Let's not ignore social mores here.

why would you HAVE to go? afraid of what they might say?:cool:

OldNotWIse

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Sorry but that is just complete boll*x. Having been to 15+ weddings in the last couple of years I have never once witnessed a desperate bridesmaid and the word spinster is just insulting really.

Lucky for you

I think our anecdotal evidence shall have to agree to disagree.

Deise Vu

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I also wish this fad for destination weddings would die a death. At least if a wedding is at home you can make your excuses at some stage in the evening and escape. But if you're all trapped in the same Spanish village it's a bit difficult to say you have an early start in the morning/the babysitter needs to go home/you have to be at another function later on.

I got married down in Kerry despite me and the Missus both being from Waterford. The idea was to just invite family and a few close friends and avoid the palavar that would go with a huge wedding and not inviting uncle Jimmy or the MIL's best friend etc. Also everyone had the excuse of babysitters etc if they didn't want to go.

One of my brothers actually got married in Tanzania. It was an amazing experience but two of my other brothers and two of my sisters didn't bother attending. No one batted an eyelid and the only regrets afterwards were from the people who didn't make the effort to go. And for the bitch he married, boy did we regret her afterwards.

marvin80

decky1 wrote: »

why would you HAVE to go? afraid of what they might say?:cool:

More the fact people would get annoyed and have a falling out with you.

meeeeh

theyoungchap wrote: »

I hate people saying "cash only".......OK nobody wants 5 toasters but you get some lovely gifts from people, and often stuff you would never buy yourself.
I always give cash, but I also think a little bit less of the people if they write that on the invite.

A friend of mine put bank details on the invite. I found it extremely crass but because I know what he is like, I just shrugged my shoulders and transferred the money. When we needed the car for our wedding, planner came up with the option I felt was too expensive, he made couple of calls and organized the car as a wedding present. People have different qualities and sometimes it also pointless to be upset about minor stuff.

I don't like mention of presents at all on the invites because 'no presents or money' invites caused as much hassle. I remember getting a present despite the request and when I dropped it to the couple I was told about everybody that gave them presents. I wouldn't want to be one of the people who followed their instructions. It's a bloody minefield.

.......

This post has been deleted.

Steve F

theyoungchap wrote: »

I hate people saying "cash only".......OK nobody wants 5 toasters but you get some lovely gifts from people, and often stuff you would never buy yourself.
I always give cash, but I also think a little bit less of the people if they write that on the invite.

You get approx 10 years out of a toaster
5 x 10 = 50 Years
Never have to by another toaster in your life. SORTED !!!

qwerty ui op

theyoungchap wrote: »

Got married a couple of years ago, maybe it is only when you get married yourself you realise what the day means to the couple involved.....gives you a new appreciation of weddings I have found.

You'd be surprised how little be people give a toss about what you find important. I know people who took a few hours of work and went for a stroll in the park afterwards. I know a guy who went in his work clothes. I even know a couple who completely forgot about the appointment and had to rearrange.

theyoungchap wrote: »

No couple will give 2 ***** whether you attend or not.

For the usual big weddings i'd say the exact opposite is true.

theyoungchap wrote: »

People complain about cost of hotel - drive then and leave early. Or stay in a local B&B.

They ain't free you know.

theyoungchap wrote: »

Irish people just love to complain about everything!

Yeah, even those pesky weddings abroad

erica74 wrote: »

Nowhere in your post have you stated that you or your OH don't want to go to the wedding so I don't really see your point? If you want to go, then go, if you don't want to go, then don't go.

I'm pointing out a usual scenario how people come under pressure to go. This happens for both male and female.

jimgoose wrote: »

No it isn't. If someone throws an enormous relationship-ending strop because they don't get their own way then I don't have any interest in them. You get to a certain stage in life where you just don't entertain this sort of horseshit anymore.

So a friend spends tens of thousands of euro and 8months to organize their big day and it fine to say, " Nah! I'll give it a miss, something new out on netflix next weekend".

c68zapdsm5i1ru

....... wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I've never seen it myself, but apparently having someone come in and give Salsa lessons or folk dancing lessons or whatever to the guests is now quite common. That would make me absolutely cringe and suddenly have an urgent need to use the loo, (and stay there until it was safe to come back out).

erica74

_Dara_ wrote: »

Sometimes, you have to go. Let's not ignore social mores here.

You don't "have to" though.

[Deleted User]

Love them, always a great day out, meeting with friends and family etc and best of all its normally a solid 2 day drinking session if not more. What's not to like!!

Been to over 20 in the last 2 or 3 years and enjoyed every one!

erica74

qwerty ui op wrote: »

I'm pointing out a usual scenario how people come under pressure to go. This happens for both male and female.

But in that scenario there was no mention that either hypothetical person didn't want to attend. If you're friends with someone and want to go to their wedding, then go

theyoungchap

qwerty ui op wrote: »

They ain't free you know.

".

Well go home then misery guts the wedding will probably be better craic without you!!!