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Lahvlahn: The "Snow Show Like a Joe Show" Edition - 01/03 two-eighteen so to speak

wnolan1992

Ireland is scheduled to be buried under snow at 4pm tomorrow, so here's one last Liveline thread for the road. Enjoy.

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ButtersSuki

Mena Mitty wrote: »

I cudda sworn on me mudder and fadder's grave I never seen the 9 Reggie, honest to God I wooden tell you a word of a lie.

Joe: Did yous say yer mudder AND yer fadder are dead? Did day did doyed on de same day by any chance? Did day did doyed of naturill causes and dat or ideally in a terrybull terrybull accident and dat or from a rare disease? Would yous like ta talk abour ih in minute detail and dat and relive de pain lahv on de air?

ButtersSuki

Mena Mitty wrote: »

I cudda sworn on me mudder and fadder's grave I never seen the 9 Reggie, honest to God I wooden tell you a word of a lie.

Joe: Mind yer eyesite now, dja heer me?

Brendan Bendar

Dan Jaman wrote: »

I had a music teacher that I wondered if she played with herself.

She did- the gusset banjo.

Concentrating on the top string.....!

&#55357;&#56879;

Mena Mitty

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Joe: Did yous say yer mudder AND yer fadder are dead? Did day did doyed on de same day by any chance? Did day did doyed of naturill causes and dat or ideally in a terrybull terrybull accident and dat or from a rare disease? Would yous like ta talk abour ih in minute detail and dat and relive de pain lahv on de air?

A Garda wudden ask me that.

sligojoek

Couldn't post at the time. Such a stupid question about the 25yr old TV.

"Was it one of the first colour TVs?"

Where did they get him?

ButtersSuki

Mena Mitty wrote: »

A Garda wudden ask me that.

Deegan from Fair City would.

ButtersSuki

sligojoek wrote: »

Couldn't post at the time. Such a stupid question about the 25yr old TV.

"Was it one of the first colour TVs?"

Where did they get him?

Like I said yesterday....and the day before....and the day before dat as well....and a lot of the time.....every time I think he can't be any dumber, he surprises me.

25 years ago was 1993....and he thought that was one of the first colour TVs in Ireland. :rolleyes:

The only excuse you can make for him is that it involved such a complex and high number :rolleyes: as 25 and we all know how he is wit de auld Matty Matticks.....

ButtersSuki

Listened to neighbourhood watch lady from yesterday and today's show back to back and dat so to speak. On de podcast on de app de neighbourhood watch lady piece is preceded by de lady who had her €1,000 watch "misappropriated" in Malaga Airport....who was a called on today's show.

The way Fateen talked about the watch you'd swear it cost €100,000 and not €1,000. I haven't seen his watch (or watches) but I'd be willing to bet it'd cost more than €1,000. No Timex for Fateen if his garish clothing is anything to go by.

ButtersSuki

Today's show was muck....

sligojoek

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Like I said yesterday....and the day before....and the day before dat as well....and a lot of the time.....every time I think he can't be any dumber, he surprises me.

25 years ago was 1993....and he thought that was one of the first colour TVs in Ireland. :rolleyes:

The only excuse you can make for him is that it involved such a complex and high number :rolleyes: as 25 and we all know how he is wit de auld Matty Matticks.....

As mentioned earlier, he also asked her , "Is it one of those ones with the big backs?" It's not so long ago when he was talking about flatscreen TVs as if they were a new phenomenon .

ButtersSuki

sligojoek wrote: »

As mentioned earlier, he also asked her , "Is it one of those ones with the big backs?" It's not so long ago when he was talking about flatscreen TVs as if they were a new phenomenon .

Wat colour is yer colour tv?

Muff Richardson II

sligojoek wrote: »

As mentioned earlier, he also asked her , "Is it one of those ones with the big backs?" It's not so long ago when he was talking about flatscreen TVs as if they were a new phenomenon .

i'd say he knows exactly what he's on about and the durty fat c*nt has a 75" flat screen 4K full HD streaming pronhub as soon as he checks out of the office after his 2 hour work day at 3:15pm.

ButtersSuki

Muff Richardson II wrote: »

i'd say he knows exactly what he's on about and the durty fat c*nt has a 75" flat screen 4K full HD streaming pronhub as soon as he checks out of the office after his 2 hour work day at 3:15pm.

You can’t say dat! You can’t say dat....he duzn’t wurk as long as 2 hours.....

somesoldiers

What color was the card?

Mena Mitty

sligojoek wrote: »

As mentioned earlier, he also asked her , "Is it one of those ones with the big backs?" It's not so long ago when he was talking about flatscreen TVs as if they were a new phenomenon .

Caller: Jow wait 'til I tell ya about my fella and the telly with the big back. It was the death of him Jow.

Jow: Sorry to hear that, so you're a widow sotospeak.

Caller: I am Jow, now a widow. Fourteen years next Christmas since he was taken.

Jow: who took him ? How was he taken ?
Was he abducted ?

Caller: O Jow !

Jow: In yer own time, in your own words tell us how he was taken petal ?

Caller: Jow he said to me Christmas week to go down and pick out a colour telly...the biggest one in the shop, cause it was our 25th wedding anniversary and we were always talking about the a big telly for the bedroom and we could never afford it even with the big pull...I mean the redundancy money and with 14 mouths to feed Jow it's not easy and a colour telly for the bedroom was the least of our troubles.

Jow: YewR digressing Caller

Caller: Anyway Joe to make a long story short, didn't the telly arrive and it took 2 men to carry it in and up to the top of the stairs and they nearly keeling over from exaustion. Well Jow they left it on the floor at the top of the stairs. 'Right' says my fella. 'I'm going to carry it over the threshold' Now Jow my fella thought he was a young fella on the docks horsing up half a cwt. up on his shoulders and running up and down ladders like the old days. So he asked them what weight was the telly with the big back.

Mena Mitty

Jow: YewR digressing again caller.

Caller: To made a long story even shorter, didn't the fella that was the driver say it was 75 kilos Jow. 'What's that in old money' says my fella. About a half cwt. says the other fella. 'Right'says my fella 'up with it throw it up on me back'...........

Jow: .... and

Jow: ...and

Caller: Well Jow with all the toing and frowing, didn't my fella lose his footing and went head first down the stairs and the telly with the big back down on top of him as if to hammer home the fact he was dead as a doornail. Jow it wasn't a pretty sight. But God never closes one door but he opens another

Jow: How so ?

Caller: I sued myself and got..............

Jow: Got what caller ?

Jow: Hello....we seemed to lost that line back after dese.

liam7831

As bad as Joe is I can't listen to pbh and his analagies

ButtersSuki

Mena Mitty wrote: »

Caller: Jow wait 'til I tell ya about my fella and the telly with the big back. It was the death of him Jow.

Jow: Sorry to hear that, so you're a widow sotospeak.

Caller: I am Jow, now a widow. Fourteen years next Christmas since he was taken.

Jow: who took him ? How was he taken ?
Was he abducted ?

Caller: O Jow !

Jow: In yer own time, in your own words tell us how he was taken petal ?

Caller: Jow he said to me Christmas week to go down and pick out a colour telly...the biggest one in the shop, cause it was our 25th wedding anniversary and we were always talking about the a big telly for the bedroom and we could never afford it even with the big pull...I mean the redundancy money and with 14 mouths to feed Jow it's not easy and a colour telly for the bedroom was the least of our troubles.

Jow: YewR digressing Caller

Caller: Anyway Joe to make a long story short, didn't the telly arrive and it took 2 men to carry it in and up to the top of the stairs and they nearly keeling over from exaustion. Well Jow they left it on the floor at the top of the stairs. 'Right' says my fella. 'I'm going to carry it over the threshold' Now Jow my fella thought he was a young fella on the docks horsing up half a cwt. up on his shoulders and running up and down ladders like the old days. So he asked them what weight was the telly with the big back.

Mena, can you ask yer Mudder ya come in ta De skool on Munday and dat ta discuss yer consumption a de chronic and dat.....and don’t be blaming us for not teeching you dat decdrugs are bad and dat.

Mena Mitty

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Mena, can you ask yer Mudder ya come in ta De skool on Munday and dat ta discuss yer consumption a de chronic and dat.....and don’t be blaming us for not teeching you dat decdrugs are bad and dat.

Me Mudder can't come in Sir she's six foot under....pushing up the daisies sotospeak.

ButtersSuki

Mena Mitty wrote: »

Me Mudder can't come in Sir she's six foot under....pushing up the daisies sotospeak.

I’m sorry ya hear dat so to speak. How did de death of a luved wan make you feel? Are you free ta take a call tamarra afternoon if I come in ta wurk? I’m due a break-een soon so might not bother me hole coming in dis week.

ButtersSuki

Liga (missing Romanian woman in India and wife of an Irishman) has been found dead in India. At least the family can grieve privately now.....unless of course Joe calls the husband again and proves him for details until he gets the tears he craves.

On a more positive note Dug-less can come back on tomorrow’s show and tell us how amazing he is whilst simultaneously plugging his business.....

Mena Mitty

ButtersSuki wrote: »

I’m sorry ya hear dat so to speak. How did de death of a luved wan make you feel? Are you free ta take a call tamarra afternoon if I come in ta wurk? I’m due a break-een soon so might not bother me hole coming in dis week.

Nah not free, have to bring in scraws and steam the horsehair mattresses with me brand new JML electric steamer, for the Yanks, the cousins from Americay who will be landing in Shannon for Whit.

They love the smell of old Ireland...the scraws smouldering in the grate in the parlour does the trick, a little tip there for Francis Brennan, none of that ol' pot purry for the cousins. I do make one allowance.. .the bacon and cabbage Yankee candle saves cooking the real thing. The Yanks are divils for the Supermacs ....breakfast dinner and supper.

Mena Mitty

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Liga (missing Romanian woman in India and wife of an Irishman) has been found dead in India. At least the family can grieve privately now.....unless of course Joe calls the husband again and proves him for details until he gets the tears he craves.

On a more positive note Dug-less can come back on tomorrow’s show and tell us how amazing he is whilst simultaneously plugging his business.....

That's sad, poor woman had her troubles from what I've read. May she Rest in Peace.

ButtersSuki

Will Fateen discuss the horrible and totally disrespectful (I mean, do day not know who he is and dat?) treatment de wunderful, fantastic AND TOTALLY HONEST best politician ever in de history of de wurldid and dat Saint Bertie received last week from de horrible Germans and dat? I don't tink anyone wood be better placed to IMPARTIALLY discuss Fianna Fail in general, but also Saint Bertie..........

Of all de croymes Ze Germans have ever committed I tink it's fair to say dis was by far de wurst. FACT.

Who nose? Maybe he'll ever have de great man himself on to tell us again how his biggest regret was not building De Bertie Bowl OR how if only he was still in power at de toyme of de great crash how he'd have fixed it all himself - him of de great financial moynd who simultaneously didn't have a bank account and dat.

WHOY would you have a Bank Account caller wen dat leaves a paper trail.....?

We could have a Fianna Fail luv in. Maybe Ivan Calorie's solicitior will come on again and regale us wit tales of Ivan's fitness levels...and maybe even some of de latest offers in Ivan's Second Hand Car Showroom? Or maybe the Fianna Fail plant who was gushing wit praise for Michael Martin when he said "sorry"?

Or maybe as it's damaging to the carefully concocted re-branding of Fianna Fail (no doubt wit a "healthy" input from De Kummunications Klinic and dat) he'll totally ignore it and instead focus on wat de whole country is talking about twoday.....like Mary in Ballyer's missing old £1 coin.

ButtersSuki

De Brand NEW & IMPROVED so to speak 2-18 Joe Duffy Wurkday Calculator and dat:

Wurkdays in 2-18 and dat: 78
Joe Shows: 64
No Show Joe Shows: 14
Breakeens 4 Joe: 14
PBH (de full-time host of de show) Shows: 9
PBH guest appearances and dat: 1
D'Omen Shows: 4
AN Udder Shows: 0
Good Fryday No Show by nobody at all at all: 1

NEW FEATURE SO TO SPEAK:
Fateen's Estimated Fees (De FEF Matrix so to speak) to date dis year: €160,000*
(not including de EXTRA FEES for 3 days of De Beast From De East TV + Radio Simulcast Xtravaganza + likely "Danger Money" for travelling to and from wurk in de snow and dat).

*de fees are calculated at €2,500 per show x days dat Fateen is in so to speak. Dose fees are likely conservative and outdated as day are 2 years old so to speak.
I'm including Good Fryday as a Wurkday as it is not an official Bank Holiday/Holiday Day. Even Pat Kenny is in Newstalk FFS, but no-one in RTE of course of course.

ButtersSuki

Ronan playing "Brush up your Shakespeare"....regular listeners will know how fond Joe is of Shakespearean English so to speak and dat. It's a shame he can't speak it....... :rolleyes::D

POSSIBLY coming up on twoday's show:

Irish Detective in Australia can't join de Gardai so to speak and dat. And not just any auld detective - de top detective sez he. You'd almost imagine Australia was a different country.....
Old people scammed again through de Westrin Yewnyun so to speak and dat. Call us now if you've been "met" wit a scam sez he as de Westrin Yewnyun have set up a fund so to speak to compensate now dja heer me?
Travel nightmares so to speak and dat. Have you been to Malaga Airport? Were ya robbed? Call us now
Aughinish losing 400 jobs so to speak and dat because it's owned by an OLLY-Gark and Trump is closing it

DEFINITELY coming up on twoday's show:

Stupid puns and attempted plays on wurds and dat
Inappropriate and unnecessary giggles unrelated in any way to the story at hand
Repeasted use of "WHOY?" and a phrase that sounds like "Ummm"

Camp voyis outro? Of course! Of course!

thesandeman

Only caught the end of the promo. Did he say something about cat ass droppings in Limerick?

ButtersSuki

thesandeman wrote: »

Only caught the end of the promo. Did he say something about cat ass droppings in Limerick?

No; but he tried to pronounce "Aughinish" as if it was a placename in Ancient Irish - complete with a Gaeilgeoir-type accent. "Don't do de accent" doesn't apply to Fateen....

Dan Jaman

thesandeman wrote: »

Only caught the end of the promo. Did he say something about cat ass droppings in Limerick?

Cat arse trophy?
I'd imagine it would be.

BPKS

I hear Jonathan Dowdall has had his sentence reduced.

Remember the day he rang in Joe giving out about the Garda raid on his house - when, it transpires, the Gardai found the footage of the waterboarding!