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Child Item

What bullshιt were you told as a kid? Lies from parents etc.

Ahhhh for forks sake! · 2018-04-17T20:24:18+00:00

I was told the classics, i* If you stare at the telly your eyes will turn square. * If you lie your tongue will turn black. * If you don't behave the man will come and take you away. * If you put your shoes on the wrong feet your feet will turn square. * If you make faces and get a fright you'll get stuck like that. * If…

Ahhhh for forks sake!

I was told the classics, i

If you stare at the telly your eyes will turn square.
If you lie your tongue will turn black.
If you don't behave the man will come and take you away.
If you put your shoes on the wrong feet your feet will turn square.
If you make faces and get a fright you'll get stuck like that.
If you eat sugar straight from the bowl you'll get worms inside you.
Santa is watching you.
If you don't eat your dinner your ears will fall off.
If you pretend to be sick, you'll end up really genuinely sick for the rest of your life.

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Irish Guitarist

'History' class when I was in primary school consisted of stories about the likes of Cú Chulainn or The Children of Lir. Not bad stories and there's nothing wrong with learning about Irish myths and legends. They have their place in literature but piss off trying to pass them off as history.

Super-Rush

Don't worry you'll be safe with the priest.

Lu Tze

Amalgam wrote: »

Eating chopped liver and various other unmentionables would give me bat like powers, see in the dark etc..

Basically, a fib to get me to eat the, 'offal of the week', when the house budget was tight.

Feckers.

How dare you, liver is awesome! And is full of iron, so if you ate enough you may have developed some kind of ferromagnetic powers!

bisounours

Ninjini wrote: »

My Nan also told me that rain was God crying and thunder was when God was angry.

My mom said the thunder was the angels fighting and the rain was tears from the one that lost. I would always look out the window to see if I could see a cherub crying so I could give him/her a hug.

filbert the fox

if you fall into a bog hole you'll be falling into the middle of next week

Ahhhh for forks sake!

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

'History' class when I was in primary school consisted of stories about the likes of Cú Chulainn or The Children of Lir. Not bad stories and there's nothing wrong with learning about Irish myths and legends. They have their place in literature but piss off trying to pass them off as history.

I thought I was the only one !! I was taught them as fact when I was in third class.

Ninjini

bisounours wrote: »

My mom said the thunder was the angels fighting and the rain was tears from the one that lost. I would always look out the window to see if I could see a cherub crying so I could give him/her a hug.

That’s adorable!

My Nan was not impressed when myself and my cousin said thunder wasn’t God being angry, it was him playing bowling. We then got told “the bad man” was watching us through the window

Ahhhh for forks sake!

filbert the fox wrote: »

if you use bad language to your parents your hand will stick up out of your grave

Even when you're still alive and walking on earth ??

MonkieSocks

Our parents used to bring on trips to lots of places, but we always found our way back home again

Ol' Donie

Not a direct lie to me, as such, but there was that nonsense about putting butter on a burn.

I remember a lecture about lab safety in college where we were told what to do in case of burn.

The lecturer actually said "There is this weird nonsense about putting butter on a burn. I don't know where the hell that came from Don't do it. Cold water. Not Kerrygold." Or something along those lines.

bisounours

Ninjini wrote: »

We then got told “the bad man” was watching us through the window

That would freak me out completely ðŸ˜³

filbert the fox

Ol' Donie wrote: »

Not a direct lie to me, as such, but there was that nonsense about putting butter on a burn.

I remember a lecture about lab safety in college where we were told what to do in case of burn.

The lecturer actually said "There is this weird nonsense about putting butter on a burn. I don't know where the hell that came from Don't do it. Cold water. Not Kerrygold." Or something along those lines.

Doesn't natural yogurt ease sunburn?

Yer Da sells Avon

filbert the fox wrote: »

There's a child in Africa who would love to eat that (tripe usually)

"Pack it up and send it to them then"

*slap*

bisounours

Yogurt, aloe, cold tea bags, and lots of ibuprofen

If you swallow apple seeds, watermelon seeds, etc, a plant would grow from the top of my head (or from my belly button - she never got her stories straight)

Ninjini

bisounours wrote: »

That would freak me out completely ðŸ˜³

Oh it freaked me out. I still avoid looking out the windows when it’s dark. I think my Nan had a bit of a malevolent side

Ol' Donie

filbert the fox wrote: »

Doesn't natural yogurt ease sunburn?

Hmm.

Yeah, why not.

Not strawberry yoghurt though. That'd be nonsense.

endacl

eeguy wrote: »

Tooth fairy, santa.

My dad used to tell me we were related to famous people like Frank Sinatra. "There's your uncle on the telly". Poor fool me believed him.

I just had a flashback memory of the auld fella telling me that Fats Domino was from Bunclody.

Ipso

Hapax Legomenon wrote: »

When the ice cream man plays music, it means he's run out of ice cream.

Cavan people can be so cruel.

Dj Stiggie

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

'History' class when I was in primary school consisted of stories about the likes of Cú Chulainn or The Children of Lir. Not bad stories and there's nothing wrong with learning about Irish myths and legends. They have their place in literature but piss off trying to pass them off as history.

I totally forgot about that, and how they just made it blend into the timeline, followed by St. Patrick, then obviously the Vikings came after that and so on...

Mam of 4

If you ate the pips/seeds in any fruit , said fruit tree would grow out of your ears.

Swallowing chewing gum stuck your stomach together , so you'd end up dying of starvation .

That the gypsies left me on the doorstep .
(Only girl,five brothers)

It was my beloved brothers that said all of the above , not our parents

Mister Vain

Ninjini wrote: »

My Nan also told me that rain was God crying and thunder was when God was angry.

bisounours wrote: »

My mom said the thunder was the angels fighting and the rain was tears from the one that lost. I would always look out the window to see if I could see a cherub crying so I could give him/her a hug.

I grew up in the bog so it was just God bringing home the turf.

Oops69

1.if you're making a bad face and someone thumps you on the back , you're face will stay like that forever , believed it till I was about eight
2. biting on the holy communion is a sin ...... on second thought's maybe it is so I'm fcuked now .

Mountainsandh

Eat your carrots you'll get a nice pink arse.

If we were lying they told us they could see our nose stretching.

bisounours ? https://i.gifer.com/I1C.gif

Ipso

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

I totally forgot about that, and how they just made it blend into the timeline, followed by St. Patrick, then obviously the Vikings came after that and so on...

And then Brian Boru kicked the Vikings out.

Ol' Donie

There was that "if you suck your thumb you'll get bucked teeth" line.

The (barely) sub text was that no one would ever like you for it.

Someone I know who definitely wasn't me sucked their thumb for far longer than they should have, and didn't get bucked teeth at all. Just a complex for most of their teenage years.

Oops69

'There's no point writing to jim'll fix it as he doesn't fix things for children from Ireland' , just as feckin' well we believed it !

leggo

Not mine but a friend’s:

Sitting around the apartment chatting with the ex and my two old flat mates one night debating whether it’s ever okay to slap kids. Me and one of the lads against, the ex and the other lad for (in certain situations). Really interesting debate. At one stage, the lad who was for it starts going at the lad on my side with scenarios for how he’d deal with certain things without using force. He panics and says, “I’d do what my Dad did to us!”

“What did your Dad do?”

“Well if we didn’t finish our dinner he’d tell us he’d kill the dog!”

I immediately say, “I’m not arguing that for the record...” and we die laughing. Apparently this was true, his Dad would then take the dog out and have the bold kids say goodbye to it, go for a walk and come back. At a family gathering a few months later, the lads asked the dad about it and he laughed and confirmed it all.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

"Don't swing off those chairs you'll end up like your cousin Simon!"

Granny had been through a couple decades of grandchildren and didn't realise that we didn't know the story about Simon breaking his arm while swinging off the chairs, so I thought there was some connection between swinging off armchairs and being ginger, or possibly having a slight English accent.

From my parents:

"TVs don't work during the summer"

"But the one next door works!"

"That's because she got hers in Australia and it's winter there"

"But I saw ye watching Prime Time last night"

"Yeah they work when it's dark, it's weird"

Cupcake_Crisis

If you put too much vinegar on your chips your blood will dry up

If you step on the cracks in the path the devil will reach up and grab your feet

If you swallow chewing gum it gets stuck on your heart and you die

The ice cream man picks his nose and puts it in the ice cream

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

A man called bob lived in the attic and he’d come down if we were bold. I hated walking under the thing in the ceiling that separated us from bob. That’s a terrible thing to tell a kid