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Total personality change- can't get my head around it

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. I'm 28 and the guy in question is 27 and we met before Christmas. He was home for a party the weekend I met him and we met in a bar and seemed to hit it off. Forgot to mention he works in the U.K. . So as Christmas was pretty soon after the initial weekend we met we kept in touch and met up a lot while he was home over Christmas. At Christmas he mentioned me going over to him on my next time off for work as he said he liked me and wondered what I felt about giving things a go between us.

I thought about it and decided I would regret it if we didn't give things a try so I booked my flights and went over to him during February. At this stage I had no reason whatsoever to doubt him, he was in contact everyday and we had regular phonecalls and we were getting on so well. So I spent four days with him in February and we agreed to make things official. The four days were brilliant, he was so thoughtful about the little things, we laughed a lot and I was genuinely beginning to fall for him. He mentioned a few times that he missed me and naturally I felt the same. I also might mention he had full intentions of coming home to get a job here over the summer so I felt if we worked it the long distance would be doable until then.

Since I came returned home in February things continued to be great between us. He was coming home this week and next week for two weeks holidays so we were both really looking forward to it. He even suggested when I was over with him in February that he might come home the middle of March to break up the time and while really flattered, I said to him not to go to that much trouble and surely we would be able to wait until the next time he was coming home on holidays. So the contact continued and the phonecalls and we were getting on so well. Two weeks ago I rang him and he seemed different on the phone and it was the first time since I met him that I was wondering what was going on. After that he didn't seem as interested in talking on the phone. I said to him in a casual way was everything ok as it seemed he didn't want to talk on the phone as much and I wasn't giving out to him or anything but it was bothering me a small bit. He said about the reception being really bad and calls kept dropping so he got very frustrated on the phone and reassured me that it wasn't that he didn't want to talk to me, just found the call issues very annoying. He suggested we try Skype instead so I said that was perfect.

At the beginning of March he suggested we go on holidays during the summer. We were both looking up hotels/flights etc. I told him how excited I was to book the holiday and he replied"really you're that excited to possibly go on holidays with me". We booked accommodation on free cancellation as after discussing it we felt a last minute deal was probably the best option for us as we didn't want it to interrupt any interviews he might have while we was due to be looking for work.

Two weeks ago I suggested booking flights over for his birthday at the beginning of May and he was delighted with that. For some reason I said I would wait to book them until he was home as when it had been so long since we saw each other maybe there was a little bit of doubt or uncertainty there. I was sure though that once we met up and things were as good as normal that I would be booking the flights. This week something serious happened in his job and he told me Tuesday that he wasn't really in the form to talk as he was very angry over it and would I mind if we just talked the following day. I said that was no problem and I really hoped he was ok. Wednesday he texted me and told me what happened and I was quite shocked. He was accused of something outlandish and I could see why he was upset and angry. He was still that way when he texted on Thursday. On Friday he was coming home and I heard nothing all day which I found a bit strange. I texted him to say safe flight home and give me a text when he arrives. I got no text. Saturday morning I texted to ask did he get home ok and he just replied that he did but the flight was delayed. I said I was wondering as he never replied back to my other text. He replied sorry about that haha.

At this stage I knew something was up so I just said I knew he had a stressful week and was probably in bad form and rightly so but I was beginning to wonder where his head was at with this whole thing. Three weeks ago he was on for booking a holiday and now I don't even get a text to say he was home. He wasn't really acting like someone who wanted a relationship. He said the last three weeks he was really thinking about the whole long distance thing. I replied and what conclusion did you come to. He was really vague about finding the latest time when we didn't see each other too hard and he thought he was down in the dumps but that vibe came through in the messages. I said I found it really hard but since we agreed we weren't going to as long without seeing each other again that surely it would get easier. I asked about meeting up at this stage as his home place isn't far from me at all. He just replied there's probably no need that he thought he would be extremely excited to see me but he wasn't at all. I said that tells me all I need to know then.

Later on I was really upset and texted him basically calling him out on saying just last week he was still up for a night away, he was also happy for me to book flights over for his birthday and less than three weeks ago he brought up about a holiday together. I said to him I couldn't argue if he had lost interest but it was a horrible way to treat someone that went over to see you in February and has supported you this week when he had his work issues. I said to him I hoped he wasn't actually that horrible. He replied that he didn't reply all day and that he was visiting his family. I then asked him was that all he had to say about the whole thing and he said there was nothing more to say.

I can't understand the change in his behaviour. I've been in bits over the weekend trying to understand how someone could go so cold. This is a guy who impressed me so much in the beginning with his manners and kindness. Even in the early days I had a bad day and kind of brushed it off in the messages and he told me that if I had a bad day I could always rant to him and he'd prefer that to me thinking he didn't care or didn't want to hear it. Like he was so kind and lovely and in such a short space of time he has turned so cold. How do I make sense of this?!! He doesn't even want to meet up to talk about it even though I know there's no point but it might show a bit of respect to me. I haven't been sleeping as I just can't understand it. Why would a guy just change like this?! Did he ever actually like me? Or was it all some act? I just can't understand why someone so warm and friendly would turne so cold towards me.

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listermint

Text is a terrible form of communication it can make things appear nothing like there are intended.

If he's home I'd say you need to meet up with him in person.

Your thinking too much into this based solely on alphanumeric characters. They cannot convey emotions

Sephiroth_dude

I would just try and let it go, sounds like he lost interest and was using the work thing as an excuse, maybe he got cold feet about getting into a long distance relationship as it sounds like it was heading that way ? anyway you deserve better than the way he has treated you, block him everywhere and be kind to yourself.

Anne1982h

Unfortauntely OP, this is a classic case where in the start he really liked you so he made huge efforts and was super nice then as the relationship went on he realized it wasn’t for him so instead of breaking up formally he just started to not make any effort with the end result you instigated the break up. It’s a fairly common thing - it doesn’t mean he was pretending at the start and didn’t mean all the lovely things he did and said. Just that he was too cowardly to break it off when he realized it wasn’t what he wanted.

I know this is very hurtful for you but the relationship didn’t work out and this guy lives in a different country so you’re unlikely to ever see him again socially which is good as it will help with moving on. I would delete his number and all social media contact with him. Start to accept that it didn’t work out.

Meet up with friends and family and do some things you enjoy. Don’t over analyze it. If you do it will turn into one of those scenarios I’ve seen many times where you go so crazy trying to understand it that you feel like you’re going to burst and text u him giving out for how he treated you / insisting on meeting up to ‘talk’ and generally come across as crazy! This is not a guy who had a personality change it’s a guy who unfortunately lost interest in you and was too cowardly to be upfront about it. This is part and parcel of the dating world. At a basic level, think yourself even about if you fancied a friend - you’d be always delighted to see him, laugh at his jokes, be incredibly nice as you liked him and wanted him to like you. Then think about if you get over that how you will automatically act different - not out of badness but just as you don’t have the same feelings or interest as before.

You need to take it as a crappy but ordinary experience and focus on meeting the right person for you.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Op here.
I don't think I did anything wrong but for someone to have a change of heart so quickly and to be so cold towards me really hurts. He had hoped to get work around home this year and was planning on trying to sort that during the summer months so had we worked out his home place is less than 1/2 an hour from mine.
Like it's one thing realising you've lost interest with someone and that happens and while it hurts you can't argue with it. It's another thing realising in the space of three weeks after suggesting a holiday in summer, allowing someone to book two nights away when you're home, and even when they ask about the lack of phonecalls and you deny it, to be so cold and horrible to someone. He told me he thought he'd be excited to see me and he actually wasn't at all. When I mentioned meeting up as I felt at least I deserved that much he said there is nothing more to say.
I also feel that he used me as a shoulder to cry on Wednesday and Thursday as when he actually told me about his work issue he was worried about what would happen and how he had to wait to so long for the meeting. Maybe the outlandish thing he was accused of actually did happen, the more I wonder maybe it did and a couple of my friends have said the same.
It's the coldness and the lack of respect for someone that I just can't get. I keep thinking he must think so little of me to behave like this and to have been so cold hearted. His home place is so near me now that he could easily meet up if he had one bit of respect or decency but it just hurts he thinks so little of me.

Katgurl

Christ what a d*ck. I can't believe he didn't even have the basic decency to meet up with you when he arrived and let you know he had changed his mind. Am I correct that this 'break up' happened over text?

Many years ago something occurred to me that helped me enormously through many confusing situations - we never really know who we are getting involved with. It sounds silly but think about it; instead of all the soul-searching, over analysing, self flaggelation and second guessing just accept that you don't know why the person behaved as they did but it almost always has nothing to do with you.

In this particular situation there is an extra consideration; the period of time you spent with him in your head did not match how well you got to know him. So while it is three or four months since you met, you don't have the understanding you usually would of another person you've spent that time with.

In terms of getting over him remind yourself of this - yes he might have had nice manners at the beginning when he was trying to impress you but his true character was revealed when he was making his decision to leave you. You can do much better than this coward. And give yourself a pat on the back because your instincts to be cautious regarding the flights were correct.

Sorry you're going through this. I would imagine it feels rubbish. But I suspect you will get over him super fast. I echo what the previous posters said about blocking him everywhere. And seeing as you've saved yourself a few quid on flights you should book something nice for yourself.

Bambi985

It's very easy to be nice and kind and polite and compassionate in the beginning, when you've just met someone and are on your best behaviour trying to woo and charm them.

If that's not who a person is to their core though, the cracks won't be long in showing. You barely know this guy four months and he's already behaving like this. This is who he really is and this is what you're in for if you don't extricate yourself from the "relationship" and move on. He'll probably not like that too and come back sniffing around you after a few weeks/months of silence too. Let him off.

Someone said something to me a while ago that really stuck with me - "dating is hard until suddenly it isn't". What she meant was, you meet so many messers and players and emotionally unavailable hot-and-cold chaps until suddenly you meet someone who's on the exact same page as you and your second-guessing days are over. It's such a different experience to how dating was with all the others that you don't even know how to categorise it - except that life is good and you've found someone you can trust your life with and don't have to give a single thought to their motives.

This guy put forward a strong performance but he is not this person. He found reasons to let you down and back away very quickly without any consideration for you. No more over-and-back texting for the love of god. Do the usual deleting/de-friendling thing and surround yourself with people who love you for the next while. It'll get better, it always does.

Ursus Horribilis

Sometimes when a couple gets together, the relationship moves really fast, get intense quickly and then suddenly it's over. Leaving someone hurt and confused and wondering what has happened. I've seen some threads like this on this forum and I'm wondering is this another variation on it. You only met this guy in December and haven't spent that much time with him really. Some dates when he was home at Christmas and four days with him in February. Yet you were already in booking holidays territory.

It looks like this just burned itself out. It won't have helped that he lives in the UK and might be having doubts about the distance. But maybe it was never going to work out, regardless of where you lived?

Airyfairy12

Something happened within those 3 weeks that made him lose interest and it probably has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe you said something completely irrelevant that changed his mind about you, maybe he's afraid of commiting to someone and got cold feet as the relationship progressed.. what ever the reason id move on now. If you still have those two days booked why not take a friend?

GuessWhoEh

Something similar happened to me as well OP.

I knew this guy 4 years. We got along brilliantly during the 4 years. We were close and he always asked me on dates and eventually I gave in and said yeah in November. Long story short, 3 months later I instigated breaking up because he done exactly what your guy done. He told me he loved me and has done for years. I fell hook, line and sinker and turned out, all he wanted was the chase. Got his cake and basically said "I'm bored now". We even booked a holiday, had a few mini breaks booked over different weekends as we live both live with parents.

It's all fun and exciting at the start for the other person and when they get what they want, they don't see the fun any more.

Maybe your guy seen the distance thing "pointless" in his eyes.

You can sit there and think of the What Ifs all the time but it won't get you the answer you want. Think of it as a life lesson. That's how I see it. I was very hurt by it as he knew every single thing about Me, my life, what I've been threw and in the end he didn't care anymore because he got bored.

[Deleted User]

I can understand some people feeling like they have unanswered questions after a breakup, but when it comes to a short term relationship, as in anything under 6months, I wouldn't loose to much sleep over it.
you get a feel for when things are not progressing.
personally I wouldn't look for any kind of 'closure', I wouldn't feel the need for it.

it might seem a bit harsh to just cut contact, but sometimes its just easier. how else do you 'breakup' with somebody your not even officially going out with

Ursus Horribilis

whatjusthappened wrote: »

Like it's one thing realising you've lost interest with someone and that happens and while it hurts you can't argue with it. It's another thing realising in the space of three weeks after suggesting a holiday in summer, allowing someone to book two nights away when you're home, and even when they ask about the lack of phonecalls and you deny it, to be so cold and horrible to someone. He told me he thought he'd be excited to see me and he actually wasn't at all.

Break-ups can be messy and take a while to finally happen. Perhaps that's what happened here. People sometimes toss these things around in their heads for a while. Maybe he was having doubts but trying to put them out of his head by suggesting the holiday? It was a cowardly way to end the relationship but he wouldn't be the first to do it in this way. It has nothing to do with you but with the sort of person he is. Knowing what you know about him now, would you want to be his girlfriend anyway?

Jasper_

justfillmein wrote: »

it might seem a bit harsh to just cut contact, but sometimes its just easier. how else do you 'breakup' with somebody your not even officially going out with

WOW! maybe be an adult and communicate to the other person?? "This was lovely but I'm just not feeling it anymore, all the best"

[Deleted User]

Jasper_ wrote: »

WOW! maybe be an adult and communicate to the other person?? "This was lovely but I'm just not feeling it anymore, all the best"

I know that's what we all SHOULD do, but sometimes when you like someone in one way but not enough to want the relationship with them, it can be easier to let things fade out rather than saying 'i'm just not that into you'. cowards way, maybe. but sure..

Mongfinder General

He’s just not that into you. Ignore him. Move on. He can’t even show you courtesy. How can you expect somebody like that to love you?

poster2525

This man is a coward and a waste of time. Move on x

leggo

Long distance setups like your one are tough. It's not like you were really close and work or travelling took you two apart, you weren't that invested before deciding to pursue. So the entire investment portion of your relationship is taking place at arm's length, there are a lot of blanks that you both need to fill in, and that can lead to an uneven relationship where you're on two completely different pages.

You mightn't notice it OP, but as I read your post I didn't really notice a massive personality change from your account. Your post was mainly you giving your thoughts of the situation with the occasional interjection of his responses to your ideas, that never really required him to actually do much beyond saying what you wanted to hear. So, as a third party, it didn't come as a surprise to me when he turned out to be not that fussed. I think you may have, unfortunately, taken him at his word without examining if his actual actions backed up those words, then filled in the blanks to suit what you wanted rather than looking at the situation objectively. It's so easy to do and I think most of us do the same at one stage, so don't feel foolish or beat yourself up about it. But take it as a lesson for the future. Words are water unless they're followed up by actions in equal measure.

Also, keep in mind that it can be off-putting if someone seems to be really into you and doing all of the running without asking much in return. It's one of those things that doesn't seem to make sense on paper, but does when you live it. You can feel all this pressure and expectations put upon you that you haven't really landed on naturally. I'm not saying that's the case here, I don't know, but if it resonates as you read it it might be worth looking into a bit more to help you not feel this way again in the future.

Ultimately look, you've done nothing wrong and don't deserve to be hurting. But here you are. If it's any consolation, I think you'll look back at this one day as a valuable learning experience that will serve you better for when you find someone who is willing to meet their end of the bargain too. And you won't look back on this as having lost out on anything major.

Anne1982h

whatjusthappened wrote: »

Op here.
I don't think I did anything wrong but for someone to have a change of heart so quickly and to be so cold towards me really hurts. He had hoped to get work around home this year and was planning on trying to sort that during the summer months so had we worked out his home place is less than 1/2 an hour from mine.
Like it's one thing realising you've lost interest with someone and that happens and while it hurts you can't argue with it. It's another thing realising in the space of three weeks after suggesting a holiday in summer, allowing someone to book two nights away when you're home, and even when they ask about the lack of phonecalls and you deny it, to be so cold and horrible to someone. He told me he thought he'd be excited to see me and he actually wasn't at all. When I mentioned meeting up as I felt at least I deserved that much he said there is nothing more to say.
I also feel that he used me as a shoulder to cry on Wednesday and Thursday as when he actually told me about his work issue he was worried about what would happen and how he had to wait to so long for the meeting. Maybe the outlandish thing he was accused of actually did happen, the more I wonder maybe it did and a couple of my friends have said the same.
It's the coldness and the lack of respect for someone that I just can't get. I keep thinking he must think so little of me to behave like this and to have been so cold hearted. His home place is so near me now that he could easily meet up if he had one bit of respect or decency but it just hurts he thinks so little of me.

I’m afraid everything you have said is still the classic changed his mind and was too cowardly to break up scenario. I know it is very hurtful but you are trying to rationalize something that is not rational. You can change your mind about liking someone very quickly similar to how you can fall for someone very quickly. Even if he did do the thing at work or whatever else it doesn’t matter as he’s not in your life anymore. You say it’s how he must think so little of you to behave like that but in reality you didn’t know him well enough to know whether that’s the case -he could have thought a lot of you and still treated you badly once his heart wasn’t in it anymore.Vent to your friends then draw a line under it and start actively moving on. Delete his number and him off social media completely. It is clear you deserve better than this.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

This is a horrible situation.

The hardest part is, you're not going to get any real answers here and it's one of those ones where you have to just accept that the closure your searching for is in the facts that you already have. You probably won't get any more than that and even if you did...will it make things better? Probably not.

I've been in a situation that wasn't too dissimilar, no long-distance but a great guy who dated me for 2 months, everything was perfect until he stood me up in town and bar a few polite "sorry I got stuck in work" and "Did you get home OK" messages never answered or contacted me again.

It was a year later when I discovered by accident he had been with a girl for 10 years, had a child (I knew that part) but 6 months before I met him the relationship had ended due to her finding out about his incessant cheating.

My point is... in all my upset and hurt and rehashing what I said and did that caused him to lose interest I didn't KNOW him, I only knew the person he had presented to me so I was never going to find the answer or really know what was going on in his life.

Ultimately it was a really good lesson, I learned not to invest in someone until they have given me a reason too. To only trust a person's actions, not their words.

You'll get through this and you won't be fooled so quickly the next time.

Best of luck x

wylo

Ive had this done to me too (sexes reversed). Its the worst type of rejection, slow, painful and uncertain. Its pretty childish out of him though.

I am very curious as to what he was accused of.

laserlad2010

Before we finish nailing this man's wrists to the cross, I'm a bit confused by the storyline.

Essentially, you had spent what seems like an incredibly sort period of time in each others company over a period of 4 months.

Then, he had a bad time in work, came back to Ireland that weekend and didn't text you for what seems like a short period (24-36 hours) during which you seem to have gotten really angry and texted him multiple times.

He then told you he had been having second thoughts and told you things were over. You feel this was unacceptable and cowardly.

Look, when breakups happen there are usually half-made plans which are ruined (i.e. your holiday). From your story, the relationship deteriorated over a period of approximately 5 days (Tuesday to Saturday?) and then he finished things between you. That's a very short time.

I'm not sure what's cowardly about it. When you fancy someone you end up complimenting them a lot and missing them. Sometimes it burns out which is what happened here. He broke up with you and the filter you've put on it, because you're hurt and angry, is that he's some sort of monster who has a jekyll and hyde personality, and other posters are enabling you.

The reality is that it's possible for someone to be a nice person and still break up with you. To be a nice person and just not want to be with you. To be a nice person and change their mind. His reasons are largely irrelevant - stop accusing him of being a coward or being a monster and move on with your life.

Before people start giving out about breaking up over text - they've only been going out a couple of months and have been together what seems like 2 or 3 weekends. Text has been the mainstay of their conversation.

jimbobalob309

yeah a bit perplexed by the reactions on this thread tbh. he doesn't sound like an arsehole at all just a lad who lost interest. it happens. he couldve said "not into it anymore, lets call it a day" but the op couldve had an even worse reaction to that. most people are avoidant especially when its a new relationship thats not really gotten off the ground. a lot of people will let things fizzle, its human nature.

you said "he said the last three weeks he's been questioning whether he wants a long distance relationship" or something to that effect and his actions would back that up. hes been honest with you op, so youlll have to take him at his word and move on. its not a perfect ending, but they rarely are when it comes to relationships

orthsquel

I think that when you're in an intense whirlwind of a romance through texting, skype and any and other sorts of communication (except in person), long distance and about maybe 2 days in actual company, the confusion is caused by the amount of intense communication and building stuff up in the mind about the relationship as though you've been together much longer, when the reality is you barely know the person and have been on a total of a couple of dates. The situation itself can mess with your head because you feel much closer to the person than you actually are in reality, and that can lead to tense emotions and a false closeness. The reality is that you were to folk who met and went on a couple of dates with great plans with someone neither of ye really knew. I can message a colleague on FB, chat away and feel an intimacy and closeness, but the reality is we don't work next to eachother, we work in seperate departments, rarely have the same lunch time and rarely get the chance to talk to eachother at work, if even a passing hello.

My point is that you may have felt quite close, close enough to suggest plans for the future out of that closeness, but that outside of that the relationship hadn't yet really got off the ground.

And it's nobody's fault.

I can appreciate you feel hurt and confused, but if you met a guy locally at a pub, chatted and arranged a date the next weekend, and the next weekend after but there was no ability to text and FB etc, do you feel that it would be half as intense a relationship if after 2 dates either one of you felt that it had fizzled out because of lack of common interests? Or if you got a phone call at the pub saying that John can't meet you as arranged because it's a family members birthday and there's a party he has to go to and he had a bad week at work and would rather get tanked with friends than go on a date, would you feel as upset as you do now? You'd be disappointed for certain, but I doubt you'd be thinking that he had a personality change.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies.
I think the reason I am so upset is the manner in which he ended things so coldly moreso than the fact it is over. If someone doesn't want to be with me I can deal with that, but it's very hard when you were a shoulder to cry on for that person for two days before the ignored you over what allegations were made against him. It was he who suggested the holiday, the night away and just last week when I asked if he was still up for our night away he said of course he was. To hear from someone that they thought they would be excited to see you but they really weren't excited at all is just so cold.
In the beginning he would have been quite hard on himself, putting himself down about different things. He used to text on a Sunday morning immediately after drinking and wonder if I was annoyed with him. I did wonder over the last few weeks if there was more to this and couples with his work issue meant that he couldn't have been decent about the whole thing. He probably had in his head to break up for a while but it's how it was done is what is hurting so much.
A friend of mine is on a dating website and who popped up the other night only him. So the last I have heard from him was that there was nothing more to be said. He lives 20/25 minutes from me now while he is home so I feel it wasn't too much to ask to meet up at least. It's very hard when one minute you're a shoulder to cry on for someone and the next they want nothing to do with you. I just don't know what to think about it all.

GuessWhoEh

Mongfinder General wrote: »

He’s just not that into you. Ignore him. Move on. He can’t even show you courtesy. How can you expect somebody like that to love you?

I honestly recommend watching that film, He's Not That Into You. It's very cheesy but some of it makes so highlighting points. Bottle of wine, food and watch it

Murdoc90

He possibly has met someone over there and doesn't have the balls to tell you so he just becomes more distant to make it easier on himself. It's hard because it seems like it was a great whirlwind for you both but you will just have to try and move on, don't fret too much, it's not you it's him!

LolaJJ

Yea OP,

You're right, he could have handled things better and it's really easy to evaluate situations from the perspective of how we would have liked to been treated that might have made the end result a little easier to take etc.

Truth is, none of us are perfect people and we sometimes make a bollox of things because it's awkward or uncomfortable and occasionally burying our heads in the sand and hoping the situation just goes away is actually the only way we know how to battle through. It's horrible breaking up with people, or ending a blossoming relationship when you know the other person is into it and you're just not. Especially if you're not completely cool with discussing feelings or emotions, especially if you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, it's easier to hide. Even though it's not "right" - you could probably be a little more understanding, for yourself. He may not have wanted to see you upset, cause you upset, deal with you being sad, or feel like he had led you on or answer any of those points so he took the easy way out - that's easy enough to understand. The end result would still have been the same.

I've dumped guys by text in the very early stages and not been able to read their responses because of the ****ty feeling you feel when you do that, no matter how nice you are about it it's a really personal hurt and disappointment you're passing on to them and it sucks to do that or deal with the aftermath. As previous posters have said, when you're in a long-term committed relationship there is definitely a responsibility to go through that process but after 3 or 4 dates or a couple of weeks it's less of a requirement.

Keep your chin up x

[Deleted User]

you put that really well LolaJJ:)

jimbobalob309

i think lola put it really well. I know the op thinks shed be all fine and dandy with him if hed have had a well-considered, gentle "its not you its me" phone call, but in reality the message is the same. rejection is a really difficult thing to deal with and some people arent emotionally equipped to dole it out in a mature and decent way. a lot of people dont have the skillset and emotional maturity to handle these kinds of difficult situations in a careful and considerate way. this behaviour is really common in the online world if the stories i hear from single friends are anything to go by.