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Children not invited.

Sinister Kid

Hi guys,

My best mate is getting married this summer, she is having a strict no-kids policy with the exception of her partners eldest nephew who will be 9 (& is a really well behaved kid)

She has made this very clear numerous times to a certain member of her partners family that kids are not invited but this person will not let it drop. Her partner has said it numerous times to him too. This family member has two young kids both under 5 & from what I can gather, they are a bit of a handful.

The hotel have updated her with a list of people that have booked their hotel room, on it she can see he has booked a room for two nights for two adults & two kids. She is very pissed off at this stage.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

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Bacchus

It's quite possible that they have arranged a childminder to keep the children away from the ceremony and reception, or that they will take turns to look after them. Maybe it's just not possible for them to arrange suitable care for their kids while they go away for a day & night. Is that a factor? Not everyone has family nearby to just leave their kids behind. On the other hand, it could be the case that they're pulling a fast one and hoping it'll end up a case of "well they're here now" on the day. Definitely worth having a conversation with them about it. Even if their intention is that someone will be minding them and they won't interfere with the day, how practical is that in reality.

I think also they've set themselves up to be open to disagreements by allowing one nephew to go. I think these kind of bans only really work well if it's a blanket, no exception ban. The exception to that of course being bringing your own kids, if you have them. But in that case, you're probably more open to allowing kids in the first place.

[Deleted User]

I have kids, we didn’t invite kids to our wedding.
Everyone said they were happy with the night off from their kids

I’m going to a wedding soon, kids not invited, I’m looking forward to the night away too. Parents need a break and a wedding is the best time to pull the babysitter card

I don’t think this is a case of bridezilla.

eeguy

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

[Deleted post]

What the actual hell are you talking about?
I'd have no problem with a no children wedding. The last thing you want is little Padraig puking his guts or kids crying and whinging.

All I'd say is if they're dead set on bringing their kids, just leave them to it. Some people are just blind and pigheaded when it comes to children and best to leave them at it. If the children start acting up, I'd be straight onto the parents to sort it out or remove them. They were told not to bring children and they'll have to deal with the responsibility of them.

Bacchus

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

[Deleted post]

Jesus, don't hold back anyway

It's a reasonable enough request to not have kids at a wedding. It's an event where adults spend much of the day drinking and goes on into the wee hours. I'm all in favour of kids at a wedding but I can see the counter-argument. The couple in question should just accept the brides wishes and either a) decline the invite (with less cursing), or b) find alternative childcare and go.

As I mentioned though, the mistake the bride made was allowing one nephew to go. You can have one rule for one child and another for other children.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

If she doesn't want children at her wedding, that's fair enough in my opinion. Can that couple not organize a babysitter for their 2 kids for the day, or will no one take them?!

coolisin

We had a strict no kids at our wedding, as we wanted our friends etc who did to have an evening off.

Only kids that we invited where our nieces and nephews who we arranged a second function room for.

Kids can if not behaved ruin a wedding and people being drunk you’d be worried about someone nearly falling over them running around.

Now to the OP perhaps the parents have arranged a babysitter in the hotel and the kids are staying in the room.

SusieBlue

If the couple aren't inviting children its extremely pushy and rude of them to keep insisting their kids come. If they are that adamant they won't go without their kids they should just politely decline the invitation and not go at all.
Bringing uninvited children against the wishes of the bride and groom is disgraceful behaviour. I normally hate the saying, but its "their day, their way". If the relatives don't like that, they aren't obliged to attend.

I'd also be absolutely fuming at this and seeing as they've been so forward, I'd have no problem ringing and asking what the story is. Children or not, bringing uninvited guests is not ok and they shouldn't get away with it. The bride and groom shouldn't have to give into these demands at all.

I absolutely do not think there's anything Bridezilla about being upset over uninvited guests attending her wedding.

seamus

At the end of the day, sometimes people are assholes about it and will just bring the kids. Same thing happened at my brother's wedding. Granted the kids were younger, but there were still some odd looks from the other guests.
Mainly the people who weren't allowed bring kids were a bit pissed off, but it was made known that these people brought their kids without prompting.

Personally cannot understand why anyone would insist on bringing their kids. Having to mind your kids at a wedding is a pain in the hole. Leave them with babysitters and take the night off.

Any road, my suggestion would be that the partner makes it clear that the children will not be included on the table plan and will not have meals ordered for them. That's about all he can do. The couple may be planning on hiring a babysitter, you don't know.

You can also try guilt them about it. One of my cousin's wives was very insistent, practically begging me to include their daughter. I told I had to insist on not including her, as it would be unfair on all of the other people who wanted to bring their child but didn't. So they decided not to come to the wedding at all rather than be without their daughter. That's who they are, we didn't fall out about it.

But some people won't respond to guilt, they will bring the kids and fnck everyone else. Your friend has to try not make a big song and dance about it, it's not worth creating a family split over. But it should be made clear that this couple did it off their own bat. Maybe even get the child's grandmother involved to add some weight?

fitzparker

We have a child and have been to weddings where both kids were invited and not invited, the one they were at my partner and I didnt drink as all attention was on said child, got dangerous as others start drinking, inevitable glasses fell and broke. it's really hard to enjoy and we found it stressful as they can go missing in room with 150 people.

We are due to get married next year, 5 kids will be going as they are close to us be involved in wedding, all other kids will not and that's tough sh1t. by 9pm all kids including our own will be gone, I will not have my kids (one on the way) surrounded by drunken people.

What is the difference to a night out? do they bring their kids to that aswell?

uptherebels

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

Seen it before myself.bride wanted all eyes on her and no kids taking from her attention seeking.life is a long road and it will beat manners into her at some stage.

As someone who spent years working in a hotel doing weddings, Irish children are left run riot around the place.
Its funny when you are trying to carry large trays of food into a packed ballroom when there are kids running around the place, crawling under tables and chairs.
Even had one lady give me grief for coming within a couple of feet of her young kid that she followed around the ballroom as it ran, never occurred to her to take control of it.
This is before we get to people having less than one year old kids in buggies beside the dj speakers at 2 in the morning.
There are plenty of reasons for not inviting children to any social occasion not just weddings, but never have I seen a bride take issue with children taking her attention:rolleyes: and that's out of experiencing 200+ weddings.

eviltwin

Their choice to have a child free do and nothing wrong with it.

But can you really call it a child free event if a child has been invited? It's not very consistent is it?

That said I feel sorry for the kid who is going, won't be much fun for him being the only child.

uck51js9zml2yt

A family member had a wedding with no kids.
We went to the ceremony and photos and left to go for a meal with the kids before we went home.

From all accounts it was a nice wedding.
We had kids at our wedding.

LirW

We were invited to a wedding in Belfast when our daughter was 4 months old. We had a chat with the couple and they said it's no problem bringing kids since a lot of people are travelling from all around the world and have to take their kids with them. In the end it was only our baby and another 1,5 year old.
I 'd try not to bring mine but sometimes you can't find a minder or the circumstances ( we have only my partners parent's and they live 1,5 hours away by car) are either bring the kid or decline. Luckily a lot of hotels have lists of babysitters they used so that could well be an option.
Lots of hotels have a rule in place anyway that kids need to be gone at 9 latest.
Edit: I left the wedding with the baby at 8 because it was the right time then.

And last but not least: If you invite kids it's difficult to draw the line really. Some venues charge a full price for kids from a certain age and kids plates are not particularly cheap either. So your guest number could very well turn from 80 to 100 when people would just bring their kids and in the end the couple foots the bill. I do understand that you'd rather have a no-kids policy in that case.
At the end of the day it's the couples day and if they choose no kids, it's up to them. Instead of hating on the couple how about just seeing it from the logistical side.

Doctors room ghost

Hitman3000 wrote: »

So you totally disagree with respecting the wishes of someone who extends an invitation to their wedding. Ok so. The family member who wants their kids there has been told no, the option is don't go or have the kids minded. It's someone else's wedding day.

No I don’t disagree with her wishes. If I was the family members with kids who weren’t invited I wouldn’t have booked the hotel room disrespecting bridezillas wishes.id be not going simple as.this would be confirmed with a can’t attend reply and she would see I hadn’t booked into the room when she did her next cia room check.
I just don’t agree with her setting terms and conditions if you can attend or not.everyone is different.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

The Specialist

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

What would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

That's not a problem for the bride/groom to care in the slightest about - you got an invite and if you can't get someone to mind your kids then you can't go, simple as that. Do you know how much a wedding actually costs? They have every right to dictate what they do or don't want at it.

Hitman3000

Doctors room ghost wrote:

No I donâ€™t disagree with her wishes. If I was the family members with kids who werenâ€™t invited I wouldnâ€™t have booked the hotel room disrespecting bridezillas wishes.id be not going simple as.this would be confirmed with a canâ€™t attend reply and she would see I hadnâ€™t booked into the room when she did her next cia room check. I just donâ€™t agree with her setting terms and conditions if you can attend or not.everyone is different.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

All invitations are subject to conditions. Don't like them, refuse said invitation. Nothing too difficult in a refusal just omitt the necessity to be ignorant when declining.

eviltwin

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

I just don’t agree with her setting terms and conditions if you can attend or not.everyone is different.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

That's not the bride and grooms problem

Hannibal_Smith

I think it's really rude to bring your kids anyway when they haven't been invited unless, as someone else said, they've someone organised to look after them. Maybe they plan on going to the ceremony and will bring the kids to the hotel later because no one will take them overnight?

At the end of the day, if the guest goes ahead and brings the kids to the full day anyway, there will be no food for them. The seating plan will not have made room for them, it's going to be up to the parents to decide what to do. And theyll end up showing themselves up.

I had one strict rule only on my wedding day, don't come to me with your sh*te, coz I'm going to have a ball of a day! :pac:

LirW

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

No I don’t disagree with her wishes. If I was the family members with kids who weren’t invited I wouldn’t have booked the hotel room disrespecting bridezillas wishes.id be not going simple as.this would be confirmed with a can’t attend reply and she would see I hadn’t booked into the room when she did her next cia room check.
I just don’t agree with her setting terms and conditions if you can attend or not.everyone is different.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

There can be massive costs involved inviting kids, plus where do you draw the line? Your numbers could explode by it and they have to leave at a certain time again.
Instead of just shooting at the bride, how about seeing it solely from a planning side?
Maybe she knows plenty of kids in the family that would just run riot?

If you're having kids and they can't be minded you can certainly get onto the couple and explain the situation. But at the end of the day they have their reasons for it and if the T&Cs aren't to your taste, you simply decline and don't go into a frenzy over it. Chill.

Hitman3000

Doctors room ghost wrote:

.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

Do you really need the obvious stated? Invitation states no children, single mum has no minder therefore she doesn't go. It couldn't be simpler to comprehend.

_Dara_

eviltwin wrote: »

Their choice to have a child free do and nothing wrong with it.

But can you really call it a child free event if a child has been invited? It's not very consistent is it?

That said I feel sorry for the kid who is going, won't be much fun for him being the only child.

I think you can. Inviting one or two children is the exception to the rule. Most people will understand that it’s because it’s a child or children who are very close to the marrying couple. That’s different from the cousin you see infrequently bringing her offspring.

Sinister Kid

The couple are very easy going & the bride is far from a bridezilla.
Over the years they have been to enough weddings to know that they do not want kids at their own wedding... plain & simple.
The nephew that is going is the page boy, he will only be there till after the dinner & will be picked up by his granny.

I would be shocked if the couple in question have made arrangements for a sitter. I suspect the kids will be left to run about & make as much noise as they like till eventually the elderly aunt will be stuck taking care of them.

At the end of the day, the bride & groom have made their wishes clear & this couple are completely disrespecting them.

woodchuck

Absolutely hilarious posts! Still won't thank them though

Nothing wrong at all with wanting a kid-free wedding. Maybe the couple have had bad experiences at other weddings with kids misbehaving. Maybe they had to make some tough decision regarding numbers and by cutting out the kids (who they obviously have no relationship with) it means they can invite other friends they'd actually love to have there. Who knows, but it's their choice and not an unreasonable one by any means! The guests affected can either get a babysitter for the night or decline the invitation.

Back to the topic at hand though. I think there is much that can be done OP. The guest is blatantly going against the brides wishes, but short of hiring a bouncer to deny them entry there's probably nothing much that can be done! Personally I wouldn't be too happy about the situation, but I'd just try to get on with it.

SortingYouOut

Sinister Kid wrote: »

The couple are very easy going & the bride is far from a bridezilla.
Over the years they have been to enough weddings to know that they do not want kids at their own wedding... plain & simple.
The nephew that is going is the page boy, he will only be there till after the dinner & will be picked up by his granny.

I would be shocked if the couple in question have made arrangements for a sitter. I suspect the kids will be left to run about & make as much noise as they like till eventually the elderly aunt will be stuck taking care of them.

At the end of the day, the bride & groom have made tgeir wishes clear & this couple are completely disrespecting them.

She should mention the room situation to the guest and reiterate the point that no children have been invited.

You wouldn't bring an adult that wasn't invited so I don't see why the same shouldn't apply for children? If they can't arrange someone to look after them, that's tough, they can't go themselves. That's what they signed up for.

_Dara_

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

No I don’t disagree with her wishes. If I was the family members with kids who weren’t invited I wouldn’t have booked the hotel room disrespecting bridezillas wishes.id be not going simple as.this would be confirmed with a can’t attend reply and she would see I hadn’t booked into the room when she did her next cia room check.
I just don’t agree with her setting terms and conditions if you can attend or not.everyone is different.what would you do if you were a single mother with a child and nobody available to mind them?

The couple very much have the right to do so. Note that I said the couple. There’s no indiction that this is just the bride’s wishes. Child-free weddings are very common. Your OTT responses are odd, like as if you think child-free weddings are something unusual.

Daisy 55

I'd be very unhappy if I thought the hotel were discussing my room booking though? Surely that's between the hotel and the hotel guests? Presume the bride isn't paying for the room?

Neyite

Any wedding I've been at has been family kids only - nieces and nephews of the bridge and groom.

The vast majority of those kids got shunted off to babysitters after the speeches and before the serious session began. It's an all or nothing rule really.

If it's a case of nephew #1 going and nephews #2 & #3 not then the guest might be able to argue their case on a technicality and have a point but if it's a case of cousin of groom bringing their children then that's taking the piss.

What should the bride do about it? Nothing. It's family from the grooms side causing havoc so he should be the one to resolve it, to be firm with his family member and to make sure to impose any rules the couple have decided on. How bossy is the Mother of the Groom? She could help him resolve it. But the Bride should steer well clear of any discussions.

Bacchus

Daisy 55 wrote: »

I'd be very unhappy if I thought the hotel were discussing my room booking though? Surely that's between the hotel and the hotel guests? Presume the bride isn't paying for the room?

I assume the couple booked using the CODE provided to them by the B&G. It's very common for hotels to block off X amount of rooms for the guests (often at a discounted rate). I don't see the issue with the B&G discussing or reviewing bookings made using the code with the hotel.

Bacchus

Neyite wrote: »

If it's a case of nephew #1 going and nephews #2 & #3 not then the guest might be able to argue their case on a technicality and have a point but if it's a case of cousin of groom bringing their children then that's taking the piss.

I had this same query above but the OP since clarified that the invited child is the page boy and will be leaving after the meal. In that case it is a reasonable exception.

Sinister Kid

Daisy 55 wrote: »

I'd be very unhappy if I thought the hotel were discussing my room booking though? Surely that's between the hotel and the hotel guests? Presume the bride isn't paying for the room?

It wasn't discussed, it was in the update between the hotel & the B&G, any guest booked using the special wedding rate is listed. There is only 30 rooms at the lower rate, it shows who has booked & how many rooms are left. This isnt something she went looking for.