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No one is coming to my wedding?

SazSarsh

I am getting married in April and myself and my fiancee invited 260 people.
86 are coming. I feel devastated and so let down. I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else, like our siblings and our friends. We have not got many friends and we are both quiet people but that should not be an issue. I feel like a wedding with 86 people will be an embarrassment and people will say "they haven't got many friends". I really do not know what to do! I feel so upset and let down, as does my fiancee.
We are getting married in a local church and our reception is in a local hotel. The most a person will have to travel is 15 minutes! We made it this way so people would have no excuse to come. We are getting married on a Saturday so people are more likely to be off.
What is going on? Are we not liked by many people? I know at least 150 people don't have plans for that day but still won't come

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Spanish Eyes

This is March, wedding next month.

Hope you have given the venue the final numbers by now. They would probably be expecting about 200 or so. I am getting a spidey feeling about this OP.

But on the off chance that it is genuine, have you organised a smaller room or what now.

iPhone.

First World problems!

Get a grip! are you sure you're mature enough to marry?

Zipppy

This po

Zipppy

This post has to be a joke...???
No-one has 250 guests.. no-one wants 250 guests..
Why would you invite randomers to your wedding?
I'm getting married later this year..the only people being invited are close family and friends we actually want there..45 being invited and if less come I don't care..
If this is a serious post grow up OP..
Talk to the hotel .. arrange a smaller set up...86 is still big enough...

Hannibal_Smith

I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else

That's your mistake right there OP. The 260 people are not great friends and you invited them to make up the numbers. You have invited acquaintances rather than friends. The idea of a wedding (well my idea anyway) is to celebrate your marriage in front of friends and family.

You have your numbers now, you know who is going. Don't take the declines too personally. I would imagine their response was nothing personal towards you. If you are both quiet people like you say, I would imagine trying to host a wedding for 250 people would have ended up a total headwreck. Continue with you plans and enjoy your day with your new husband/wife.

brendane

I feel for the op but no one has a wedding with 260 guests where the majority are friends. All the weddings i have been to with over 200 people was due to large amount of aunts, uncles, cousins and friends of the bride and grooms parents. I would guess at a wedding of 200, 40 people would be friends, the rest as above.

How many friends that you would be in regular contact with have responded?

Have you a group of friends from school, university, work, sports club etc. that you would be in contact with on WhatsApp?

If you were to decide to head out at the weekend, how many friends would you let know and contact?

ianob7

SazSarsh wrote:

I know at least 150 people don't have plans for that day but still won't come

How can you know this ??

joeysoap

I’m guessing that of the 260 summons you issued some were to friends of friends or cousins. Cousins who you never see. I don’t know anyone with 260 real friends.

86 is cool. Have a great day, enjoy the craic and you’ll enjoy and remember the day much clearer and better for it. And look back on it with fonder memories ( as will everybody there).

touts

This is what Facebook, Snapchat and the likes have reduced humanity to. In the past if you had a circle of 10 friends that was probably fairly average. Now we have the snowflake generation who all have thousands of "friends" and look up to "influencers" who have millions of "friends". So now if you have less than 1000 "friends" you're some sort of weird loner or worse still old.

I suppose it's hardly surprising that as that generation makes the transition into the real world they think less than 200 "friends" at a wedding is embarrassingly small.

It's YOUR wedding. If you are both quite people as you say then have YOUR wedding not your siblings or acquaintances weddings. If you don't have many "friends" then that probably means you have better friends. When it comes to friends it's quality not quantity that matters. Get on to the hotel and adjust the numbers back to 100. Then draw a line under it and focus on having a good day.

Spanish Eyes

Scratch the surface and most people who are not immediate relatives will groan at a wedding invite these days. It cost SO MUCH! And there is a boring formula to it all too.

Sorry folks but that is the reality.

Sinister Kid

I don't think I like 86 people, never mind 260!

A few years back I turned down an wedding invite from a girl I was friends with when I was a kid.
I wouldn't have classed us as friends, we would have had a very brief chat on the odd occasion we would bump into each other, never anything buddy like. My family knew her family so I'd get updates every so often about what was going on in her life, I smiled & listened & said "Oh really? that's great" at the appropriate moments.

There was a reason I didn't make an effort to maintain a friendship with this girl, I won't get into the reasons, I'll just leave it at she is just not my type of person.

When I got the invite I was quite surprised, then I began to question why... To show off? fill up numbers?
I did think about it for a while... Then I thought, If I go to this wedding I will never get rid of her, she will cling onto me (like she is known to do) & I will never get shot of her... I definitely didn't want that.
After that, the fact that I wouldn't have to take a day off work, buy an outfit, put money in a card, sort transport to & from and have money for the actual day of the wedding cemented my decision.

I think my granny, who also go an invite, was slightly embarrassed that I didn't go but when I explained my reasons she understood.

I'd much rather send a nice little 'sorry I can't attend your wedding card' than smile & pretend to be great friends with somebody on their wedding day when we both know we aren't in any way close.

SazSarsh

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

LiamaDelta

Zipppy wrote:

This post has to be a joke...??? No-one has 250 guests.. no-one wants 250 guests.. Why would you invite randomers to your wedding? I'm getting married later this year..the only people being invited are close family and friends we actually want there..45 being invited and if less come I don't care.. If this is a serious post grow up OP.. Talk to the hotel .. arrange a smaller set up...86 is still big enough...

Most weddings I've been to are around the 200 mark. My own will be the same. I've a lot of really good friends and fairly big family. It just depends on your social circles.

Ajsoprano

SazSarsh wrote: »

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

Your mother in law probably said that because she had low self esteem.

People with low self esteem always try say mean things.

SazSarsh

Ajsoprano wrote: »

Your mother in law probably said that because she had low self esteem.

People with low self esteem always try say mean things.

If I'm being honest, she doesn't have low self esteem. Rather high self esteem but she said it coz it was how it looked to her and others

Sinister Kid

SazSarsh wrote: »

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

Try reminding yourself why you are having a wedding, it should be to celebrate marrying your partner & to celebrate spending your lives together.

miocicmma

If I were to get married right now I could only think of about 30 people off hand that I'd want to have there, assuming my partner had another 40/50. I'd be happy to have a smaller wedding.

no.8

LiamaDelta wrote:

Most weddings I've been to are around the 200 mark. My own will be the same. I've a lot of really good friends and fairly big family. It just depends on your social circles.

True but it also depends on where the wedding is (e.g. travel involved)

backspin.

Big weddings are so 1990's.

Arrival

sightband wrote: »

I’m in my late thirties so the last 10 years has been wedding after wedding, whilst most are enjoyable every time an invite arrived it was like getting a bill through the post, they would invariably cost us the guts of €500 per wedding. Over the last 3 years if we can get out of one we will, purely financial, nothing to do with the invitees. Don’t take it personally, if they aren’t close friends I’d imagine it has to do with the cost involved.

Also, you may want to think about the day you chose, is it a weekday? Ihave had friends deliberately choose a weekday to cut down on numbers.

People should really only invite guests that are genuinely close to them for this reason. It's understandable to want a nice turnout for a wedding since it's one of the biggest days in many people's lives but you need to stay rational and grounded in reality too to realise that while the day is a big deal to you, it is essentially a financial burden on a lot of people if they're not someone who'd frequently be in contact with you

cbreeze

I was at my friend's wedding a couple of years ago and there were about three hundred people. She'd invited twice that number but she was realistic about the take up and it didn't bother her one bit. It was all a bit vulgar and over the top, but nobody cared (all too pissed).

Anyway, the point is OP, its not about the numbers its about you and your future life. Have a great day and all good wishes.

david75

OP. All you need is you your intended and your close family. And even they’re ejectable

you Just have a lovely day and enjoy it. I hope you do and don’t be worrying. Best wishes! X

Rubberchikken

Im sorry youre upset but 80+ is a good number for a wedding. These people are the ones who want to see you both married. That's way more important than
Big numbers. Dont compare your day with friends/family. Its yours and your oh. Make it a special day for you both and those that care about you.

Peregrinus

SazSarsh wrote: »

I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée . . .

But that's exactly what you say yourself in post #1:

SazSarsh wrote: »

I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else, like our siblings and our friends. We have not got many friends and we are both quiet people . . .

You are who you are, Saz, and who you are is people who like a quiet life and a small circle of good friends. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with people observing that that's who you are.

On no account should you aim to have the wedding that you think other people think you ought to want. You'll have a wonderful wedding with the 86 people who you now know actively want to be there. Enjoy it!

El_Duderino 09

SazSarsh wrote: »

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

Sorry to hear you can't help it hurting you if the church is only quarter full. I'd have said you're coming at it from the wrong angle. We had 41 people at our wedding last year. They were only our closest friends and family. So when we walked into the room we saw the people who genuinely cared about us and wanted to be there to celebrate our marriage. It was perfect.

We built the day around having 40ish people so we didn't have huge empty spaces. Have you decided what to do? Does the hotel know what to expect?

tritriagain

14 at my wedding by choice
. Great day.

Addle

250 is probably average enough where I'm from. I've been to weddings with 400. Whole villages and gaa clubs attend. They can be great. It's not the no. that make a wedding. It's the happiness the guests feel towards the hosts, be it 20 or 200.
We'd a very small wedding. Just as we wanted.

bee06

SazSarsh wrote: »

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

When you walk into the church all you should see is your groom waiting at the top of the altar for you. That’s what matters not the number of people, the candy carts and all the other crap that seems to go along with weddings. The wedding is one day, it’s the marriage that matters and that lasts the rest of your life.

Hannibal_Smith

SazSarsh wrote: »

I just want to thank everybody for their honest and genuine replies whether I liked to hear the truth or not. As one user said social media is a problem today and it really is. Unfortunately social media has gobbled me up and although I am in my mid twenties, I still care about Facebook and Instagram likes. It's terrible but society has done this to me.
I once heard my mother in law to be saying "that was a very small and quiet wedding and not many young people at it, they must not have many friends". I suppose I just don't want people saying this about me and my fiancée. Why should I care, I know, but I do, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off that I do care about what others think.
I'm incredibly nervous about our big day. I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

That's a pretty sh*t thing for a mother in law to say tbh. Thankfully it's not how a lot of people think, as you can see from this thread. The two most important people are yourself and your fiance. Make sure you both have a wonderful day and don't worry about the semantics. Honestly, anyone who makes such a mean spirited comment about such a happy occasion is not worth worrying.

If you feel it is going to impact you to such an extent that you have to put a brave face on, I would seriously consider the wedding itself. A wedding shouldn't make you sad and if it is affecting you to the point it will overshadow the day, what is the point?

Have you spoken to your fiance about how you feel?

Peatys

SazSarsh wrote: »

I will walk into the church and see it 1/4 full and feel so gutted but I will have to put on a brave face even though it will hurt me. And I can't help it that it will hurt me.

Your priorities are all over the place. We had 90ish at our wedding. We had a 1/10th full church. But where you see an empty church, we saw a 90 people who were delighted to spend the day with us.

As an aside, few years ago, i was driving and listening to the radio.. dj lists out top 10 things to improve mental health.

No 2 was listening to Bruce Springsteen.
No 1 was deactivating social media.

I haven't been on Twitter or Facebook since. I asked a mate what have i missed in the last 5 years? Nothing.