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Two-day weddings

El Tarangu

When did this become the norm in Ireland?

I have been invited to two weddings in Ireland this year, and both are two-day affairs. One of the weddings is of a very close friend, and while I am delighted to be joining him on the day, I am balking a bit at the prospect of the second day. I think one day's eating and drinking to excess will be plenty for me, and tbh I would rather avoid the extra hassle and expense of staying for a second night.

Is this likely to be seen as a sort of faux pas or snub? I will be coming back from abroad to attend the wedding, so I suppose that is in my favour; I would like to hear a few opinions from other people before letting them know that I will be attending the first day.

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lazygal

We had a two day thing, mainly because my parents wanted to host a party for their extended families the day after our wedding. We asked everyone and I'd say half the guests came, some of my friends who'd know my parents came along for a bit and it was very casual, kind of a drop in and have a drink and a bite and leave whenever type thing. We don't usually do the second day event if we're asked these days because we have young children and we don't want to give up two days for a wedding. I don't think anyone is offended if you don't go, I know my husband, my parents and myself didn't mind who came.
ETA it was in my parents house and we didn't have a hotel wedding so there was no two nights of a stay, relatives stayed with those who live in Dublin anyway as did friends who travelled from outside Ireland. My parents put up a few for the night.

Effects

El Tarangu wrote: »

I am balking a bit at the prospect of the second day. I would rather avoid the extra hassle and expense of staying for a second night.

Just go to the first day.

If you do go for the second day then don't stay over.

GingerLily

We had a two day thing, it was a midday BBQ to filll everyone before the went home and a small number of guests stayed the second night, only people who wanted to stayed and there was definitely no requirement to attend any part of the second day event.

Don't go to the second day if you don't want, the invitation is optional, just tell the bride and groom, if they need numbers!

Triceratops Ballet

I've never gone to the 2nd day of a wedding, even when I was bridesmaid! I just can't be dealing with that!

missmatty

We had the option but didn't go with it. We let some close family and friends know we would be in a local pub the evening after, and we had about twenty people. It was lovely, and the main idea was to catch up with close family from Scotland who were around for the weekend.

Addle

I never make both days.

2 day weddings have been a thing for a long, long time.

It's 3 day weddings now. Rehearsal dinner anyone?

woodchuck

I've only stayed for one 2 day wedding. It was my OHs friend so kept my mouth shut, but I wasn't surprised at the very low turn out for the second evening.

It was just a low key thing in a pub with some finger food, so it was grand actually. It was nice that we didn't have to check out and drive home early after the night before and got to do our own thing in the afternoon. But obviously the big downside was doubling the cost of accommodation.

Personally I think 2 day weddings are taking the p1ss though! You get one day, ONE :P

Addle wrote: »

Rehearsal dinner anyone?

Mother of God, please don't tell me this is becoming the norm...

Addle

I've had 1 invite to a rehearsal last year and one coming up this autumn.
Not best buddies or related to either set of hosts.

The autumn wedding has also already a plan for a post honeymoon party where she'll show everyone the wedding video, so she can delay the post wedding slump.

appledrop

Have had plenty of invites for second day events but never go. Never an issue always a much smaller turnout for second day. I enjoy weddings + the day but that's it. People have other things on in their life + I think it's a bit much asking people to stay another day/night.

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

Addle wrote: »

Rehearsal dinner anyone?

Mother of God, please don't tell me this is becoming the norm...

For the bridal party and parents of the bride/groom I don't see a problem?

Rezident

Cos it's more fun. Obviously. If you don't want to go for the second day, then don't. Nobody minds if someone isn't there on the second day after the wedding, most people will probably not even notice you are not there, I'll think they'll be ok with it.

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

For the bridal party and parents of the bride/groom I don't see a problem?

But why is it necessary at all? If the bridal party is staying at the venue the night before anyway and they all end up heading down to dinner together, grand. But the whole concept of a prearranged "rehearsal dinner" sounds very American, unnecessary and additional pressure on the bridal party.

I'm genuinely perplexed. But I've never been to a rehearsal dinner. Perhaps someone can share their experience?

splinter65

Addle wrote: »

I never make both days.

2 day weddings have been a thing for a long, long time.

It's 3 day weddings now. Rehearsal dinner anyone?

So if you ask the wedding party to come to the church/registry office/venue for a rehearsal, then you have to bring them to a restaurant after?
Who pays? If your in the party and you don’t go is that a problem?
Or what is it?!

Addle

I'm not 100% on what it is.
Reason I didn't go is that there were too many unknowns. We didn't have a role in the ceremony do weren't going to the church.
We did stay on the hotel the night before and went out for dinner, but we didn't meet the wedding party as we didn't know what the story was about paying for the meal, or who'd exactly be there.

I rarely spend 3 days in a row with my husband, not about to choose to spend 3 expensive days with strangers by choice!

GingerLily

If I was staying in the hotel the night before and I was invited to the rehearsal dinner as a result I would just assume the bride and groom are being polite and don't want their guests to feel left out. There's obviously no obligation!

A lot of people seem to find invitations offensive, which seems a little odd, just don't go if you can't/don't want to.

SusanC10

We are married 14 years and 2 day weddings were a thing back then with the 2nd day being a BBQ or similar.

We got married abroad and had a Rehearsal Dinner and a Day-After Dinner too.

Peregrinus

woodchuck wrote: »

But why is it necessary at all? If the bridal party is staying at the venue the night before anyway and they all end up heading down to dinner together, grand. But the whole concept of a prearranged "rehearsal dinner" sounds very American, unnecessary and additional pressure on the bridal party.

I'm genuinely perplexed. But I've never been to a rehearsal dinner. Perhaps someone can share their experience?

The rehearsal dinner is an American thing. I've been to one (I was the best man). It only involves the couple, their parents, the bridal party and (occasionally) the celebrant. There is an actual rehearsal of the wedding ceremony, if possible at the venue where the ceremony will be held, followed by a dinner. Bridal party partners are invited to the dinner afterwards, but often do not come. The celebrant is invited to the dinner afterwards, but invariably declines, unless he is also a close family friend. The dinner is a low-key affair, and is usually not held in the same venue that will host the wedding reception. It's really just to thank the bridal party for having given up their evening to help ensure that things will go smoothly on the day.

As for the two-day wedding thing, we did that, because my wife is Australian, and her friends/family were coming a long way for the wedding, to a place which they might otherwise have no inclination to visit; we felt we needed to offer them a bit more than one day's entertainment. So on day 2 we organised a treasure hunt around the town, ending up with afternoon tea at a city centre hotel (which was not the venue for the wedding/reception). We made it clear that people could come or not as they wished; nearly all of the foreign visitors came, plus a fair spread of Irish friends. Irish family members, not so much. It went well, and seemed to be appreciated.

loalae

Ah we're having a 2 day wedding but that's because my partner is Sikh and his mother wishes us to have a Sikh ceremony. I don't want that to be my official wedding so we're having the Sikh ceremony and some food on the Friday and the civil ceremony and proper party on the Saturday.

I've told friends and family that they are invited to both but I expect that many people will just come for the Saturday especially as my friends and family are in Ireland and the wedding is in London.

Addle

GingerLily wrote: »

If I was staying in the hotel the night before and I was invited to the rehearsal dinner as a result I would just assume the bride and groom are being polite and don't want their guests to feel left out. There's obviously no obligation!

A lot of people seem to find invitations offensive, which seems a little odd, just don't go if you can't/don't want to.

Our invitation wasn't because of our accommodation.

I'm never offended by an invitation! That would be taking the whole thing far too seriously. I often turn down invites to all sorts of occasions.

Peregrinus

Addle wrote: »

The autumn wedding has also already a plan for a post honeymoon party where she'll show everyone the wedding video, so she can delay the post wedding slump.

Oh, dear God. Has nobody ever told her that you must never, ever make people watch your wedding video?

woodchuck

Peregrinus wrote: »

The rehearsal dinner is an American thing. I've been to one (I was the best man). It only involves the couple, their parents, the bridal party and (occasionally) the celebrant. There is an actual rehearsal of the wedding ceremony, if possible at the venue where the ceremony will be held, followed by a dinner. Bridal party partners are invited to the dinner afterwards, but often do not come. The celebrant is invited to the dinner afterwards, but invariably declines, unless he is also a close family friend. The dinner is a low-key affair, and is usually not held in the same venue that will host the wedding reception. It's really just to thank the bridal party for having given up their evening to help ensure that things will go smoothly on the day.

As for the two-day wedding thing, we did that, because my wife is Australian, and her friends/family were coming a long way for the wedding, to a place which they might otherwise have no inclination to visit; we felt we needed to offer them a bit more than one day's entertainment. So on day 2 we organised a treasure hunt around the town, ending up with afternoon tea at a city centre hotel (which was not the venue for the wedding/reception). We made it clear that people could come or not as they wished; nearly all of the foreign visitors came, plus a fair spread of Irish friends. Irish family members, not so much. It went well, and seemed to be appreciated.

Thanks for info! Who normally pays for the rehearsal dinner?

SusanC10

My Parents paid for ours. My Husband's Parents paid for the Day-After Dinner. This was worked out between the two Dads as we were going to pay ourselves.

Wheety

As plenty of people have said, I've been at a few weddings where the invite mentioned that the Bride and Groom are staying the second night and having a BBQ, if anyone wants to stay the 2nd night etc.

Haven't done it yet. I'm worn out after the main night so have just gone down to the group at checking out time, after throwing bags into the car. Maybe stay for an hour or 2 drinking blackcurrant and having food before the trip home. I don't have any kids but they seem to love playing with their friends/cousins for a while longer.

baby and crumble

I was about to say both my brothers had 2 day things, but technically so did we.

Brother 1: Full on 2 day thing- technically actually 3; civil ceremony (legally binding) on the Friday, just family and we had dinner in the hotel afterward. Then full wedding (had a religious blessing type ceremony in the hotel, then usual dinner & reception) on the Saturday. Sunday was a BBQ at the hotel then down to the pub. It was a lot, I have to admit.

Brother 2: Civil wedding as normal on the Saturday, then both families went back to their house to have a lunch of shepherds pie and cake that my sister-in-law and her neighbour had prepared on the Friday. It was lovely actually, we all ate outside in lovely August sun in the Cotswolds.

Us: Wedding on Saturday (late start, ceremony at 4.30) then we let it be known to family & some friends that we were going to brunch if people wanted to join. We had about 16 I think. Was grand, but it was really just family and closest friends. We weren't going on honeymoon until the Monday so fancied something organised on the Sunday so it wasn't a bit of a let down.

I don't get invited to many weddings tbh, so that's most of my wedding experience. I think so long as it's not a big massive night expected and you're not expected to stay extra nights and pay for hotels etc it's grand. Obviously I went to everything at my brothers wedding but I wouldn't be doing all that for anyone else. The BBQ was part of their package and it was good craic.

splinter65

We didn’t plan to have a rehearsal of our wedding ceremony because it didn’t seem necessary but the priest that was to marry us died and the substitute priest was visiting from the uk and he asked us to come to the church because apparently they do things differently over there and he was very nervous!
I told him to go ahead and do whatever was comfortable for him and we just followed his lead on the big day and it was grand.

meeeeh

We are having dinner the second night for people who traveled and who have flights on Monday. We are also covering lunch/dinner for those flying in the day before. Otherwise I would prefer one night affair, I won't be even around on Friday but if you drag people across Europe I think you should at least organize some food.

I've been to a few second days and I find them a bit exhausting. I don't mind stayng a day longer in a hotel and have a lazy day but another evening of drinking is a bit much for me.

Peregrinus

woodchuck wrote: »

Thanks for info! Who normally pays for the rehearsal dinner?

Traditionally, the groom's parents.

splinter65

Peregrinus wrote: »

Traditionally, the groom's parents.

Good Lord.

Electric Sheep

splinter65 wrote: »

So if you ask the wedding party to come to the church/registry office/venue for a rehearsal, then you have to bring them to a restaurant after?
Who pays? If your in the party and you don’t go is that a problem?
Or what is it?!

I'd rather a rehearsal dinner than a 2nd day of the wedding. Usually the rehearsal dinner is only immediate family of the bride and groom, and the wedding party and their partners. It's hosted by the groom's family (usually) and it's meant to be a way for the families and the wedding party to get to know each other. It's a pre-wedding thing that is not all about the bride and groom.

The 2 day wedding on the other hand reeks of a couple who can't bear to relinquish the limelight.

Peregrinus

splinter65 wrote: »

Good Lord.

Why "good Lord"? The bride's parents traditionally pay for the whole wedding reception, which is a vastly bigger affair.

The rehearsal dinner, as noted, is a fairly small and low-key business. It's not the done thing to go over the top and go to a massively fancy place; you go to a place where people will feel comfortable, and which will be suitable for chatting and socialising. So, a nice restaurant. Not a Michelin-starred place, and not McDonald's. As Electric Sheep says, it's often a chance for the two families to spend a bit of time together before the hurley-burley of the wedding.

It's usually a few days before the wedding, which often makes it smaller still, since not all of the bridal party will be in town. The bigger your role on the day, the more effort you are expected to make to attend the rehearsal and the dinner but it's understood that, if you can't go, you can't go.