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Child Item

Can i ask a question? I dont know how to think.

joe6pack

I am just your normal lad...I am married 9 years we are together over 20 years we have 3 teenage children and a good life together...However inadvertantly recently i discovered ...just through a shared google account that my wife is watching porn...Not alot but every few weeks and mostly when work takes me away but lately sometimes when in here? weird thing is that almost exclusiveley lesbian stuff...this has my head melteld....anyone have any experience of this?

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limnam

frag420 wrote: »

At lease she’s not riding your friends when your away with work...

She could be riding one of his friends, while they watch lesbians...

splinter65

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring up that conversation? Without making her feel like a pile of crap?? I dont know????Its impossiblie

Just forget about it. Boredom and a bit of loneliness. Curiosity mostly and finding the idea a little erotic but definitely not wanting to experiment if that’s what your worried about.
Not everything needs to be dragged up and discussed. If I were her I would be mortified and your bringing it up would probably cause a serious row.
Everyone is entitled to their privacy.

splinter65

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

Don’t bother. Just forget about it . Even long married couples are entitled to some privacy from one another.
Don’t go looking for problems that don’t exist.

fmpisces

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

I'm not having a go when I say this, but are you worried about embarrassing her or yourself? Afraid of what you might hear?

It depends on how you want to approach it (say what you happened across or not mention that and ask, curiously like, if she'd be interested in/has ever watched porn). If you chose the latter approach and she said no, then you have to leave it at that, or tell her what you found in which case she'd know it was a trick question and you were testing her. So to avoid all that rigmarole just be direct - when you find the time, take a breath and tell her what you came across. The ball is then in her court to elaborate, or not. It may also provide you with a platform to ask her the questions you are playing over and over in your mind.

Her being defensive (a possibility) does not necessarily mean guilt or secrecy, porn can be a private thing, it just depends on how sexually open and confident a person feels. Viewing porn privately is not necessarily a bad thing.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

You don't have to bring up the porn.

Feel free to tell me to butt out but maybe this incident and particularly your reaction to it could be an eye opener for you and something positive could come of it. The impression I'm getting from your follow up posts is that you're feeling distance in the relationship, and you're mad about your wife.

You can, hopefully, bring that up with her? Eventually the kids will leave, your careers will wind down. You don't want to be stood there looking at each other thinking "I actually have no clue who you are".

mordeith

Women watching lesbian sex is perfectly normal. As Swiss Tony once said of the love making process "Slowly undress her. But keep your own clothes on because no one wants to see a man in the nude."

One eyed Jack

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

You can't really, it's the trade-off between accepting the public image your wife wants to portray, and undermining her desire to keep that part of herself private. You don't sound like the type of couple that has open conversations about sex and honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It doesn't imply either of you are insecure or have trust issues or any of the rest of that stuff, it's just who you are as people, as individuals.

Unless it became a real deal-breaker for you or one of you develops a serious addition to porn to the detriment of your relationship, I wouldn't be opening that can of worms.

joe6pack

Darwin Brave Business wrote: »

You don't have to bring up the porn.

Feel free to tell me to butt out but maybe this incident and particularly your reaction to it could be an eye opener for you and something positive could come of it. The impression I'm getting from your follow up posts is that you're feeling distance in the relationship, and you're mad about your wife.

You can, hopefully, bring that up with her? Eventually the kids will leave, your careers will wind down. You don't want to be stood there looking at each other thinking "I actually have no clue who you are".

Wow .....This is so true! Yes I love her...But just ready for this oter side.
Thank you

Esel

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

Don't show her this thread anyway.

joe6pack

Thank You

limnam

What was her favorite website?

Asking for a female friend

facehugger99

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring that up casually ever? Without completley embarrissing her?

Buy yourself a strap on dildo and surprise her.

CPTM

It's simple. The next time you go to bed with her, dress up as a dirty blonde and casually work the question into conversation before she gets to say anything.

Or say it came up in conversation before, that girls tend to prefer girl-on-girl porn over guy-on-girl porn and ask her what she thought. You could be opening a door that she wants to open herself, as it were...

Maybe she really wants to chat about it, but, don't get distracted by her potential answers - make sure you have yours prepared because it will be a two-way street!

Hector Bellend

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I know this is After Hours, but bestiality ? FFS

:pac::pac::pac::pac:

Lesbo chicks

Shiritoru

OP, nothing wrong with it, but for your own comfort - just ask your wife about it. Easy. (And can lead to mutual pleasure, btw.

)

joe6pack

Thank you
And I appreciate your advice.

Avatar MIA

facehugger99 wrote: »

Buy yourself a strap on dildo and surprise her.

Pretty sure OP comes with dildo as standard.

deadanonymau5

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Good news OP, your wife clearly want's a threesome, you know what to do

^This

Make sure you use a decent tripod, you dont want the camera falling over and missing all the good stuff!

MyStubbleItches

Martina1991 wrote: »

+1
women watch porn just like men.

Straight porn usually involves the women being used as a hole (or two) to fill. Lesbian porn is all about pleasuring the woman. Men could learn a thing or two from it.

Men could learn a thing or two? That's a fair general,self-centred post.

Avatar MIA

MyStubbleItches wrote: »

Men could learn a thing or two? That's a fair general,self-centred post.

Fair, you say? Admission is the first step. Congrats.

Oldtree

She might be shy about broaching her interest with you.

Why not suggest an evening in watching together and see where that goes. You could take the bull by the horns and say that you would like to watch some girl on girl action, would she mind and would she have any suggestions of suitable material for you to watch together.

Light loads of candles and get in a nice bottle of bubbly.

Bambi985

Darwin Brave Business wrote: »

Ok seeing as this is apparently serious for you OP.

What is it that has your head melted? Is it that she watches porn? That's normal. As you say it's mostly when you're not there, and maybe she's developing a habit now. Presumably you masturbate, possibly with the aid of porn. It doesn't reflect on your feelings for your wife, does it? Samesies.

Is it that it's lesbian porn? That's normal too. Straight women watch an absolute tonne of lesbian porn. In fact, in the US and Canada, women watch twice as much of it as men do.

There are plenty reasons for this. Pure escapism. Women are possibly a bit more sexually fluid or at least less hung up on the gay thing than men, and conversely, if someone is very very straight, lesbian porn can be attractive because it's so "naughty" or outside the norm. Also there's the fact that straight porn is AWFUL for a lot of women, unless you're into bondage, degradation etc., because that seems to be the norm from which other porn deviates now. If you want to find a video that doesn't leave you thinking "fcuking OW, jesus. Get off her", randomly start featuring choking or something, or if looking at another woman's cum covered arsehole while someone calls her a slut weirdly doesn't make you all that horny, you're best to either specifically seek out porn made for women, or just go straight to the lesbian stuff where there is at least a passing chance of something happening where you think "that would probably feel nice".

You don't have to talk to her about it if you don't want to. Are you happy with your sex life? This could be a good opportunity to open up that conversation, maybe start with watching some together or something.

Be grand man.

This all the way. As a straighter than straight woman, most straight porn is absolutely horrifying to me, completely uncomfortable viewing what with the graphic cum-filled closeups and ridiculous dialogue and the fake banshee wailing from the woman that's about as sexy as a fire in an orphanage. I'll just watch and think "there's no way that's even remotely fun and not painful for her, jesus christ"

There's far more likelihood of sensuality and an actual authentic orgasm for all participants in the lesbian stuff, it's less about hammering the absolute living fcuk out of the woman in ways that just look everything from painful to impossible and there's more room for imagination in terms of how pleasurable it might actually feel than your standard jackhammering male porn star and banshee wailing woman who clearly just wants to get the job done and collect her pay check.

Pseudorandom

I don't think you should bring the porn itself up with your wife. Likely in the same way you wouldn't want to discuss or defend your porn preferences she won't want to discuss hers.

I very much doubt she's a lesbian, much more likely she finds lesbian porn less violent and more about women's orgasms in a way that male & female porn isn't.

December2012

When you are in bed, can you tell her how much you miss her when you're away? If you have just had sex, you can tell her how good that was, and how much you miss having sex with her while you are away. That you miss when she does X, Y and Z (whatever it is you do in bed together). You could tell her that sometimes when you're away you are so horny thinking about it that you sometimes watch a porn and masturbate. if the conversation has been going the right way for you to continue this conversation, she might be telling you the same thing.

Don't worry if she doesn't tel you about her porn preferences. ITs not lying. From what you say you don't really talk about sex? She might not be ready to share with you yet. Just keep up the reassurance, and the connection.

For the times that she does it while you are there - consider this - are you available for sex? have you seduced or made a good sexual environment? Do you go to bed at the same time? Maybe you could have more sex together at home.

And it goes without saying, that you should be paying her plenty of attention. Lots of lesbian porn is about delighting in the female form, so make sure you are doing that, if that floats your boat. Lots of oral, lots of kissing, lots of what some straight porn would consider as foreplay.

Keep up the communication and make time for each other. Give yourself time and you'll have a much better sex life in a few months.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you watch porn, OP? What sort of porn do you watch? Is what you are watching what you want to do in real life? Or are you just watching something to **** to? Have you watched any lesbian porn? I don't know if this is a conversation you need to have, only you can decide that. But how would you feel if your wife came to you questioning your porn preferences and wondering what they meant about you as a man, and for your marriage?

For what it's worth I don't think there's any chance your wife is a lesbian.

And can I ask what your "public positions" have to do with a couple having a private conversation? It's not like you're going to have to call a committee meeting and account for yourselves. You're clearly not very comfortable talking about sex, and honestly you are not alone in that. But, your wife watches porn. You do to. Lesbian porn does not mean she's a lesbian.

erica74

joe6pack wrote: »

I am just your normal lad...I am married 9 years we are together over 20 years we have 3 teenage children and a good life together...However inadvertantly recently i discovered ...just through a shared google account that my wife is watching porn...Not alot but every few weeks and mostly when work takes me away but lately sometimes when in here? weird thing is that almost exclusiveley lesbian stuff...this has my head melteld....anyone have any experience of this?

Okay OP I haven't read all of your replies but this does seem to be something that's really getting you down.
As another poster said and many have agreed with, women watching lesbian porn is very normal.Women watching porn is very normal.

In my experience, straight couple porn or porn involving men and women tends to be quite degrading to women, face cum shots and other stuff (I won't go into detail) and while that stuff may be appealing to some people, for the majority of women, it's hard to get turned on by something that isn't appealing to them or something they never want to experience. Lesbian porn tends to be a bit more sensual and appealing to women and there's also the "off limit" element to lesbian porn for straight women. Lesbian porn will make a woman fantasise about what's happening but that's all it is, a fantasy, and fantasy is good.

If your relationship is otherwise healthy and you are both happy with each other, it shouldn't be something to worry over.

Also, I don't think you need to speak to her about it. Do you watch porn? Would you like to be confronted about it? Probably not.

[Deleted User]

fmpisces wrote: »

Now I'm just curious.....but would you not have to actually check the Internet history to have found what was being browsed on the laptop/computer/tablet?

Not actively. For example people sharing a google account - which the OP says they are - over one or more computers will on opening chrome often get confronted with the "thumbnail tab" which shows 8 thumb nails of recently viewed or often viewed websites.

I have chrome set so when I open it, this is the first and only page that starts up. I find it makes chrome open faster.

joe6pack wrote: »

How do I bring up that conversation? Without making her feel like a pile of crap?? I dont know????Its impossiblie

The same way as you would if it was not porn maybe? For example we have a shared Netflix account in my house. And this has tabs like "continue watching" "recently watched" or "Because you watched X you might like Y" and at times I will see my partners have watched something I did not know they were into - and I might bring this up and watch it together. We do not have a television so we do not watch things often. So it is nice to share.

For me though communication is the single most important thing for a relationship. For me. That means that I would - in your position - be a lot more bothered by my inability to talk to a partner about such things than I would be by the thing itself.

If I felt I could not start a conversation on something this basic I would not be in the relationship.