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Affair / Sexual chemistry

AwareWolf

New to this so hope I'm posting in right place. Never had an affair. Very happily married. Clicked with someone recently. And the chemistry was unreal! Didn't have sex nearly did. Married 15 years. Have never experienced this sexual chemistry. Now can't get it out of my head and want him NOW! But afraid of how I'll feel afterwards, and can I really forget it if I get it out of my system?

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up for anything

pickarooney wrote: »

Seems a bit odd to say that as a regular bible reader...

Who? Me? I wasn't much for reading the bible unless there was nothing else around but I heard it read aloud often enough in mass and during a Catholic education.

professore

up for anything wrote: »

Back in your day? Are you not of this earth anymore? I struggled a little with genders but hey I decided I wasn't going to be a later version of those people who had to be dragged kicking and screaming into accepting unwed mothers and same sex relationships. Life is way too short for pigeonholing people into little boxes.

As for lusting and seed not being biblical terms - maybe not in the US Republican strongholds but in modern day Ireland.. hell, even in the Ireland I grew up in I didn't tell my friends that I was lusting after a particular lad and wanted his seed. The only place I saw those terms used on a regular basis was the bible.

The world is full of people who struggle with monogamy. If they say they don't they're either in the first year or so of a new relationship or they're lying.

That gender comment was tongue in cheek. Even back in the 70s and 80s we had Mr Pussy, Dame Edna and Boy George to name a few. I remember seeing drag Queens in the long gone Bewleys Café on Grafton Street.

Not everyone struggles with monogamy. Just like not everyone struggles with gambling, alcoholism, overeating or a host of other impulse control issues. Finding someone else sexually attractive is not the same as struggling with monogamy. One year in a relationship and you struggle? That's a serious problem you got there.

manonboard

up for anything wrote: »

The world is full of people who struggle with monogamy. If they say they don't they're either in the first year or so of a new relationship or they're lying.

or... simply don't struggle with it?

i've lived a polyamorous lifestyle, and a monogamous at different stages. There are MANY people who are quite content in mono and dont find the aspect of not being with others difficult.

[Deleted User]

up for anything wrote: »

The world is full of people who struggle with monogamy. If they say they don't they're either in the first year or so of a new relationship or they're lying.

Don't pretend everyone else is lying just to make yourself feel better. If you have a problem with monogamy, own it, and leave the rest of us out of it

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

up for anything wrote: »

The world is full of people who struggle with monogamy. If they say they don't they're either in the first year or so of a new relationship or they're lying.

Or they're just different from you?

This thread is so fcuking full of projection. People justifying their shítty choices, shítty situations, shítty judginess by saying everyone else, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD actually feels the same as they do, they're just lying.

"I really want to have an affair, so it's natural and good, anyone who criticises me is just insecure because they feel the same"

"I find it totally easy not to have an affair, therefore anyone who does have an affair is weak and bad and horrible, because it's exactly the same for them as it is for me."

"I just plain don't like relationships/men/women, so everyone, actually pretty much the entirety of human society and culture, has all been one big massive con and only me and a few other people see through it"

"All my relationships have been crap, therefore all relationships are crap".

professore

If it was as hard for me to resist a packet of Pringles as a hottie in the office I'd be in serious trouble lol

Edit: wrong way round!

beefburrito

up for anything wrote: »

I've heard a little of this. So do you have physical relationships with other men or genders?

I find your language a little old testamenty biblical... lusting... seed.

Anyhow, please tell me more.

Nothing really to tell, I enjoy going fishing,surfing hillwalking and other outdoor activities

My sex drive is zilch at the moment,so I'm not really up for much to be honest.

I can't explain it,but my compulsion to engage sexually or emotionally with a woman is non existent...

Not on any medication ,which would lower my sex drive...

And I ain't bi-curious either....

professore

beefburrito wrote: »

Nothing really to tell, I enjoy going fishing,surfing hillwalking and other outdoor activities

My sex drive is zilch at the moment,so I'm not really up for much to be honest.

I can't explain it,but my compulsion to engage sexually or emotionally with a woman is non existent...

Not on any medication ,which would lower my sex drive...

And I ain't bi-curious either....

Fairly normal. I think a lot of guys go through this after a really bad relationship. The trick is not to forget that not all women are as bad as the one that screwed you over.

Some woman will come into your life sooner or later that will get your juices flowing again

TheAnalyst_

You have low testosterone (the classic cuck symptoms). Go to a doctor and get a patch.

professore

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

You have low testosterone (the classic cuck symptoms). Go to a doctor and get a patch.

Oh FFS what a load of crap. Besides, artificial testosterone depresses your body's ability to make it naturally.

lukesmom

Well at least you now know what it is like with this other man. It's up to you yo decide how you want to play it out. Will you stay with your husband, say nothing and put it down to experience? Or will you make a break from it after realising that you need something more than what you currently have? Difficult decision but wish you the best.

Hector Bellend

lukesmom

Just say you feel the way that I feel. I'm feeling sexual so we should be sexual

Pluto Planet

professore wrote: »

Oh FFS what a load of crap. Besides, artificial testosterone depresses your body's ability to make it naturally.

If a man wants to increase testosterone it's advisable to do it naturally. Quit alcohol, get 8 hours of sleep every night, eat foods containing saturated fats such as eggs and red meat and don't forget to lift heavy things while you're at it. Eat oysters occasionally as well, great for zinc which helps testosterone production naturally. I'd quit watching porn too, and go easy on the self love.

Ash.J.Williams

AwareWolf wrote: »

Totally want to stay in marriage. Am going no where as such. Don't want relationship just want to experience some thing that I know is going to be very good..... For the first time ever! It will b amazing sex. So you think it's possible to forget it afterwards. .?

Men forget about it easy enough

professore

Funny how there are lots of wives and husbands lacking sex out there. Seems like they married the wrong people.

If you're not bothered by the lack of sex it should be on the table the same way attitudes to having kids, career and money should be. Your spouse might not feel the same way about it. I've heard wives say it wouldn't bother them if they never had sex again. Never heard husbands say it - but it's such a cuck thing to say to borrow a phrase from the analyst, they are probably lying.

professore

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Men forget about it easy enough

Depends on the woman.

Earthhorse

Avery Flat Sweater wrote: »

"I really want to have an affair, so it's natural and good, anyone who criticises me is just insecure because they feel the same"

"I find it totally easy not to have an affair, therefore anyone who does have an affair is weak and bad and horrible, because it's exactly the same for them as it is for me."

"I just plain don't like relationships/men/women, so everyone, actually pretty much the entirety of human society and culture, has all been one big massive con and only me and a few other people see through it"

"All my relationships have been crap, therefore all relationships are crap".

Don't know about the rest of your post but I agree with all this.

[Deleted User]

'cuck' do ye hear yourselves

MGTOW sounds like a cat with a cough

The slavish devotion to terms you read on the internet unfortunately suggest possibly more of the cause of any difficulties ye might be having rather than blaming 'women' (#notallwomen)

Cheerful Spring

She claims to love her husband, but she has not yet told him she shagged someone else.

Finding someone else attractive is not a crime we all fancy different people even when in different relationships even when married. The OP though has deliberately had sex with someone else even though she Married and Mum to satisfy an urge? What the urge sex? Sex is not some unique experience all humans can experience this pleasure in life.She shared this experience with her husband. Clearly, something else is broken in this relationship. I think when your married and committed to someone you should be more truthful about your intentions and feelings. Maybe I am out of touch with the modern goings-on, but I think its fake to hurt someone close to you to satisfy yourself.

LadyMacBeth_

Not an easy thing to post about on boards OP. I'm not going to congratulate you but I'm not going to chastise you either. We're all human, nobody is perfect and we all have urges and you do seem to genuinely love your husband.

I guess now that you've had the experience of sex with someone else it might fizzle out. You may have an urge to do it again in the future though. I've struggled with monogamy and I've been cheated on and I have cheated in the past.

Life isn't black and white and neither are relationships. The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt a partner and I completely understand how infidelity can devastate. I guess some people are built for monogamy and others aren't.

Personally I know I can't live with the guilt of cheating (which I know from past experience) so I don't cheat. It doesn't mean it's always easy though.

Maybe your husband might be willing to pursue an open relationship in the future, that's something to consider. It's something I tried but ultimately it didn't work for me. All the best in the future.

up for anything

professore wrote: »

Not everyone struggles with monogamy. Just like not everyone struggles with gambling, alcoholism, overeating or a host of other impulse control issues. Finding someone else sexually attractive is not the same as struggling with monogamy. One year in a relationship and you struggle? That's a serious problem you got there.

manonboard wrote: »

or... simply don't struggle with it?

i've lived a polyamorous lifestyle, and a monogamous at different stages. There are MANY people who are quite content in mono and dont find the aspect of not being with others difficult.

bluewolf wrote: »

Don't pretend everyone else is lying just to make yourself feel better. If you have a problem with monogamy, own it, and leave the rest of us out of it

Avery Flat Sweater wrote: »

Or they're just different from you?

This thread is so fcuking full of projection. People justifying their shítty choices, shítty situations, shítty judginess by saying everyone else, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD actually feels the same as they do, they're just lying.

"I really want to have an affair, so it's natural and good, anyone who criticises me is just insecure because they feel the same"

"I find it totally easy not to have an affair, therefore anyone who does have an affair is weak and bad and horrible, because it's exactly the same for them as it is for me."

"I just plain don't like relationships/men/women, so everyone, actually pretty much the entirety of human society and culture, has all been one big massive con and only me and a few other people see through it"

"All my relationships have been crap, therefore all relationships are crap".

I seem to have hit a nerve there with a few of you. I'm going on the experience of a friend and her friends - she enjoys sex and is happy to have a physical round or two with chaps without the need for a relationship. She's gotten through a lot of men in the last few years and strangely enough very few of them are single and very few are real swingers although they tend to live on swinger forums. Most of them use the excuses such as the age old my wife doesn't understand me but then there is the we no longer have a physical relationship because she's lost her libido (hate that word), since the children came along she blanks me, now she's menopausal she's no longer interested, she's always tired, she lies there like a dead fish and then there are the ones and there are a fair few of them who say they love their wives/girlfriends/partners/fiancées but still like to ring the changes. I've actually gotten a bit disillusioned based on her vast experience, that of her like-minded friends, my own limited encounters and those other friends in more usual relationships have confided in me.

I am very sure there are quite a few people who have no problem with monogamy. For thirty years I was very happy to be monogamous and it wasn't a burden to me and I was probably being a bit tongue-in-cheek in my own turn in what I said but when I hear of guy after guy cheating on their partners it does make me just a wee bit cynical. I joined one of the swinging websites and as a newbie had something like 150 plus messages in the first ten minutes - none of them offering to swing with their other halves, just looking for a bit of afternoon delight! Bleurgh.

I'm really not sure why you are all so defensive. Surely it's enough to say that it's not a problem for you without having to follow it up with a dig at me personally.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

up for anything wrote: »

I seem to have hit a nerve there with a few of you. I'm going on the experience of a friend and her friends - she enjoys sex and is happy to have a physical round or two with chaps without the need for a relationship. She's gotten through a lot of men in the last few years and strangely enough very few of them are single and very few are real swingers although they tend to live on swinger forums. Most of them use the excuses such as the age old my wife doesn't understand me but then there is the we no longer have a physical relationship because she's lost her libido (hate that word), since the children came along she blanks me, now she's menopausal she's no longer interested, she's always tired, she lies there like a dead fish and then there are the ones and there are a fair few of them who say they love their wives/girlfriends/partners/fiancées but still like to ring the changes. I've actually gotten a bit disillusioned based on her vast experience, that of her like-minded friends, my own limited encounters and those other friends in more usual relationships have confided in me.

I am very sure there are quite a few people who have no problem with monogamy. For thirty years I was very happy to be monogamous and it wasn't a burden to me and I was probably being a bit tongue-in-cheek in my own turn in what I said but when I hear of guy after guy cheating on their partners it does make me just a wee bit cynical. I joined one of the swinging websites and as a newbie had something like 150 plus messages in the first ten minutes - none of them offering to swing with their other halves, just looking for a bit of afternoon delight! Bleurgh.

I'm really not sure why you are all so defensive. Surely it's enough to say that it's not a problem for you without having to follow it up with a dig at me personally.

Yeah there's a difference between spouting tired old nonsense and hitting a nerve dude.

You come out with a nonsensical generalisation and more than one person challenges it, shocking.

Like if I said everyone who's ever been on a swinging website has deepseated psychological issues, probably had traumatic sexual experiences early in life and definitely had a drug problem, it'd be defensive of you to contradict that and you'd only be doing it coz I hit a nerve?

ardinn

I hope your husbands drops you like a hot plate.

I also hope he never finds out and does something stupid. Please leave the man before you drive him to suicide or worse. Regardless of how much you "love" him your an adultress, an utter scumbag imo.

Cheerful Spring

AwareWolf wrote: »

Yes kissed, but that was when I told my husband. I consider cheating lying. And to the person who asked about my sex life with husband...well it does exist.....if that's what you mean. I've a question for you now though....since I've got my mind thinking alot and read all replies here i had a think about what I like about this other guy compared to my husband. I like his lust for me. I never had that with husband and ive had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that may be it's possible my husband is gay. I decided to sext him through out the day and tell him how much I wanted him and there was a bit of banter. I made it clear what i would do to him when he came home. He arrived home later that evening and said nothing. If i said that to this other guy he'd be over to me like a shot! Lads am I going mad here? Shouldn't he want me after talk like that? ��

I consider cheating lying? What does that even mean? You lying now to your husband about shagging someone else. Did you not say you had a great sex a few weeks ago with your husband? Seems he able to perform then? Maybe you need to figure out why he was not interested in sex with you regularly and frankly speaking the way you're talking I am put off by you, and I would not stick around. He might not be gay he could be meeting other women also as this married relationship is crap.

[Deleted User]

Bizarre thread. We've been telling stories of affairs since we as a species have been telling stories. It is a dominant theme throughout every culture and so many major narratives (even the opening scene of the Táin) mention it.

Monogamy has not been the norm for most of human history, and marriage as we know it is only a few centuries old (ie marrying for love). Monogamy makes a lot of sense from a societal point of view but there has always been a push back against it.

While I don't think the OP is necessarily right, it's her life to live. The anger and vehemence of some of the replies are really weird, imo. Why does anyone else care who she has in her bed, her life or her heart? Who makes anyone else her judge?

Cheerful Spring

Deleted User wrote: »

While I don't think the OP is necessarily right, it's her life to live. The anger and vehemence of some of the replies are really weird, imo. Why does anyone else care who she has in her bed, her life or her heart? Who makes anyone else her judge?

She did make this thread to discuss her love life! I just think she is would be happier with someone else, stay single, and meet up with single men maybe she find a better relationship eventually?. I not buying I love my husband spill at all, that excuse it so old now overused when people cheat.

peasant

In my opinion love is based much more on trust than on sex, never mind lust.

You can have a loving relationship without lust or sex (even though it's usually better with

) but you can't have love without trust.
Violate the trust and you kill the love.

[Deleted User]

Cheerful Spring wrote: »

She did make this thread to discuss her love life! I just think she is would be happier with someone else, stay single, and meet up with single men maybe she find a better relationship eventually?. I not buying I love my husband spill at all, that excuse it so old now overused when people cheat.

Possibly, but "happier" is a loose concept, most people's happiness levels revert to a fairly stable level after significant life events anyhow.

Love can take many forms, not up to me, or anyone else really, to limit it or define it.

jodaw

Deleted User wrote: »

Possibly, but "happier" is a loose concept, most people's happiness levels revert to a fairly stable level after significant life events anyhow.

Love can take many forms, not up to me, or anyone else really, to limit it or define it.

One form i do not think love takes is getting earth shattering side dick whilst your husband is putting the kids to bed