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Joking has escalated - Read Mod warning in post 1

Dylann

Hi, im a quiet person who in the office keeps to myself and trys to stay out of most things. On Friday when talking to my supervisor another employee who is the mouth of the office walked past me and said " hurry up baldy, I want to talk to him" about 5 other people heard this and there was a giggle or two and my response was I may be bald but you will always be ugly. The woman I said this to then walked away almost crying, I walked away too, I was so annoyed and I was annoyed with myself for reacting. My supervisor later came over to my desk and told me to apologise for what I said and that there will have to be a meeting on Monday about my reaction . I feel hard done by here, this wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for the other employee trying to make a show of me. What should I do next? I've never been in trouble in work before and im dreading Monday now.

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The next person(s) trying to turn this into a thread about feminism will get a permanent forum ban. Help the OP or don't bother to post.

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Gonad

Man , that sucks

The ugly ones can never take a joke !

Benildus

Any update OP?

DrPhilG

Deleted User wrote: »

Go in tomorrow with your head held high

Good idea, people won't notice the bald spot then!

Just kidding. I'm baldy as hell and not even 40 so I know the feeling.

looksee wrote: »

'I reacted automatically in the face of ongoing taunts'

Do we know if this was "ongoing"? I know the thread title suggests ongoing joking but there aren't any examples given.

There are 2 issues here.
1 - This person felt it was OK to mock you but not acceptable for you to mock back. That's childish and unreasonable.

2 - The supervisor seems like an idiot. The thing should have been resolved on the spot. If not then, it should have been resolved as soon as your colleague made the complaint. All the supervisor had to do was point out that she threw the first stone and as such she might want to just let it slide.

Fann Linn

tayto lover wrote: »

The supervisor should have sorted the matter out there and then. He heard both insults. He should be in as much trouble as you.

Nail on head. I'd be telling the supervisor now that he's my only witness.

Diceicle

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Ah lads, do ye constantly have your phone on record in your pockets?

This is a minor incident. For it to be anyway serious it'd have to be more than, 'let's have a talk about this on Monday'. There needs to be evidence such as a letter from management requesting a meeting.

My advice, save your battery - in this instance anyway.

I don't disagree; this would be a thing to do on the extreme end of the spectrum - however from the OPs post - it could be taken that the instigator is not being called in, only the OP. I'm possibly incorrect here.
It would also depend on the general culture there too I think. Is there a culture of scapegoating.
In all probability you're right and it'll be an informal chat to straighten things out / clear the air. No harm being prepared though - just ask Maurice McCabe

Avatar MIA

Patww79 wrote: »

It's a very minor incident but the company seem determined to make it major.

It's at supervisor level. By definition it's not going to be major.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

quad_red

Male baldness seems to be something that's pretty much open season. It honestly doesn't bother me but it would be mentioned semi regularly by colleagues in my work in a joshing sense whilst ribbing someone over their weight or looks would be utterly shocking to them.

Given that seems to be how it is in most offices I'm not surprised by the original comment or that she might not have meant to cause genuine offence by it.

However, now that she's had an opportunity to think it over and given she insulted you in a completely unsolicited fashion first, I would (if I was you) be extremely calm.

Do you have a company conduct statement or manual? Literally quote whatever it says about respectful conduct etc and ask whether her saying hurry up baldy adheres to that?

Avatar MIA

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Diceicle wrote: »

It's about risk management. If OP thinks they may get hung out to dry or not get a fair hearing - then why not have this as backup.

Ah lads, do ye constantly have your phone on record in your pockets?

This is a minor incident. For it to be anyway serious it'd have to be more than, 'let's have a talk about this on Monday'. There needs to be evidence such as a letter from management requesting a meeting.

My advice, save your battery - in this instance anyway.

Tell me how

Diceicle wrote:

It's about risk management. If OP thinks they may get hung out to dry or not get a fair hearing - then why not have this as backup.

It shows intense distrust and the parties involved in such a recording could probably never have a good working relationship if it was done and the recording was ultimately used as evidence.

I'd imagine if you did do, you would never be trusted by management again. Which might be unfair but they might see you as looking to sneakily gather evidence.

Diceicle

Avatar MIA wrote: »

We may as well put this advice up as a stickie in this forum. :rolleyes:

If someone records a conversation on something that isn't even a formal disciplinary matter then they are seriously overreacting.

It's about risk management. If OP thinks they may get hung out to dry or not get a fair hearing - then why not have this as backup.

screamer

I have no problem with a meeting being called. Childish stuff like this can be highly decisive amongst a team and certainly something that should not be left to fester. I wouldn't tolerate it amongst any 2 members on any of my teams. You can either be honest and tell her that you were insulted when she showed disrespect to you for taking up the super visors time and humiliated when she called you names and so you retaliated or you can say that you thought she was just having a laugh and joking about and so were you. You'll have to apologise someway but qualify it, that you're willing to put it behind you if she will too?. Document the meeting. If she insults you again note it down and straight to the supervisor. Unfortunately OP in the workplace 2 wrongs don't make a right. Always maintain your professional and if needed report issues via HR.

NinetyTwoTeam

For her to come up and say something like that you would think it was because you were work mates who slagged each other all the time, who go back a bit. For that to not be the case at all makes her actions really bizarre and rude.

Interrupt someone and tell them to hurry up because I'm more important, and insult them at the same time? Sounds like she was overdue being put back in her box.

You could say, "You first of all inferred that you were more important than me by interrupting and saying I should hurry up, and you also insulted me at the same time. I reacted badly and I regret that."

Technically you're not apologizing, just saying you regret that it happened.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Avatar MIA

Diceicle wrote: »

Any benefit to recording tomorrows meeting?

We may as well put this advice up as a stickie in this forum. :rolleyes:

If someone records a conversation on something that isn't even a formal disciplinary matter then they are seriously overreacting.

Diceicle

Any benefit to recording tomorrows meeting? (presuming its an informal and you dont have Union with you) - just in case it escalates.

tayto lover

The supervisor should have sorted the matter out there and then. He heard both insults. He should be in as much trouble as you.

Ursus Horribilis

December2012 wrote: »

Another observation - it is not appropriate for her to tell you to hurry up your conversation so she can speak with the supervisor. Surely she should address the supervisor if at all, and not interrupt your conversation at all, let alone be rude and offensive. .

Makes you wonder who's the supervisor in that office...

December2012

Another observation - it is not appropriate for her to tell you to hurry up your conversation so she can speak with the supervisor. Surely she should address the supervisor if at all, and not interrupt your conversation at all, let alone be rude and offensive.

I think she was bang out of order and rude on all 3 fronts.

Avatar MIA

My response to the manager...

"Glad you thought this was serious enough to have a meeting about. But, to be fair I shouldn't have retaliated. Shur, I know some people have committed suicide over male pattern baldness, but I don't want her disciplined for highlighting my condition.'

I guarantee you you'll not be disciplined.

However, if what you say above is true then you cannot even get a verbal warning as it would have to have lead from a formal process, and you should have been invited to have a witness come with you to the disciplinary meeting.

Your manager is going to ask you to apologise, which is fair, but you should ask if she is going to apologise for interrupting your meeting and being derogatory towards you.

blade1

Rezident wrote: »

She made a derogatory comment about your appearance, you reverted in kind. they're both the same. no issue i can see, except she started it.

Not really, he's was an on the spot reaction... hers was calculated.
Don't be putting up with any more nasty stuff op, you'll be glad in the end you didn't.

anewme

The Supervisor witnessed the whole thing though.

So she can’t deny saying it.

I’m actually surprised you are being called to a meeting about it.

I would definitely find out the objective of the meeting before I go.

You can’t abuse someone and then start crying when they give it back.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say you were 100% right to react the way you did. You may end up having to apologize and I would be careful how I word it (there’s a couple worded very well above)

that way you won’t wreck the Supervisors head (we get complaints such as Johnny keeps looking at me....blah Blah blah and Johnny says he wasn’t
Looking that Paddy keeps glaring st him....head wreckers ) but you are still holding the stance that you are there to work but won’t be accepting personal insults.

Her card is marked though, she won’t call you baldy again.

We’ve a lot of balding guys in our office some are quite young and extremely sensitive about it and would take it to heart. I think it’s mean and sly of her to say that to the quiet one.

Rezident

She made a derogatory comment about your appearance, you reverted in kind. they're both the same. no issue i can see, except she started it.

Stheno

Mod

This is now the third warning in this thread.

Anymore unhelpful posts will be a ban

SuperSean11

steo_magra wrote: »

just go into work tomorrow and Knock the B***** out of her.

Where’s facekicker when we need em?

Bigmac1euro

just go into work tomorrow and Knock the B***** out of her.

pilly

splinter65 wrote:

Do you think the woman who used the insult â€œbaldyâ€ was childish too, or in your opinion was she â€œonly jokingâ€?

Of course she was childish. When did I say she wasn't?

Neyite

"I'm glad we are having the meeting to clear the air. I was stunned and hurt by the name-calling and I unfortunately responded in kind. We should both apologise for the hurt feelings we caused each other and put this behind us."

If the expectation in the meeting is that you are expected to apologise, make sure that you also include her in that. That puts her actions in the spotlight, puts her on the back foot, and makes her equally required to apologise. She will look very churlish if she doesn't, or if she continues to play victim.

tretorn

Is she very unattractive physically.The truth may have her hurt her badly.

Did she go to the supervisor and make the complaint.

Send the supervisor an email saying she referred to you as baldy and you are thinking of seeking counselling because of this, you can say your lack of hair is causing you major self esteem problems which could lead to depression. The fact that you reacted the way you did shows you are very sensitive to remarks about your hair.

Imagine if there was a woman in your office who was losing her hair and you referred to her as baldy, there would be uproar. You can pull the equality card here, she is a rude cow.

Tigger

union rep or work place solicitor, you are gonna be greeted by three people at this meeting and they are going to pressure you.