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Joking has escalated - Read Mod warning in post 1

Dylann

Hi, im a quiet person who in the office keeps to myself and trys to stay out of most things. On Friday when talking to my supervisor another employee who is the mouth of the office walked past me and said " hurry up baldy, I want to talk to him" about 5 other people heard this and there was a giggle or two and my response was I may be bald but you will always be ugly. The woman I said this to then walked away almost crying, I walked away too, I was so annoyed and I was annoyed with myself for reacting. My supervisor later came over to my desk and told me to apologise for what I said and that there will have to be a meeting on Monday about my reaction . I feel hard done by here, this wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for the other employee trying to make a show of me. What should I do next? I've never been in trouble in work before and im dreading Monday now.

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razorblunt

First reply on this thread says it all really. Follow that course of action.

backspin.

I would say you are very sensitive about your bald head and was extremely embarrassed when she made the comment. But that yes you are willing to apologize but you'd like an apology from her too.

She started with the insults but I suspect you are about to get a taste of how protected women are in the workplace. If you had called her baldy and she called you ugly in return. You'd still be the one called in on Monday morning. Hopefully your boss is fair minded though. I don't see what you said as too serious.

December2012

You post about joking escalating. Has there been any joking?

What has gone on in the past?

Wanderer2010

pilly wrote: »

You were extremely childish in the workplace. If you want to keep the job own up to that and apologise profusely.

If you don't care about the job then obviously just do what you want.

Why should he apologize for standing up for himself?

This wagon created the situation by calling the OP a very offensive name in front of others. Do you really think the best response to that is to just lie back and meekly accept it, all the while letting the resentment stew in the background.

She is a childish bully and best she be called out on it- if she cant take it she shouldn't dish it out.

splinter65

Dylann wrote: »

Hi, im a quiet person who in the office keeps to myself and trys to stay out of most things. On Friday when talking to my supervisor another employee who is the mouth of the office walked past me and said " hurry up baldy, I want to talk to him" about 5 other people heard this and there was a giggle or two and my response was I may be bald but you will always be ugly. The woman I said this to then walked away almost crying, I walked away too, I was so annoyed and I was annoyed with myself for reacting. My supervisor later came over to my desk and told me to apologise for what I said and that there will have to be a meeting on Monday about my reaction . I feel hard done by here, this wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for the other employee trying to make a show of me. What should I do next? I've never been in trouble in work before and im dreading Monday now.

My reaction would have been the same as yours so I can’t really help you.

splinter65

pilly wrote: »

You were extremely childish in the workplace. If you want to keep the job own up to that and apologise profusely.

If you don't care about the job then obviously just do what you want.

Do you think the woman who used the insult “baldy” was childish too, or in your opinion was she “only joking”?

decky1

pilly wrote: »

You were extremely childish in the workplace. If you want to keep the job own up to that and apologise profusely.

If you don't care about the job then obviously just do what you want.

what sort of response is this 'Childish' and she walks away with nothing said to her 'No Sir' he's well within his rights to reply to her the same as she said to him , if that all the company have to meet about they must be fairly busy. I think the superviser must be doing some over time with this lady.
Man you may be bald but at least you can wear a hat everyday she only has one night a year to hide her face 'Halloween':cool:

soiseztomabel

I have a shaved head since my mid 20's and the "baldy" thing seems to be the go to insult of an individual who lacks any creativity. Sadly the time we are living in will not the reaction you gave. Say sorry and next time a person talks to you like that you should shut them down immediately by asking them "do you think that's appropriate" and then if they proceed then you rip them a new arsehole and make them cry

Best of luck with the meeting

splinter65

soiseztomabel wrote: »

I have a shaved head since my mid 20's and the "baldy" thing seems to be the go to insult of an individual who lacks any creativity. Sadly the time we are living in will not the reaction you gave. Say sorry and next time a person talks to you like that you should shut them down immediately by asking them "do you think that's appropriate" and then if they proceed then you rip them a new arsehole and make them cry

Best of luck with the meeting

This is probably correct, sadly, for the times we are living in.
It kinda sums up modern feminism to me though, a woman can insult a man but if he returns the compliment she can cry and demand an apology .
All I know is, it’ll all come to a head pretty soon.

everlast75

If the OP is a genuine one, I think that reaction is more like the build up of previous encounters.

That reaction sounds like OP snapping to me.

Just a thought

decky1

I opened a door for a feminist yesterday,---- my case comes up in court next week.

Ann22

Is she unfortunate in her appearance? If I was her I'd feel worse at my boss being so defensive lol! If she's a good looking girl it was clearly a joke. I would have laughed and said something like 'hey...harsh!!!'

Nody

Mod:

The next person(s) trying to turn this into a thread about feminism will get a permanent forum ban. Help the OP or don't bother to post.

Max Prophet

It's funny how uggos try to dish it out but can't take it.

belfe

Apology, but mention indirectly her insult.

"I'm truly sorry for what I said. I lost my temper when you insulted me by calling me baldly, but I realize that it is not a justification and my conduct was completely unacceptable".

If this happens again, you can just say "you know my opinion", or directly report her to HR.

OU812

Don't apologise first, whatever you do. Tell them you will apologise to her publically once you receive a public apology from her (it happened publically, so the apology should be public also).

If they threaten disciplinary action on you, say that you are being bullied by a co-worker with management knowledge) and it's a toxic work environment (that'll put the ****s up them). Then get off to your doctor, get signed out on certified sick leave & start doing some interviews.

Jimbob1977

If you have a union representative, maybe speak to them.

Although you might share the same union rep.

Apologising first will put you in the weaker spot. It's like an admission of guilt.

belfe

OU812 wrote: »

Don't apologise first, whatever you do. Tell them you will apologise to her publically once you receive a public apology from her (it happened publically, so the apology should be public also).

If they threaten disciplinary action on you, say that you are being bullied by a co-worker with management knowledge) and it's a toxic work environment (that'll put the ****s up them). Then get off to your doctor, get signed out on certified sick leave & start doing some interviews.

I wouldn't recommend this.

With HR, starting with the argument "but she started" won't work. The best way to handle this is apologize first and then demand the apologies from the other part. If she still doesn't apology, then you can use the bullying argument, but is a path with only one possible end (you out of the company as soon as your sick leave ends).

kurtainsider

Clarify with your boss before the meeting whether it is a disciplinary meeting or an informal meeting to discuss the incident. If it's the former have a little homework done beforehand. Insist on bringing in a witness with you and take copious notes (take notes anyway).

Send out the message that you are clued up and not prepared to be railroaded.

If it's informal be ready to object to any attempt to make you the guilty party. If that tone persists end the meeting and ask that it be put on a formal basis.

Having said that I would suggest that you don't wheel out the big guns unless you have to. Least said soonest mended and all that.....

Professor Moriarty

kurtainsider wrote: »

Clarify with your boss before the meeting whether it is a disciplinary meeting or an informal meeting to discuss the incident. If it's the former have a little homework done beforehand. Insist on bringing in a witness with you and take copious notes (take notes anyway).

Send out the message that you are clued up and not prepared to be railroaded.

If it's informal be ready to object to any attempt to make you the guilty party. If that tone persists end the meeting and ask that it be put on a formal basis.

Having said that I would suggest that you don't wheel out the big guns unless you have to. Least said soonest mended and all that.....

This ^^^^ entirely and especially the piece in bold.

tmabr

Professor Moriarty wrote: »

This ^^^^ entirely and especially the piece in bold.

Be careful of her playing the victim which is what she is doing by turning on the water works. Unfortunately it’s a bs game now and you are the victim and you have to exaggerate it before she does. Say u haven’t slept or eaten since the incident. That ur family are concerned. Ect.
Been in ur similar situation recently and the victim acting by the other person was Oscar worthy

looksee

'I acknowledge that what I said was unprofessional in a work environment. I reacted automatically in the face of ongoing taunts from a person who felt free to refer to me with a comment on my appearance. My response was as professionally inappropriate as the taunt, I hope that neither will happen again.'

[Deleted User]

Fair play to you OP
Go in tomorrow with your head held high
Hopefully your colleague will show more respect in the workplace from now on

LeBash

Just apologise first thing Monday morning but make it clear you reacted to being called baldy and you don't like it in a really quick manner. And btw, you didn't over react, you reacted.

Head to your meeting, explain you've said sorry and you reacted to being called baldy which you do not like. Also explain you expect your colleague to be called up for their comment which was offensive to you and interrupted a valid discussion with management. Do not mention if you have got an apology, let management find out in the meeting with her.

Be professional when needed to be with this colleague but don't engage in anything else, just ignore them. Any further name calling, go straight to management that second and report it saying your not happy with the atmosphere and it's interrupting you work.

The water works thing is so childish and is clearly a way to force the issue onto you. Make it clear in your responses to this person in future you will be professional but be frosty.

CelticRambler

Maybe the real problem is the OP paraphrasing Winston Churchill in an Irish workplace?

Churchill wrote:

But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.

koumi

Hope your supervisor gives you a medal.

Ursus Horribilis

Who's going to be at this meeting? The impression I'm getting is that your supervisor is a bit lax when it comes to the way colleagues interact in the office. Leaving aside the baldy comment, the way this woman butted in on the conversation suggests there are issues regarding respect and roles in the place. Is this woman acting above and beyond what her role is? If you can at all, have another manager in the room when this takes place. Your supervisor might have decided that the easy way around this is to come down harder on you and to leave Miss Mouth unscathed.

Tigger

union rep or work place solicitor, you are gonna be greeted by three people at this meeting and they are going to pressure you.

tretorn

Is she very unattractive physically.The truth may have her hurt her badly.

Did she go to the supervisor and make the complaint.

Send the supervisor an email saying she referred to you as baldy and you are thinking of seeking counselling because of this, you can say your lack of hair is causing you major self esteem problems which could lead to depression. The fact that you reacted the way you did shows you are very sensitive to remarks about your hair.

Imagine if there was a woman in your office who was losing her hair and you referred to her as baldy, there would be uproar. You can pull the equality card here, she is a rude cow.

Neyite

"I'm glad we are having the meeting to clear the air. I was stunned and hurt by the name-calling and I unfortunately responded in kind. We should both apologise for the hurt feelings we caused each other and put this behind us."

If the expectation in the meeting is that you are expected to apologise, make sure that you also include her in that. That puts her actions in the spotlight, puts her on the back foot, and makes her equally required to apologise. She will look very churlish if she doesn't, or if she continues to play victim.