nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Mr. CooL ICE

How do you know penguins good race car drivers? Because they are always in pole position.

What do you call 500 penguins in Athlone? Lost.

Why can't penguins fly? Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Original thread here

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

Wardling

Stallone, van damme and Schwarzenegger get together to make a movie about classical composers.

Stallone says "I'll be Mozart"
Van damme says "I'll be beethoven" and Schwarzenegger says "I'll be bach"

K.Flyer

sligojoek

Did he collapse at home?

Capt'n Midnight

Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad has died at the age of 91.

It's not known how his vast wealth will be divided by his family, as his solicitor says he left no instructions.

Capt'n Midnight

The founder of Ikea has died at the age of ninety one.

Which coincidentally is the number of screws you have left over when you have put one of the wardrobes together.

Capt'n Midnight

The founder of Ikea has died at the age of ninety one.

Mourners are asked to assemble at the church on Friday.

Capt'n Midnight

The founder of Ikea has died aged 91.

Flat pack coffins.
Allen Key.
Leftover parts.

This joke requires some assembly.

Capt'n Midnight

Just found out I've failed my German exam.

Sacre bleu!

[Deleted User]

Will he be buried in a flatpack coffin, at least we can be sure it will NOT be "self-assembly".

blade1

everlast75 wrote: »

The Swedish founder of the Ikea furniture chain, Ingvar Kamprad, has died.

May he rest in pieces

If there'll be an open casket...
Remains to be seen.

everlast75

The Swedish founder of the Ikea furniture chain, Ingvar Kamprad, has died.

May he rest in pieces

thesandeman

#ALERT#

IKEA coffin jokes incoming.

Throcanter

A man walks into a pet shop, saying he wants to mate his bird. The pet shop owner asks him "what sex is the bird"

The owner replies "I don't know I never saw it with its feathers off"

Capt'n Midnight

When my son was nine. He told me a girl at school was yelling at him and he just sat there wondering what he did wrong.

I told him that he's ready for marriage.

Capt'n Midnight

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub.

Surely one of the earliest examples of Rap...

Straight Outta Trumpton

Capt'n Midnight

A Scottish lottery winner has announced he'll buy Glasgow Rangers FC.

The man was not available for comment but his wife told reporters.. "He's over the moon and who knows what he would have done if he'd got a fourth number up"

Capt'n Midnight

It's easy to deter ladies from consuming Tide Pods.

But, it's harder to deter gents.

Losty Dublin

Why was Snow White moaning all night?

Because she was fúcking Grumpy.

chewed

What's the best way to think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg

youtube!

So Mikey the Kerryman is up in Dublin for the very first time and he really wants to fit in so he practices and practices his very best Dublin accent in front of the mirror for weeks before he arrives in the big smoke.

Confident he has it down to a T he decides he needs some cigarettes to relax and goes into to buy them.

"Rigghh" he says to the shopkeeper, "Gis 20 bleedin major and a box of bleedin matches"

Ok says the shopkeeper, your'e from Kerry aren't you?

Mikey is crushed, How the **** did you know that?? The shopkeeper replies..

This is a butcher's shop.

patmac

Let me give you a piece of advice.

Advi

youtube!

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm a Schizophrenic

And so am I.

[Deleted User]

emeldc wrote: »

I went to see the mother in law in London the other day.
She lives in Birmingham but she looks better from London.

Tommy Cooper RIP

This guy walked up to me the other night and said: “Quick, did you see a policeman around here?” I said no.

He said: “Good. Stick’em up.”

Jack Kanoff

Ubbquittious wrote: »

I know a fella who tried to make his own rawlplugs once but he couldn't get the rawl material

Pick a window....any window... you're leaving!

:pac:

Ubbquittious

I know a fella who tried to make his own rawlplugs once but he couldn't get the rawl material

[Deleted User]

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer,
“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”
The farmer shook his head and replied,
“Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
“Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”
“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.” “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied. “So what happened then?” the man asked. The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”
“And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”
The man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked.
“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”
“And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Hmmm,” the man said and nodded his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.
“So, what did you do?” the man asked.
“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in… Some things you just can’t explain.”

donegaLroad

Paddy Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were submitting quotes to build a new road.

Paddy Scotsman: "I'll do it for 10 million, I can get a discount on materials"

Paddy Englishman: "I'll do it for 20 million, I can guarantee quality"

Paddy Irishman: " I'll do it for 30 million, 10 million for you, 10 million for me, and we'll hire Paddy Scotsman to do the job"

byrner88

I was out on a date with this girl, when I asked her, "Do you spit or swallow?"

She slapped my face and stormed off. I'm never taking anyone wine tasting again.

byrner88

I walked into a car showroom last night.

I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."

He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."

I said, "You do now."

donegal_man

youtube! wrote: »

666 ... the number of the Beast!

667 ... the neighbour of the Beast.

25.80698, the root of all evil