LirW wrote: » If you have kids and everything was easy, then that's good for you, you'll most likely connect that to a lot of joy. But sometimes the process of having children can be incredibly distressing, have a long-term impact on your health, cause relationships to fall apart with the person you absolutely love. For some people life isn't all ponies and roses. Or having a disabled child that needs 24-7 care without knowing before. A rare case but if it happens to you, you're f'd.
Plopsu wrote: » Yup, the relationship breakup rates for couple who have a child with a disability is huge.
Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: » Pros of not having: freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction, financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.
fattymuatty wrote: » They can fetch my charger for me when it's upstairs and bring me a cup of tea in bed at the weekends after a lie in. Of course there have been times that are more difficult than others and I'm sure we will face lots more challenges in the future but overall it has been a joy to parent them.
Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: » freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction, financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.
seamus wrote: » This is the thing. Once they can wipe their own arses, then the physically difficult bit has mostly gone away. They can entertain themselves, you can kick them out the front door to go play with their mates and if you want to go somewhere, you don't need bring a bag full of stuff with you. Even nights out are easy, send the kids to bed and get a mate/sibling/parent to sit in your house watching TV and eating your food. I'd never lie to anyone about it; the first 6-18 months can be a real chore. Proper, "WTF have I done to myself" territory. The first 6 in particular. But after the first child you realise how short an amount of time that 6-18 months actually is. That's why people go a 2nd/3rd/4th time, because it's not actually that hard in retrospect and five years is not a long time.
Whispered wrote: » I never wanted kids. I was absolutely anti ever having a child. I have a three year old and I'm so glad life didn't work out as I had planned. I don't think I'd regret not having kids if I hadn't, but now he's here and I know him, my life is much richer in totally different ways. I'm currently listening to him play in his room singing "granny shark do do do do do". It's gas.
I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids - typical stuff, these days - are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family. Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want. This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it's the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, once upon a time, children were second-class citizens - to their advantage. It was also clear to us - I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate - that our parents' marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mum and Dad talked more - a lot more - with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since. The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents. The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened. "Our child is the most important person in our family" is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled. You don't want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn't need that. John Rosemond is a family psychologist.
Pat Mustard wrote: » Interesting article on children and their place within the family: "Why your kids should not be the most important people in your family" (This is not a dig at the poster Jennifer Eccles).
Whispered wrote: » I would imagine many many relationships suffer short term for having kids.
_Roz_ wrote: » No, don't want them. Can't afford them. Can't emotionally cope with them. And most importantly - can't stand them. I am not equipped for motherhood. I had to endure my little cousin over Christmas and while everyone around me was saying 'isn't that so sweet' I literally just couldn't comprehend what was sweet or cute or even bearable about any of the things she was doing, including repeatedly hugging me and telling me I'm her favourite cousin, even though she had never met me before and therefore by definition does not know enough about me for me to be her favourite. Also she commented on me being fat (which to be fair was funny, I like blunt people of all ages), but if I commented on the condition affecting her face, I'd be the worst person in the world. Why are random actions, illogical statements, and bluntness I can't respond to all acceptable ? "BECAUSE SHE'S A CHILD!!!!!!" Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level. They're more than welcome to be children, just don't do it near me, because I'll probably say or do something inappropriate without meaning to. Thankfully my partner doesn't want them either.
_Roz_ wrote: » Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level
andekwarhola wrote: » Really?
andekwarhola wrote: » I have kids now myself but the last thing me and friends were doing in our 20s was interminable navel gazing about probable kids down the line. Sometimes not having the internet back then as much a boon as a hindrance
_Roz_ wrote: » I can't relate to the 'you're my favourite' thing ten minutes after meeting someone, no. I don't know how to respond to it. Like I say, I lack whatever skill it is people have that makes interacting with kids easy or fun.
Karlie Mango Index wrote: » It's a perfectly normal thing to think about in your 20s.
seamus wrote: » You know, you probably don't. Most people find other peoples' children weird and intimidating. It's hard to know what to say to them, even when you have kids of your own. The more time you spend around them though, the more you realise that they have no expectations of you. They're not expecting you to "perform" for their amusement. Unlike an adult, a child doesn't care if you sit there and say nothing to them. They'll just go off and do their own thing.
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